The Scizz

Welcome to my Week 6 Buffalo Bills preview. My apologies for not providing you, the dear readers, with a Lebowski quote themed Bills preview for last week's game against the Fuggles. I actually wrote almost half the post in a car en-route to Montreal for a bachelor party, and fully planned on finishing and posting it at some point while I was there, I really did. However, after arriving on the scene, what followed was a 27 hour bender the likes I have not been a part of in years. Which of course, was my first reason for this week's Big Lebowski quote. Naturlly.I have three other connections to this week's title...

1. I feel like we all need a strict drug regimen to keep our minds straight while dealing with these Bills. Dear lord. With the exception of the opener against the Chiefs, every week has driven us to the brink of insanity. Two huge comeback wins, one 14 point lead blown to lose the game on the last play, and of course last week's odd domination/almost last minute choke. Tack on all the injuries to the secondary, offensive line, and now receivers, and this team will kill at least 37 people this season due to strokes or heart attacks. I would suggest that getting really drunk would help you deal with it, however, I have tried that nearly every week and I still freak out with a terrifying rapid heart beat. Drugs it is.

*DGWU does not support the use of illegal drugs. Except meth, which has given us the birth of Intervention, Breaking Bad, and obviously Hoarders.

2. Will somebody get Merriman back on the drugs? Seriously. I read earliest this week that his effin' achilles is bothering him AGAIN! And, I just received a text that says he didn't even travel with the team to Jersey. I hope everyone is with me when I say, pump this dude full of 'roids again and feed him enough cocaine to make Tony Montana blush. Who is in charge of these things? Where is the guy I knew from college whose job it was to keep Jim Kelly's Gatorade bottle full of vodka when he was watching from the sidelines? (Post-career! Post-Career!)

3. Eli Manning always looks confused and paranoid. You think his teammates would have passed some sticky icky onto him by now. Kid needs to caaaaaaalm down and relax sometimes. I usually feel bad for him, even when he is winning. Imagine having incredible pressure to live up to your father's insane expectations and then live in the shadow of your much more talented older brother. I don't give a fuck if he won a Super Bowl trophy! Look at him! Every time he throws the ball he looks like he either just shit his pants or he just remembered that he left a bootleg porn vid in his parent's VCR. (Sidenote: Both feel like punches to the stomach)

In other news, this game scares the fuck out of me. The Giants tend to rebound very well after disappointing losses, and could there be a more disappointing loss than last week's debacle against the Charlie Whitehurst led Seahawks? Tom Coughlin may not be considered the greatest coach out there, or the greatest coach named Tom, or even a coach at all, but one thing he does do well is motivate his team after major letdowns. If I wasn't a lazy blogger watching a Hockey game while I type this (GOOOOOOOOOOOAL BY ROOOOOOOOOOOOY!), I would have attempted to looked up a stat for this. I should have asked Black & Blue & Gold if we could get CriminallyVul1ga on loan this week.

Keep in mind that these Giants are still 3 - 2 and have looked very good at times this year. Hakeem Nicks is a huge receiving threat, something that has given Buffalo's weak secondary fits this year. Which reminds me! Have you EVER seen such a paradoxical pass coverage in your life? These guys will give up big pass after big pass, which has driven me fucking nuts this season, but have still managed a ridiculous number of interceptions. I don't get it. It has been either all or nothing....and I kinda like it.

What other incredible insider news do I have for you? Well, I could go over all of the injury reports and what-not, but you can read those anywhere. So here are the injuries that will happen THIS week: 

Giants: Victor Cruz - High Ankle Sprain, Justin Tuck - Strained Scrotum, Brandon Jacobs - Lodged Bear Claw, Steve Smith - Philadelphia Eagles, Jason Pierre-Paul - Fuckin' French

Bills: Naaman Roosevelt - Broken hand (of course), C.J. Spiller - Cracked ego, Terrance McGee - Leg fell off, Kellen Heard - Fall into obscurity, Lee Smith - Torn rotator cuff leading to Tommy John surgery, and of course Freddie Jackson's head will explode from extreme awesomeness. TO THE LINKS!

5 reasons to hate the New York Giants: Buffalo Wins
I love leading with these. Joe drops some much loved hate.

Should the Bills trade for a Wide Receiver?: WNY Water Cooler
Steve talks about the Buffalo WR trade rumors.

Buffalo Barks!: Kenny's 2 Pennies
If you are not watching Kenny's Bills (and 'Cuse) video recaps, you are truly missing out.

3 guys who need to show up for the Bills: Buffalo Wins
Title says it all. And I agree with everything Joe wrote here.

Breaking down the rest of Buffalo's schedule: Buffalo Lowdown
Brad Andrews plays a little game I use to drive myself crazy with.

Enjoy the game this weekend and GO BILLS!!! I'm feeling high school nostalgic today:

Apologies. The last time I posted was the August 12th preview of our insane road trip to Watkins Glen. Since then I have spent little to no time in my actual apartment. After retuning from the Glen, I spent a full day editing Ep. 14 of the CrapTastiCast and then left for six beautiful days (and one shitty one) in the Dominican Republic. That was awesome and much needed.

