Barrister

This is as belated as we've been in a while. Maybe the dad among us shouldn't promise to edit anymore, particularly on a noght of such heavy drinking. With esteemed Deeg colleague Monsieur Boner Shorts in town, things got weird.

I won't bother recapping it, except to say this was recorded the night of Tuesday, March 26th, in the midst of Sabres, Knicks, USMNT, Clippers/Mavs and shots of whiskey. Also, the Scizz was there, so if you love the soft tones of his Franklinville accent, make sure to join in the fun with a download. 

Download HERE or HERE or stream below if you want, whatever. Subscribe via the itunes link below, or via RSS at www.deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com/rss ... I think? 

The Barrister & The Apologist

When watching your favorite team gets this hard, you need to find ways to make it fun. For most of us, this requires a great deal of alcohol, but here at the Deeg, recording podcasts makes it extra special. And so it was that the other night the Barrister and I stood outside our local pub and discussed a wide variety of topics while the Sadbres played not tough against the Flyers. (Note to Darcy: Just because there's a fight, it doesn't mean you played tough.)

Ok, so we mostly talked about basketball. Discussing the Sabres for more than 30 seconds gives us anxiety attacks at this point. But there are other reasons to listen too. We briefly discuss the brawl at the World Baseball Classic. Our ol' pal, Joe, stops by (he writes for a different blog, I can't remember what it's called). And there are highlights of our Rockupation of the Prudential Center last Thursday.

All in all… it's pretty mediocre.

But hey, it's Tuesday! What the hell else do you have to do?

Download here or here or just stream directly below.

The Apostles of Bob (Yachstman & Scizz)

The title of this episode is slightly misleading since we don't even discuss the Lakers until the second half of the podcast, but it has a lovely ring to it, so shove off.

Fresh off the NBA All-Star break, the Apostles gathered on a day off to discuss the state of the New York Knicks and the monumental fear that comes with it. This crippling fear, of course, was proven 100% accurate by the Knicks when they got absolutely dismantled on Wednesday night in Indiana and schooled Friday night against Toronto. Yay! The Road to the 5th seed! (We also recorded with WGR personality, "Coach "Sal Capaccio on his Buffalo Bills Now! podcast so feel free to check that out AFTER YOU LISTEN TO THIS!)

We also discuss the potential playoff outlook of the entire Eastern & Western Conferences, why we both hate Dwight Howard (I mean besides Nazi sympathizers, who doesn't?), and finally say a few kind words about the legendary Jerry Buss, may he rest in peace. Bonus: Scizz pronounces Stephen Curry's name wrong while trying to compliment him and Yachtsman might have threatened to poop on the floor of MSG too. Music interludes go punk this week with the Clash, Bad Religion, and Iggy & the Stooges. Download from Libsyn, iTunes, or stream below. 

Sorry if you only want to listen to the CrapTastiCasts. We use the same feed so just delete this shit when it downloads....OR listen to us because we're neat!

Apologist and Barrister, feat. The Continental


Oh dear. Craft beers. Whiskey. Vanishing dignity.

You may be aware that Apologist and I recently rendez-vous'd (not a word) for the Bills game Thursday night, using the time out at the bar as a perfect opportunity to revive the little-known Legal Limit podcast franchise. You also may be aware that new-to-the-Deeg Continental - of Smarten Up! mailbag fame - joined us, making her podcast debut.

You probably wouldn't have predicted this level of shit show, though. Good good, we are terrible. Actually, really, just the Barrister. He was most definitely over the legal limit, right guys? ... I'll show myself out.

We talk Bills/Dolphins, of course, but also take potshots at Al Gore, celebrate the Knicks move to 6-0 against the Spurs, talk about how the NBA may pick up disgruntled hockey fans during the lockout, commiserate Ryan Fitzpatrick's role in Bills franchise history, laugh about blunts and guns, and then bump into some Hurricane Sandy refugee Chicago Bears fans who happen to also love the Miami Heat. I'd claim it all makes sense in the end, but it most surely does not. Luckily, I'm pretty sure it's about what you've all come to expect from this embarrassment of a website.

Musical interludes include Jefferson Airplane, Oddisee, Bob Dylan and The Beastie Boys.

Stream below, download here, via the iTunes button below, or on our podcast page here. Cheers.

