Barrister here. As you all should know by now, sometimes we post a lot, sometimes our real jobs at which we're each enormously successful take up a little too much of our time, sometimes we have to plan for weddings and public remarks at said weddings, and sometimes we just forget we have a website to maintain in between early wake up calls in pools of our own vomit. We've lately been a little short on actual written content here (download those podcasts, though!), but have added a new guest contributor to our pathetic ranks! "The Wild Card" hails from West Seneca but is down here in NYC for law school and he likes to drink and curse like us so I'm sure he'll fit right in. In any event, someone had to write about Fitzpatrick here at the Deeg, and sure as shit none of the rest of us had the stomach for it. So I give you...
The Wild Card
Why I Hate that Fitz is Gone, and No, it's not Beard-Related
I know. The beard was like 99% of the gravitas. Hell, it was fuckin' awesome. But it wasn't awesome enough to make you want him as your starting QB and that's probably why you, as a Bills fan are pretty happy today. The Bills cutting Fitz means we get a NEW quarterback next year! And new is great! Right?! RIGHT?!
Mike Tannenbaum Well, not if that new QB sucks a giant fat one. This is the problem - with Fitz gone, everybody knows that the Bills are taking a QB with one of their first 2 picks. So, if I'm Mike Tannenb... I mean, John Idzik (the Jets new GM) (don’t worry I had to google it too) sitting at 9, and I really like Geno Smith, or Barkley, or some other ass-hat not worth a top 10 pick, I'm trying like hell to trade up in front of the Bills and grab my guy. And if that guy is the Bills’ guy too, then the Bills are going to have to take a different guy! I don’t want that guy! I want the other guy! The other guy is Ben Roethlisberger (two Super Bowl rings)
Not pictured: RAPE
and that guy is JP Losman (you just vomited)! Please, god, let us get the other guy.
(yeah, that’s actually Kyle Orton. But screw it, they look exactly the same and if JP isn’t chugging JD right now, then… like… what the hell is he doing?)
And the same thing goes if the Bills want to wait until the second round to get their guy, or trade back up into the first. When everyone knows what you’re doing it’s a lot easier to get fucked by one of the other handful of teams that need a QB.
But maybe everything will work out and the Bills will get their guy. Great. But now their guy has to be THE guy. He has to be the starter. Day one. Do you really see Tarvaris Jackson starting week 1 at QB for this team? Or… Aaron Corp? Or… sweet Jesus … Rex Grossman? Did you vomit again yet?! Did you even make it past Jackson without vomiting?! So yeah, whoever they take is going to have a ton of pressure on him, and the conventional wisdom is that none of the guys in this draft are polished enough to be day one starters. They’re guys that would be better off taking a year and sitting behind a wiley, bearded, Harvard-educated, Wonderlic-crushing veteran that screams like a 4 year old girl.
Tuesday, that wiley, bearded, Harvard-educated, Wonderlic-crushing veteran that screams like a 4 year old girl was on our roster. Now he is not.
And the beard was sexy as fuck.
Back from a pretty long hiatus, the Deeg is back with another CrapTastiCast, and it's one some of you have been waiting for since Mr. White and I exchanged words over the NHL Lockout in October
. We spoke about having Jeremy chat record with us at the time, but daddy duties and Hurricane recovery put this on the backburner until now.
Perhaps that delay was for the best since, in the month and a half that has followed that initial twitter fight (God I feel so stupid typing that), Jeremy and I have had a chance to talk more about the lockout. While I wouldn't say we've reached any kind of consensus on those issues that got me so heated in October, it's become apparent that Jeremy is a civil dude (not always readily apparent on twitter... which could be said about many) and that civility plays itself out on what you'll listen to here.
My apologies if you came here expecting nothing but our unbridled asshole shtick. Frankly, we care too much about the issues of the lockout to cave into our sophomoric tendencies - at least this time - especially when we have a guest willing to look beyond the fact that I may or may not have called him a equivocating hack/dickhole back in October. /rushes to delete Deeg archives /trips over beer cans /farts /forgets original task
Which isn't to say that this CrapTastiCast is entirely devoid of those tendencies you've come to know and love. Along for the ride are The Scizz and The Continental. In addition to the lockout, we talk Bills, Jets, Mets, Knicks and stumble through a few completely inappropriate conversations about drugs in closets and Scizz's love for our 43rd President.
