Oh, spring. The time of year when I have already given up on baseball except on the days when my team's improbable Cy Young candidate is pitching; when the Sabres have, not so improbably, retired for the off-season; when sports are a simple backdrop to thoughts of day drinking in the sun and cutting out of work as often as possible.
For the next three months or so, soccer will really be the only sport I care about, and that's just fine with me. While the Buffalo Bills tempt us into a familiar land of hopes and dreams, I'll be in the corner enjoying a sport that hasn't yet beaten me into submission with annual kicks to the nuts.
/looks at prior Liverpool season results
/kicks self in aforementioned nuts as penance for blatant lie
Of course, paying any attention to this sport flies in the face of certain opinions set forth by certain creepy sports journalists in Tuffalo
, but I think it goes without saying that Mike Harrington is simply out of his element when he tries to talk about anything that doesn't fall within the following categories:
- the availability of Terry Pegula for sarcastic, caustic interviews;
- the quickest way to climb a tree outside an unsuspecting woman's window;
- tying knots;
- the best proportion of Miracle Whip and Fritos to put on a bologna sandwich;
- the fragrance of a minor league baseball locker room;
- buying bulk candy;
- Jerry Sullivan's jock; and
- LOL ROFL Doh! Thanx
So, when it comes to soccer, don't worry about this knuckledragger's opinion. When he hears "The Beautiful Game," his mind instantly shifts to family reunion Twister. He's gross.
On to the #Hot #Sports #Takes!!!
It sure has been a while since I dusted off my gloves and took the media to task for its latest absurdity in the sports world. Sometimes, these venomous hit jobs are directed at The Network - an easy enough target, what with the willingness to sit on apparent evidence of child molestation at Syracuse, only to run the story without even giving the authorities the opportunity to vet that evidence and find that, in sum, it was demonstrably false. And sometimes, these hit jobs are directed at Buffalo sports media - also an easy target, what with the spelling errors, the apparent desire to merely yuk it up with a failing, entrenched hockey coach and the pathetic derision of a blogger community which has arguably provided better and more insightful sports analysis over the past couple years. (Not here at the Deeg, of course. We are more than happy to be the slime scraped out of the bottom of the barrel, presented as food for your more carnal cravings. It's what we do.)
One of the things I've noticed about Buffalo sports fans is that they can tend to believe that their town is getting jobbed at every opportunity. It's certainly no surprise, given the history, but it can leave people with a lingering sense that, in essence, whatever we get in Buffalo is a class below what everyone else gets in other cities. Sports teams? Inferior from top to bottom. Local theater and music? Undeveloped and of poor quality. Government? Corrupt and ineffective in a way unseen throughout America. Schools? Underfunded and forgotten. Cheerleaders? Sixes instead of tens. (This one may be right).
Some of this is true. In many ways, other cities do have it better. In a lot of ways, though, Buffalo has the exact same problems as other cities, but has convinced itself that the grass is greener in New York City, in Boston, in D.C., in Philly. I've found this to be especially true when it comes to how we digest our local sports media in Western New York. There always seems to be a lingering sense that Bucky and Harrington and Hamilton and Sully are on a lower tier than the guys who cover sports in the big markets. With the internet, though, we can verify that this is simply not true, and never was this more apparent to me than during the post-game presser following last Friday's Rangers-Devils Game 6.
Dear God, it was brutal.
So, in keeping with the overlap between "media hit piece" and "mailing it in," here is the transcript of the questions asked to Rangers coach John Tortorella following Game 6. My thoughts are in italics.
Ugh, who gets into the Hall of Fame without a Superbowl Ring? A senile idiot who looks like Skeletor shat in a human skeleton. I don't even know what that means but I'm sure it's bad. Forgive me.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS POST. IT IS ALCOHOL FUELED, KINDLED BY FIRES OF HOMETOWN SENTIMENT AND LOVE FOR EVERYTHING THAT IS BUFFALO SPORT.
The Yachtsman (beware, hammered)
The first time I heard that word odious, my mother used it in reference to me having a particularly nasty spoiled upper middle class white kid episode somewhere around the 6th grade. Basically, I was given everything I ever wanted in life, and was never left hungry and/or cold. Somehow I still found a way to bitch about something I didn't get-probably an outlandishly expensive toy that only a little spoiled bag of cocks like me would make a scene about. I thrashed and thrashed and thrashed, probably stamped my feet, and said odious nasty little things only a shitty mouthed 6th grader with no concept of consequences or morality could say (thank crap my parents sent me to State School for college, otherwise I probably would have been an odious little shit for the rest of my days). I don't remember the outcome, but hopefully my father gave me a fresh one across the back of the head to straighten me out. I took one thing from that episode:
DON'T BE A SNIVELING SPOILED BAG OF COCKS.
