Charles Nelson Reilly (CNR) is the unofficial mascot of DGWU
Welcome to the final post of my summer movie preview series. I’ve had some fun comparing the likes of Drew Stafford to bad teachers, and even Nathan Gerbe to bridesmaids, but this month was slightly more difficult. As some of you may know, the biggest films of the summer hit during the months of May, June, and July. August tends to be a spot for big studio films with some question marks, or maybe a little less star power. With that in mind, digging up movies that included a Sabres tie-in was not exactly easy and I definitely had to reach. In fact most of these guys won't even be on the team next season. Plus I have to agree with good ‘ole CNR up above and say that most of these films look pretty effin’ boring. However, I promised a preview for each month and the nerd in me needs to press on. Enjoy the show....
Rise of the Planet of the Apes: - August 5th
Craig Rivet, Steve Montador, and Shoane Morrisonn
"Hey Mr. Pegula! Over Here! Hey we're on the team too! Where's Craig?
There is a good chance chance you may disagree with me when I’m done with this one but I don't give a shit. In fact, Yachtsman and I have been going back and forth via e-mail arguing about the quality of Montador all day (I prefer Weber). These three stooges gave me fits over the past season. As we all know, Rivet has already left the organization, Montador should be closely behind with playoff benchings, and unless the Sabres want to take a cap hit of $2,075,000
,Morrisonn may be around for at least one more awful year. (sidebar: get rid of that stupid extra “n” at the end of your last Shoane! And while you’re at it, change the first name to Shane! Douche.)
All three of the players came in as UFA’s meant to add veteran leadership, and in Rivet’s case immediately become a captain, but each failed to deliver on the ice, leaving the youth to take on the brunt of the workload. I’m not sure how this compares to a new “Apes” film, but the last Tim Burton take had high expectations and was an absolute disaster of a film. I mean it was gouge your eyes out awful. Therefore I am unfairly assuming that this one will be terrible, just like these three veterans who came in with expectations that were never close to being met. I just hope I never have to add Jordan Leopold to this list.
Final Destination 5 - August 12th
Poor Patty Lalime. A truly great guy that has been forced to face mountains of disdain from Sabres fans the past three seasons (including plenty from me). The job of backing up Ryan Miller is not an easy task, and many have failed before him. Just ask Jocelyn Thibault, Ty Conklin, Marty Biron, Mika Noronen, and Mikael Tellqvist. With the emergence of the Demon Swede, this appears to be the end of the road for Lalime.
During his 12 year career in the NHL, Patrick completed full seasons with Pittsburgh, Ottawa, St. Louis, and Chicago; making Buffalo his 5th and FINAL DESTINATION. See what I did there? I amaze myself sometimes. Unless Lalime gets picked up by another team for a one year deal and then this whole paragraph is null and void. Stop judging me.
Conan the Barbarian - August 19th (Not that we are ever SFW, but this red band trailer contains some ridiculous violence & very brief nudity....a DGWU first!)
Stay away ladies. No secret babies needed.
Who else but future captain Thomas Vanek can match up to a wordly conquerer like Conan? Although this new Conan was raised in Iowa and use to star in Baywatch, we all know who the true Conan is. This
Aaaaaahnold was a 'roided up freak for the original Conan, and it is still one of those epic fantasy/action films that I can watch over and over, much like I was able to enjoy the play of Atlas Vanek
this past season. They are both a dominant force who leads their civilization/franchise to better days (Please do not cue up the Goo Goo Dolls right now). The best part has to be that both Arnold and Vanek are native Austrians. Hopefully both will be known for wearing C’s on their chests at points in their career. I’m just hoping that T.V. has no secret babies
Update: I had to throw this up on here after I watch the trailer again and realized that the new Conan is Jason Momoa, aka FUCKING KHAL DROGO FROM GAME OF THRONES
!!! Now I need to see this movie. DROOOOOOOOGOOOOOOOO!!!
My Idiot Brother - August 26th
This is not meant as a potshot at Rob Niedermayer. Despite a forgettable regular season (one in which there were contests to see when he would score his first goa
l), Niedermayer played an admirable playoff series against the Flyers and you could argue that he was the hardest working player on the ice. This has been his MO for years. By no means an idiot, he has always lived in the shadow of younger brother Scott. They both won a cup together, but let’s be honest; when you heard that a Niedermayer was coming to Buffalo, how many of you at least for a split second said to yourself “Oh god I wish it was Scott!” I know I did. Thus is the curse of having a more talented sibling.