The Deeg


What a busy week it has been at DGWU Sports! Between news of the NHL Lockout and our battles with the various personalities at WGR for refusing, as is their custom, to engage with viewpoints other than (a) their own, or (b) those of the mouthbreathers who call into WGR and make it their mission to express their vehement disdain for everything in the world, there was a LOT to discuss when we gathered Wednesday night. More shots were fired and kindling put onto the world of Buffalo sports media so that we can continue to watch it burn. Heh. Sports.

Oh, and there are those Buffalo Bills, too, which is actually where we started in segment one as we recapped the shit show that was Sunday with the Deeg. Bills @ Cardinals was by no means an enjoyable time, but recapping the fun times we had and the trainwreck of a game ended up being pretty fun/depressing/rage-inducing.

In segment two we welcomed Colin Bruckel, one of the founders of TheHosers.com, a site we have linked to for a while and which provides stellar insight about the legal issues surrounding professional hockey and, in particular, the CBA. Colin's assessment of the current CBA negotiations was as interesting and well-presented as any I've heard, and it is an understatement to say that we were lucky to have him on. I would note, however, that since our discussion took place before the NHLPA presented its own offers to the league (and before Bettman rejected them immediately), you'll want to keep an eye on his site for more hot legal takes. Or you could continue being ignorant and just keep listening to the superficialities of sports talk radio.

Segment three brings it back to our wheelhouse of inappropriateness and ill-conceived sports takes as we talk the USMNT's win on Tuesday, the NBA's new policy restricting pre-game celebrations, Apologist's suicidal ideations following the Orioles' elimination from the playoffs, and our predictions for the Bills/Titans game this weekend. I must add that we had intended to talk more about (read: make fun of) Shawne Merriman's return to Buffalo, but had to toss that to the back burner so we'd have time to talk about the more pressing issues of gloating about our intellectual superiority over talk radio hosts. It's a burden, really. In any event, I'm hopeful that Merriman's second tenure in the 716 will give us plenty of opportunities to point and laugh. 

Musical interludes this week are provided by Broken Bells, Gov't Mule & REO Speedwagon, as well as - of course - The Jambrones. 

Download here and stream below, or check out our Libsyn page or iTunes button below where you can get all of our archived podcasts and subscribe for future hot, aural takes.

DGWU Sports aka "The Deeg" aka "The Wu"

After a longer than normal hiatus during this off-season, the DGWU Sports crew is back with another installment of the world famous CrapTastiCast. We gathered in the Barrister's apartment in Queens while in the middle of thunderstorm that reminded us of the coming of Gozer. Luckily, we didn't lose power and had some lovely conversation.

This week we talk a lot about Bills, including our annoyance with useless and boring coverage of training camp, what players/positions we are most excited to see, and the overall hopefulness this season is bringing fans (ourselves included for once!) We also wish Derek Roy all the best in his new endeavours, welcome in the newest Sabres that the Apologist has never heard of, and get fired up for the 2012 Summer Olympics by sharing the sports we are most excited about. The Scizz also drops a conspiracy theory bomb on Jets center Nick Mangold.

You will also notice we have a call-in feature this week with some lovely fans from Buffalo and the Tri-state area. The Deeg in no way, shape, or form condone anything that is said in these calls, and they are strictly the view of geniuses who made them. Musical breaks come from Jack White, Supergrass, and Alabama Shakes.

A reminder this week that if you subscribe to the podcast, make sure you go to iTunes and RE-subscribe. We just switched over to an awesome new hoster called Libsyn.com, but unfortunately your subscriptions did not carry over, so you'll need to get on that. And while your in iTunes, make sure to check out the Jambrones, the awesome Buffalo sports band that does our sick theme music! You can also take a gander at their cool-ass youtube videos here. And a huge thanks to Coach Sal Capaccio from WGR, who when we had some editing issues, was quick on the draw to lend a hand to a bunch of venomous bloggers. Thanks coach!

So download episode 33 from Libsyn here, head to iTunes, or stream from the new Wizard Player below. Word.

The Barrister

LeBron won a title. After a spring filled with the Apologist tweeting from the @DGWUSports account in a way that strongly suggested some deep fetish that would make even Delonte West blush, I suppose I should be thankful Aps didn't hop on here with a piece about how he's happy to be a Witness to the sweat from LBJ's balls. That said, I recognize that the NBA isn't my wheelhouse... But, LeBron won a title, and - a week out - I find myself with some things to get off my chest.

Caveat #1: This may be the only time I give him any credit, so if you can't stand any concession of LeBron's greatness, take it with a grain of salt. 

