The Continental

Every week (HA FUCKING HA) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 


I clearly need to get better at "getting drunk" and/or "posting to the site."  The Barrister puts me to shame and he has a wife, child, and law bidness and drinking to tend to.  In the mean time I have been getting drunk A LOT.  #OccupyNassau was fun, if traumatic for brave coworker I invited along.  I did do a lot of yelling about Jochen Hecht being a shitsipping taint, but I did keep the "Please let me suck your dick Cody" to a minimum.  But seriously, if any of you buffablogbros can hook a sister up tell Cody I'm DTF.  

 What's a good VDay activity for a non-romantic couple that doesn't want to buy each other shit. @criminallyvu1ga

Anal.

That counts for a lot of people.  Although some people can get by with "make dinner" and "tell my partner I love them."  But for you two, you guys moved to a new city with what I assume is a somewhat temperate climate?  I recommend a nice long walk with your dogs, then if you can, make a bonfire!  That's cozy and romantic (provided you are legally able to set fires.)  Hot dogs optional, but everything in my life is better with hot dogs.

Which professional league athletes get the most ass on the road and why and in order? -HKD


Time spent on the road, takes football right out since they have the shortest season, plus just less time away from their wives and families during the week.  Let's go from least to most ass:

4. Football-time crunch, short seasons AND career length.
3. Baseball- baseball players wear tight pants, but they're mostly busted and weird shaped.  At least hockey players are busted but man-shaped.
2. Hockey- good Canadian boys usually get married young and have a surprising amount of sexual hangups.  So by the time they start being adulterous it's in their late 20s, inherent disadvantage.
1. Basketball- I mean have you SEEN basketball players!  Young, cute, crazy scary tall, full schedule with plenty of travel.  Definitely first.

Who should I want to bang more, TJ Brennan or Ryan Fitzpatrick? @SamanthaJoy124

First this stems back from a hilarious exchange with @fgif when his profile picture was Franj with TJ Brennan.  Sam said she "maybe would" the tall one (Brennan.)  Then Frank cried himself to sleep or something, I don't know his life.

Sam, TJ Brennan is 6'1" and Fitzy is 6'2" so they are pretty much at the same playing field as "unfortunately not that much taller than you."  (Sam is my dutch goddess friend, if any of you are 6'3" or taller in the NYC Metro area  and are a "good" dude please romance her.)  TJ Brennan is the obvious choice, he is younger, has a better future in his sport, isn't Grand Marshall of the shit parade.  Brennan is the healthy scratch of shit parades.

I'm a busy important 3L, please watch House of Cards and decide whether or not I should watch it since we both have impeccable taste.  -@sholland06

Ok, I may have paraphrased there but that's really what he meant.  SORRY to to disappoint but the night I tried to start watching House of Cards I hit a speed bump commonly known as "blacking out." Since I tried to drown my sorrows that Franj and Renn could not make #occupynassau.  Maybe 12 beers before trying to start an hour long drama was a poor choice.  Really the drinking 12 beers was the poor choice.

Anyways sholland06, people I love and trust (Happy Valentines Day <3) all love it, the afformentioned Franj, Renn, but also StephanieZD, runthedive, cbruckel and other people who I'm sure I'm forgetting.  The tone seems to be a lot of "wow this is incredible and well done" but mostly "KATE MARA."

Also to everyone if you have any important cultural contributions to add to my life I am always looking readers.

What's your ideal sports/vday date: Mine is NBA All-star weekend? -@e_dealur


Really?  All star weekend?  Anyone likes those things?  But fair, it's the NBA and you get dunk contests and the game is like two Harlem Globetrotters playing each other, not the awkward shinny the NHL puts on every year.

Sex and hockey is probably too pedestrian right?  Yeah, that's not even a special occasion, and Valentine's Day is about going "above and beyond" we can all agree. Therefore my answer is leave work to drink, go to a Rangers or Knicks game and get very drunk,then give a blow job to my date in a cab.  WHO SAID ROMANCE IS DEAD Y'ALL!!!!

Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Bills are still a football team, which really bums me out.  Fortunately I had Boner Shorts Day to look forward to this week and it was a great time.  The next day at work?  Not so much.  As promised, here is my answer to last week's question: "what's the worst thing someone has overheard you say."

To preface this, my 11th grade history teacher was a total cockbag.  He graduated from the school he teaches at, he was popular then, and then in his mid 30's he was still trying to relive his glory days.  He loved making us listen to him talk, mostly inane anecdotes he repeated often.  I think it was about the third time he launched into his "trip to Paris" story when he paused for dramatic effect and I leaned over to my friend/seatmate and said "Congratulations."  Problem: I said this in my normal speaking voice, not a whisper, cue class laughter.

Mr. Cockbag decides that this is a good place to lecture me for my sarcasm and cynicism   The joke was on him because he used both of those words incorrectly.  I knew he was pissy, so I didn't correct him so I wouldn't get detention.  

Epilogue: he goes to my church and the one time a year I see him he never speaks to me or my family, though we sit two pews away.  Assclown.

Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Continental

Alright, I'm just going to come out and say it.  If the lockout ends this week it was absolutely due to CrapTastiCast 38 with Jeremy White. Because yeah, that was a thing that totally happened in my life.  But really I kind of don't care about the NHL happenings because guess what the fuck is happening December 21, 2012: ZUBAZ NIGHT ... that's right!  The Rochester Americans are doing $30 tickets PLUS your own pair of Zubaz.  What a bargain   So yeah, catch me there. I might have to wear these around Williamsburg and Soho every weekend to see if someone takes my picture for their Street Style Blog.  

Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Continental


I made it back from the Thanksgiving pilgrimage to my childhood home, and boy do things there never change.  Except my father made me install a new glass door with my brother, and boy did it almost fall on me and permanently disfigure my face.  Plus I even got to meet The Outlander!  I have finally met every Deeg-er and boy are we more hilarious and inappropriate in person.  The written word does not do enough justice.  I'll be home for Christmas too, and I'm planning on hitting an Amerks game.  Look me up, I'll probably even buy you a beer because holy tits I forgot how cheap beer can be, no but seriously wow.

The Continental

I figured before I start spouting off what will undoubtedly be regrettable and reprehensible advice, I should introduce myself.  I am The Continental, and I'm from a town smaller and shittier than yours in Western New York.  Why The Continental?  Well, because like the breakfast I'm not warm, and like the airline I have a spotty safety record and require intense negotiations before entering a merger.  That or I'm a degenerate creep, you decide.  Now I rep the 718, pretty much as well as any white girl can.

Since I'm a Bills and Sabres fan I am also quite adept at hating myself, which could also be one of the reasons everyone thinks I'm Jewish perhaps?  Who knows. But moving to New York has offered me so many more opportunities to sulk; Enter the Knicks, Mets, and St. John's basketball.  (PS. Fuck you Syracuse turncoat shit sippers.) Onto the questions!

"Who is your daddy and what does he do" -- @ScottyMCSS

Retired school teacher, athletic enthusiast, and steeply banked in that old man alcoholism of Western New York. Every summer he used to throw down so many cases of Genny Cream, it was incredible.  Now that he has retired, his pension money is going straight to Labatt Blue Lights. You know how LBL introduced the Labatt Blue Light Lime? Well, my father thought it was bullshit they were charging more for a case of LBLL than LBL, so what is a retired science teacher to do?  Experiment.  Now he buys LBL's and throws in lime juice, which of course took him a while to get the exact ratio right.  My mother, who's still with him is either a saint or has a prescription pill addiction.  (PS: make a better Arnold reference next time, I'm no scrub.)



"Now that I don't have 3 hrs a night paid to do nothing, when's the best time to do my scrapbooking?" -Matt Ellis aka -@SabresScratch

Scrapbooking is no longer trendy in the ladyverse.  It is too time consuming and you actually have to do something with your hands.  Pintrest.  Pintrest everything.  Bitches love Pintrest.  But to you Matt Ellis, I think Tumblr is definitely more your game.  Why?  Porn, lots of porn.  Porn everywhere.  Real porn, not just lady porn.  Lots of any kind of porn you want.  A solid 45% of my porn consumption comes from Tumblr.

"Dear Continental, why do the Bills suck and why are all women insane? I assume these can be answered similarly." -@fgif

The Bills are bad because life isn't fair and women are crazy because life isn't fair.  You need to work with what football gives you.  Get blackout drunk, puke on a Jets fan, and enjoy spending time with your friends, because at the end of the day football and related activities make life more fun until we die.  Most importantly it's a safe place where it's okay if you get black out drunk before 3:30pm.  But honestly, we're just waiting for the perfect season to come along so we're biding our time, right?

Women? You just need the correct calibration of crazy.  Is she crazy in bed?  Almost always good.  Is she crazy to your friends and family?  Eh, how crazy in bed is she?  Basically what I'm saying to women everywhere is be nasty in bed and men will overlook all the lady-shit we love and they hate (Bravo TV, Ru Paul television shows, leaf peeping, dinner parties.)  Not a straight up freak?  Try harder!  But this bartering system also works with Die Hard and Lethal Weapon movies, so sit there and keep your mouth shut and he will mostly do the same the next time you want to watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge. And again, significant others make life more palatable, more so than football, so we keep at it because we're just waiting for the perfect one for us to come along/come on.  WORD PLAY!


"Miss continental, every sports team has a player that all the husky gals LOVE. Who is that player on the Bills this year?" -@boner_shorts

The thing about husky gals, especially husky gals still in the 716 is they totally lack a sense of proportion.  Odds are they think they could land Stevie with their "Mizz Thang" g-string peeking over their too tight denim miniskirt at whatever bar on Chippewa is hosting DJ Anthony from KISS 98.5 these days. That or the husky gal wants to feel positively waiflike and would go for a mega husker like Kraig Urbik or Erik Pears.  I'm guessing these girls will only sleep with white boys, but this could just be residual bias from my backwater hick-town. 

And here's where I want to ask you degenerate creeps a question in what I will call:

"Are you there Deegers?  It's me The Continental."

Where do you loyal Deegers stand on sleeping with someone who has the same name as an immediate family member? 

Drop your offensive answers in the comments or e-mail/tweet me to be posted next week. Keep those questions coming!