From what I have seen of the trailers for My Idiot Brother, Paul Rudd definitely plays a huge screw-up, but he has a heart and always has to live in comparison to his much more accomplished siblings. This is the only "indie" film I tossed in any of these posts, but Rob has a very indie feel about him. I bet he listens to Fleet Foxes when he has a scoring drought.
That’s that. Thanks to everyone for reading my clever little connections between these two major loves of mine. Feedback has been strong to quite strong, so I may continue the series into the fall with Buffalo Bills players...probably not.
Stay tuned for more ramblings and rants from the DGWU crew, including a group road trip this weekend to the Poconos to see FC Buffalo in action. Also check out episode 10 of the CrapTastiCast
if you haven't yet...it's a doozy. Enjoy your summer and if you have any other great summer movie/Sabres connections, leave them in the comments or contact me. Maybe I’ll put 'em up. E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org
or hit me up on twitter @TheScizz.
I guess I'm sticking with the creepy, sexual offender-looking reviewers in this installment.
Welcome to the continuation of my 2011 summer movie preview. This week I take a look at the major releases of June, but of course with a Sabres twist. I got some great feedback from people about my May preview
, and as it turns out, there are many nerd/Sabres fans out there. It is pretty cool that I can talk to complete strangers about comic book movies, hockey, and Dr. Who all in the same conversation. Also, my girlfriend just cringed after reading that last sentence. Hi Honey! On to the movies!
X-Men:First Class - June 3rd
Ennis, Gerbe, Myers, Gragnani, Weber, & Enroth
We should all be familiar with the X-Men film franchise now (but I’ll forgive you if you block out Last Stand and I’ll punch you if you try to make me remember Wolverine). As a huge fan of the comics growing up, I always loved the idea of this group of misfits with super powers that have to come together for the better of their kind and the safety of the world. In the latest installment from Kick-Ass director Mathew Vaughn, we have a prequel that tells of the beginning of the young X-Men coming together for the first time. So could there be anything else to do here but compare this young group of powerful mutants with the up and coming youth surge of the Buffalo Sabres. I know I have already used Tyler Myers and Nathan Gerbe in the May preview, but add in Tyler Ennis, Marc-Andre Gragnani, Mike Weber and Jhonas Enroth , and you have a formidable team coming together to achieve a common goal….world peace. Wait, I meant a Stanley Cup. Sorry about that, I get my comic and sports priorities messed up sometimes. Also in comparison, Tim Kennedy is Magneto. I have no evidence to support that statement.
Super 8 - June 10th
I had to go with the Yachtsman personal favorite Cody McCormick here. Yes, the only obvious connection is the number 8, but you damn well better believe that if the Sabres bring Cody back, I’m referring to him as Super 8 all season. Especially if this film is as good as I think it is. I have to say that despite being a total comic book nerd (5 comic book movies this summer), I am looking most forward to J.J. Abrams’ Spielbergian tale of mystery. In a similarly odd way, despite the more well known current players and free agents out there right now, I’m also really looking forward to the re-signing of Cody McCormick. Ever since he was called up for the 2010 playoffs, I think he has been one of the Sabres most consistent players. He plays hard, fights hard, and does exactly what you want from a solid 4th line player. He played in 81 games, finished with career highs in goals, assists, points, and shots on goal. Not to mention his 142 penalty minutes and willingness to drop the gloves. Both the film and the player are sleeper hits.
Green Lantern - June 17th
Back to the comics. Green Lantern tells the story of an Air Force pilot named Hal Jordan that is chosen by a group of cosmic beings to possess a powerful ring. This ring gives him superpowers and allows him to protect the universe. I know I keep on making these silly comic to Sabres connections, but this one really jumped out at me. Why? In 2011, a Pennslyvania billionaire named Terry Pegula is motivated by his Buffalo-native wife and his love of hockey to purchase the Buffalo Sabres. Using his powerful checkbook, he will be able to bring in/keep superstar players that will lead the franchise to a Stanley Cup. This is fun and yes, I am a huge dork.
Bad Teacher - June 24th
My initial instinct was to use former captain Craig Rivet here, but after re-watching the trailer for this R-rated comedy, I changed my mind. The synopsis of the film is that the Cameron Diaz character is a shitty teacher who under-achieves because she has a rich fiancé and doesn’t value her job. When she gets dumped, she panics and tries to win over a substitute-teacher (played by some guy from N’Sync) who is also rich, so she can be set again financially. She attempts to achieve this by becoming a better teacher, with the eventual plan of going back to being “bad” again. I already know I am going to take some shit for this one, and let me first say that I am not against the idea of resigning Drew Stafford. HOWEVER, you have to admit he has been frustrating to watch over the past couple of seasons due to inconsistency, and this huge burst in offense we witnessed (had he been healthy all year, he would have easily lead the team in goals) has to make you think. I hate contract years. Is this a new Drew Stafford that will become an offensive juggernaut? Or will he revert back to a 14 goal season after he gets a new, lucrative deal? And why is Jason Segal in this movie? He needs to focus on The Muppets!Sidenote
: This movie actually doesn't look all that great, but go to the 1:53 mark for one of the best scenes from any trailer I have seen so far this year. Classic.
