The Yachtsman

I know, right? It's me, your favorite irascible naysayer who writes sporadically for the website he founded in the early 1980s with three (now) dead men and The Scizz. Well, I'll tell you...as I've written, screamed, grumbled, and/or sobbed quietly to you Deegers so many times before...it takes a lot these days to get this scribe to loquate (not a word). The Sabres are doing everything in their power to make me not watch/like them, i.e. actually trying, not blowing up the roster, allowing Darcy Regier to have a say in personnel management, reaping the financial benefits of Pennsylvania-earth destroying hydro-fracking, existing, etc. The Bills, of course, aren't much better /softly whispers "power of attorney" into the wind. So what's this all about, why all the hoo-ha, you ask? 

Is it the racist Liverpudlian football squad I'm a bit embarrassed to support these days? Have they mastered the game of Soccernomics and turned Anfield into Fenway U.K.? CAN WE GET 3,000 BREATHLESS WORDS OF FANDOM OUT OF ME FOR THAT!?!?

Nay, little girls. You'll not get a treatise on what it's like to be a fan of this that or the other here. I leave that to the professionals.....okay The Barrister....it's his realm of expertise. 

** sidenote: one of my favorite things in life is to watch The B (on Twitter and here) get so breathlessly worked up about a squad, make excuses on why it's okay to root for a shit sandwich, then come crashing down to earth and get frustrated over his squad shyte-ing all over his dreams yet again. This man is a lawyer, with expertly honed logic skills. To watch him fall apart like a house of cards is pure magic. This is the only part of his life that is not totally awesome and together - fuck me, sports is a bitch. PS I love you man. You know this.**

What's led me to write on this shitty little corner of the internet is the following quote from one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE HYPERBOLE HYPERBOLE BASKETBALL PLAYERS (for reals though I love him) Yao Ming:
"His attitude is so peaceful, but there is strength to him. It is not a violent strength like fire or something aggressive. It is like the ocean, very peaceful, very quiet when you look at it. But you can never underestimate the power that is in there."

- Yao Ming on Jeremy Lin

Of course we all know who Jeremy Lin is by now. He's the guy, you know, not white/black, not from D1/Lottery Pick, EXPANDING ALL OF YOUR BASKETBALL HORIZONS WITH HIS MAGICAL POINT GUARDIAN ABILITIES LIKE THE LUKE SKYWALKER OF JAMES DOLAN'S EVIL EMPIRE. Oh my god....this is turning into a breathless fan post. FUCK. I knew this website was a fucking trap.

ANYSHIT. For reals, Jeremy Lin has taken the nation by storm, and rightly so. This story just doesn't happen. Everything nowadays is down to such a pure, adroit, infinitesimal science that anomalies simply don't occur at this high of a level. Yeah, you can throw Tim Tebow at me....but how anomalous is he, really? Rivals Elite 11 QB, Heisman Trophy Winner, SEC/Nat'l. Champion, 2nd Round Pick, Anti-Semite (I don't know that) - compared to Lin he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Josh Hamilton? Okay, but before he started giving rim-jobs in the bathroom for travel size Scope bottles, he was an elite Prospect and had a cup of coffee (w/ Jameson obvs) with the Rays before he went to hell and back (skirting with alcoholism myself I feel the need to joke to cope, so lay off Nancy Grace). Jeremy Lin went to HAHVAHD FACKIN YAHD. That doesn't exactly scream Rookie Symposium Invite to me. He was picked up by Golden State to appeal to their Asian fan base, but when they realized they had Steph Curry, Nate Robinson, and Monta Ellis (in a pinch) ahead of him, he was cut like rose stems (time-sensitive metaphor). Then he went to the Rockets 5 years too late, right guys? /Yao joke. After being dispersed by the Rockets ON CHRISTMAS FUCKING EVE (see what Karma looks like, Daryl Morey? SABREMETRIC BASKETBALL MY TAINT), the severely hemorrhaged brain trust at 1 Penn Plaza picked him and the rest is now history.

Holy mother of shit I've turned into a breathless Linnite now haven't I? ARE YOU READING BARRISTER! I BLAME YOU. Nevertheless, let's get to some astute basketball analysis, of which I am well qualified what with my 3 years of Elementary basketball followed by 2 years of CYO and not trying out for my high school team because I am a maladroit tit of a basketball player. ANYWHENCE. In a vacuum, Lin:

PLUSSES:

- He's WICKED FAHCKIN CAWNFIDENT. I could cite you several instances against Derek Fisher, John Wall, et. al, but all you need to know about his confidence is pictured above. Chandler kicked out the rebound, he called off the pick, and drained a three in Calderon's face with .05 left. If that's not confidence, The Scizz doesn't have rage issues.

- VLINSIONARY. I'm not good at wordplay. Anyway. His vision is tremendous, as demonstrated by two double doubles in his first 6 career starts (stupid. just fucking stupid). When you run the dribble/drive offense, you....dribble...and...drive...and he's good...at...both? Yes. He is. The Knicks, for the first time since The Rooster left and took Ray Felton with him, have demonstrated SPACING, and it's due to Lin's court vision combined with tremendous movement. Subsequently, D'Antoni's offense has clicked and our beloved Blue N Orange are in the midst of a 6 game linning streak (had to). MOVE THE BALL AND ROTATE. WHAT A FUCKING CONCEPT. It only won D'Antoni a million games in Phoenix.

- TOUGHNESS is a strength that is difficult to quantify and more difficult to identify correctly. Lin oozes (grossest sports word ever) it. He's taken key charges, driven against guys like Bynum & Cousins, and even played with an awful open wound for three games (that band-aid on his chin was gnarls). If you're going to run a dribble/drive 7 Seconds or less offense, having a guy who's willing to sacrifice his elderly walking potential is key. /Lazy Steve Nash comparison.

NON-PLUSSES:

- HOLD ONTO THE G-D BALL JEREMY. His turnovers are somewhat troubling, but when your PG is only 23, doesn't have a history of playing vs. top-level talent, and is running a dribble/drive offense where he is the key cog, it's understandable. As a matter of fact, I'd rather watch Lin run the offense and worry about turnovers then have defensive stalwart & ball-responsible Toney Douglas clanging ill-advised three balls off the rims of various Eastern Conference hoops night after night.

- CONLINSTENCY. Again with the wordplay. This isn't a negative so much as it's a question mark. Being a fan of teams such as the Bills, Sabres, and Knicks, I am used to a general level of abject failure sprinkled with bouts of flash-in-the-pan. The level of quality Lin has demonstrated HAS to come down for no other reason that my Karmic deficiencies preclude me from cheering for legitimate winners and All-Stars without drastic bandwagon inspired allegiance shifts. So there's that uber-depressing/ego-maniacal/soul-crushing aspect.

As much as I keep trying, I haven't figured out an effective way to quantify how fucking great this story has been. The Knicks were on the verge of starting another shit storm winter where Bob Raissman and Filip Bondi furiously masturbate themselves so hard with negativity they make Bucky Gleason and Jerry Sullivan look like Brownie Scouts. All I know is that Lin has brought my girlfriend down to the den to watch Knicks games with me, whereas most times we would be watching Real Huswifes (yeah the colonial spelling...suck it Johnathan Edwards) of Salem Witch Trials or something.