The Scizz
Later this afternoon, the DGWU will be embarking on an adventure for the ages. Roughly 250 miles upstate from New York City lies the small town of Watkins Glen. 361 days out of the year, the town is a peaceful area with breathtaking state parks, terrific wineries, and it is only a stone's throw from beautiful Seneca Lake. However, on those other four days of the year, usually in early August, the gates of Hell are opened and the demon spawn known as NASCAR fans transform the quiet village into pure madness. The path of destruction can be scenes from miles away; hundreds of thousands of crushed beer cans, empty Crown Royal bottles, and occasionally even abandoned children.
In other words....our kind of people.
I joke. The majority of NASCAR fans are not THAT bad. My father is the biggest fan I know and he will 100% be the one to drink the smallest amount and embarrass himself the least on this trip. What's that you ask? My dad? Oh yes, the DGWU crew will be meeting and partying with my father for the first time this weekend. I know how to do things the right way. We have been anticipating this trip since mid-Spring and are raring to go, but before I grab my bag and walk country strong into Manhattan, a few notes about the weekend.
Section B: You've been warned.
- As you can see from the image above, Watkins Glen International is not your typical NASCAR track. Instead of the usuall oval shape with four turns, you get a road course with 11 different twists and turn, complete with different levels of elevation. Yes, that means that they actually drive uphill and downhill at different points in the course. The biggest knock on auto racing is that it's boring because all they do is turn left over and over again. Not at "the Glen". Road courses are much more common in F1 and Grand Am (who are also racing there this weekend!), so when NASCAR runs them, it always becomes a highlight.
- Another great thing I enjoy about the Glen is that I don't have to sit stationary in a grandstand all day. You can move around to different turns on the track and see the action anywhere you want. This of course means that you miss a lot of the action, but it makes for a fun time when you pack a mini cooler with beer and venture all of the place.
- If you look at the map above one more time, take notice of section B. This will be where the DGWU crew will be camping and spending most of our hours boozing it up. If you hear anything on the news about infield fires or riots in section B of a NASCAR race....don't be surprised.
- The plan as of now is to record episode 14 of the CrapTastiCast from Watkins Glen this weekend. That doesn't mean all NASCAR talk (although expect a little) because I'm sure we need to talk about Mark-Andy's new contract, Lee Evans trade rumors, and of course all of the EPL action we will be missing. Bottom line: an on location podcast from a NASCAR event is going to be pretty awesome. Promise.
- You can also expect many ridiculous tweets from us. Keep an eye out for the hashtag #DGWUNASCAR from @DGWUSports, @theycallmedubs, @Y_vo, @Sam_Hartman, and @TheScizz. High comedy.
- Another great thing I enjoy about the Glen is that I don't have to sit stationary in a grandstand all day. You can move around to different turns on the track and see the action anywhere you want. This of course means that you miss a lot of the action, but it makes for a fun time when you pack a mini cooler with beer and venture all of the place.
- If you look at the map above one more time, take notice of section B. This will be where the DGWU crew will be camping and spending most of our hours boozing it up. If you hear anything on the news about infield fires or riots in section B of a NASCAR race....don't be surprised.
- The plan as of now is to record episode 14 of the CrapTastiCast from Watkins Glen this weekend. That doesn't mean all NASCAR talk (although expect a little) because I'm sure we need to talk about Mark-Andy's new contract, Lee Evans trade rumors, and of course all of the EPL action we will be missing. Bottom line: an on location podcast from a NASCAR event is going to be pretty awesome. Promise.
- You can also expect many ridiculous tweets from us. Keep an eye out for the hashtag #DGWUNASCAR from @DGWUSports, @theycallmedubs, @Y_vo, @Sam_Hartman, and @TheScizz. High comedy.
This level of tailgating NEEDS to happen.
I realize that the majority of our readers probably have very little knowledge of NASCAR, so if you do decide to watch the race (or at least part of it), here is a list of drivers you might want to be familiar with for the weekend:
- Jimmie Johnson: You have to know who this guy is by now, fan or not. Although never winning at the Glen, Johnson has won the past five NASCAR points championship and can easily win on almost any type of track in the sport. Yeah, I said SPORT. Suck it.
-Tony Stewart: Better known by stupid-ass nickname "Smoke", Tony has won five times at the Glen and has an average finish of 5th overall. Always a favorite.
- Juan Pablo Montoya: The former F1 won driver is a road course expert and won the race last season. Most NASCAR fans dislike him because he isn't white. If they give you any other reason they are full of shit. (Sidenote: several years ago while at the this same race, every time Montoya would drive by these racist hicks would boo him, so I yelled pretty loudly "AAAAAAAAAH, THAT'S HOW I LIKE MY NASCAR! WITH A LITTLE SIDE OF RACISM!" The crowd was not amused.)
