Alright, so the reason I never write about "sports" is because all of my teams are steaming piles of dog shit. Writing about them is tantamount to watching the dog shit: cool, harden and turn white on the corner every day when I walk to work. And Barrister has been begging me to write something for once in my life.
This thought process started with the Buffalo Sabres Twitter account tweeting about some Dancing With The Stars contestant. So turns out she's on Terry Pegula's record label (diversify yo bonds); mystery solved likely. I was sincerely afraid this was part of a "pinkification" operation to reach out to female fans. Because let's be honest, I'm sure no one has learned anything from While the Men Watch
or the Ranger's Girls Guide to Hockey.
Hey, the Sabres account might not be on the same snark level as the Kings, at least they're not handing over the account to people I've never heard of who make shitty "jokes" about sexual assault
What else really pisses me the fuck off? Keep reading.
This photo is called a "teaser"
This is as belated as we've been in a while. Maybe the dad among us shouldn't promise to edit anymore, particularly on a noght of such heavy drinking. With esteemed Deeg colleague Monsieur Boner Shorts in town, things got weird.
I won't bother recapping it, except to say this was recorded the night of Tuesday, March 26th, in the midst of Sabres, Knicks, USMNT, Clippers/Mavs and shots of whiskey. Also, the Scizz was there, so if you love the soft tones of his Franklinville accent, make sure to join in the fun with a download.
or stream below if you want, whatever. Subscribe via the itunes link below, or via RSS at www.deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com/rss ... I think?
Welp. That happened.
We went to the Sabres game out on Long Island last week, we recorded dipshit #hottakes in the midst of our drunkenness, and then I took my sweet ass time editing it all into a nice little package for you.
At least it's short, right guys?
If you enjoy those moments when we're the most wretched versions of ourselves, you'll love this one. If you prefer us when we're serious sports analysts, go take a nap while reading Buffalo Wins.
Music by the Jambrones, The Edgar Winter Group, The Doors and Eric Clapton. Download here
, or stream below.
The ContinentalEvery week (HA FUCKING HA) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at firstname.lastname@example.org, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.
I clearly need to get better at "getting drunk" and/or "posting to the site." The Barrister puts me to shame and he has a wife, child, and law bidness and drinking to tend to. In the mean time I have been getting drunk A LOT. #OccupyNassau was fun, if traumatic for brave coworker I invited along. I did do a lot of yelling about Jochen Hecht being a shitsipping taint, but I did keep the "Please let me suck your dick Cody" to a minimum. But seriously, if any of you buffablogbros can hook a sister up tell Cody I'm DTF.
What's a good VDay activity for a non-romantic couple that doesn't want to buy each other shit. @criminallyvu1ga
That counts for a lot of people. Although some people can get by with "make dinner" and "tell my partner I love them." But for you two, you guys moved to a new city with what I assume is a somewhat temperate climate? I recommend a nice long walk with your dogs, then if you can, make a bonfire! That's cozy and romantic (provided you are legally able to set fires.) Hot dogs optional, but everything in my life is better with hot dogs.
Hot Diggity Damn!
Which professional league athletes get the most ass on the road and why and in order? -HKD
Time spent on the road, takes football right out since they have the shortest season, plus just less time away from their wives and families during the week. Let's go from least to most ass:
4. Football-time crunch, short seasons AND career length.
3. Baseball- baseball players wear tight pants, but they're mostly busted and weird shaped. At least hockey players are busted but man-shaped.
2. Hockey- good Canadian boys usually get married young and have a surprising amount of sexual hangups. So by the time they start being adulterous it's in their late 20s, inherent disadvantage.
1. Basketball- I mean have you SEEN basketball players! Young, cute, crazy scary tall, full schedule with plenty of travel. Definitely first.
Who should I want to bang more, TJ Brennan or Ryan Fitzpatrick? @SamanthaJoy124
First this stems back from a hilarious exchange with @fgif
when his profile picture was Franj with TJ Brennan. Sam said she "maybe would" the tall one (Brennan.) Then Frank cried himself to sleep or something, I don't know his life.