Just sell the team to someone in Buffalo so we can all be rid of you, you sniveling little shit.
Ralph Wilson has been throwing a 6th grade fit since the 70s. It started with his demands to build the new Stadium in Orchard Park (WITH TOTAL FUCKING DISREGARD FOR THE NAME ON THE G-D JERSEY...BUFFALO), and year after year his highness feels the need to repeat to Bills fans that his gift to us is keeping the team in Buffalo. REALLY RALPH!?!? THAT'S YOUR GIFT?!?! YOU BOUGHT A SHITTY AFL TEAM FOR $50,000 IN 1960, TRIED TO MOVE IT TO MIAMI, AND LED US TO 50+ YEARS OF MEDIOCRITY BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO CHEAP TO MOVE THE SQUAD TO SOUTH BEACH!?!?! REALLY?!?!!?
No seriously, all that shit happened. Ask Joe Pinzone.
whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch small market small market small market bitch bitch whine dementia.
Of course, right now you're asking yourself why all the vitriol towards Ralph, Yachter? I'll tell you why: he's fucking us. The hockey hayride is over. Ted Black and the Pegulamaniacs are all hunkered down at Sabres HQ planning their next move. The Bandits season is over....now a (unfortunately) football town turns its collective head towards St. John Fisher College and the developments within. This is where Shitstain Wilson comes through in the clutch, every time. Ego influenced Front Office Decisions, shitty Head Coaching choices, and awful draft picks. Welcome to being a Bills fan since forever! It's all Ralph's Fault! (unqualified and unsubstantiated, but I really could care less it's 3 AM and I've had a few chardonnays).
50 years younger, still a dumb stubborn bastard.
Seriously though all this vitriol comes from today's events of which I'm sure you're aware if you are a Bflo Blog Reader. Some rich dude in Midtown Manhattan (raised in Buffalo) wants to buy the Bills and we are all happy. Ralph's doucheocracy at One Bills Drive then releases a statement (which they had to, I know) saying the Bills aren't for sale whilst pee catheter is still alive. Everyone returns to sadness. (DESCRIPTIONS! MY FORTE!)
THIS IS A THING THAT MAKES ME PISSED OFF.
Seriously Ralph, you bought the team for $50,000....sucked off the county TIT for almost a half century, and now, when it's time to sell the team or keep it for your probably ugly offspring...you're not gonna budge. We all know what this is, you dementia'ed assed old creep-o: this is you taking a shot at "pipsqueak" Roger Goodell and the current NFL Big Market reality. WELL GUESS WHAT, RALPH CORNELIUS (NOT TRUE) WILSON: NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON IN BUFFALO CARES ABOUT YOUR PETTY RICH PEOPLE PROBLEMS. EFF YOURSELF, SELL THE TEAM, AND MOVE BACK TO DETROIT WHERE YOU CAN LIVE OUT YOUR DAYS WATCHING MATTHEW STAFFORD GETTING SACKED ON SUNDAYS.
Which brings me back to my original, rambling, outlandish point: Ralph Wilson is an Odious Taint. I'm sick and tired of hearing how shitty a market our area is. The least you can do for an area that has CRAFTED ITS FUCKING IDENTITY around your little country club project is to turn around and open up ownership negotiations. The City of Buffalo made you fucking Rich Ralph. It's time you turned the hell around and gave something back.
I fell asleep twice during the creation of this post and I am clearly still a bit sauced. This was stream of consciousness whining. I'm not even going to review content. I beg you to rip me to shreds in the comments section. This was irresponsible of me, but I fucking hate Ralph right now. He is a fucking douche.
This post was brought to you by the song "Whiplash" by Metallica
Ryan Miller made a spectacular save and I.....
Due to an even amount of popular/un-popular demand, DGWU is proud to bring to you, Episode 2 of post-game reflections with the Yachtsman. This one isn't exactly NSFW, but I still wouldn't blast it in your office/school/massage-parlor. Keep in mind folks, in all likely hood the Yachtsman is intoxicated in these rants. It's what he does: gets drunk and yells. Pretty much how we became friends.
We'd also like to thank Megan and Mondee again for getting these MP3's up and rolling so fast. Jesus, if only Yachtsman could churn out blog-posts like that. ZING! Enjoy the show errrrbody, I know we did.
Isn't he a lovable douche-bag? Check back on the site later for Scizz's post-game wrap-up and some exciting news about the next CrapTastiCast. Until then, I really don't give an expletive what you do.
