In the wake of such a joyous victory, it’s probably no surprise that it’s taken a little longer to get a recap up. Words are simply insufficient to express the happiness with which I take every step throughout the Tri-State knowing that my beloved squad has vanquished such an annoying and petulant team from the nether regions of Douchebagistan, New Jersey.
Either that, or the Apologist offered to do the recap and then got burnt out by over-thinking it and now I am diligently picking up his fucking predictable slack.
That really was a great game. The first of its kind this year: a convincing win by the Bills; the result never really in doubt beyond half time. Sure, many fans, including a few in my living room, expected the game to fall apart when the Jets finally put a touchdown on the board, but those efforts by Gangrene, excuse me Gang_Green, were woefully insufficient compared to the kind of day Buffalo was having. Fucking unreal, totally unexpected, and still has me tingling from head to toe a day and half later.
Bullet points await!!
Congrats! You are a Bills fan! Everyone loses!!!
It has been awhile since I posted my last QB suckitude rant
, so sticking with the theme of controversy that has engulfed this site over the past week, I might as well jump into one of the biggest in-fighting arguments among fans to ever hit One Bills Drive; Doug Flutie Vs. Rob Johnson. There are several key points that need to be discussed about this so-called "rivalry". First of all, it has to be considered one of the saddest QB controversies of all-time. While New England had Brady/Bledsoe and San Diego had Brees/Rivers, the Bills had a 40 year-old CFL player and and a completely unproven kid with no starting experience. At this point I would have killed for a Simms/Hostetler. I have always said since then, that no matter what side of the rivalry you were on, everyone lost. Neither player was ever the answer to the Bills' QB future. You want to argue which one was better for them in the "now"? Go right ahead, but to say either one was the future leader of the franchise means that you are strictly insane and should go back to starting your Casey Anthony fan-club. Second, and I know I'm going to take a ton of shit from the rest of the crew for this one, but I was a Rob Johnson guy. Yup. There it is. First step is admitting your problem. Let me make it perfectly clear though. I never hated Flutie. I loved the guy and like everyone else in Buffalo I had several hundred boxes of Flutie Flakes stored away (seriously, people treated those things like rare currency). My obsession at the time was about the previously mentioned "future" of the franchise. Despite never winning a Super Bowl, the Buffalo teams of the 90's had spoiled me. I was used to that team winning all the time and after the fail that was Todd Collins, I needed a new Jim Kelly. Forget that the Bills were a playoff team in 1999, I was only thinking about the next four years of Super Bowl runs and MVP trophies for my new quarterback. As I have said many times before, Jim Kelly was and still is my favorite player, and the cockiness that Rob Johnson displayed may have reminded me a bit of 'ole Jimbo. Of course I confused cockiness with pure douche-baggery. What can I say? I was a dumb, immature college Freshman and I wanted Rob Johnson to be the man SO badly. I was convinced that this "upside" you kept hearing about on ESPN would lead the franchise to the promise-land. I was so convinced that I was totally O.K. with Buffalo BENCHING the guy who got them to the playoffs in the first place, Flutie. In retrospect I realize what a total idiot I was and writing this is a bit cathartic. HOWEVER, do not tell me that if Flutie started that game against Tennessee that Buffalo would have won. That is an argument for Mom's and and the old drunk guy at the end of the bar who doesn't know who Gale Gilbert is. FACT.
How could I have possibly thought that this guy was the future of the organization? Ugh.
But now I'm getting off-track, so let's go to the numbers.
Johnson: Record: 9 - 17 Rating: 85.8 Yds: 4798 Comp. %: 60.5 TD: 27 INT: 17
There are a couple of interesting things to think about as you look at those numbers. The record first and foremost shows his total ineptitude as a leader. No matter what talents he had, he could not win games, and much of this has to do with a category that I didn't include. Sacks and hurries. Johnson was constantly holding on to the ball too long or leaving the pocket too early. He was J.P. Losman before J.P. Losman was.
