The Scizz

-I am a poor sport. I hate losing and it does not matter if it is a pick-up basketball game with friends, an essay writing contest in college, or board games on date night with my girlfriend. I can admit to this and it is a problem I will probably never fix. I also hate when teams I dislike win. This is why I will not congratulate the Bruins on winning the Cup.  Immature?  Absolutely.  I do not care, and I am still convincing myself that Tim Thomas is a closet Nazi.

This is because I really, really, really hate Boston. It stems from several occurrences in my life. 1) Before the Sawx won the World Series in 2004, I always despised the way Boston fans bitched and moaned about the epic baseball championship drought. Their other three professional sports teams had combined for 24 total championships, compared the giant ZERO my teams have experienced. I viewed them as spoiled brats. (Sidenote: I realize that some people are only Red Sox fans, and those people I am usually willing to let it slide.) 2) I have only been to Boston twice, and both times it was a terrible experience. People were rude, it smelled like fish, and a guy named Tommy threatened to hit me because I was wearing a Cubs hat…seriously. I was walking down the street, nowhere near Fenway and this brooding giant says "I should smack your face off for wearing that hat in my town". I have no idea if his name was Tommy but it seems like a safe assumption. 3) All of their franchises are incredibly easy to hate. Even Boston fans can admit to this. Brady, Belichick, Schilling, Papelbon, Chara, Garnett…I hate all of these guys. ESPECIALLY THAT NAZI LOVING TIM THOMAS! END RANT!No congrats from this guy. I am going to stay bitter and continue with my plot to place lite brights all over the city of Boston. That seems to scare them.

-On to Vancouver. I know they were totally whiny during the playoffs and it made them hard to root for. Luongo is jack-wagon and the Sedin twins are b-i-otches. I get this. That is why last night I DVR’d the game and watched True Grit in the park while chugging back a magnum of wine. I did not want either team to win, and after seeing the way all of those douche-nozzle fans reacted after the loss, I wish that both teams would have been abducted by the Super 8 alien and held hostage in a dark cave, forcing the NHL to allow Tampa Bay and San Jose play for the cup. That would have been stupendous.

-Brian Bund of Buffalowins wrote a great post earlier today telling hockey fans to relax.  I agreed with most of what he had to say (not so much about the Two & A Half Men being a good show part, sorry Brian). After I read it, we briefly chatted on twitter and the point came up that we as fans (old AND new) have become way too dismissive of other fans. When the hell did this “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality take over? Seeing some of these twitter battles take place reminds me of losers like Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, and every shmuck on Around The Horn. How about making valid points and not dismissing everyone with sarcasm and a know-it-all attitude?  We are better than this people! I know our site is mostly based in humor and we RARELY act like we actually know what we are talking about, but there is an insane amount of knowledge in the heads of the assholes that run this blog and when we want to make a point, we will. I guarantee none of us will just say “whatever, you’re an idiot” or tell people that they don’t know anything about hockey or any sport for that matter because we are in a pissy mood.  A blog or a message board account gives you a platform to speak your mind in any way, shape, or form you would like, however if you take the “well I’m right, and you’re wrong” route, prepare to be dismantled. I’m not keeping the Yachtsman on a leash anymore. You’ve been warned.

-I just realized everything I previously wrote may completely contradict itself. Oh well, eff it. Hopefully you got my point.

-I know I can be a real pain in the ass with self promotion, but seriously if you have not checked out episode nine of the CrapTastiCast yet, please download it and take a listen. I still can’t believe Nick Mendola agreed to talk to us. He is such a great figure for Buffalo and the interview touches on some amazing points involving the city. We appreciate all the readers of the site and if you could spread the word on that interview, we would be in your debt.

-The Buffalo Sabres Blogger Summit is happening today at 6:30pm. I have to admit that the whole thing is pretty cool. I’d like to see some more snarkiness and cynicism on the invite list, but that’s because we here at DGWU are total jerk-offs. We know that Phil at BBG will be our proxy and representing us in a much more sophisticated and less douchey manner (he doesn't know this, and I am totally making it up).  Honestly though, I am glad that the whole thing is taking place, and this blog never thought we would ever be invited. We have absolutely no right to be there. First of all, we are all in NYC and possibly a little out of touch with Buffalo. Second, have you read this site or listened to our podcast? Holy hell we are a natural disaster of immense proportions. Yachtsman would be screaming at Ted Black about the locker rooms not being ready in time for free agency and that somehow it is a conspiracy involving Larry Quinn.  Apologist would be so baked we would start asking questions about Dirk Nowitzki and would most likely walk out mid-conference to grab some Jim's Steak Out. Barrister would be at least seven shots of Jameson deep and telling creepy, childhood church camp stories. And Finally, I would be asking questions like “how much tail does Timmy Connolly REALLY pull on an average weekend?”, or maybe “What’s it like to hang out with Matt Ellis? Is it true smell like oak and fresh pine needles?” See what I mean? DISASTER.

