The Commander, guest contributor
Hi there, welcome to The DEEG. I’m “The Commander”, which is totally a play on Cobra Commander. Confession: I’m a giant GI Joe dork, I have an entire room full of action figures and shit. I’m a grown ass man and everything. I even have a job, and a girlfriend, and a shitload of cats and dogs. If you don’t know me, that’s ok I haven’t written anything long form in forever. Basically, I’m a Twitter smartass and the people who run this place love that sort of thing so they gave me a chance to be funny and entertaining in more than 140 characters.
First a little background so that you guys get where I’m coming from when it comes to my relationship with Buffalo sports. I was actually born in Cleveland and moved to Buffalo when I was about 9 years old. Being too young to really care about the Cleveland teams, I latched onto the Bills and Sabres and grew up following them. The first Bills game I attended in person was The Comeback, so really It’s been all downhill from there. About 2 years ago I moved to California and jinxed the only pro team in my immediate area into moving to Seattle. You’re welcome Sacramento! Despite having a “9 to 5” I’ve been able to watch like 95% of every Sabres game this year…thanks to mobile devices and working from home occasionally. So now that you have an idea of the lengths I go to be disappointed in my sports teams, I feel that I can openly bitch and complain about them for you. The only difference between you and I is that at least when the Bills and Sabres suck unequivocal amounts of ass in November or December, I don’t have to shovel snow.
This is a terrible time to jump aboard the DEEG, Bills season is long over and another shitty Sabres season is behind us. But I wanted to take this time and reflect on the 5 things that I hated the most about the past Sabres season.
Tomorrow night the longest lockout shortened season in the history of sports is coming to an end. Seriously, it’s only been three months; I have the schedule in front of me and everything. If you want highlights only, this will be a quick read for you: season opener, three Boston wins, comeback against Montreal, snapping Pittsburgh’s win streak. There, you can go back to whatever it was you were doing before you got here; I’m only writing this because the Wild Card is some sort of wunderkind and I’m feeling inadequate. Actually I’ll give you one more highlight: waking up at the gate in JFK at 7:30am after Occupy Newark, surrounded by dozens of people with only hazy recollection of how I got there. Probably should have just taken Scizz’s couch invite instead of taking a cab to the airport at 4am, but I am thankful for whatever TSA agent kindly let me through security.
That still-intoxicated confusion amongst the chaos of a crowded airport terminal is indicative of the season we just watched. What happened? Why was everything so terrible? Why am I still wearing this Vanek jersey? Well, I watched nearly every game and I don’t have the slightest goddamn clue. All I know is this is the first season I didn’t see a win in person since 2003-2004 and I’ve spent nearly all of those seasons in between living hours away. Well that, and that there were many specific things that came together like some sort of horrifying, malevolent Captain Planet to ruin our evenings three times a week.
At first I was just going to list all the things that were horrible about this season but as I got to eleven it struck me that first, with enough time this list could go on perpetually as if I was writing out the decimals in pi, looking for an end, and second, I wanted to identify what was worse than all the others; what, when matched up against the other “worst” things on the list, made the others look better. Think of this like a Bill Simmons' NBA trade value column, except you’ve heard of these names and I don’t get paid for it. To properly settle this, I decided to seed the eight worst entities about this season and match them up in a tournament format to see what exactly would come out on top (bottom?), along with my analysis.
To the seedings: 9 (Honorable Mention): John Scott
- I definitely bitched about his presence on the ice more than some of the things found below, but when compiling this list I felt he may have gotten a bad rap from me. First, we all knew coming in he wasn't skilled at hockey. Two, it wasn't his decision to put him in the lineup constantly, leaving talented- err, less awful
players scratched. However, he would have cracked my top 8 if it wasn't for his photobombing post-game interviews
late in the season. So, thanks to some stellar off-ice moves, Scott does not make the most hated tournament. But seriously, get the fuck off my team now. 8) Jochen Hecht:
I’m not sure what I hate more, his complete ineptitude on offense, the rare moments when that ineptitude disappears, or the fact that everyone involved in making organizational decisions loves this guy for reasons beyond understanding. Ruff, Regier and Rolston have raved about this statue and I haven’t the slightest fucking clue. Giving Hecht top line minutes was effectively hoping for a 1-0 win or a 2-1 overtime loss, and despite this I STILL don’t trust them to cut ties after this season. He’s a fucking 80’s horror villain. Go away. 7) Drew Stafford:
Fuck Drew Stafford. Thanks for those two shootout goals I guess, dickface. 6) The Buffalo News:
This is primarily a credit to their belief that all the teams ills would have been solved if the owner had commented about Regier or the Pominville trade. Watching them slowly melt down during the season into petulant children was pretty funny when I wasn’t annoyed by the pettiness and lack of professionalism by people who actually do get paid to write for a living. Plus they’re fucking creepy. Solid dark horse as a six seed
Hi. I'm the Scizz. I write for this blog. Earlier today I found out that Buffalo Sabres' defenseman Tyler Myers has a broken leg and is out for the rest of the year. My immediate reaction?
