Ladies and Gentleman: Your 2011 Buffalo Bills
I'm not working today. I have a job that allows for some time off during the summer months, and despite pleas from the girlfriend to clean the bathroom, do laundry, and several other chores, I have decided to blog a little today about the coming and goings in NFL free agency.
Now don't get it twisted, I completely agree with everything the Apologist said a couple of days ago. The NFL sucks. I LOVE the Buffalo Bills, but the media coverage, whether it be ESPN, SI, CBS, FOX, or the God forsaken NFL network can eat a metaphorical dick. BUT, with free agency crammed into a few days, there is a lot going on and it is pretty exciting. And by exciting, I mean FUCKING AWFUL BECAUSE BUFFALO IS BOUND TO ONLY GET WORSE! Sorry about that, but as the title of this post says; Fuck you Poz. I cannot believe I woke up this morning and that was the first piece of news that I see. Jacksonville? Really? Shit-hole Jacksonville? WTF POZ??? Word is that money wasn't even an issue and he just straight up picked Diarrhea-ville over Buffalo. You are more comfortable in a 4-3? Why, because you can thrive better making tackles 14 yards downfield after RB's streak by you at the line? Cut your hair hippie.
Alright, that rant was ridiculous. I shouldn't care, but I do for some reason. As I write this, the Yachtsman is texting me and ridiculing me for caring this much for such a shitty player, but what can I say? I get attached to certain players and when they spurn my team I have nonsensical reactions. Both the Gal and I own Poz jerseys and those were the last pieces of Bills merchandise I purchased. Whatever.
Wait. $7 million a year??? Oh shit. Please ignore everything you just read. Except Jacksonville being a the worst place on Earth. That part is true.
Moving on. As the day continues, I will chime in with thoughts on the free agency signings and NFL news that occur. Like Tyler Thigpen as a Buffalo Bill. NEW JERSEY PURCHASE!
Throwing interceptions at a Ralph near you!
10:00 am: Hasselbeck to Tennessee is an amazing deal for both. He needed to get out of Seattle and with Jake Locker on board, the Titans needed a veteran to run the ship until he's ready. I think he still has "it" and Locker might be waiting longer than expected. Plus, does anyone else think Locker is the next J.P. Losman? No? Just me? Alright I'll shut up now.
10:21: Wow. Twitter is shitting on Poz. I'm ok with that, but there are way too many dismissive tweets that are playing the race card in reference to why fans love him. Chris Kelsay is a white LB and I don't know a single person who likes him. Stop making yourself feel better about your position in life. You voted for Obama like the rest of us. You're good.
10:35: McNabb to Minnesota for two 6th rounders. Phenomenal. I mean why not make that move? The guy can still play. I have no evidence to back that up, but I once saw him in an airport.
10:42: I am going to watch Iron Man 2 on Netflix right now. I hate football.
11:22 So the movie never happened. Spent the last 40 minutes texting back and forth with the Yachtsman about wrestling. Cena Vs. Mysterio was awesome and Punk's return to "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour made me erect.
1:52 I just watched the food network for over 2 hours. I'm not worthwile.
1:59 Let us see what NFL new has broke. Kolb to Arizona? Hmmm. I like it. Great move for the Cardinals....unless Kolb is the next Rob Johnson. *shutters*
2:00 Apparently the Bills are looking at offensive lineman Willio Colon from Pittsburgh and some guy named Tyson Clabo. I just read that Clabo is a hot commodity. I never heard of him so I'm going to say he isn't exactly a name that strikes fear into the hearts of D-lineman. Then again, I'm pretty sure Erik Pears served me a fat-free macchiato last off-season.
2:01 I was certain Tyson Clabo was black until I just saw his picture. Well look who's racist now!!
2:04 Santonio Holmes for $50 mil. Well Done Jets. Keep the criminal track record going! I'm just going to report now that Rex Ryan has signed Rae Carruth to a $35 mil/5 year deal.
2:05 Oh. And fuck the Jets.
2:15 Poz got more money than Barry Cofield and Eric Weddle is now the highest paid safety in the history of the NFL. Welcome back football. I hate you and you are making me miserable.