If you're only interested in our talk with Jeremy, cue it to 15:55 and enjoy. Also - give yourself the finger from us since we think you should listen to the whole fucking thing.
In addition to our usual intro, Deeg house band The Jambrones help us out with our first two musical interludes, while the rest is picked up by Audioslave and Brother Ali. Podcast page here
. Direct download here
. iTunes link below or Subscribe via our RSS feed here.
And, of course, stream audio in the player below if you wish.
Well, that happened.
I don’t think my liver was really ready for that delightful mess of a game.
Defensive dominance? A special teams touchdown? Thrilling, last-minute interceptions? A 50/50 split of running and passing plays? Apologist buying round after round of preemptive victory shots, chased down by Lagunitas IPAs?
So. Much. Win.
As a new dad, and a Bills fan, I haven’t gotten many days or nights like that recently, and I’m not entirely sure I could handle it if one of my teams actually started to get good for once. I know the team is bad, and we’ll get to that, but fuck what a fun night.
Which isn’t to say it wasn’t ugly. After all, winning ugly – very ugly, mostly – appears to be the best we can reasonably expect from this enigma of a squad. But, after putting together one of their most complete games of the year in Foxboro this past week, only to fall short when it mattered, the Bills took an early lead at home and cherished it like the rare commodity that it is. They ran the ball often relative to their track record, relied on their best player to get them the points they needed – albeit via field goals – and made sure not to disappoint a home crowd itching to get that primetime monkey off its back.
It honestly shouldn’t have worked, seeing as they’re a garbage team coached by a garbage Chan and owned by a garbage taint, but it’s not like the Universe doesn’t owe us a game like that every once in a while. And even with the playoffs a supremely unlikely scenario for these Bills, a win is a win is a boy this team is not very good please god where is hockey?
Screw it.... On to the milquetoast takes!
“It’s not polite to say ‘shit’ Daddy.”
–Jambaby, during Bills/Patriots game
@jambrones, Guest Contributor
On Sundays, I usually go gallivanting with my comrades on a masochistic Buffalo Bills adventure. But this week, I hunkered down with my 6 year old 1st Grader, aptly named “Jambaby” by The Continental, for an afternoon of simplicity, surprise and nostalgia. I was reminded of my earliest memory of the Buffalo Bills: the goalposts coming down in 1980 after beating Miami for the first time in 10 years. I too, was 6. This past Sunday vs. the New England Patriots, full circle? Well, we all know how that went. Ugh.
Here’s a #kidcommentary breakdown.
no chance this is the actual screenshot of that line, mind you
Ah the bye week. The time to appreciate a break from the often frustrating squad we've been saddled with for these many years, to watch football with few rooting interests, and to perhaps forget about football altogether when life takes precedence as it so often does, whether in big ways or small.
This week was certainly no different.
But now that we're back to thinking about this underachieving and tragically coached Bills team, as it matches up against a hilariously superior Houston Texans squad, it's tough to find much of anything to be positive about. Perhaps the only real reason to be excited about this game is as a welcome opportunity to step away from the enormous and ongoing impact of a crazy as shit storm. Seems a good enough reason to me.
Scizz is taking a much needed break after his hell-ish week, and I'm luckily drunk enough to think I can fill his shoes, having sucked down a few Buffalo Lagers. Those lagers, unsurprisingly, assisting me in my belief that the Bills actually have a shot to win this game, or - put more accurately - my willingness to at least latch onto the infinitesimally small shot the Bills' actually have to win and cheer with a detached relationship with rational thought.
I would describe this as the "beers equal delightful sports fantasyland" paradigm. It's a working title.
Moving on to our feature presentation...
Checking out Jeremy White's twitter feed. Considering just quitting.
