Barrister
This is as belated as we've been in a while. Maybe the dad among us shouldn't promise to edit anymore, particularly on a noght of such heavy drinking. With esteemed Deeg colleague Monsieur Boner Shorts in town, things got weird.
I won't bother recapping it, except to say this was recorded the night of Tuesday, March 26th, in the midst of Sabres, Knicks, USMNT, Clippers/Mavs and shots of whiskey. Also, the Scizz was there, so if you love the soft tones of his Franklinville accent, make sure to join in the fun with a download.
Download HERE or HERE or stream below if you want, whatever. Subscribe via the itunes link below, or via RSS at www.deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com/rss ... I think?
The Barrister and The ApologistI don't even care that the title of this episode rips off 'Friends' - it's accurate. We're mean in this one. Well, really only with respect to certain creepy members of a certain local newspaper's sports staff. Recorded during and after the Sabres' most recent game - a win?!?? - against the Maple Leaves of Toronto, we talk plenty about the Sabres, how sad we are about the lack of silver linings this season, and then whistfully predict the inevitable Cup run. Oh, and Joe from Buffalo Wins makes a cameo to talk about striking out with the smokeshow bartender at Gleason's, further adding to the list of things we'll make fun of him about when he returns to Twitter on Easter. Musical additions by the way of Jefferson Airplane, Homeboy Sandman and Kasabian. Download here and here, or stream below in the media player. And if you haven't, subscribe to all of our "great" "podcasts" via RSS or the iTunes button below. LIKE A BOSS.
 #BecauseItsBuffaloWins The BarristerWelp. That happened. We went to the Sabres game out on Long Island last week, we recorded dipshit #hottakes in the midst of our drunkenness, and then I took my sweet ass time editing it all into a nice little package for you. At least it's short, right guys? If you enjoy those moments when we're the most wretched versions of ourselves, you'll love this one. If you prefer us when we're serious sports analysts, go take a nap while reading Buffalo Wins. Music by the Jambrones, The Edgar Winter Group, The Doors and Eric Clapton. Download here and here, or stream below.
 wait. was that racist? The Barrister
While Yachtsman was busy putting a silly little hobbit in his place yesterday, Joe Pinzone had me on his Talkamania podcast and we talked a whole bunch about the Bills, Fitz, Mario, the shitty defense and our obsession with football players justifying the money someone else pays them. For serious, it ran a little long, but that'll happen. Sunday was bad. Really bad. But we're doing it again this weekend and the catharsis of chatting about these not-so-lovable losers is the best way to get me through the weekday doldrums and start to feel ok about sitting down for another potential ass-kicking. Maybe I really am insane. Maybe the silly little hobbit was right. ... Nah, fuck it. Everything about everything I do is unassailable. All. Day. Long. While you're listening to these spoken word hot takes, be sure to check out the litany of content over at Buffalo Wins.
The Yachtsman
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT IN ALL THE HATS. Well, pack it in guys, wait until hockey....no can't do that.....well the Knicks start in October.....ugh, fuck James Dolan......well there's always Liverpool....they can't score......well, the Mets start again next March!......OH WELL SHIT I'LL JUST QUIT THIS SPORTS CRAP ALTOGETHER THEN, A HOLES.  Sad Wizard and his sad, sad beard. Say a quarterback has a stellar career at a shitty FCS school like Harvard. Then, instead of going into I-Banking and destroying our financial future, he takes his 7th Round NFL Draft selection and decides to make a go of it. He struggles for a few years, getting spot-starts in shitholes like Cincinatti & St. Louis, all via guts, determination, and guile. Throwing the ball the way he's always known how; a self-taught gunslinger. After a few years, this highly educated journeyman lands in the backwater-est of NFL backwaters, Buffalo. He fights through coaching changes, managerial changes, shitty QBs in front and back, finally proving himself to be a competent QB for a team replete with QB failure. In his first year as the bona-fide-honest-to-god-nobody-breathing-down-his-back starter, he rockets out to a 5-1 start and everyone wants to have a million of his babies. He gets injured in a blowout to the Redskins, and everything falls to shit. Weaknesses reveal themselves, games are lost, and hopes are shattered. BUT ALAS EVERYTHING IS MADE ANEW COME THE OFFSEASON, FRIENDS. This journeyman-cum-starter-sum-ostensible savior shows up to camp ready to go and meets a new QB coach. WHO THEN CHANGES EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SELF-TAUGHT GUNSLINGER BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE BROUGHT HIMSELF OUT OF THE DEPTHS OF THE FCS AND INTO A STARTING JOB IN THE NFL ALL TOTALLY WRONG. Mechanics, footwork, vision, reps, progressions....EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW. Oh, but wait, you might ask....who is this brilliant man who felt the need to fundamentally change The Bearded One? Why, he must be a genius who has helped Hall of Famer and First Overall Picks alike! RIGHT YACHTSMAN?!?!!?