While I was gone, the Barrister not only won a trial, but kept this site up and running, so a huge thanks goes out to him. (Which by the way, where the fuck are Yachtsman and Apologist? Do they even write for this site anymore??) The plan was to return and start throwing up some posts about football, hockey, NASCAR, and even soccer. Hit the ground running if you will. But due to some bitch named Irene, the plan changed. You see, while I was in D.R., Irene started to develop in the Atlantic and on August 22nd she hit the resort I was staying at. It was more of a grazing rather than a direct hit so I'm not going to whine about it.  The only inconveniences were having to stay in my room all day drinking beer and then a delayed flight the following day. No big deal. However, after putzing around Wednesday and Thursday by watching Dr. Who and catching up on laundry, I was forced to realize that the SLORE Irene had followed me back to the mainland. Ugh.

So began my adventures this weekend of preparing my apartment for the SAME hurricane and heading out to the girlfriend's parents to take up shelter. Upon returning last night, this is what my street corners looked like:

Fun times. Luckily there was minimal damage to the apartment building and everything is fine. So here I am Monday morning, one week left in my summer vacation and I have not posted any ramblings or rants in over two weeks. Brace yourselves for this statement.

I'm excited about football starting. There I said it. I know the rest of the crew is going to give me shit for this but I can't help it. I talked college and pro football all weekend with my girlfriend's family and now I am legitimately excited about football coming back. I just love the sport too much to not show any emotion before opening kick-off. It's like a drug that was introduced to me at a young age, and although the new version of it is watered-down and leaves me feeling strung out, I just can't help myself in the long run. I need it. But let me make one thing clear; I'm excited about FOOTBALL, not necessarily the terrible coverage I will have to endure and I am certainly not getting over-excited about....

The Buffalo Bills. Oh lord the Buffalo Bills. Pre-season has shown exactly what I expected to see from this team. The offensive line is arguably one of the worst in the NFL. The run defensive is equally as embarrassing (ran over by Chicago and Jax who rested their starters). The offense that looks the exact same as last season; at times electrifying and dominant, and at other times anemic and unable to accomplish the simplest goals. Preparing my best Denny Green impersonation aaaaaaaaaand, THEY ARE WHO I THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!! Scene.

Yet as angry as I am about Ralph still owning this team, the pathetic run-defense, and the consistently neglected O-line, I will take this time to mention THREE positives I have taken from the team thus far. I am reeeeeeeeeeally trying here people.

     1. Marcell Dareus is a beast and we have a pass rush. Dear lord do we have a pass rush. I'm not getting my hopes up too much, but the worst thing about watching the Bills of the last several seasons has been QB's sitting in the pocket, taking their time to pick our secondary apart. Dareus has been pushing linemen out of his way, Merriman looks to be all roided up again (metaphorically of course - *loosens collar*), and young players like Antonio Coleman and Alex Carrington have the potential to be major factors. On top of it, throw in the Kyle Williams extension and I am loving what I am seeing out of this group. Now if we can only find a way to implicate Chris Kelsay in an illegal cock-fighting ring.

     2. Fred Jackson is the starter. Bottom line. Thank God Chan didn't screw that situation up anymore than he already did. Freddie has been one of the lone bright spots on this team the last few seasons and he could be an All-Pro on a team that used him correctly. If I was still purchasing Bills Gear, his jersey would be an easy choice. The whole situation should have never happened and I totally understand that they need to give C.J. Spiller more confidence, but c'mon! Jackson has shown time and time again that he deserves to be the starter on the squad, so let's keep it that way.

     3. Marcus Easley? Really? Wow. I know it was only one game but he looked great. Running strong routes, moving DB's out of his way, and even throwing a key block on a big Freddie Jackson run. He looked exactly like what James Hardy was supposed to. Then again, I don't believe Easley ever pulled a gun on his father. If you listen to the CrapTastiCast then you know my love for David Nelson, but maybe he needs to stay as a #3 or #4 if Easley can show some consistency. Fingers crossed, but not holding my breath. And for the love of God don't start with the "Marcus makes it look Easley" bullshit. He hasn't actually accomplished fuck-sake yet. Relax Berman-ites

There you have it, a quick and mostly positive look at the 2011 Buffalo Bills. A first here on this site. I am so proud of myself....or is that shame? I can't tell yet but I'll get back to you. I also may have written this only because I am fearing for my life from the Bills Mafia. Although I have a feeling that if they attempted to carry out a "hit" it would just involve a teenage girl yelling at me and saying I support Cancer. But more on them another time....

The Scizz

I know I may be a a few days late to the party but I had to post this. For those of you who missed it, future starting OLB and Mr. never played a game for Buffalo yet Shawn Merriman, was on The Sports Show with Norm Macdonald Monday night.  It appears he is wearing a generic blue jersey, or the New York Giants Danny Clark’s jersey, and then breaks into a 25 second rendition of The Sound of Music.  Take a look yourself. Glad to see he is punching Nazis and not a 98 pound Asian lesbian who looks like the cricket from Pinnochio. Scroll down and take a look-see for yourself.  This lockout needs to end ASAP.

What is the over/under on how much this video gets linked to on Buffalo blogs if Merriman never plays a down for the Bills?  I'm setting it at ten because there aren't many Bills blogs.....and I plan on linking to it five more times either way. I also need to add that if Merriman DOES play and makes a big hit, then I'm yelling NAZI PUNCH! every time.