What a busy week it has been at DGWU Sports! Between news of the NHL Lockout and our battles with the various personalities at WGR for refusing, as is their custom, to engage with viewpoints other than (a) their own, or (b) those of the mouthbreathers who call into WGR and make it their mission to express their vehement disdain for everything in the world, there was a LOT to discuss when we gathered Wednesday night. More shots were fired and kindling put onto the world of Buffalo sports media so that we can continue to watch it burn. Heh. Sports.
Oh, and there are those Buffalo Bills, too, which is actually where we started in segment one as we recapped the shit show that was Sunday with the Deeg. Bills @ Cardinals was by no means an enjoyable time, but recapping the fun times we had and the trainwreck of a game ended up being pretty fun/depressing/rage-inducing.
In segment two we welcomed Colin Bruckel, one of the founders of TheHosers.com
, a site we have linked to for a while and which provides stellar insight about the legal issues surrounding professional hockey and, in particular, the CBA. Colin's assessment of the current CBA negotiations was as interesting and well-presented as any I've heard, and it is an understatement to say that we were lucky to have him on. I would note, however, that since our discussion took place before the NHLPA presented its own offers to the league (and before Bettman rejected them immediately), you'll want to keep an eye on his site for more hot legal takes. Or you could continue being ignorant and just keep listening to the superficialities of sports talk radio.
Segment three brings it back to our wheelhouse of inappropriateness and ill-conceived sports takes as we talk the USMNT's win on Tuesday, the NBA's new policy restricting pre-game celebrations, Apologist's suicidal ideations following the Orioles' elimination from the playoffs, and our predictions for the Bills/Titans game this weekend. I must add that we had intended to talk more about (read: make fun of) Shawne Merriman's return to Buffalo, but had to toss that to the back burner so we'd have time to talk about the more pressing issues of gloating about our intellectual superiority over talk radio hosts. It's a burden, really. In any event, I'm hopeful that Merriman's second tenure in the 716 will give us plenty of opportunities to point and laugh.
Musical interludes this week are provided by Broken Bells, Gov't Mule & REO Speedwagon, as well as - of course - The Jambrones.
and stream below, or check out our Libsyn
page or iTunes button below where you can get all of our archived podcasts and subscribe for future hot, aural takes.
During the 2012 Buffalo Bills season, the Scizz will be writing weekly game previews that will hit your eye holes every Thursday night/Friday morning. If you've been a follower of the Deeg for a while, you may remember that last season featured previews inspired by "The Big Lebowski." This year, as voted by our loyal/psychotic/confused readers, "Super Troopers" has been chosen as the ongoing cinematic theme. After a quick rundown of the game, the rest of the post has been inspired by his idol, Drew Magary, and his weekly previews on Deadspin, and will provide you with some solid predictions (false) and other incredible insight you can only get here (so false). So sit back and enjoy the (shit)show.
Actual autographed photo being shopped on e-bay.
Well shit. Where to begin? As I correctly predicted last week, I was a total idiot for once again getting my hopes up for a Buffalo Bills football season. But then again, at least I kind of/sort of saw it coming and drank enough alcohol on Sunday to numb the pain.
Of course, Monday was a different story. Still exhausted from the copious amounts of beer/vodka/whiskey (and a random Jager Bomb) that was consumed, I was forced to recount the previous day's outcome. Ryan Fitzpatrick looks like hot garbage. The defensive line is NOT who we thought they were. The secondary is an absolute joke. And of course, the injury bug has already hit big, as Fred-Ex is out for at least three weeks and David Nelson is out for the year, in a position of need where the team was already extremely undermanned. OH THE JOYS OF FOOTBALL!!!
Yet I'm not here to continue to whine and complain about how shitty the team looked in week one. There is enough of that everywhere (with obvious good reason). No, these previews aren't recaps, they are about looking forward and enjoying football, which is the most awesome-est sport in the world. In fact, as I said to the Yachtsman earlier today, I can't fully write this team off yet. I just can't. Because really, who am I betting against? If the Bills continue to suck, then it's just another year where by week 10 I have my Sundays back. Cool. However, If the Bills bounce back and show some of that early season 2011 spark, then maybe, just maaaaaaaaybe these ass clowns can still pull it together and all hope won't be lost. Naturally, as a fan I prefer the latter, but at this point in my life, I'm just going to enjoy football season and hope for the best. Brace yourselves, the Scizz is trying to keep things positive! Check it out after the jump....
wait. was that racist?