-Which brings me to a very important announcement: Since we have no business being at the Sabre Summit, I decided to create our own. I am proud to bring to you, tonight at 7pm not sharp, the 2011 NYC Sabre Summit. The conference will feature yours truly and the rest of the DGWU Crew, as well as Joe from Buffalowins and maybe some other special guests! (Hint: I have reached out to Bob Corkum’s people aka his mom) The Summit will take place at Drop-Off Service on 211 Avenue A and will feature delicious craft beers, shots of Irish whiskey, and zero journalistic integrity. As Brian Bund said to me earlier, “NYC Sabre Summit: Where drinking makes you forget you’re not at the real summit.”

Cheers everyone. Enjoy the blogger takeover today, and make sure you clean your mom’s basement before you head over to HSBC (nerd jokes!). And if you see Matt Ellis, tell him I said hi and NO, I WILL NOT STOP SENDING HIM LETTERS UNTIL HE RESPONDS!

Remember to follow us on twitter @DGWUSports

And yours truly on twitter @TheScizz

The Barrister

With the Gold Cup just around the corner, FC Buffalo's season now underway, the Women's World Cup on the horizon later this month - and the Mets struggling to even be watchable - soccer will be getting some pretty consistent coverage over the next couple months.  The Yachtsman - previously the sole promoter of the Beautiful Game here on DGWU Sports - has been without internet access for about a week now, so after a big weekend of Buffalo and National Team games, I'll take this opportunity to recap the action. And, with the US Men's National Team opening Gold Cup play Tuesday vs. Canada, while I'm at Citi Field enjoying a live friendly between Greece and Ecuador, make sure to check back later this week for recaps of those games as well.

Spain 4, USA 0: Warm-up Game or Not, Americans Embarass Themselves in Front of a Record Crowd at Gillette Stadium

For my first footy roundup, this game was slated to be the main attraction - actually the only game I'd be able to watch, what with a pretty busy schedule and the 400 odd miles between my apartment and All-High Stadium in Buffalo. Now I just feel depressed spending this much time thinking about it.  DEAR LORD I HATE YOU FERNANDO TORRES. I HOPE YOU CATCH THE PLAGUE.

There, I feel marginally better.

Despite the fact that the USMNT took a victory away the last time these two teams played, we all knew this Spanish squad would be tough to beat again, particularly as they're still riding high from their World Cup win last summer.  I also know that the US team had a recent string of, well, shitty results. Sure, they drew against Argentina, but they also drew against Chile and lost to Paraguay.  Not bad teams - in fact, Chile has cracked the top 10 in the world rankings in the past year - but still disappointing given the high that US fans were on coming off of last year's group win in South Africa.  In essence, I wasn't expecting too much on Saturday, but was at least hoping for something watchable.

Unfortunately, the match brought the team's recent record into sharper focus, as Spain exposed the US side's many flaws - on both ends - and embarrassed the team and its record-setting crowd of supporters in Foxboro with a lopsided 4-0 beatdown.  Hell, I'm used to seeing my team go to Gillette Stadium with optimism for an upset and lay a turd, but even this was shocking. Four - nil is bad, and it could have easily been much, much worse.

In case you missed it, well, you're lucky. I'll give you the Spanish language version of the highlights so we don't have to listen to John Harkes try to convince us that they did it better in his day.

Now, I know they were playing with reserves in a lot of positions - trying to avoid injury before the "games that matter" begin this week, as well as missing a few key guys due to injuries - but, honestly, those reserves are still part of a group that represents THE BEST PLAYERS WE HAVE IN THIS COUNTRY. They're still professionals, and they should still be good enough to, I don't know, mark players in the box and make sure Spanish strikers don't get uncontested looks from 11 yards out. Tim Howard, as good as he is, was laid out to dry all afternoon, and his frustration showed. And, the reserves issue doesn't begin to explain or excuse the continued absence of any legitimate strikers on this team.  Simply put, until the US team gets a striker who can shoot the ball without hesitation and with the touch of a pure scorer, we better get used to these mixed results in international play.  This is where the US team has failed in recent years, and - even though a goal or two wouldn't have helped on Saturday - the lack of a pure scorer playing the forward position was one of the glaring holes against Spain. I can't count how many times someone got a decent through ball - actually, I can count...it wasn't that many...maybe two - only to have the player hesitate, look to pass, or just look clueless. Here's an idea: SHOOT THE BALL. Maybe it goes in, maybe it goes wide, but until the US players start believing that that they have the talent to finish, we'll be dealing with a lot of games like this.