Sam, TJ Brennan is 6'1" and Fitzy is 6'2" so they are pretty much at the same playing field as "unfortunately not that much taller than you." (Sam is my dutch goddess friend, if any of you are 6'3" or taller in the NYC Metro area and are a "good" dude please romance her.) TJ Brennan is the obvious choice, he is younger, has a better future in his sport, isn't Grand Marshall of the shit parade. Brennan is the healthy scratch of shit parades.
I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feel-lings
I'm a busy important 3L, please watch House of Cards and decide whether or not I should watch it since we both have impeccable taste. -@sholland06
Ok, I may have paraphrased there but that's really what he meant. SORRY to to disappoint but the night I tried to start watching House of Cards I hit a speed bump commonly known as "blacking out." Since I tried to drown my sorrows that Franj and Renn could not make #occupynassau. Maybe 12 beers before trying to start an hour long drama was a poor choice. Really the drinking 12 beers was the poor choice.
Anyways sholland06, people I love and trust (Happy Valentines Day <3) all love it, the afformentioned Franj, Renn, but also StephanieZD
, runthedive, cbruckel
and other people who I'm sure I'm forgetting. The tone seems to be a lot of "wow this is incredible and well done" but mostly "KATE MARA."
Also to everyone if you have any important cultural contributions to add to my life I am always looking readers.
House of Cards tho
What's your ideal sports/vday date: Mine is NBA All-star weekend? -@e_dealur
Really? All star weekend? Anyone likes those things? But fair, it's the NBA and you get dunk contests and the game is like two Harlem Globetrotters playing each other, not the awkward shinny the NHL puts on every year.
Sex and hockey is probably too pedestrian right? Yeah, that's not even a special occasion, and Valentine's Day is about going "above and beyond" we can all agree. Therefore my answer is leave work to drink, go to a Rangers or Knicks game and get very drunk,then give a blow job to my date in a cab. WHO SAID ROMANCE IS DEAD Y'ALL!!!!
Are you there Deegers it's me The Continental:
On a day with such a rich tradition of love and romance I'm here to ask you: What is the most shameful/weirdest/creepiest/scariest/saddest/grossest thing you've ever beat off to? Anonymity encouraged.
Happy Valentines Day! XOXOXOXO
Never has a CrapTastiCast required so much editing.
Sunday didn't go quite as planned. Our special guest for the afternoon was absent due to the failings of Time Warner's high-speed never really works internet so the rest of the NYC-based crew soldiered on with discussions of the Bills, Sabres, NHL and a silver platter of other topics that I can't be bothered to remember. We finish it off with another installation of our game "Scizz is a Douche," thereby giving us all the opportunity to show how stupid we are when we're a few deep.
Musical interludes care of Radiohead, Dr. Dog, Kendrick Lamar and 2 Bears. Download
and stream below, or hit our libsyn podcast page
for access to all of our podcasts.
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at email@example.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.
The Bills are still a football team, which really bums me out. Fortunately I had Boner Shorts Day to look forward to this week and it was a great time. The next day at work? Not so much. As promised, here is my answer to last week's question
: "what's the worst thing someone has overheard you say."
To preface this, my 11th grade history teacher was a total cockbag. He graduated from the school he teaches at, he was popular then, and then in his mid 30's he was still trying to relive his glory days. He loved making us listen to him talk, mostly inane anecdotes he repeated often. I think it was about the third time he launched into his "trip to Paris" story when he paused for dramatic effect and I leaned over to my friend/seatmate and said "Congratulations." Problem: I said this in my normal speaking voice, not a whisper, cue class laughter.
Mr. Cockbag decides that this is a good place to lecture me for my sarcasm and cynicism The joke was on him because he used both of those words incorrectly. I knew he was pissy, so I didn't correct him so I wouldn't get detention.
Epilogue: he goes to my church and the one time a year I see him he never speaks to me or my family, though we sit two pews away. Assclown.
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at firstname.lastname@example.org, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. The Continental
Alright, I'm just going to come out and say it. If the lockout ends this week it was absolutely due to CrapTastiCast 38 with Jeremy White.