That does it for the June installment of my previews. Check back within the next week for my look at July, which features a douche-bag with a jacket over his shoulder, a cartoon classic, the TRUE Captain America, and more than meets the eye. Remember to follow me on twitter @TheScizz and @DGWUSports.
Besides being a well-known critic, I'm pretty sure this guy is required by law to inform you when he moves into your neighborhood.
On Saturday the DGWU crew (and Joe!
) recorded our newest episode of the CrapTastiCast
. We then proceded to drink high alcohol-content beers for several hours. I of course followed this up by returning home, drinking more, and then returning to Manhattan with the Yachtsman for more booze partaking. Needless to say on Sunday I was battling a vicious hangover. With my body destroyed and nothing to, I decided to watch some movie trailers online. After watching seven or eight of the blockbusters that are sure to make this summer both very lucrative and nerd-filled, an idea popped in my head. What if there was away I could combine two of my dearest passions? No, not Cadbury Cream Eggs and flash frying (hint: that has already been done, and it is amazing
). I’m talking about summer movies and the Buffalo Sabres. Both are highly entertaining, force me to fill myself with unhealthy food and drink, and in the end, mostly infuriate me. Thus this un-educated brainchild was born. Each movie’s title and release date will be followed by the trailer, and then the best corresponding Sabres personality. I also decided to split the review into four separate sections; May today, with June, July, and August following in the next couple of weeks. Welcome to the Scizz Summer Movie Preview: Sabres Edition - May 2011
Thor - May 6th
I realize this film has been out for almost two weeks now, but it is still killing it at the box office and I have yet to see it. Thor, of course is based on the Marvel comic and is the story of an Asgardian God that has been exiled from his home to Earth. There, he must help a hot-ass Natalie Portman to save the world. Who else better than Tyler Myers fits the role of a hammer-wielding God of thunder put in charge of saving the day? Psycho T landed on planet Buffalo in 2010 and we immediately saw a guy that could help win the Cup (aka save the world). He is developing before our eyes
and already plays like a superhero. Plus Thor has to battle ugly ice giants and that only led to one thought; Zdeno Chara, anyone?
Bridesmaids - May 13th
I know what you are thinking. “How dare you compare Nathan Gerbe to a movie all about women in dresses!!!”, but please hear me out. I have heard nothing but amazing things about this film. Apparently at the genius direction of Paul Feig and the acting of SNL member Kristen Wiig, they created a piece of work that is not what it seemed to many of us at first sight. It is a wedding movie with a mostly female cast that has the comedy style of Old School and Hangover, even though it appears to be a chick flick on the surface. Now how many of you last season thought Nathan Gerbe was just an undersized player that would never be a fan favorite or emotional team leader? SEE! The little guy may not look like a big, bruising star but when he amps up, fans go nuts and he can the push team to victory (see spin-o-rama on 4/8/2011
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - May 20th
I look to the famous Johnny Depp character of Captain Jack Sparrow for this comparison. Although not a captain (yet), Roysie was an alternate and is definitely considered a team leader. Before he went down this season he was having a career year and was considered by many to be one of the only players on the team that appeared to give a shit. Cap’n Jack also has a certain cockiness and flamboyance that reminds me of Roysie during his now infamous and bizarre nights on Chippewa
. Plus, I have always said that if I could party with a celebrity, it would be Depp, and if I have a choice to hit the town with a Buffalo Sabre, you better believe it will be with this Kangol hat wearing sunovabitch!
The Hangover Part 2 - May 26th
There. I finally said his name again. Much like the first film, Hangover Part 2 involves a group of friends getting hammered and trying to remember the night before? This is exactly how I feel about Butler after watching his playoff performance. I keep trying to remember all the good stuff he did at the end of the regular season, but it has proven to be quite difficult. I am continually searching for clues about what exactly happened that may have turned him into the doorstep of that first round series. Speaking of which, if anyone happens to know if Dmitri Kalinin was seen around Buffalo or Philadelphia from April 14 - 26, please contact @TheScizz
That does it for the May round of the Summer preview. Check back in the next few days for my look at the films of June and the Sabres that best represent them. I'll deal with mutants, cosmic heroes, government secrets, and a comedic woman....and then I'll write about the movies! ZING!