Enter the Douche-Nozzle.
Hey folks, the Scizz here. As you may have noticed over the last few months, the founders of this lovely blog have been mostly M.I.A. as life has beckoned them away to other important things like weddings, work, and extreme alcohol consumption. Although we have added a few new team members to keep the ball rolling, keeping up with content is always an issue when you have no real deadlines or detailed editing process. Therefore, when a certain gentleman from WNY whom was just fired from his job contacted us to write a quick post, we desperately said yes BECAUSE WE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR PAGE HITS.
Enter the Douche-Nozzle.
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at firstname.lastname@example.org, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.
I made it back from the Thanksgiving pilgrimage to my childhood home, and boy do things there never change. Except my father made me install a new glass door with my brother, and boy did it almost fall on me and permanently disfigure my face. Plus I even got to meet The Outlander! I have finally met every Deeg-er and boy are we more hilarious and inappropriate in person. The written word does not do enough justice. I'll be home for Christmas too, and I'm planning on hitting an Amerks game. Look me up, I'll probably even buy you a beer because holy tits I forgot how cheap beer can be, no but seriously wow.
Still smarting from Sunday's Week 1 debacle? Still want to wallow a little more, while simultaneously having your favorite blowhards serenade your ear holes with ill-formed arguments, rage storms and jokes about strippers?
Of course you do.
The Deeg was in attendance at MetLife this weekend. While the Bills couldn't be bothered to bring their A Game, we showed up to fucking play. And play we did.
That was creepy.
With a short pregame segment and a doggie bag full of hot takes from our ultimate, postgame trip back to the five boroughs, we discuss our terrible squad, undersized jerseys, canine cunnilingus, needle dick Jets fans, dick-hatted state troopers, and the presumptive end of the Ryan Fitzbeardy Era at One Bills Drive.
Recorded on an iPhone, what we lack in technical quality, we make up in faceless internet potshots.
Musical interludes by Buffalo hip hop duo Kinda Like Dreamin, the Violent Femmes and Queen.
Download here or here, (iTunes link pending) and stream below.
The Barrister & The Scizz
It was a rainy, misty, shitty day in New York City on Thursday. The perfect setting for our second installment of Infinite Sadness, one of the peripheral cogs in the Deeg Podcast Industries. Scizz, still sitting in the solitude of his sobriety, and I, still sitting in my own sweat and overworked misery, got together via Skype to discuss some of the more recent sports news that makes us infinitely sad.
While the arc of our conversation is often tangential, we touch on the NHL playoffs and how it's been to watch hockey suddenly get big in the big market of NYC, and then have a reflective discussion on how unsurprised we are to see that the Buffalo Sabres have not invited us and our stockpile of dick jokes to attend next month's Blogger Summit. Hint: It's Scizz's fault. Second Hint: It's also Alex Sulzer's fault.
This was a ton of fun to make, as always, and includes musical interludes from Incubus, Ben Folds Five and Biggie Smalls. Enjoy by streaming or downloading below.
“To truly hate is an art one learns with time.”
-Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Enough with the happiness. I feel like being miserable. Every time I let my guard down when positive situations continue to occur within the organizations I cheer for, something terrible happens and my soul is crushed. So, with the Sabres streaking into the eighth playoff seed, and Ralph Wilson and the Buffalo Bills finally opening up their wallets to fix the team, I need to even things out. It's time for some good old fashioned H-A-T-E. Rage Storms keep me regular.
I'm as excited as the next guy about the signings of Mario Williams and Mark Anderson to anchor the d-line. I'm thrilled for the re-signings of key UFA's like Stevie Johnson and Scott Chandler. Hell, I'm even pumped up to see some of my favorite role-players, like Bryan Scott back in the mix. HOWEVERZ, there are still numerous Buffalo Bills players that I'd prefer to never see in a Bills uniform for the rest of eternity. This is for them.
5. Roscoe Parrish - I fully understand that Parrish is a free agent and his career is probably not only done for the Bills, but for the entire NFL, but Buddy still makes me nervous with his love for "offensive toys". He just re-signed Tashard Choice for fuck's sake. My new found dislike for Roscoe is three fold. First, he hasn't played a full season since 2007 because of injuries. When you are smaller and weigh less than every member of the Buffalo Jills, a full 16 game season will never be in reach.
