The Scizz

On top of the world, bitches. That's right. After a thrilling Monday night win with the help of real game losers Jay Cutler, Matt Forte, and Robbie Gould, The Scizz sits on top of the standings with a 4 - 1 record and the highest point total in the league. Damn. It feels good to be a gangsta!

I apologize for the "gangsta" line, but victory tastes so sweet after that win. My Hoboken Hurricanes knocked off El Mas Guapo (1 - 4) by 15 points, despite huge games from Aaron Rodgers and the San Fran Defense. How did I do it? Easy....Freddie Fuckin' Jackson, that's how. He is an absolute beast in fantasy this year and is delivering the goods to my heart in several ways, week in and week out. The 174.86 points scored was 3rd highest of the week as my team continues to run on all cylinders. I also spent over 15 hours in a car this weekend with El Mas Guapo owner, the Spaniard, and I think I got in his head.....with my awful morning after bachelor party farts. It was truly horrendous.

In other DGWU action, chapter one of the well documented fantasy football feud between the Barrister's Bachmann's Cervix (weird) and Yachtsman's WMP's (even weirder if you know what it stands for) came to a close. Although the Yachter sent violent texts at me Sunday because he assured me Yahoo wouldn't let him put in Thomas Jones over bye-week bound Peyton Hillis, he still picked up the big dub over our own Big Dub to move to 4 - 1. Matt Schaub's bad decision making on the field didn't hinder his fantasy numbers too badly as he became WMP's highest point scorer, which didn't need to be much when you look at the fact that the Barrister was playing the following receivers this past week: Eric Decker, Preston Parker, and Jacoby Ford. Add in piss poor showings from Dustin Keller and the San Diego D and you have what should have been the lowest total points total for any team this week (104.48). 

The key word there is SHOULD. The Apologist's Yancey's Fancy scored a disgustingly low 75.44 points and was crushed by over 100 points by the Hammering Hebrews XI. I repeat - ONE HUNDRED POINT DEFEAT! He managed this embarrassing feat by having his QB's Josh Freeman and Kyle Orton COMBINE for 2.94 pts, playing an injured Andre Johnson, and my personal favorite, leaving TE Ed Dickson in his starting lineup despite having a bye. Dear lord, Aps! Yachtsman warned me his fantasy skills were terrible, but I'm thinking that this could be the first year this league (in it's 11th year) has a winless manager. That would be a new level of incredible suckitude. Sorry Aps, but we all need to pray this happens.

In the other match-ups, Action Jackson squeaked by Grandpa Tim's AARP All-Stars to become the fourth team to move to 4 - 1 this week. They have won 3 in a row and take on Crippling Back Pain (3 - 2) next week, who picked up a huge win over the J-Spotters (2 - 3) with help from the Detroit Lions' Jahvid Best and Matt Stafford. It didn't help the J-Spotters that the Tampa Bay Defense ended up with negative one point after their embarrassment against San Fran. Finally, the Giz Beasts (1 - 4) picked up their first win of the season with a nail biter over the DC Earthquakes (3 - 2), handing them just their second loss. It was an impressive win for Giz, who as an expansion team is still getting a handle on the world of a two QB league. With only Alex Smith playing at QB (whom he just traded for this week), Giz received MONSTER performances from him, Hines Ward, and BenJarvis Green-Smith-Abbot-Schumacher-Ellis to move out of that last place spot. Speaking of....

Next week we have the second DGWU match-up of the season, as the Yachtsman, still no doubt riding high on his destruction of the feared Eric Decker, faces off against poor, poor Apologist and his struggling Yancey's Fancy. Can you say blood bath?

My Hoboken Hurricanes take on our good Jewish friends the Hammering Hebrews XI, a Tri-State plus league original, and the Barrister's Bachmann's Cervix goes against the underrated DC Earthquakes, who have quietly put up some impressive performances this year. 

I would also like to add a new feature called "Start 'Em and Sit Em!" First, start your best running back. This will help you to win. Next, sit Keyshawn Johnson, Carson Palmer, and Fred Biletnikoff because they don't play anymore. Good luck and make sure you remember to follow us on the 'ole Twitter-mah-jig!

As mentioned in an earlier post, we here at DGWU have something special for the readers today.  If you thought YOU were upset last night after the loss, just take a listen to the Yachtsman's EPIC meltdown.  This little Gem was recorded last night on the Streets of Manhattan by producer-extraordinaire, Megan Robertson, who with our new friend and production guru Mondee Torres, put this fantastic feature together for your listening pleasure.

I need remind everyone that this chunk of brilliance is NSFW, and if you thought the lower half of HSBC Arena was just fine last night, then I would probably not listen to it at all.  Here is hoping this becomes a regular feature.  With your support we can make it happen people!!!!