While Yachtsman was busy putting a silly little hobbit in his place yesterday
, Joe Pinzone had me on his Talkamania podcast
and we talked a whole bunch about the Bills, Fitz, Mario, the shitty defense and our obsession with football players justifying the money someone else pays them.
For serious, it ran a little long, but that'll happen.
Sunday was bad. Really bad. But we're doing it again this weekend and the catharsis of chatting about these not-so-lovable losers is the best way to get me through the weekday doldrums and start to feel ok about sitting down for another potential ass-kicking.
Maybe I really am insane. Maybe the silly little hobbit was right. ... Nah, fuck it. Everything about everything I do is unassailable. All. Day. Long.
While you're listening to these spoken word hot takes, be sure to check out the litany of content over at Buffalo Wins.
Still smarting from Sunday's Week 1 debacle? Still want to wallow a little more, while simultaneously having your favorite blowhards serenade your ear holes with ill-formed arguments, rage storms and jokes about strippers?
Of course you do.
The Deeg was in attendance at MetLife this weekend. While the Bills couldn't be bothered to bring their A Game, we showed up to fucking play. And play we did.
That was creepy.
With a short pregame segment and a doggie bag full of hot takes from our ultimate, postgame trip back to the five boroughs, we discuss our terrible squad, undersized jerseys, canine cunnilingus, needle dick Jets fans, dick-hatted state troopers, and the presumptive end of the Ryan Fitzbeardy Era at One Bills Drive.
Recorded on an iPhone, what we lack in technical quality, we make up in faceless internet potshots.
Musical interludes by Buffalo hip hop duo Kinda Like Dreamin, the Violent Femmes and Queen.
, (iTunes link pending
) and stream below.
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT IN ALL THE HATS. Well, pack it in guys, wait until hockey....no can't do that.....well the Knicks start in October.....ugh, fuck James Dolan......well there's always Liverpool....they can't score......well, the Mets start again next March!......OH WELL SHIT I'LL JUST QUIT THIS SPORTS CRAP ALTOGETHER THEN, A HOLES.
Sad Wizard and his sad, sad beard.
Say a quarterback has a stellar career at a shitty FCS school like Harvard. Then, instead of going into I-Banking and destroying our financial future, he takes his 7th Round NFL Draft selection and decides to make a go of it. He struggles for a few years, getting spot-starts in shitholes like Cincinatti & St. Louis, all via guts, determination, and guile. Throwing the ball the way he's always known how; a self-taught gunslinger. After a few years, this highly educated journeyman lands in the backwater-est of NFL backwaters, Buffalo. He fights through coaching changes, managerial changes, shitty QBs in front and back, finally proving himself to be a competent QB for a team replete with QB failure. In his first year as the bona-fide-honest-to-god-nobody-breathing-down-his-back starter, he rockets out to a 5-1 start and everyone wants to have a million of his babies. He gets injured in a blowout to the Redskins, and everything falls to shit. Weaknesses reveal themselves, games are lost, and hopes are shattered. BUT ALAS EVERYTHING IS MADE ANEW COME THE OFFSEASON, FRIENDS. This journeyman-cum-starter-sum-ostensible savior shows up to camp ready to go and meets a new QB coach. WHO THEN CHANGES EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SELF-TAUGHT GUNSLINGER BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE BROUGHT HIMSELF OUT OF THE DEPTHS OF THE FCS AND INTO A STARTING JOB IN THE NFL ALL TOTALLY WRONG. Mechanics, footwork, vision, reps, progressions....EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW. Oh, but wait, you might ask....who is this brilliant man who felt the need to fundamentally change The Bearded One? Why, he must be a genius who has helped Hall of Famer and First Overall Picks alike! RIGHT YACHTSMAN?!?!!?