2:17 Lunch time and American Restoration. Let's see if italian sausage and Rick Dale can salvage this day.
2:31 The answer to above is yes. And now I'm hearing Jason Babin to Buffalo? YES PLEASE! I hope in some way this means cutting loose the Great White Joke, Chris Kelsay.
Denim shirt - sleeves = Bad Ass
2:47 Ervin Santana just no-hit the Indians. Awesome. Doug Free is now making $8 million a year. Not awesome
2:49 Mason Crosby will be making almost $3 million a year. A kicker. Making $3 million. That just happened. I need to get Steve Christie on the phone and get his thoughts. He's not dead is he?
3:22 Nothing happening right now. Laundry time.
5:55 Just hopped back online to see that Drayton Florence re-signed. I'm a big fan of his. He was easily the best corner on the team and at many times looked downright amazing in coverage. At $15 mil over three years isn't so bad either. I loved when they signed him a couple years and I love it now. Solid move. Now let's get Babin, Colon, and Zach Miller.
6:00 Just saw on Buffalo Rumblings that there is talk with Kevin Burnett
. Good news keeps on coming. My buddy Migs is a huge Chargers fan and I remember him telling me last season how athletic this dude was and that he hasn't even hit his full potential yet. If they land him to play in the middle, I don't mind the rotation of him, Shepherd, and Davis at all.
6:07 Jake Delhomme is going to be released by the Browns, surprising absolutely nobody. He was god awful to watch last season. Before he got benched of course. Or did he get hurt? Whatever, he sucks.
6:08 Catching up on a few other signings and trades:
-Shanahan makes a deal for Jabar Gaffney. Oooo exciting!
-Bruce Gradkowski may be the future QB in Cincinnati. You gotta believe that Cincy is actually wishing they re-signed Fitzy a couple of years ago.
-How the fuck does Matt Leinart get a two year deal worth $5.5 million when no team even wanted him last year. I will never understand how this league works.
-Stephen Nicholas re-upped with Atlanta for 5 years and $17 million, making Poz's contract even more ridiculous. I'm still shocked about that massive contract. I'm actually hoping that the reports that Buffalo offered a similar deal are completely false because that is unreal.
6:16 Plaxico is either returning to the Giants or Steelers. Remember when he shot himself? That was funny. I heard James Harrison does the same thing, but just for fun.
"Kano ain't got shit on me!"
6:23 I just read everything I wrote today. Yikes. If you are still reading, good on ya. And if you think this is bad, wait until you hear my slurring words and Nate Dogg impression during episode 13 of the CrapTastiCast.
6:25 I missed the news that Tom Coughlin extended with the G-Men earlier. Somewhere my girlfriend's father is cursing while pouring another vodka.
6:30 Dear God! Olindo Mare is getting $3 million a year too??? I didn't even know he was still in the NFL.
6:37 Steve Breaston to the Chiefs would be big for that team. With him complimenting Dwayne Bowe, they could both have huge seasons. Fantasy value rising....wait....I have to organize my fantasy league now that the season is starting. Worst part of season is trying get those other nine monsters together for a draft. Shit.
6:45 In case people forgot; Ralph Wilson is an odious taint
7:24 All is quiet. Last thing I saw on NFL.com was Drew Stanton staying with Detroit. In other exciting news, Mike and Frank just bought a sick sidecar for $1000 on American Pickers. Apparently I'm 78 years old.
7:46 I'm reading about hockey. I could not help myself. Solid read on Ryan Miller over at BBG
. Props to the new guy Jason!
7:52 Random predictions for the 2011 season: David Nelson gets 50 catches. Terrance McGee gets injured again and then released, opening the door for Aaron Williams to have a breakout rookie year. Fitzy throws for over 3000 again and gets contract extension. The Tight End corps combine for no more than 30 catches. Chris Kelsay does nothing. I get thrown out of the Meadowlands for the third time in five years.
8:00 I think I'm done here. This was a complete waste of time and nothing thought provoking was said. Thus, I leave you with Randy Moss's dog, who will obviously play a huge role in where he lands in free agency.