It is amazing how much Buffalo sports simply don't matter to me right now. Now I hope the injury is not going to hinder his career or anything like that. I definitely don't wish injuries on players (unless their name is Lucic, Brady, or Vick and in that case they can all be set on fire while their limbs are ripped off by wild horses). Yet, there is something comical about the team's supposed "young star" being knocked out and finding myself having absolutely no emotion whatsoever. Of course besides that whole heart made of the blackest coal thing, I'm a pretty emotional guy SHUT UP EVERYBODY I CRIED AT THE END OF COOL RUNNINGS THEY TRIED SO HARD LEAVE ME ALONE!
So since I realized that two seasons ago this would have left me distraught and my day ru-eened, I figured I'd provide a quick list of 10 things that concern me more right now. This is probably pretty stupid but it took 11 minutes for me to write it, so get bent.
10. Giving up beer for 6 out of 7 days a week until my wedding, June 1st. Why did I do this? I know I want Jesus abs for the honeymoon and everything, but holy christ do I love beer. I'll never make it.
9. Whether to watch re-runs of Samford & Son, Wonder Years, or the 1960's Spider-Man cartoon on Netflix after work.
8. The homeless guy outside my job that looks suspiciously like Mike Harrington. (I still got it! Yeeeeeeeah!)
7. Kris Letang's injuries. Motherfucker is on my fantasy team and I neeeeeeeed him right now. That shit matters.
6. *WARNING! SEMI-POLITICAL SENTENCE* People that can say with a straight face that automatic weapons serve a purpose in society outside of law-enforcement and the military.
This seems about right.
5. Choosing the Yachtsman to be my best man and Barrister to be the man who marries me to my wife. I have nobody else to blame but myself.
4.This weird rash on my inner thigh.
3. Russ Brandon is still a thing.
2. The Knicks' winning streak has ended, Tyson Chandler and Kenyon Martin are injured, and the name James Singleton is being floated around. Dumb sports.
1. How am I going to survive my bachelor party? Like, seriously you guys? I'm concerned for my own well-being and all those around me that weekend. Take your craziest bender and multiply it by a hundred. Now you're getting close to the level of debauchery that's going to happen. I'm scared.
THESE are things to be concerned about. Feel free to add your own in the comments below.
Unless of course this is some rare, catastrophic leg-break that means Tyler Myers will never play hockey again and I probably should have taken the whole situation more serious. In that case, please contact @JoeBuffaloWins
for all of your hate and concerns. He actually wrote this.
In one of our shortest CrapTastiCasts ever, we struggle for subject matter after the Sabres' first loss of the season. While you can't really say we succeeded, we showed up at least so that's something. During the more lucid moments of this particular installment from the Buffalo expat insane asylum, we talk a little about the Sabres, a little about Manti Te'o, a little about baseball, and a little about man tears. The Scizz was off his rocker for most of the evening so don't expect much by way of focus... which, incidentally you should never really expect from us anyway.
Musical content by way of Deeg house band The Jambrones, Jane's Addiction, Radical Face and Aerosmith.
Stream below, subscribe with our handy itunes button or download here
Let's be real here. That was fucking delightful.
The lockout is over, we've had top-level professional hockey for two straight days, and the Buffalo Sabres beat the piss out of the shitheads from Broad Street. What do we have to be sullen about?
/looks at rafters to see meaningless divisional banners and a slew of Bandits championships /kills self
There's certainly plenty of history to support a pessimistic tone today because, well, #becauseitsbuffalo, but sports are fun and yesterday was tons
of it. Is it a sign of things to come? Are we destined for the playoffs after a disappointing end to last season? I don't know and neither do you. Shit like games and goals and saves all still have to actually happen. Let's enjoy it, ok?
No? The Sabres are inevitably going to disappoint us and cause me to retreat to my son's nursery for a week's worth of tears? Well screw you man
For the time being we have the luxury of being all optimism all the time, at least until Yachtsman jumps on here with his "fuck all the things" tone, so join me after the jump for generally delusional and premature observations on Buffalo's early version of HOCKEYPUCKSTIME. (and a gracious tip of the hat to our buddy Frank
for that one)
The Barrister and The Scizz
Back with another installment of the Infinite Sadness podcast, the Scizz and I talked through a series of topics - most actually sports-related. Amazing how we can stay on topic when we're not drunk.