Caveat #2: If you think his victory merits an end to the vitriol spewed his way by fans like me, you don't get why I watch sports, so if you breathlessly worship Bron Bron without regard to his many failings, take this with a grain of salt. And then think about walking into traffic.

In the lead-up to the Heat's ultimate victory last week, the prevailing wisdom was that a championship for LeBron James would provide a respite to the neverending media coverage and fan arguments about this athlete-turned-caricature. The meme of "LeBron as Choke Artist" - and the reactive and defensive push-backs that always followed - has been THE story of the NBA since James decided to forego the role of Hometown Hero for that of Captain Callously Self-Centered. And it hasn't disappointed, even for those of us who abhorred the circus of it all, wishing that ESPN would focus more on the sport rather than the hype. 

For better or worse, our shared hope for an end to the endless hype and bickering (some amongst the brethren of the Deeg) is ultimately futile. This is what happens when one of the greatest players to ever play the game takes the court for a redemptive moment of achievement. We talk about it. We have to. Just silently watching it unfold seems a disservice, whether you've chosen to think of LeBron as athlete in pursuit of highest victory, or villain whose success is being built in the wake of heartbreak and deep resentment. 

How we digest a moment like this - watching a player in complete control of his craft, getting the most of himself - can speak volumes about ourselves. What to focus on? The absurdity of James' talent and the story of his on-court achievement, or the callous way his brand has been marketed, creating a LeBron that exists between tip offs? If you focus on his image, maybe you miss out on the joy of seeing a great player, but if you focus on the player, maybe you miss the context of the icon performing amidst constant analysis, expectation and attention. Your choice then is whether you want to enjoy a truly remarkable player without getting bogged down by the background bullshit, or whether you'll be guided by your sports soul as it reminds you that this gifted player represents everything you hate about modern sports.

Decisions, decisions.

Even for the most vehement of LeBron haters, his talent has never been questioned. Indeed, the dude is so talented that the biggest knock against his play has been that his achievement had yet to match the potential he carried within his gigantic 6' 8", 250 pound frame. His enormous physical gifts all-but-guaranteed that he would at least get a shot in the NBA. He was a beast in high school, dominating in a way that was inarguably unfair to the opponents who simply hadn't been blessed with the kinds of tools that James had from early on. Those physical gifts - innate, unachieved and invaluable to his game - were enough to get him to the pros. His prior failures, then, were a basis for the argument that he was all talent, no heart. We all knew he could win it all... but only if he wanted to. 

Those criticisms of his play, based in an overarching sense that he was showing himself to be undeserving of the immense gifts appearing in his genetic code, were probably unfair, though hell if I cared when I was a few beers deep. In any event, those criticisms are largely irrelevant now. James has little else to prove as a player. After seeing him dominate the deciding game against OKC, it was clear that he finally wanted it and was actually interested in playing up to a level commiserate with his innate talent and gifts. He did the work and he succeeded. Good job, I guess.

Yet, as much as he has closed the book on those performance-based questions about his likely legacy as a player, satisfying even the most vocal critics, so much of the story of LeBron is off the court. And that off-court story is arguably more important, as it provides a more complete narrative of LeBron's impact in pop culture and provides us real reasons to watch. We pick sides and sit down to observe the best player in the game and hope for outcomes that provide some sort of karmic conclusion to the morality play that so often force our heroes to act out. Success is thus irrelevant, as it just as easily affirms the things we hate about James - his choice to pursue a title with a stacked deck in a city so undeserving of a title that it makes me want to strangle a Marlin, for example.

This is by no means a pure way to consume the sport, though getting hung up on these particulars is also by no means uncommon. His image, with the persistent taint caused by, among other things, his public declaration that he just wasn't that into Cleveland anymore, is the real reason we all love to hate the guy. I could give a shit if he wins a championship or not, or whether he nails that last shot or not (well, I would prefer not)... He's still the guy who grew up jumping on the bandwagon of teams I hate and ignoring the franchises from his hometown. He's still the guy who took on the mantle as Messianic figure for the Cavs, only to leave the team in the lurch, still waiting on the salvation he promised. And he's the guy who scoffed at us when we collectively criticized him for callously pissing on his hometown fans and who has built advertising campaigns on shoving those criticisms right back in our faces.

He's the fucking WORST.

And unlike a player who is just a simple, unlikeable dick (Bill Laimbeer comes to mind), LeBron is the worst kind of villain - the one who wants everyone to love him, convincing some to do just that, but wanting that love to exist in lockstep with his insistence to act as he chooses, regardless of the foreseeable consequences. Forgive me for thinking that this is a reprehensible level of disrespect to his fans, almost assuming that we're all unthinking narbies, waiting only to be entertained by dunks and blocks and a nightly mist of hand powder before every game.