 One of the many things I missed while I was out. The Barrister
Cue the milquetoast opener:
Well gosh darnit, fans of the Deeg, I know you've been eagerly awaiting content from the Kings of Fresh Takes and like the degenerates we are, we've opted to tend to our real world lives instead of bloviating about the latest in bread and circus sports entertainment. Why the lull? Well, personally, my answer to that question has three parts: (1) it's July and I've been getting viciously hamzoed more often than I should admit (hooray anonymous internet monikers!!); (2) I've been traveling a lot over the past 10 days, aforementionedly (not a word?) drunk for 70% of it (not true... not not true either), and I've simply been too drunk and/or hungover and/or distracted to sit down for a little chat; and (3) the only bright spots in my sports world are a surging team in a still ignored league (for now) and an utterly unproven team in the best league in America (for now). Forgive me if I don't jump for joy at the prospect of dwelling on shit that makes me contemplate a swift union between my fist and Fred Wilpon's balls.
But more on those Mets in a few. I can't lead of this trainwreck with that much heartache.
Can't you tell this is going to be FUN??? I'm bored and drunk on a train and you all get the fruits of my labor!
Wait... we need music.
The DeegAfter a super organized podcast two weeks ago, we came up with the brilliant idea this week to complete a power hour before recording episode 31 of the CrapTastiCast. If you’re unsure of what a power hour is, it involves the consumption of larges quantities of beer in a single hour, and is usually done by teenagers and college students to get super drunk while pre-gaming. We cannot be held responsible for what followed. In our first segment, we talk about bad decisions, the blogger summit, fan access, and get some insight on all three from regular CrapTastiCast guest, Joe Pinzone of Buffalo Wins and his own podcast, Talkamania. That’s right, we got Joseph lit up again. And apologies for around the 3:40 mark where there is an unexplained jump-cut. We lost about 20 seconds of casting that is now somewhere in the podcasting stratosphere. Later on, we make numerous inappropriate jokes about people we don’t know, chat about the NBA Finals, argue more about Lebron James (It wouldn’t be Deeg approved without it!), tell stories about James Vanderbeek’s sister, and laugh at Joe as he almost takes a shit in my hallway closet. Seriously. Then we end it by playing a very drunken and forgetful version of “Name That Sports Trivia Contest Thing” during the 3rd segment. Musical interludes are from The Talking Heads, Radiohead, and the Ramones. Download the podcast through Libsyn or the iTunes link below, as well as stream right from the blog. Stay tuned to the blog and podcast, as in the next few weeks we will be switching the CrapTastiCast over to another podcast hoster, so you’ll have to re-subscribe. Sorry about that, but the new host will allow us to do many more cool things, as well as save us $$$. Dollar Dollar Bill Ya’ll. Jump to 1:10 in the video below to enjoy some Keith Murray in an Alex Van Pelt jersey.