We discuss the Kings' Game 6 win and take jabs at their fan base and then have a lengthy discussion about the Sabres offseason as we approach free agency next month. We also discuss the NBA finals briefly, and give thanks to Guatemala for tossing the World Cup Qualifier on pay-per-view last night. Other tidbits include jokes about masturbation, Tim Connolly, our fantasy for Derek Roy's demise, and horse racing. We're classy.
Musical contributions from Jurassic 5 and Dilated Peoples.
Download and stream the cast, which runs about 30 minutes, below.
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Besides being a well-known critic, I'm pretty sure this guy is required by law to inform you when he moves into your neighborhood.
On Saturday the DGWU crew (and Joe!
) recorded our newest episode of the CrapTastiCast
. We then proceded to drink high alcohol-content beers for several hours. I of course followed this up by returning home, drinking more, and then returning to Manhattan with the Yachtsman for more booze partaking. Needless to say on Sunday I was battling a vicious hangover. With my body destroyed and nothing to, I decided to watch some movie trailers online. After watching seven or eight of the blockbusters that are sure to make this summer both very lucrative and nerd-filled, an idea popped in my head. What if there was away I could combine two of my dearest passions? No, not Cadbury Cream Eggs and flash frying (hint: that has already been done, and it is amazing
). I’m talking about summer movies and the Buffalo Sabres. Both are highly entertaining, force me to fill myself with unhealthy food and drink, and in the end, mostly infuriate me. Thus this un-educated brainchild was born. Each movie’s title and release date will be followed by the trailer, and then the best corresponding Sabres personality. I also decided to split the review into four separate sections; May today, with June, July, and August following in the next couple of weeks. Welcome to the Scizz Summer Movie Preview: Sabres Edition - May 2011
Thor - May 6th
I realize this film has been out for almost two weeks now, but it is still killing it at the box office and I have yet to see it. Thor, of course is based on the Marvel comic and is the story of an Asgardian God that has been exiled from his home to Earth. There, he must help a hot-ass Natalie Portman to save the world. Who else better than Tyler Myers fits the role of a hammer-wielding God of thunder put in charge of saving the day? Psycho T landed on planet Buffalo in 2010 and we immediately saw a guy that could help win the Cup (aka save the world). He is developing before our eyes
and already plays like a superhero. Plus Thor has to battle ugly ice giants and that only led to one thought; Zdeno Chara, anyone?
Bridesmaids - May 13th
I know what you are thinking. “How dare you compare Nathan Gerbe to a movie all about women in dresses!!!”, but please hear me out. I have heard nothing but amazing things about this film. Apparently at the genius direction of Paul Feig and the acting of SNL member Kristen Wiig, they created a piece of work that is not what it seemed to many of us at first sight. It is a wedding movie with a mostly female cast that has the comedy style of Old School and Hangover, even though it appears to be a chick flick on the surface. Now how many of you last season thought Nathan Gerbe was just an undersized player that would never be a fan favorite or emotional team leader? SEE! The little guy may not look like a big, bruising star but when he amps up, fans go nuts and he can the push team to victory (see spin-o-rama on 4/8/2011
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - May 20th
I look to the famous Johnny Depp character of Captain Jack Sparrow for this comparison. Although not a captain (yet), Roysie was an alternate and is definitely considered a team leader. Before he went down this season he was having a career year and was considered by many to be one of the only players on the team that appeared to give a shit. Cap’n Jack also has a certain cockiness and flamboyance that reminds me of Roysie during his now infamous and bizarre nights on Chippewa
. Plus, I have always said that if I could party with a celebrity, it would be Depp, and if I have a choice to hit the town with a Buffalo Sabre, you better believe it will be with this Kangol hat wearing sunovabitch!
The Hangover Part 2 - May 26th
There. I finally said his name again. Much like the first film, Hangover Part 2 involves a group of friends getting hammered and trying to remember the night before? This is exactly how I feel about Butler after watching his playoff performance. I keep trying to remember all the good stuff he did at the end of the regular season, but it has proven to be quite difficult. I am continually searching for clues about what exactly happened that may have turned him into the doorstep of that first round series. Speaking of which, if anyone happens to know if Dmitri Kalinin was seen around Buffalo or Philadelphia from April 14 - 26, please contact @TheScizz
That does it for the May round of the Summer preview. Check back in the next few days for my look at the films of June and the Sabres that best represent them. I'll deal with mutants, cosmic heroes, government secrets, and a comedic woman....and then I'll write about the movies! ZING!