I'm certainly aware that these musings may not apply to everyone, or even anyone, and I know that there are probably many fans of the game who can easily ignore the context within which LeBron has existed as a brand and who can watch without being swayed by the narrative of callous sports star. After all, LeBron's callousness was nothing new or completely unexpected. It was a logical next step for the sports free agent to capitalize on media interest (and laziness, IMO) and create a spectacle out of his departure to a new, exciting team. Next logical step or not, though, these are the kinds of things that matter to me as a fan and guide the way I think about sport. The ethics of it are what make the whole thing matter to me at all.

No amount of achievement can overshadow the creamy pile of douche in which this guy seems to bathe on a a daily basis. While he may be a different guy on the court - a winner now - he's still that same dipshit off it.

So, even if we all have one less jab to throw at James now that he has shed the role of "choker," LeBron is still out there, making sure we know how great he thinks this achievement is and how happy he is to have finally "silenced the haters" or whatever other bullshit cliché ESPN is feeding us this week, ultimately giving us yet another new reason to hate his smug, fabulously talented face. A ring doesn't fix that, and so long as LeBron remains wedded to his role as self-centered star and uninterested in rehabilitating the image he created by atoning for his prior mistakes and our understandable indignation at them, I'll keep having my delightfully immature fun by calling spades on this d-bag.

Love this? Hate it? Leave a comment below, and follow me on the tweet machine @theycallmedubs.

The Scizz

Well maybe not "fix". I can't make this team a winner. Nobody can. Michael Jordan, the greatest player in the history of the NBA, has driven this franchise into the ground, to the point that I believe this past season's University of Kentucky team could beat them on any given night. The Charlotte Bobcats are beyond lost as a winning franchise, but that doesn't mean they can't be entertaining and sell tickets. Let me explain my plan.

First, nobody in Charlotte "needs" good basketball from the NBA. As the Yachtsman pointed out to me this week, when you have the Tar Heels and Duke down the road in Chapel Hill and Durham, who is actually going to care about watching the NBA?? The Mecca of college basketball is at your finger tips, so unless you have Kobe, Lebron, or CP3  to watch, you are not going to get much better. With that in mind, other than bringing in the biggest names possible, who I should add, have NO interest in playing for your squad, what can you possibly do to put out on an entertaining show for fans and sell those luxury boxes and primo seats? Well, I am here to save the day. I have put together a master plan to "fix" the Charlotte Bobcats. A plan that will put fans in the seat, keep the team on SportsCenter highlights, and give this garbage squad the buzz it needs. A plan that can be summed up in two simple words.

Crazy. Players.

Yup. That's my plan. This team currently ranks 24th in payroll in the NBA and NOBODY cares about them. What if I tell you that I can shed the payroll down to make it 30th, but still guarantee more tickets and merchandise sales? Why would you not take this chance? Imagine a team full of the CRAZIEST players the NBA has seen in the last ten years and imagine them all playing together every night. Traveling together, staying in random hotels together, PARTYING TOGETHER? This a train wreck that needs to happen. Let's do this, MJ.

You need to dump the dead weight of Tyrus Thomas, D.J. Augustin, and DeSagana Diop and bring in players that the public would actually want to see. Sure, Augustin has shown "potential" and Diop has some real defensive skills, but your average American has no clue who these guys are. So first things first, you dump everyone on the roster in any way you can. Now I understand this won't be easy or most likely even possible, but enter my dream world with me.

Fat Diaw and Eduardo Najera's contracts come off the books this year, so that much is easy. Then, you have Augistin, Diop, Reggie Williams, and Matt Carroll all with expiring contracts next year that you can probably move for picks and cash to teams desperate to free up cap room for the following year's free agency. Plus, Diop and Augustin can both still be available to a number of contenders as pure bench players. D.J. White also also has an expiring contract, but has more upside than all other players mentioned so far combined, so he might even able to fetch you something more. But that's being hopeful, so either cut him loose or grab a 2nd round pick from the Bulls and be happy about it. Next, you have the longer contracts of younger stars with actual potential. B.J. Mullins and Gerald Henderson both have upside and don't get paid too much. They can be moved, OR cutting them won't cost the team that much. Make it happen. 