The BarristerThis week, the CrapTastiCast pays tribute to Adam Yauch as The Scizz and I, along with friend of the Deeg Joe Pinzone, record the first virtual CrapTastiCast via Skype. We obviously miss having Apologist and Yachtsman along for the ride on the SS Disaster, but that won't stop us from bringing you another set of poorly thought-out analysis and ill-timed humor. Consistency. We spend a lot of time discussing Fred Jackson and the future of the Bills backfield following his contract extension on Monday afternoon, as we all feel pretty good about the way One Bills Drive has been doing business this offseason. In segment three, we have a typically belated discussion of the Bills draft choices, including the intellectual superiority of Twitter and Tank Carder's wake surfing dog. And finally, in segment four, we talk playoffs - both NHL and NBA - and pick the teams we want to win and the teams we think will win the respective championships this spring. As always, we lack focus and love tangents - even if Scizz isn't drinking this month (Weird, right??) - but do our best to keep on topic. All musical interludes are courtesy of the Beastie Boys, of course. Stream and download the MP3 with the trusty links below. (Or directly from our Libsyn site right here.) Cheers.
I wish I was as excited as this guy.
The Scizz w/ The Apologist and Joe Pinzone
It's that time of year again. The Sabres are making their ever so late playoff push, the Bills are preparing for the draft after a mediocre....waaaaaait, I mean spectacular free agency run, and the biggest event in pro wrestling is about to go down.
Wrestlemania. This Sunday, the 28th in a series of awesomeness continues. It is the day where a bunch of adults who run this god-forsaken blog get together, drink beer, and watch grown men in their underwear wrestle with each other. HOT.
It should also be noted that during the year, most of us pay little to no attention to the "sport" or "sports entertainment" if you will. Yet, for some reason, when the Super Bowl of wrestling goes down, we get sucked in. It could be just another excuse for all of us to get drunk together and make asses of ourselves, but what it really comes down to is memories. Memories from childhood through teenage years through college debauchery in which wrestling played a weekly role in our lives. That's what this post is about: Three grown men sharing their favorite Wrestlemania moments. SAD.
I'll start with Joe Pinzone, on loan to us from Buffalo Wins, from....himself. If you follow Joe on twitter (and WHO DOESN'T, RIGHT GUYS?), then you'll already know that Joe is probably the biggest fan of all of us. Which also means his write-up of his fave moment is definitely the most interesting and well-written.
Uh....Ken Shamrock?
Take it away, Joe. @JoeBuffaloWins
To me, the 90s seemed to represent an era when the younger generation wanted to be heard and say fuck off to the authority. No one wanted a superhero. Superheroes are for chumps. You felt it in music with the grunge scene and every rock band trying to either kill themselves or their parents or tell someone else to fuck off. You could sense it in television as no one wanted to watch happy sitcoms like Full House or Urkel. Instead, they wanted to watch a white trash family like The Connors in Roseanne. In other words, the audience was looking for an edge. No more cookie cutter shit. That's not how the real world works and I want to relate to something that feels real.In wrestling, the cookie cutter image was still running wild. You had guys like Bret Hart, Macho Man (RIP) and Hulk Hogan, who all had a couple of catch phrases and gave out chicken scratch autographs to appease the fans, but they were epically lame when it came to personalities. People wanted an edge. Someone they could live vicariously through. That man was Steve Austin. Steve Austin's rise to being a wrestling icon wasn't suppose to happen. It was a mistake, just like The Scizz being conceived. (Editor note: This is actually very accurate) He was suppose to be a mid-carder. Nothing more. Through hard work and the changing of pop culture, Steve Austin's rise happened pretty quickly. Before Steve battled Bret Hart at Survivor Series (November) in 1997, he was as a heel. No real difference from some of the past bad ass heels like the Four Horsemen or the Free Birds, but as I said, the times were a changing. More importantly, so was Steve. Austin didn't have this great range with his promos in WCW or when he first debuted in WWE, but once he found himself, the game changed. If you youtube some of his interviews with Bret Hart up to that point, they are goldmines of humor and toughness. Austin ended up losing to Hart at Survivor Series, but because of his awesome, badass approach, he started getting more cheers than boos. More signs were showing up in the crowd. Whether you were a 8-year old or a 24-year old, you loved the son of a bitch. Fast forward 6 months to his rematch with Hart at Wrestlemania 13, which in my opinion, changed the business and set the standard for what a wrestling match should be. It was an "I quit" match, which the only way you could beat your opponent was if they said those two magic words: I quit. The best thing to do right now is youtube the match. My words won't be able to describe the bloodbath that occurred. It