This US Team is a string of disappointments, frankly, and unless they can muster up the pride to make a run at winning the Gold Cup, it may be time to show Bob Bradley the door and bring in some international coaching talent to shake this squad up.  At a certain point, with the national development of the game, and the instances where we've seen the US play some decent, competitive football against the best in the world, games like Saturday's just aren't acceptable.

That said, they can bounce back with a great result tomorrow night against Canada and prove me wrong. Just do it, Yanks. 

FC Buffalo 2, Pocono Snow 0; FC Buffalo 1, Erie Douch...er.... Admirals 2: The Blitzers Split their Home Games and Remain In the Keystone Conference Hunt

Needless to say, I didn't watch either of these games, but the interwebs did keep me in the loop.  Salvaging my Saturday night after the USMNT debacle were our dear FC Buffalo Blitzers, who got a solid win against the Pocono Snow. I'll refrain from any cocaine-related jokes (after all, I never did like it when people said I went to "Snow-Bart and William Sniff Colleges"), and just say that it seemed like the team really hit their stride with Saturday evening's match. A clean sheet is always a team effort, and it was encoruaging to hear that the team got one for their first home win.  Incidentally, spirits surrounging this game were also brightened today when I saw a Pocono player's twitter love for FC Buffalo's team and fans.

The good vibes surrounding the Pocono match were decidedly NOT repeated in the Sunday matinee against Erie - a 2-1 loss. Reports of the game via Nick Mendola, FC Buffalo co-owner and President, made it clear that the Admirals were doing their best Greg Louganis impersonations throughout the afternoon, thus securing themselves with a 1st half PK and an ultimate victory.  Despite that, it was certainly nice to see Nick hold on to the concept of quality football over the stereotypes that so often define this under-appreciated sport in America. 

As if Erie's asinine on-field antics weren't bad enough, in response to a FB post on FC Buffalo's page last night, a few players from the Erie team went trolling, accomplishing little apart from (1) making themselves look like asses, and (2) ensuring that members of The Situation Room will be making the trip down I-90 for the revenge match later this summer.  In particular, Danny Muidd and Biran Fitzgerald, I'm looking at you two DBs:

My sources - aka some tweeps who actually get to go to games (my jealousy runs deep, friends) - have informed me that there was some sort of spat regarding the goalkeeper - Dan Mudd - talking some shit about USA, and some Blitzer supporter putting him in his place. So our dear pal Danny took it upon himself to fight back with some semi-coherent points - including a mischaracterization of FC Buffalo's length of existence - and then was backed up by his teammate Mr. Fitzgerald. Whatever. They won, so their points necessarily carry weight, even if they are showing themselves to be morons incapable of using google for some basic info.

Speaking of Google, it tells me that Dan Mudd is actually an awful human being who steered Fannie Mae into $2.2 billion in losses over a three monin 2008. Wait, not the same "Dan Mudd?" Says who? I can't verify that online, so I'm going to assume google is telling me the truth. THANKS A LOT DANNY, YOU LOVER OF SANTORUM (the substance, nor the Senator...). Enjoy your fucking government bailout and your win. The real Americans from Buffalo will make sure to pack their whoopin' sticks when they travel down to your pathetic excuse of a Great Lakes town.  As for me, I'll make sure to spread the word about you and your classlessness, ensuring that the five people who read this blog taunt you with every breath they take.

USA 1, Mexico 0: The USWNT steals a late winner in their send off before the 2011 Women's World Cup

Having already gone through enough analysis with little to no respect for the fact that I didn't watch the games I'm talking about, I'll keep my comments about the USWNT's game versus rivals Mexico on Sunday brief.  While the Men's team was a sure underdog on Saturday, the Women's team was the exact opposite. Heading into stoppage time in the second frame, still knotted at zeros, the result was looking just as much of an embarassment as the Spain result the day before. The ladies, playing their final game on home soil before heading abroad for the World Cup later this month in Germany - where they hope to regain the Cup after two cycles of 3rd place finishes and German champions - looked less than stellar, well, until this happened.

Hey, USMNT - take some GODDAMN NOTES. Say all you want about the fact that they're women - sexist jerks - but that was a world-class strike. They keep doing that, and we could all be in for a treat when the matches in Germany get under way.

So there you have it, friends. A full weekend of football, with a healthy mix of success and failure to keep us fans interested, but not hopeful; to keep us watching, but never forgetful of the motto - Dear God, Why Us?

Check back later this week for reports and pictures from Citi Field's hosting of Ecuador and Greece, as well as thoughts on the USMNT as they open Gold Cup play against Canada.

Follow me on Twitter @theycallmedubs
And the Dear God, Why Us? Crew @DGWUSports