I just lost this entire post once already, but in the spirit of Ryan Miller and The Buffalo Sabres, I will plow ahead and move forward. BOOF. This series is mystifying to me. We're seeing things out of this Buffalo team that no one could ever have predicted, except maybe the inner warriors living inside the men with Demon Bison on their chests. I am no longer predicting or expecting any rational outcome of these games. Ryan Miller and his woodsman muttonchops have led this band of lumberjacks to a point where they are the hardest wood-chopping & water-fetching squad this city has seen in a LONG time.
Fig. A.) Skeleton; Ryan Miller's.
Outrageously unsubstantiated and outlandish keys to the game:
- Chris Pronger may be trying to pull some Willis Reed Shit on us. I will have none of that thank you. If he does manage to step out on the ice, look for a maelstrom of Kaleta and Myers blindsiding him at every opportunity. Welcome to the Thunderdome, Gaptooth.
- Tyler Myers has been laying lumber all over the place this series. Look for Psycho T. unleash hell today.
- I don't know what Ryan Miller will show up today, but it doesn't matter to me. I will now follow this man into the depths of holy hell with a smile on my face.
- Who will start in goal for the Flyers? Who fucking cares? Either way the Swords will rain havoc upon their crease.
- My mom is reading the blog now. Uh Oh.
Hoboken, NJ today. The Pourhouse. Watching the game in a state that hates Philly almost as much as Buffalo.
Hasek Jersey, with Glory, again.
The bell tolls for you, Philadelphia. AND TYLER ENNIS IS TOLLING IT.
Word on the street is, the above picture from WEDG
was taken on Briere's street. I don't care if it is true or not because that is fucking fantastic. I don't think I even need to show the 4:20 stoning of lil' danny by Miller again, but in case you missed it:
Last night was awesome and the fall out has been even more awesome. That's why instead of me rambling on about everything that happened last night, I have compiled a one-stop-shop for all things important (video/pics/links) that went down. Bear with me, I have a lot to show you. First off, the "dirty plays" we all keep hearing about. I've decided to keep it to the following things: Richards' elbow, Gate-gate (as I'm calling it), Kimmo's nut shot, Myers destroying Briere, the Flyers whining and Lindy's subsequent response. Let us begin, shall we?
Go to the 0:27 mark to see the elbow for the first time. I get it Flyers (and fans), Kaleta is a dirty, annoying as hell player, but your telling me that makes it ok for Richards to throw that WWF style elbow up? Eat a dick. To say there was no intent to harm is absolutely ridiculous. Especially because the main argument I'm hearing is that "Kaleta deserved it" and by saying that you are acknowledging there WAS intent. But to show you I am a fair and honest person, I present the next clip.
Gate-gate. Terrible name, I realize this. But I added the second gate because of the way people are up in arms about the whole thing as if it is some huge conspiracy. The refs are out to get you? Did you see any of game two? With that being said, I will totally admit that the whole thing is screwed up and Kaleta can be a real piece of shit. Was it dirty? Yes. Was it intentional? Yes. Was it hilarious? FUCK YES! If anyone has the computer-savvy capability of playing that clip over-and-over-and-over while speeding it up and putting the old Benny Hill music to it, then you my friend will have a long-life pal in one, The Scizz. C'mon people, He opened a bench gate and the guy fell backwards a foot. Unless you are a complete pussy (see Sidney Crosby), then no injury is going to come from that. Career ending? Give me a fucking break. Deadspin called it "the dirtiest hockey play we've seen in awhile"
. Really? Jump on Youtube and watch any highlights from Matt Cooke, Sean Avery, or Raffi Torres and then talk to me. NEXT!
Ok, so I don't have video evidence available to put up on this site, but you can click here
to see Kimmo spearing Gerbe in the nether region. Classy Philly. I keep hearing that Gerbe took a run at Kimmo behind the net first, so again there is that lovely "he deserved it" argument. Going back and forth and saying "he did it first" is classic sports stupidity. I'm sorry, but smacking someone in the BALLS with your stick after the period ended is as grimy as you can possibly get. Unless you are opening a gate for another player to fall...that may be slightly grimier.
Now onto the Briere hate! (lots of links comin', but I told you it's a compilation)
I won't go into too many words here because if you really want to know how the DGWU crew feel about him, you can listen to last week's CrapTastiCast
, However check out this awesome GIF from Phil at Black & Blue & Gold of Myers owning 'lil danny
and then take a listen to Nick Mendola's new rendition of the Elton John classic "Daniel".