Because yeah, that was a thing that totally happened in my life. But really I kind of don't care about the NHL happenings
because guess what the fuck is happening December 21, 2012: ZUBAZ NIGHT
... that's right! The Rochester Americans are doing $30 tickets PLUS your own pair of Zubaz. What a bargain So yeah, catch me there. I might have to wear these around Williamsburg and Soho every weekend to see if someone takes my picture for their Street Style Blog.
I wish I could be as cool as @JustinBassett, the self-proclaimed Hugo Boss of fanswear. He's right.
Back from a pretty long hiatus, the Deeg is back with another CrapTastiCast, and it's one some of you have been waiting for since Mr. White and I exchanged words over the NHL Lockout in October
. We spoke about having Jeremy chat record with us at the time, but daddy duties and Hurricane recovery put this on the backburner until now.
Perhaps that delay was for the best since, in the month and a half that has followed that initial twitter fight (God I feel so stupid typing that), Jeremy and I have had a chance to talk more about the lockout. While I wouldn't say we've reached any kind of consensus on those issues that got me so heated in October, it's become apparent that Jeremy is a civil dude (not always readily apparent on twitter... which could be said about many) and that civility plays itself out on what you'll listen to here.
My apologies if you came here expecting nothing but our unbridled asshole shtick. Frankly, we care too much about the issues of the lockout to cave into our sophomoric tendencies - at least this time - especially when we have a guest willing to look beyond the fact that I may or may not have called him a equivocating hack/dickhole back in October. /rushes to delete Deeg archives /trips over beer cans /farts /forgets original task
Which isn't to say that this CrapTastiCast is entirely devoid of those tendencies you've come to know and love. Along for the ride are The Scizz and The Continental. In addition to the lockout, we talk Bills, Jets, Mets, Knicks and stumble through a few completely inappropriate conversations about drugs in closets and Scizz's love for our 43rd President.
If you're only interested in our talk with Jeremy, cue it to 15:55 and enjoy. Also - give yourself the finger from us since we think you should listen to the whole fucking thing.
In addition to our usual intro, Deeg house band The Jambrones help us out with our first two musical interludes, while the rest is picked up by Audioslave and Brother Ali. Podcast page here
. Direct download here
. iTunes link below or Subscribe via our RSS feed here.
And, of course, stream audio in the player below if you wish.
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at email@example.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.
I made it back from the Thanksgiving pilgrimage to my childhood home, and boy do things there never change. Except my father made me install a new glass door with my brother, and boy did it almost fall on me and permanently disfigure my face. Plus I even got to meet The Outlander! I have finally met every Deeg-er and boy are we more hilarious and inappropriate in person. The written word does not do enough justice. I'll be home for Christmas too, and I'm planning on hitting an Amerks game. Look me up, I'll probably even buy you a beer because holy tits I forgot how cheap beer can be, no but seriously wow.
Mike Harrington, writing his latest column
The Barrister, featuring the DGWU Sports Crew
Why hello again, friends! If you're like me, you're counting the hours until you get to leave your godforsaken job on one of the slowest days of the year, and you're looking forward/dreading a day with family. And, if you're like me, when you're seated at the table, asked to give thanks for some sappy thing in your life or another, you'll have a litany of other things you might want to say but know would be inappropriate. "I'm thankful Michael Vick is having a terrible season since he's a terrible human being," or "I'm thankful that college football is finally getting a playoff in 2014 so we can stop listening to pundits whine about the lack of fairness in a system that explots free athlete labor for massive profit," or "I'm thankful for my liver for saving me that one night I decided to dance with a bottle of Patron."
The things we can't bring ourselves to say in mixed company for fear that our families' idealized visions of us will shatter as they realize we are simply shallow degenerates who might actually care more about sports and drinking than we do about our parents. Of course, if our families knew us better in the first place, they would have already suspected that was true...
Mind you that this will likely be the week that my entire family chooses to read this mess of a website, so it goes without saying that I've probably said too much. Love you, momma!
In the spirit of giving thanks with the Deeg halves of ourselves - the halves that we unleash upon the interwebs in a rush of cursing and disgusting generalizations - we've all gathered on this post to share what we're thankful for this holiday season. Some of it is sappy, some of it incredibly sophomoric, but I imagine that this is no surprise and that you're all pretty much on board with what we do here.
On to the #HotTakesOfThanks!!