was one of those physical matches that made you think wrestling was real (Which it is..duh!). Yes, wrestling can be laughable when done half ass with poor matches, and even shittier interviews, however, when you can get it right, it can be downright epic. Austin vs Hart was that epic confrontation. It was about Hart's frustration with the WWE fans, who thought his old 80's schtick was finished, and he couldn't deal with it. It was about how Austin wore his anger like a cloak, because of a perceived lack of respect from authority, it became his ally...his darker side. Two things that I can point out:1) Austin was the heel and Hart was the baby face heading into this match. Yes, there were probably a good 30% of the crowd rooting for Austin to begin with, but WWE had tried to force feed Bret as the face in this one. However, in a moment that I haven't seen since and the Russian crowd turned on Ivan Drago, they cheered like crazy for Austin. It wasn't because of a microphone or a something force fed by the writers, it was something genuine. The fans believed in Austin because he was anti-establishment, just like them. They wanted to tell their parents, teachers, and bosses to fuck off, and Austin was doing it for them. 2) The crescendo for this moment came when Austin was in Bret Hart's finishing move, The Sharp Shooter. With the crowd at a fever pitch, Austin's forehead was dripping out blood like a faucet. It was awesome. It was a holy shit moment. As the ref asked Austin if he wanted to quit, Austin, being the badass that he is, kept yelling "no" while the blood kept coming out. At one point, he almost broke the hold and the crowd went crazy thinking he did. Alas, he broke it for a few short moments, but Hart snatched it back in. Instead of quitting, Austin passed out. Hart won, but Austin didn't say those two words. A star was born. Austin walked back to the locker room getting a standing ovation from the fans and they didn't stop cheering for the rest of career. Alright, my turn to be lame. @TheScizzFor me, this was incredibly easy. No need to over think it and narrow down from some excruciatingly long list, the choice was simple. The Rock. Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Wrestlemania 18.The match dubbed Icon vs. Icon was never expected to be the match it became. It was there for pure entertainment, as nobody, including me, ever though that 107 year old Hogan could still put on a quality match, even if he was being carried by "electrifying one", The Rock. In fact, as a Junior in college and preparing to get blitzed on a Sunday night and watch with friends, I remember being more excited for the other matches on the card, namely HHH vs. Chris Jericho and Ric Flair vs. Undertaker.What went down, is still one of the coolest "sports" moment of my life. (Yes, I understand it's fake, hence the quotation marks shithead) The build up to the match was somewhat laughable. Owner Vince McMahon no longer loved the company he created and had decided to bring in the posion known as the NWO, who lead the WWE's rival company, WCW, past them in rating years ago. The members: Hogan, Scott Hall, and Kevin Nash were never expected to work for the company ever again, but here they were taunting the WWE wrestlers and causing "problems" at every turn. The most innaproppriately hysterical being when Hogan, driving a semi-truck, ran it full speed into an ambulance supposedly a just injured Rock. Hogan uttered the words "I'm going to cripple his candy-ass as you could see him visibly shaking from the effort just to climb into the big rig. The Rock returned two weeks later. From a SEMI smashing into an AMBULANCE at FULL SPEED that was INSIDE OF. Isn't wrestling great?Anyways, with all of that build up said and done, Hogan was the obvious villain heading into the match, with the Rock as the crowd-favorite hero who everyone, including my friends and I, absolutely loved. But then something happened. After the two traded punches, body slams, and siganture moves, the crowd slowly stopped cheering for the Rock, and started cheering for Hulk. I know, I know, this sounds just like Joe's Hart Vs. Austin pick, but it was different. The crowd wasn't cheering for Hulk Hogan because he was an anti-hero, they were cheering because a flood of memories and emotions from their childhood started entering into their minds. They were watching their childhood idol, Hulk Hogan wrestle in his first WWE match in over 10 years against "The Great One", and it looked like he never missed a beat. In an instant, Hulkamania was reborn, and it didn't matter how popular the Rock was, every adult in that crowd, and at home immediately returned to the days of Hogan telling them to say their prayers and take their vitamins. I was one of them. And, in great Rock fashion, as he started to get booed, he IMMEDIATELY relapsed into his old villanious persona, staring down the crowd and talking shit. It was awesome.In the end, the Rock won, but the crowd gave both men a standing ovation, and the next night on RAW, the WWE officially turned Hogan back to a crowd favorite, soon to be followed by his old red and yellow gear, complete with "Real American" blaring as his entrance music. Now, if only he could get rid of that sex tape, gold-digging ex-wife, manly daughter, and murderer son, he'd be all set.
