“To truly hate is an art one learns with time.” 

-Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The Scizz

Enough with the happiness. I feel like being miserable. Every time I let my guard down when positive situations continue to occur within the organizations I cheer for, something terrible happens and my soul is crushed. So, with the Sabres streaking into the eighth playoff seed, and Ralph Wilson and the Buffalo Bills finally opening up their wallets to fix the team, I need to even things out. It's time for some good old fashioned H-A-T-E. Rage Storms keep me regular.

I'm as excited as the next guy about the signings of Mario Williams and Mark Anderson to anchor the d-line. I'm thrilled for the re-signings of key UFA's like Stevie Johnson and Scott Chandler. Hell, I'm even pumped up to see some of my favorite role-players, like Bryan Scott back in the mix. HOWEVERZ, there are still numerous Buffalo Bills players that I'd prefer to never see in a Bills uniform for the rest of eternity. This is for them.

5. Roscoe Parrish - I fully understand that Parrish is a free agent and his career is probably not only done for the Bills, but for the entire NFL, but Buddy still makes me nervous with his love for "offensive toys". He just re-signed Tashard Choice for fuck's sake. My new found dislike for Roscoe is three fold. First, he hasn't played a full season since 2007 because of injuries. When you are smaller and weigh less than every member of the Buffalo Jills, a full 16 game season will never be in reach.

Second, seeing him play always reminds me that he was, in fact, our top pick in 2005 due to the previous year's trading of the 1st round pick for J.P. Losman. Ugh. Fuck that scene.

Finally, I actually own a Parrish jersey. After Bledsoe left the Bills, I didn't feel like spending the money on a new jersey, so a friend had somebody back in Buffalo remove the "Bledsoe" and toss a "Parrish on the #11 for a few bucks. Great idea. I'd rather have the Bledsoe jersey now. That's what I get for being a cheap asshole like Ralph.


4. Lee Smith, Mike Caussin, Kevin Brock, Fendi Onobun - No, it is not the 1982 Los Angeles Dodgers bullpen, these are the other Tight Ends on the roster. Seriously. I'm happy as hell that Scott Chandler finally looks like the answer at TE the team has been looking for since Metzelaars, but is this really the best we can do for back-ups? C'mon, Buddy. I know this is not a top priority, but I'm sure Desmond Clark isn't doing anything important right now. 

3. Terrance McGee - Restructuring his contract was lovely, but honestly, what other real choices did he have? Most likely the front office would of cut him loose if he didn't, and on the open market, McGee probably would have got no more than a little over the league minimum. He is not who we once thought he was. Almost as injury prone as Parrish, McGee is one of those guys who will end his career with Buffalo, if only because no other team will take a chance on his frail body. Speaking of which, if he loses any more weight, I fully expect lil' 'ole Terrance to get ripped in half in the end-zone, ala the only entertaining scene from Not Another Teen Movie.

2. Chris Kelsay - Ah yes, the great white joke. With Mario Williams joining Kyle Williams and Biggie Smalls Dareus, everyone thinks Kelsay will get to have a big season. I mean, even I have said that this fucker will probably lead the team in sacks with all the double-teams elsewhere, but that doesn't mean I still don't hate him. Nobody has EVER been able to justify all of the awful contracts he has signed, and fuck that "high motor guy" bullshit. High motor for Kelsay means he is really good at running into the backfield and right by the Quarterback, who simply has to take one step up in the pocket to avoid him. 

I've heard people say he is valuable because of his run stopping skills, which is a joke. I've seen him get ran over more than any other Bill on the roster during the last several seasons. He's garbage, has always been garbage, and will always be garbage. I'd rather see guys like Spencer Johnson and Alex Carrington get the reps this season. Hell, even Thwomp himself, Shawne Merriman has more upside in my eyes now.....well, maybe that's a bit too far.

1. Leodis McKelvin - OVER IT. I wanted to forgive you for costing the Bills that win against the Patriots in 2009, I really did. But now I wish those kids not only vandalized your lawn, but your face too. Leodis is officially a BUST. His retrun game is uneven, especially due to fumbles, and his coverage is fucking awful. His stone hands have cost the team so many picks, it's unreal, but that's only when he gets in position to make interceptions, which is rare. He is the king of blown coverage, and over the last couple of seasons, guys like Reggie Corner and Justin Rogers constantly outplay him. Yet, here he is with not only a roster spot, but a consistent starting position. I decided to make a quick list of people I'd rather start over Leodis McKelvin.