He's looking at you in the 3rd row, douche-nozzle!
As mentioned in an earlier post, we here at DGWU have something special for the readers today. If you thought YOU were upset last night after the loss, just take a listen to the Yachtsman's EPIC meltdown. This little Gem was recorded last night on the Streets of Manhattan by producer-extraordinaire, Megan Robertson, who with our new friend and production guru Mondee Torres, put this fantastic feature together for your listening pleasure.
I need remind everyone that this chunk of brilliance is NSFW, and if you thought the lower half of HSBC Arena was just fine last night, then I would probably not listen to it at all. Here is hoping this becomes a regular feature. With your support we can make it happen people!!!!
Shhhh! If you listen closely, you can hear every Friendly's waitress within a seven mile radius.
Do you hear that Buffalo fans? No? That's because the Buffalo blogosphere is absolutely silent this morning (Aps post notwithstanding
). I assume by the time this post goes up, many other blogs and websites will have chimed in with their opinions and breakdowns of game three, but as of late morning, I saw almost nothing. Last night was a heartbreaker and this whole series has taken a lot out of all of us. I know personally, I didn't have have it in me to write about my post-game thoughts. So I figured, what the hell? Let's have some fun on DGWU today. That means I will NOT being talking about how Chris Butler has made me look like an idiot the past two games
. I will NOT being talking about how Ryan Miller needs to be incredible tomorrow night. And I will definitely NOT being talking about the crowd noise, or lack-there-of in HSBC arena last night. (OK, maybe one thing. If you are a defender of the crowd last night, fine, but I don't think anyone with an inkling of intelligence believes that the dead-crowd cost them the game. That would be ignorant. It's just frustrating for fans who do not not have access, nor never will have access to seats like those in the lower sections, to have to watch those people sit on their hands during crunch time last night. I wanted to stab them with their own silver spoon. Yes, I am bitter I could never afford those seats.)Nothing but fun and games from the Scizz this afternoon. I have collected several videos/links/pictures/comments for your viewing and listening pleasure to help get you through the day. Consider me your personal Jester today. Enjoy!
Wrong Jester, but I'm still going to run with it.
Remember my post last week about how important Buffalo and WNY are to us? Below is some evidence I wanted to include in that piece that I never had a chance to. McFadden's in NYC after a Bills win. These types of videos always put a smile on my face and make me proud to be from WNY.
I am going to stop beating you over the head with our podcast. If you haven't listened yet, please do, you can find it on this site. However, what I am going to do is promote another podcast. Specifically, Sklarbro Country over at earwolf.com
(for free). This is the sports/comedy podcast that inspired to me to get the band back together and record our own. I highly recommend either Patton Oswalt episode.
: "As the Sabres-Flyers NHL Playoff series shifts to Buffalo for games three and four, today Mayor Byron Brown declared the lobby of City Hall a “No Orange (Flyers) Zone”. To emphasize the point, the Mayor has hung a banner with those words in the lobby of City Hall."
Below is the picture Mayor Brown took to promote his "zone". Brilliant.
Before I present the next vid, here is an actual text from the Yachtsman this morning after discussing how awful today was starting off: "I just wanna stay home and 'amuse myself' to Charmed re-runs". You can follow him on twitter @Y_vo, folks.
This next video is a little longer and older, but holy jeebus it is hilarious. My girlfriend has actually brought up the idea that DGWU should do a drunken Buffalo sports history. Thoughts? Volunteers? Apologist, I'm thinking your roommate.
I normally like to keep politics off of this site, but you have to check this out
. Weiner was discussed last night amongst the DGWU crew. Politics aside, he is friggin' histarical AND an avid hockey fan. He referenced Pesach and Jonathan Quick in the same tweet last night....that is all-star status.
Another suggestion to get you through the day/evening is enjoy some other sad and disappointing sports franchises. I for one am attending the Mets game tonight, but also the Knicks will probably get blown out in Game two in Boston (and yes, we are all Knicks fans here at DGWU).
Finally, is anyone else as excited as I am about watching the full video for "Fight For Your Right-Revisited" when it drops on May 3rd. I have seen this trailer about 72 times now and I keep noticing more celebrities upon every viewing. I was just told that is Buscemi at 0:14. Hope all of this crap helped! STAY POSITIVE!!!
Quick addition: Stay tuned to the site later today, as a new feature will be unleashed upon the masses. It is called post-game reflections with the Yachtsman. It is an audio feature and it is definitely NSFW, so listen at home and enjoy....unless you were completely against my thoughts on the crowd last night, theeeeeeen you may want to skip it altogether.