Then you have Kemba Walker and Bismack Biyombo, two young up and comers who you could argue have the ability to be major players in the NBA. C'mon now. Yes they have talent, but you really think either one of these guys will be heading an all-star teams in 5 years? Fuck that. Deal them now while they still have potential. Kemba Walker sold exactly nine seats for this franchise this season, and they were all visiting from Connecticut. That leaves you with the awful contracts of Tyrus Thomas and Corey Maggette. I'll get to local Duke boy Maggette in a minute, but until then, what do we do with Thomas and his disastrous contract? This part I don't know about. So, I'm going with a hitman. Pay a few thousand dollars, get Tyrus bumped off. Easy Peazy. I'm assuming the contract would come off the books then, but that is probably terribly wrong and I could google it right now to find out what really happens but research is for losers. This is my dream scenario god dammit!

Corey Maggette stays. I know he hasn't done anything too crazy yet, but watch him play a game this season. He looks like he is one "Why did you leave Duke early?" joke away from snapping and choking out a stripper in public. I have faith in him. Plus, with all the craziness I'm going to put around him, he is bound to turn. Plus-Plus, his contract is unmovable, and I feel bad having a former Dukey bumped off. I'm awful.

Now after that long-winded approach to stripping the  roster, we can rebuild this team. The first player you go after next season is simple. Gilbert Arenas. He brings guns into the locker room. He owns a grotto in his backyard that has sharks. Sharks that died because his ex-wife purposely killed by feeding them pennies. None of this is made up. You need him to anchor this team. You get can get him and his craziness for the league minimum at 1.3 million. A steal. Adding onto that, this team needs to hire the best possible psychiatrist who does hypnotherapy in the world. He/She will then convince Gilbert that he is Michael Jordan reincarnated. They give him #23, put Arenas-Jordan on the back (Tell me you wouldn't want to own that jersey), even let him legally change his name, just as long as this crazy guy thinks he is MJ. This is brilliant and you know it. Imagine him making all reporters and coaches address him as Michael and forcing Warner Brothers to make a sequel to Space Jam. PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN, WORLD! 

The main obstacle is, of course, that Michael Jordan isn't actually dead and actually owns the team Arenas would be playing for. But, this is Agent Zero we are talking about. As Agent 23, only awful things can happen, and that equals ticket sales and ratings.

Next, you bring in Metta World Peace aka Ron Artest and have your psychiatrist take Ron-Ron OFF his meds. No more Mr. World Peace, you want his name to be "Instant Chaos" and his number will just be a question mark. This is the guy that asked his teammates after the "Malice in the Palace" if they would get in any trouble! They pummeled fans IN THE STANDS and he still thought they might not get in trouble. Pure genius crazy! Plus, he'll only cost you 7 million a year. Read the Apologist's past post on Ron-Ron for more great stuff.

With an un-medicated Artest (I mean Chaos) and mentally screwed with Arenas (I mean Jordan) you have the basis for the most entertaining team in the history of basketball. But wait! There is so much more!

So who's next? You have Arenas-Jordan as your starting point guard, Artest/World Peace/Chaos as your small forward, and Maggette as your sixth man to preserve future craziness, so let's fill out the rest of the starting five.

Shooting guard: EASY. Stephen Jackson. He was Artest's right hand man in the "Malice at the Palace", has been hit with gun charges, and is constantly being traded due to his volatile nature. I cannot think of a better fit. He still calls his decision to attack fans at Aubrun Hills justified and self-defense. Yes, bring him aboard.

Power Forward: AKA 47 himself, Andrei Kirilenko. The Russian born athlete put together some solid years in the NBA, and probably could still have pulled a solid contract this year as a bench player for a contender, but for my new Bobcats, he starts. He has been known for a flagrant foul or two, has a swinger relationship with his wife in which they give each other "free pass" cards to bang other people, there were rumors linking him to the Russian Mafia, and he got THIS tattoo. Holy fuck, sign this lunatic up! I bet you can get him next year for 3 million and offer him unlimited tattoos and cheerleaders.

Center: Who else? You offer up a veteran exception of 3,000,000 and you bring back Shaq. I enjoy his banter with Ernie, Kenny, and Sir Charles as much as the next guy, but playing with these other four madmen makes him a key cog in this ludicrous machine of basketball and violence. I think he should be allowed to wear his old Kazaam outfit too. (Ed Note from Barrister: This makes two straight Deeg posts with Kazaam! references. We are great at this.)

