The Barrister


I am making a pact to not spend more than twenty minutes on putting this quick ragestorm of a post together because, honestly, the Buffalo Bills can go die in a fire for all I care. (Not really please don't move the team I love them inexplicably oh God)

This morning, our 5-7 Buffalo Bills were given a gift. Russel Salvatore, WNY Meat King, agreed to purchase all remaining tickets for the Bills' remaining home games. Apparently, after just one blackout this season, Bills fans are getting bailed out of having to find illegal streams online or listen on the radio or ignore altogether, and the Bills are being bailed out of an ongoing PR nightmare - having to answer questions about ticket sales and TV blackouts without discussing, too much, the underachieving and disappointing team of elephants in the room.

Everybody wins! 

Except, of course, on most weeks, the Buffalo Bills.

Let me preface my anger on this point by expressing good feelings for Mr. Salvatore, though his good deed does little to impact my life living outside of WNY's blackout zone. And, to the extent that these extra tickets are given away and a few thousand people that otherwise would have stayed home make it to the game, I have no gripe.

Nevertheless, the fact that this even has to be done is, and should be, an embarrassment. Yet, those Buffalo Bills are apparently the poorly wrapped and overpriced gift that keeps on giving.

The Apologist

I started writing this with the mindset that there wasn't anything new left to be said about this season. We all know what's gone horribly wrong in a season that started with so much hope. But a dread has crawled into my head and I'm having trouble shaking it.

The offense has become a total joke. Chan's play calling has rivaled some of the worst in Bills history and, Dear God, is that saying something. Fitz doesn't have the guts to stand up to him, let alone the mindset to have any consistency. C.J.'s too young to demand the carries he deserves. Stevie Johnson waited twelve weeks to vent the frustration we've seen brewing all season long, and even then only slightly. They seemingly have lost the will to win. For the second straight game, the embattled defense held their opponent under 21 points. There was a time not long ago when 21 points seemed easy for Fitz & Co. In those eight quarters, the Bills scored seven points on offense. Seven.

As I watched Chan call throw after throw after throw in a game they trailed by one touchdown, I thought to myself, so, this season is done. The relevancy is gone, right? No more "In The Hunt" graphics. The Bills stink. Chan needs to be fired. A new quarterback search must begin. Maybe a new GM while we're at it. Because there's no way they could string together enough victories together to… to…

Oh, God.

He still has a chance to keep his job.

The Yachtsman


As I was marching up the tunnel to MetLife Stadium on Sunday, marveling at how lucky Jet fans were that the Giants built them a new stadium, an asshole in a green jersey started to rail me and the Barrister about losing the Bills. Lost in a haze of hops and kielbasa, I countered with a hoarse, incoherent version of "Buffalo will never lose the Bills!"

Then karmic displacement came and booted me directly in the ass in the form of this article.

Let's not focus on the government coming in and having to help the Bills build a new stadium. That's a foregone conclusion/argument to engage in on some other day. Let's focus on the reality of the situation. The facts are as follows (stipulation that Ralph lives forever): 

- We do not have a remotely competitive stadium in the current NFL climate. 

- The economy of New York State is depressed. 

- The franchise cannot afford to build a stadium because the owner's wealth comes solely from the team. 

- The state, county, and even league will have to help renovate the stadium to keep the Bills viable.

All of this adds up to one giant pile of suck the week before the home opener.

Scizz and Barrister


Much like Chuck Schumer, we love to hear ourselves talk. With the Bills and NFL G4 loans on our minds, we have a little chat about those and more Olympic matters. Scizz defends #NBCFAIL as the "best of the worst" and Barrister vies for @Sam_Hartman's role as Chief Apologist of the DGWU Crew. As usual.

We also gush over our excitement for NASCAR at Watkins Glen this weekend. More on that to follow, of course.

Named and uploaded to comport with our new podcast hosting home at Libsyn, you can also stream this little gem below or download straight from the iTunes (and, while you're there, subscribe to the CrapTastiCast for future Casts and Boner Eps!!) Musical intro is from College featuring Electric Youth off of the awesome Drive soundtrack, and the outro (getting us in the mood for "The Glen") is Blitzen Trapper.

Stay vigilant Buffalo. There's white vans in those woods.