Second, seeing him play always reminds me that he was, in fact, our top pick in 2005 due to the previous year's trading of the 1st round pick for J.P. Losman. Ugh. Fuck that scene.
Finally, I actually own a Parrish jersey. After Bledsoe left the Bills, I didn't feel like spending the money on a new jersey, so a friend had somebody back in Buffalo remove the "Bledsoe" and toss a "Parrish on the #11 for a few bucks. Great idea. I'd rather have the Bledsoe jersey now. That's what I get for being a cheap asshole like Ralph.
4. Lee Smith, Mike Caussin, Kevin Brock, Fendi Onobun - No, it is not the 1982 Los Angeles Dodgers bullpen, these are the other Tight Ends on the roster. Seriously. I'm happy as hell that Scott Chandler finally looks like the answer at TE the team has been looking for since Metzelaars, but is this really the best we can do for back-ups? C'mon, Buddy. I know this is not a top priority, but I'm sure Desmond Clark isn't doing anything important right now.
3. Terrance McGee - Restructuring his contract was lovely, but honestly, what other real choices did he have? Most likely the front office would of cut him loose if he didn't, and on the open market, McGee probably would have got no more than a little over the league minimum. He is not who we once thought he was. Almost as injury prone as Parrish, McGee is one of those guys who will end his career with Buffalo, if only because no other team will take a chance on his frail body. Speaking of which, if he loses any more weight, I fully expect lil' 'ole Terrance to get ripped in half in the end-zone, ala the only entertaining scene from Not Another Teen Movie.
2. Chris Kelsay - Ah yes, the great white joke. With Mario Williams joining Kyle Williams and Biggie Smalls Dareus, everyone thinks Kelsay will get to have a big season. I mean, even I have said that this fucker will probably lead the team in sacks with all the double-teams elsewhere, but that doesn't mean I still don't hate him. Nobody has EVER been able to justify all of the awful contracts he has signed, and fuck that "high motor guy" bullshit. High motor for Kelsay means he is really good at running into the backfield and right by the Quarterback, who simply has to take one step up in the pocket to avoid him.
I've heard people say he is valuable because of his run stopping skills, which is a joke. I've seen him get ran over more than any other Bill on the roster during the last several seasons. He's garbage, has always been garbage, and will always be garbage. I'd rather see guys like Spencer Johnson and Alex Carrington get the reps this season. Hell, even Thwomp himself, Shawne Merriman has more upside in my eyes now.....well, maybe that's a bit too far.
1. Leodis McKelvin - OVER IT. I wanted to forgive you for costing the Bills that win against the Patriots in 2009, I really did. But now I wish those kids not only vandalized your lawn, but your face too. Leodis is officially a BUST. His retrun game is uneven, especially due to fumbles, and his coverage is fucking awful. His stone hands have cost the team so many picks, it's unreal, but that's only when he gets in position to make interceptions, which is rare. He is the king of blown coverage, and over the last couple of seasons, guys like Reggie Corner and Justin Rogers constantly outplay him. Yet, here he is with not only a roster spot, but a consistent starting position. I decided to make a quick list of people I'd rather start over Leodis McKelvin.
1. A 60 lbs overweight Nate Odomes
2. Matt Ellis
3. The guy who played "Sweet Chuck" in the Police Academy movies
4. The exhumed body of Dick Lane
5. Tim Tebow
I leave with you with my man Augie Garrido, who would coach for both the Bills and Sabres in his spare time if it was up to me.
Tuesday night, hopped up on a questionable cup of post-11 pm iced coffee, I put together a post about our Bills and Sabres in which I talked about the weirdness of the current state of things. Around 2 am, my laptop froze and I lost yet another post. It's altogether possible - nay, likely - that it was awful. Meh.
Well, after a long ass Wednesday, topped off with a CrapTastiCast that is equal parts drivel and dick jokes, as well as a Sabres game that wasn't that much different, I've struggled through my morning with not a little bit of rage and there are a few things I need to unleash here on the Deeg,
I just assume hit you all with some bullet points. Needless to say, while I'll do my best to be coherent, this may be all over the place.
Like what I said? Hate it? Think I'm a sanctimonious pile of shit? (me too!!)
Leave a comment below, or tell me I'm an idiot on Twitter. Faceless Internet Potshots FTW.