1. A 60 lbs overweight Nate Odomes
2. Matt Ellis
3. The guy who played "Sweet Chuck" in the Police Academy movies
4. The exhumed body of Dick Lane
5. Tim Tebow


I leave with you with my man Augie Garrido, who would coach for both the Bills and Sabres in his spare time if it was up to me.

The Barrister

Tuesday night, hopped up on a questionable cup of post-11 pm iced coffee, I put together a post about our Bills and Sabres in which I talked about the weirdness of the current state of things. Around 2 am, my laptop froze and I lost yet another post. It's altogether possible - nay, likely - that it was awful. Meh.

Well, after a long ass Wednesday, topped off with a CrapTastiCast that is equal parts drivel and dick jokes, as well as a Sabres game that wasn't that much different, I've struggled through my morning with not a little bit of rage and there are a few things I need to unleash here on the Deeg,

I just assume hit you all with some bullet points. Needless to say, while I'll do my best to be coherent, this may be all over the place.

• Ryan Miller, I hope you're in there somewhere, because that was a rough outing. To be frank, you reminded me of those afternoons when I'd play goalie and get absolutely lit up in hockey at Gloria J. Parks. I was awful, and so were you. Good news is that you can fix it. Get angry, imagine Bucky Gleason being eaten alive by flesh-eating ants, and find your form. We all like it more when you're great.
  
• Sabres fan base (myself and my Deeg compatriots included*), STFU about Miller needing to be benched long term and about that interview he gave last night. Take a moment and understand that Miller got embarrassed last night. He is a world-class goaltender, without dispute, and he's a player full of pride. He's also a player who is consistently disinterested with "saying the right things" in an interview when he's really stewing over a loss. That anger and firm desire to get better and do better is, as has been apparent from watching him for a half-dozen years, what motivates him. If you want to sit back and require him to apologize to fans in some moment of penitence, you are asking him to change one of the things that makes him great. We already have Jason Pominville for the perfect soundbite about "the fans deserve better, we can be better" fluff comments. That's why he's the goddamn captain. Seriously Sabre fans, if you love this team at all, stop being so fucking absurd.  (*neither me nor the rest of the league need to STFU. We're awesome.)
•  It's November 3rd, and the Sabres are 6-5. That is not good. But, with a team still settling into the season with a lot of new faces, there is no credible argument that this team is no good and is destined for failure yet again. I mention this only because there are plenty of Sabres fans and media personalities making this argument, or some absurd version of it, with a straight face and no hint of self-awareness. Not to mention the following facts: (a) The Sabres are in 8th place, with games in hand over many of the teams above them in the East, including two games in hand over the first place Penguins who are only 6 points ahead. (b) Through 11 games last year, the Sabres were 3-6-2. Yeah, I like this version of the team better, too.
• Despite much of my rage being aimed at a seemingly asinine fan base who can't fully utilize the blessings of rational thought, and despite the fact that - as I noted above - it's too fucking early, and the team is still pretty ok, for us all to sound off against the summer signings, this must be said: WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING VILLE? Up against your old team, with a chance to show some fire on the ice and prove that you might just be worth the Scrooge McDuck piles of hydrofracking gold that Terry is dropping off to your home every couple weeks, and you are one of the most invisible guys on the ice. In case you haven't noticed, you have lucked out by being signed by one of the best franchises in the league with one of the best fan bases. You have before you a community of hockey fans who are itching to cheer their asses off for you, and all you need to do is just show us something. We don't even need gaudy numbers, we just need some fucking effort. I know you got used to the shit fanbase in Philly and their tendency towards verbal and physical violence when they don't see championships, but you're playing for a different kind of fan now.  We lived for years on a hard-working, Mike Peca-led team with no talent outside of the goaltended position. Try hard, Ville, and you'll be a god to us. SO FUCKING DO IT.
• Pat Kaleta may get suspended for head-butting / head-ramming some tool from the Flyers in the face. The video is here. Suspension or not, I'm pretty sure there should be exceptions written into the NHL Rulebook so that head shots could be excused when the vicitmized player has a midget fetish. Now, I'm not saying that Voracek likes little people. I'm just sayin'.
  

There, I feel better. To be honest, as angry and frustrated as I am about these, and other, things in Sabreland, there remains plenty to be cautiously happy about, and I hope this team puts a string of wins together so we can go back to talking about how great Vanek-Adam-Pominville are playing, and about how we love watching itty-bitty Nathan Gerbe prove night after night that he deserves to be in the league. With games coming up against the bottom-dwelling Flames and over-achieving Senators, your guess is as good as mine with respect to whether this Sabres team bounces back with a couple of games that help us to turn off our rage.


Like what I said? Hate it? Think I'm a sanctimonious pile of shit? (me too!!)
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