Now that we have our bat-shit crazy starting five, we can move on to filling the bench with lunatics, washed-up vets, and a couple of wild cards.

The Guards: As mentioned earlier, I already added Corey Maggette, who can play both the 1 and 2 spots. Next, I have no choice but to add Delonte West. The ultimate insane bench player, West is most famous for having sexual relations with Lebron James' mother, while they played on the Cleveland Cavaliers TOGETHER! You can't make this shit up. I love the NBA. West has also been arrested on gun charges after he cut off a police car in his... wait for it... three-wheel Can-Am Spyder. He had two handguns, a bowie knife, and a shotgun in a guitar case strapped to his back. A true road warrior like this needs to be going through as much airline security as possible while playing for these Bobcats. He also is admittedly bi-polar, has run out of money... twice, and just this past week he did this:

For $1.3 million a year, that alone is worth the price.

Next up is Antoine Walker. I know he is technically a forward, and with his shear girth you can count him as a center, but I already have enough forwards on this squad and he use to play a lot at the 2 spot in his first few seasons. If you aren’t familiar with Walker’s NBA comeback story, check out Chris Ballard’s amazing piece for SI about it. As you can imagine, the out-of-shape 35 year old failed in his comeback playing for Idaho of the NBDL, so why not give him the one year league minimum to help his financial situation. He’s already sold one NBA championship ring and has been robbed at gunpoint, so let’s give this pudgy guy a break.

The Forwards: I’ll make this short and sweet. First, we have “the Birdman” himself, Chris Anderson. He will be the only guy on this bench besides Maggette making over the league minimum, but with a savage Mohawk, a plethora of neck tattoos, and past drug problem, he’s worth it. Oh yeah, that drug problem? Rumored to be cocaine, which of course, isn’t your typical sports drug suspension. He was thrown out of the league for TWO YEARS for that. That's incredible stuff, right there. I say it’s time to get him in touch with Tim Connolly and get him back off the wagon.

Then I have two guys who aren’t quite crazy, but they intrigue me. First you have Jerry Stackhouse, who is in fact, 63 years old and still playing in the NBA. Did you know he was still playing? I didn’t until a random Knicks game this year. He’ll bring the possibility of old man hilarity. Then we have his current teammate on the Atlanta Hawks, Tracy McGrady. Tracy has been trying hard for the last few seasons to find a playoff team to pick him up for another run at a title as a bench player, but those dreams are starting to fade. Bring him on as the house dad and watch the comedy ensue. He’ll be the straight man to a bunch of crazies. Book it.

Center: Finally, you have to bring in the former fattest man in basketball, Eddy Curry. Curry is amazingly, still playing in the NBA for the Miami Heat. But, before this new comeback (in which he actually rarely plays), Curry was given a huge contract by former Knicks GM, coach, and all around fuck-up Isaiah Thomas, and then proceeded to show up to camp every year tremendously overweight and playing like shit. You have to love those guaranteed contracts. Anyway, Curry isn’t all that stable, having been arrested several times (once for tagging teenagers), and has had a slew of financial issues that included his home being foreclosed on. He’ll fit in nicely.

So with all that, the roster and contracts will look like this:

PG Gilbert Arenas-Jordan 1,300,000
SG Stephen Jackson 10,000,000
SF Metta World Peace/Ron Artest/Instant Chaos 7,200,000
PF Andrei Kirilenko 3,000,000
C Shaquille O’Neal 3,000,000
G Corey Maggette 10,924,138
G Delonte West 1,300,000
G Antoine Walker 1,300,000
F Jerry Stackhouse 1,300,000
F Tracy McGrady 1,300,000
F Chris Anderson 4,500,000
C Eddy Curry 1,300,000

Try to tell me you wouldn't tune in to watch this team explode. Instant ratings.

That’ll also put the payroll at around $47 million for the season, with tons of revenue coming in from people who want to watch this train wreck happen on a weekly basis. What do you have to lose, MJ? I say fuck it. Make it happen. Of course, acquiring some of these players may be difficult because their current teams may not actually want to trade or release them, but this isn't an exact science for a guy like me who just wants to see the most ridiculous group of players ever put together on one team.

Oh! I almost forgot the draft. No problem. Florida point guard Erving Walker was arrested this past year for stealing a taco and fleeing from police and Rhode Island forward Jonathan Holton was arrested for taping himself having sex with co-eds unbeknownst to them, and then posting them on online sex sites. The future is now Charlotte!

Follow me on twitter and let me know what a waste of time this was @TheScizz