What always gets me is that stupid QB rating. Of all quarterbacks since #12, nobody touches Johnson in that category. In fact, if you take away the win/loss record and look at the rest of those numbers, they look pretty solid for a starter. Not amazing, but better than most of the shit we have had to deal with over the past 10 years. Then there are Flutie's numbers:
Flutie: Record: 21 -9 Rating: 81.7 Yds: 7582 Comp. %: 56.3 TD: 47 INT: 30
Not bad. Especially that record. Flutie found ways to win games and Johnson found ways to lose them. Again, the 2000 playoff game was not left in his hands in the final moments, but besides that, Johnson could not close on his own. Flutie was the guy people played for and Rob Johnson was the arrogant guy who felt self-entitled and pushed players away. Now of course as always, these are sweeping generalizations that have become pretty common on this site, but you have to know what I mean. For example, every single picture I found on google images of Rob Johnson made me want to punch him in the neck. Whereas with Flutie, no douchey pictures at all.
Alright maybe one. But as you look at Flutie's numbers it is obvious that he was the most successful QB after Jim Kelly. I will not argue with that. I wish that I would have seen things that way back in 1999 and lived in the moment instead of imagining championships that would never be. I will stand pat on my argument that Flutie was NOT the future. Not saying that Robbie Jo-Jo was either, but its not like Flutie went on to dominate elsewhere. In four seasons as a San Diego Charger he went 8-14, including that awful 5-11 year in 2001 as the full-time starter. He became a solid go to back-up, but Doug Flutie was never a guy that was going to hoist the Lombardi trophy above his head as a Buffalo Bill. First of all it is way to heavy for him, and second, that was what Drew Bledsoe was for....oh wait.
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"Make that TWO double quarter-pounders and TWO large chocolate shakes." YEAH! FAT JOKES!
I bet you didn’t realize that Alex freakin’ Van Pelt spent NINE seasons with the Buffalo Bills as a back-up QB of some capacity. I sure as hell didn’t. However, as I started researching these posts it all came back to me. You know what? I always LOVED Alex van Pelt. There was something about the guy that made him extremely likable. Of course it was never his talents as a QB for the Bills, which you can clearly see from his stat lines below: Record: 3 - 8 Rating: 64.1 Yds: 2985 Comp. %: 54.9 TD: 16 INT: 24
I believe it was Van Pelt’s “I don’t really give a shit” attitude that he exuded. Not a "I really don't give a shit because I am getting paid loads of cash and I am 110% bat-shit insane" attitude like Vince Young. And definitely
not a "I don't really give a shit because I am going to torch you for 400 yards and 5 TD's" attitude like Tom Brady. He was overweight for a QB (this was well before the hefty lefty, Jarden Lorenzen had entered the league), never appeared frightened or scared when he had to enter a game, and seemed to be utterly amazed that he was even on an NFL franchise. Now as always, this is based on absolutely no fact and only on what I remember of the guy (The DGWU way!), but I am certain Van Pelt never expected to be in the league for nine years.
Van Pelt was THE MAN at the University Pittsburgh and broke almost all of Dan Marino’s passing records, another obvious reason why I like him. He then started out as an 8th round draft pick of his hometown Pittsburgh Steelers in 1993, but never made the opening day roster. He bounced around to a couple of teams before he ended up as a Buffalo Bill, backing up future hall-of-famer Jim Kelly and last week’s target, Todd Collins. AVP, as the DGWU crew like to refer to him, actually threw two touchdowns during week 17 in relief of Todd Collins after the Bills went down 28-3 in the 4th quarter.
AVP then became the back-up QB by default in 1997 after Billy Joe Hobert famously forgot to read the playbook
and was subsequently released. After that, the rest was history and Van Pelt earned his place on the roster for years to come. He started 8 games in 2001, going 2-6 after Rob Johnson went 1-7. (Wow that was a tough year, but does anyone remember that awesome Monday night win over Jacksonville? Anyone? Bueller? Oh forget it.)
Yet despite an awful stat line and his eventual downfall as both the future Buffalo Bills color-man and offensive coordinator
, I will always have a place in my heart for AVP. This is most likely because his initials are eerily similar to one of the best professional wrestlers of all time, and serve as a great excuse to display the picture below. ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
The photo-shop skills of the Apologist, ladies and gentleman.
And of course this GIF....
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