Icon vs. Icon
and hot off the presses, it's the Apologist with another Hogan moment, but from way back in the day. @Sam_HartmanThere never has been, nor will there ever be a bigger match, in my eyes, than the Ultimate Warrior facing Hulk Hogan for "the Ultimate Challenge" at Wrestlemania VI. Even people who have never given more than a second glance at pro-wrestling know who these two stars are. Since slamming Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan had been far and away the biggest star in professional wrestling for most of the 80's. But when the Ultimate Warrior broke onto the scene, people could tell this was the future star of the WWF. So Vince McMahon, set them up for one of the biggest main event's in wrestling's history. Champion versus champion.
To be fair, I was hardly aware of wrestling at the time. It wasn't until years later, strolling through Blockbuster (Remember those? No? Nevermind.), that I discovered it on VHS (Remember THAT? No? Geez, I'm getting old.) and ran home to watch it immediately. It was everything you could ever want in a wrestling match. Two huge stars at the height of their popularity, both defending titles, both with the crowd on their side. It was one of those rare moments in pro-wrestling where no one will be disappointed in the outcome, as long as the match is fun to watch. And the Hulkster and Warrior did not disappoint. For twenty minutes they fought in and out of the ring, using every move in their respective repertoires. And did I mention the match was called by the best commentating duo of all time, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon? In the end, the Warrior survived Hulk's signature finishing routine, counter-attacking with his own finisher (Editor Note: The Gorilla Press!) and took both titles.
Now, maybe this match would be considered a snoozer by modern pro-wrestling fans, but I believe it's charm still shines through.
Sure. Hulk & Warrior's moves and theatrics shown against modern wrestling seem dated. Certainly Hulk's legdrop was never very impressive. But don't tell me we've moved WAY beyond this. The only difference between Hulk's legdrop and say, "the People's Elbow", is a couple dance moves. And besides, wrestling has never been about wrestling. It's about the pomp & circumstance. It's about the spectacle. And maybe there have been equally touted superstar vs superstar main events in similarly grand settings, but this one set the standard for how you treat a match of this magnitude.
Aps' choice makes much more sense now.
Still not enough wrestling? Stay tuned for the next CrapTastiCast, as we plan to record it this Sunday, before, during, and after this epic event. Watcha gonna do, brotha??
The ScizzAs most of you already know, the Deeg got a large group of rowdy Sabres fans together last weekend, and we headed out to Satan's asshole, aka, Long Island to watch a thrilling come from behind victory. What you might not know, is that we originally planned on recording three podcast segments that would turn into Episode 23 of the CrapTastiCast. That didn't happen. Segment one was a gleaming success, as we recorded with our brand new podcasting equipment from the Barrister's apartment. Joining him and I, were my fiance Jess, aka Scizzette, our fellow blogging friend Joe Pinzone, and even a brief appearance from MRS. BARRISTER! That's right ladies, he's taken. Segment two was "recorded" live from Nassau Colliseum while all of the Deeg (minus myself) recorded during intermission after many, many beers. It was a disaster. Even I could not save the combination of bad audio and primal screaming. (Although there were a couple gems I may need to sneak on to the site at a later date). Segment three never happened because everybody was to drunk to stand once the party bus dropped us off in Queens. I didn't even remember getting home when I woke up Sunday morning. I'm a winner. So enjoy a bonus/mini episode of the DGWU CrapTastiCast where we preview the Occupy Nassau activities, talk about previous Nassau experiences, wonder where our compatriots are, make fun of Mike Harrington, and somehow allow Joe to convince us to end the podcast with the Goo Goo Dolls. Download from Libsyn, head over to iTunes, or stream from below as always. Cheers.
|
RSS Feed