God Bless both you fine, young gentleman.
And lastly, how have both teams responded? The Flyers keep whining
and Ruff calls them bitches
. Ok maybe he didn't call them bitches but still. I just find it unbelievable that anyone can say that the refs have been lop-sided this series. I will not argue that there have been some AWFUL calls on both sides, but to say it is lop-sided shows no knowledge of the game of Hockey. Seriously, shoot yourself in the face. Both teams have fought hard, taken some questionable hits, and presented us with some of the best hockey possible. Go back to throwing batteries at your OWN players if you don't believe that.
But let us not end on a sour note! How can we forget Ryan Miller's post-game press conference: “I don’t need to listen to all of the (stuff) that’s out there from people who don’t know how to play goalie. I really don’t give an expletive.”
AMAZING! You should also Check out the Sabres 2011 playoff intro.
Chills. Then of course there is this picture that Phil from BBG
took last night:
Spoke to Phil earlier today and the story behind the picture is great. At the plaza, they have these security points set up so they can oversee the crowd from a bird's eye view. He asked security if he could go up and take a picture of the awesomeness (there's that word again) that was going on outside HSBC Arena. With a security escort, of course, Phil ran up and snapped this. Next time anyone questions Buffalo fans, I'm just gonna pop this sucker out.
Speaking of Phil (he is all over this post!), he will be joining the DGWU crew tonight for the recording of CrapTastiCast Episode 3. Looking forward to having him on to talk Sabres hockey, party in the plaza stories, and of course our favorite topic, BEER. Join us tomorrow for a game five preview from the Apologist and probably more drivel from me. Spring break baby!
As I sit here in a dome of absolute sadness and depression due to the fact that I will be in Philly today at 5pm, but not at the game, I am attempting to absorb as much Sabres knowledge as I possibly can. I was not planning on posting anything this morning besides a reminder for a meet-up of the game watch tonight (information forthcoming), but Bucky Gleason has a fantastic article up this morning on defenseman Chris Butler
that I needed to comment on.
It has been easy to dismiss Butler as yet another young defenseman the Sabres have brought up through the system that could simply not cut it. They possibly showed some potential, but never achieved at the level that us fans thought we were going to see. I'm not so much talking about someone like Dmitri Kalinin (seriously, fuck him though), but more so names like Funk, Card, and Paetsch. On a higher level, and I know I'll take some major flack for this, I also mean names like Weber, Sekera, and Gragnani (Yes I understand they are all playing well now, but you cannot tell me that not one of these players hasn't sent you into fits over the past several seasons). These are all draft picks that came up through Rochester or Portland that never seemed to make their mark. That's why when Tyler Myers busted through door the last season, we were all giddy as hell. The Sabres FINALLY had a young, sure-thing defenseman.
Eat shit Charo
The thing is, I absolutely thought Butler had the potential to be a top defenseman in the league. During his rookie year in 2008-09, he didn't put up many points, but he was a +11 in 47 games and he skated hard every game I saw him in. In an odd way, he reminded me a bit of Jay McKee. Then to start the 2009-10 season, he was playing lights out. Myers was the major story, but I am assuming that many of you, like me, noticed that Butler was making a nice little mark for himself. In fact, ESPN put out a story a few weeks into the season naming the top 75 defensemen in the NHL. No surprise, Buffalo had a big ZERO on the list. However, at the end of the article, there was an addendum naming Myers and Butler number 76 and 77. Myers AND Butler. To open the season, he was playing well enough to get that type of national attention. (By the way, if you can find a link to that article, please leave it in the comments or e-mail us. I scoured the internet trying to find it, but so far no luck.)
The rest of the season was not fantastic for CB. He ended up a -15 and those healthy scratches that have been so common this season, were starting to rear their ugly head. Butler had fallen off, and I started to get the feeling he was going to end up falling off the roster altogether, with young defenseman like T.J. Brennan and Drew Schiestel coming through the system. I simply felt disappointed. Another young player that I had so much hope for was sucking hard AGAIN. But if you read anything I write, or know me in person, I do not have much patience. These defensemen are all young guys trying to make a mark, and as Bucky notes, even Brian Campbell went through some major growing pains before he became the star we all knew and loved. I'm hoping that the Chris Butler that is playing now, is the guy that will be around for years to come. This pairing of Myers and CB is something special. Then again, I'm no expert. In my younger years I once uttered the words, "Taylor Pyatt is a future All-Star". Forgive me Lindy, for I'm a douche-bag.
I'm sorry! I will never question you again, sir!