- Jeff Gordon: Another household name in NASCAR. Although he is getting up there in age, Gordon has still won at Watkins Glen four times and should never be counted out.
- Carl Edwards: One of the league's most likable drivers, Edwards has come close but has never won at the Glen. His average finish of 8th is not too shabby.
- Marcos Ambrose: A Tanzanian driver, Ambrose has won the past three Nationwide races at the track (kind of like the minor league of NASCAR) and has finished in the top five of all three starts he has had in the big league race. This could be the year he gets his first career win.
-Robby Gordon: Once a top competitor in NASCAR, he went on to buy his own team but has struggled to even keep his car in the top 35 in points. At this track, all bets are off. He always dominates here and and has won in the past with a career average finish of 13th in 12 races.
- Kyle Busch: Meh. Fuck this guy.
-A.J. Allmendinger: His name is fun to say and he is my dad's favorite driver (Richard Petty Motorsport). He also has driven well on road courses and has an average finish of 9th in three starts.
-The Road Course Ringers - Boris Said, Ron Fellows, P.J. Jones, Brian Simo, and Andrew Ranger: These guys are not full-time NASCAR drivers and are usually brought in by smaller teams for only the road course races. They are basically experts who struggle on the larger superspeedways, but tend to dominate road courses. Said, Fellows, and Jones all have top five finishes to their credit, meanwhile Simo has struggled and this will be Andrew Ranger's first career Sprint Cup start. Don't be shocked to see him in the top 10 at the end of the day.
Of course there are many other drivers that are talented at this track. Mark Martin, Denny Hamlin, and Kevin Harvick too name a few. I would expect all of these drivers to make a run at it. I'll even toss in two other small team drivers that I expect to run well here this weekend: David Gilliland and Andy Lally. You never know what is going to happen at Watkins Glen. Except the fact that the DGWU crew will be hammered and making fools of themselves, that you definitely know will happen. Enjoy your weekend and see you at the races! Yee-haw!
- Jimmie Johnson: You have to know who this guy is by now, fan or not. Although never winning at the Glen, Johnson has won the past five NASCAR points championship and can easily win on almost any type of track in the sport. Yeah, I said SPORT. Suck it.
-Tony Stewart: Better known by stupid-ass nickname "Smoke", Tony has won five times at the Glen and has an average finish of 5th overall. Always a favorite.
- Juan Pablo Montoya: The former F1 won driver is a road course expert and won the race last season. Most NASCAR fans dislike him because he isn't white. If they give you any other reason they are full of shit. (Sidenote: several years ago while at the this same race, every time Montoya would drive by these racist hicks would boo him, so I yelled pretty loudly "AAAAAAAAAH, THAT'S HOW I LIKE MY NASCAR! WITH A LITTLE SIDE OF RACISM!" The crowd was not amused.)
- Jeff Gordon: Another household name in NASCAR. Although he is getting up there in age, Gordon has still won at Watkins Glen four times and should never be counted out.
- Carl Edwards: One of the league's most likable drivers, Edwards has come close but has never won at the Glen. His average finish of 8th is not too shabby.
- Marcos Ambrose: A Tanzanian driver, Ambrose has won the past three Nationwide races at the track (kind of like the minor league of NASCAR) and has finished in the top five of all three starts he has had in the big league race. This could be the year he gets his first career win.
-Robby Gordon: Once a top competitor in NASCAR, he went on to buy his own team but has struggled to even keep his car in the top 35 in points. At this track, all bets are off. He always dominates here and and has won in the past with a career average finish of 13th in 12 races.
- Kyle Busch: Meh. Fuck this guy.
-A.J. Allmendinger: His name is fun to say and he is my dad's favorite driver (Richard Petty Motorsport). He also has driven well on road courses and has an average finish of 9th in three starts.
-The Road Course Ringers - Boris Said, Ron Fellows, P.J. Jones, Brian Simo, and Andrew Ranger: These guys are not full-time NASCAR drivers and are usually brought in by smaller teams for only the road course races. They are basically experts who struggle on the larger superspeedways, but tend to dominate road courses. Said, Fellows, and Jones all have top five finishes to their credit, meanwhile Simo has struggled and this will be Andrew Ranger's first career Sprint Cup start. Don't be shocked to see him in the top 10 at the end of the day.
Of course there are many other drivers that are talented at this track. Mark Martin, Denny Hamlin, and Kevin Harvick too name a few. I would expect all of these drivers to make a run at it. I'll even toss in two other small team drivers that I expect to run well here this weekend: David Gilliland and Andy Lally. You never know what is going to happen at Watkins Glen. Except the fact that the DGWU crew will be hammered and making fools of themselves, that you definitely know will happen. Enjoy your weekend and see you at the races! Yee-haw!
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