The Yachtsman

I'm sure by now everyone's heard the Atlanta Thrashers may be on their way to the sunny shores (?) of Winnipeg, Manitoba. Yay for Canada. If the rumours are indeed true, and True North has managed to purchase AND move the Thrash to Jet-land, the NHL and the sport are immediately better.

Yes, I am one of those NHL "traditionalists". I don't believe hockey south of the Mason-Dixon is a) needed b) wanted. Every since No Goal took over the league, the NHL has expanded into markets where it shouldn't exist at the expense of markets where it should. As a foul-mouthed sports blogger, I have no respect whatsoever for these squads. I rarely refer to them by their given names. To me they will only ever really be represented as a three letter abbreviation I'll watch play a good Western Conference Squad or suffer through a full game when the Sabres are forced to roll through their markets (and dominate their arenas with roadie support). PHO, CAR, ATL, FLA, and to a lesser extent ANA & DAL (because of, you know, the thing we haven't won...ever) are completely and utterly useless to me. The fan support does not exist (or barely does) in these towns. It never did. The ownership groups chosen to run these teams were clearly poor choices. That dangerous combination leads to empty barns and poorly run playoff point fodder for the rest of the league. Garbage decision. The revenue generated is negligible compared to what No Goal and his buddies projected when they began their own version of the Southern Strategy (if you don't know what the original Southern Strategy is, look it up, be a smarter person, and stop voting for ruhtards).

THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME THAT I CRAVE CIGARETTES KEANU. YOUR NAME AND FACE ARE STUPID.

But I digress from the anger/resentment toward towns who have hockey teams they don't particularly deserve. I do so because the Thrashers' northern migration presents me with a conundrum: how can I poop on another town's fanbase when my town faces the same (football) fate? I've been trying to reconcile this debate in my head all night and it just won't fix itself. By all intents and purposes (holy crap I'm gonna get dumped on for this one), the Buffalo Bills have no right to exist in the City of Buffalo under the current ethos of the NFL. The NFL, like it or not, has proven to the world many times over the past 30 years that the almighty $$$ comes ahead of anyone and everything. From this current lockout to the TV contracts, the NFL is a planet eating currency eater hell bent on financial destruction of everything in its path. How can I reconcile that (from a temporarily objective standpoint) with a small-market cash-poor franchise operating in an area with no real lucrative, corporate, SkyBox fanbase or luxury income base from which to draw revenue? We have the cheapest tickets in the league, and operate under the single most generous revenue sharing contract in global professional sport! The money will NEVER add up. The hounds will come and no one here will be able to keep them at bay.

HEREIN LIES MY PROBLEM:

I am so excited for Hockey to return to Canada (if it is indeed true). There's a goddamn reason the company trying to buy the Thrash is called True North. However, I know one day I will be like the crying Coyotes fan at the end of their series, or the already grieving fans on the Thrashers HFBoards. That day of reckoning will come for my Bills and there will be nothing a useless fan/blogger will be able to do about it. So what the hell do I do?

I fear the day is fast approaching where I drop the Bills and let the Sabres stand alone atop my adoration pedestal. That day may or may not be October 1st, 2011.....

Sidenote: this rant was brought to you by Ebethron by The Sword. Metal, as always, FTW.