Are skinny Polacks in your wheelhouse?

You can't just up and condemn all beards, that's bullshit generalizing. Stupid beards include the chinstrap, the chin curtain, the hollywoodian, the doorknocker, a neard, and the reade. Acceptable types of beards include the van dyke, a goatee, a full beard, the zz top, the imperiale, and the greatest beard of all, Lemmy's Stacheburns.

He goes full frontal in Biutiful, it's beautiful.

For the record, my name is Alex. I don't have any problem saying that, but I don't think many people know me as such so I tend to use my Twitter handle.

Most Pathetic Traits/Quirks/Habits in women? Hoo boy. First of all for the raging feminists looking to pick a fight, my answer should be interpreted as "I hate the women that do this," not "All women do this and I hate them for it."

Dancing.
I realize as a non-straight guy I'm supposed to love it, but I'd rather put clothespins on my balls. (Not hyperbole. My record is 52.) I had an ex-gf who LOVED to dance. Her favorite movie was Dirty Dancing, and her second favorite was Dirty Dancing 2 (seriously). Pick a dancing movie made between 2005 and 2009 and I've seen it. (Luckily I have an irresistible penis so if it was a DVD, I could get us to the banging halfway through to kill some time.) We would go to dances and parties and she would (again not hyperbole) want to spend the entire time, beginning to end, dancing. No peeing, no stopping to rest, just dancing. It was ridiculous, but at least it helped curb my jealousy. No, go grind on random guys, I'm going to get some punch.

Non-descriptive horseshit on online dating profiles.
"I like to have fun." (no shit) "I like to go out, but I also like to stay in." (Fantastic, but I already have a dog.)

Excessive Amounts of Makeup in Situations that Don't Require it
I like makeup. I like girls wearing it, I like the thought of me wearing it (even though I would probably look stupid.) I also like no makeup, but that's beside the point. What I don't like is the girls that have to get dolled up to go play rec. softball, or go to the dog park, or any other situation where wearing makeup isn't the least bit attractive and instead makes you look like a ridiculous shallow bitch.

Foregoing any sense of individuality in a group
My dancing ex was unbelievably guilty of this. At some point in time she was a unique individual with her own personality, but over time grew to be completely indistinguishable from any of her friends. You like to dance, drink cosmos, and listen to top 40s music and that's all you can think of to define yourself? Hooray, you're boring. (I dated this girl for over three years, so really, I'm the idiot.)

Thinking that growing up means anything specific
Women seem to throw the word "immature" at people they hate like it's candy and they're riding the lead float in the bitch parade. Adulthood doesn't mean throwing your childhood likes and hobbies to the side, it means being in charge of your own life, whatever you choose to make that mean. It pisses me off when a girl calls someone immature just because they have a different sense of what is enjoyable.

Mentioning Drama.
If you have to complain about it on Facebook, you probably cause your fair share.

Calling yourself a feminist and then slut shaming
Sleeping around doesn't make you a bad feminist or a weak woman. Trying to deny a woman her right to act as she pleases makes you a bad feminist, even if you're a woman yourself.


I'm done. Off to watch porn and hold women to completely unrealistic standards of beauty.

to CriminallyVulgar: Many of these traits you describe are the traits of INSECURE women. Wearing makeup all the time? insecure. Having no individual style? Insecure. Slut shaming? Insecure (or jealous someone's getting banged more than her). Confident, secure people don't care what others think of them..they go about their lives doing their own thing and appreciate the same in others. Try to find women like that and you may lose some of your dick-rage (I say that with love).

Also - to all the guys out there....watching a man dance is probably the least sexy thing I can think of. If you want me to lose all desire to f*ck you then by all means take it to the dance floor.

My mom was a dance instructor for 20 some years. It's not exactly lucrative, so instead of daycare or a sitter, she usually just signed me up for her classes to keep an eye on me. For years, I was known as the skinny dancing fag. If telling a girl in a bar that I know what a fucking plié or Russian are AND that I know how to do them ever stops getting me laid, maybe I'll let those sticks and stones get to me.

I'm gay, I gave up on your horrible gender.

Okay, that's not true. Like I said, most of those were from my ex and her gaggle of horrible friends, 4 years ago. I have since learned my lesson.

I absolutely fall into the emoticon trap, mostly because it falls into the number one most pathetic thing about me (and most women, but especially me) complete inability and unwillingness to risk the chance of rejection.

Maybe some day I'll grow up, but for now I'm content dating assholes. Which is probably why I get this text message/variants of once every other weekend between 1-5am: "My friend and I are up late and doing coke, want to come over?" (No, I don't respond.) At least my "Let's hang out :)" texts offer at least the pretense of subtlety. Well, now I'm not proud of any of this, oops.

I would like to point out that every male member of DGWU in the tri-state area currently has a beard. Irony.

I actually got yelled at last week when I mentioned getting rid of the beer. My chick digs it.

@ The Continental: I highly recommend learning to drive. It is a good skill to have like swimming and opening wine bottles. The small town of Ohio where I grew up had a large Italian immigrant population. It was not unusual for the pope-loving, immigrant dbag husbands to NOT want their wives to drive (I'll take you wherever you want to go) and then when the hubby dies these women are at the mercy of whoever they can get to taxi them around (how Saudi of them!) Living in NYC one can get away with not driving but if you ever LEAVE NYC learning how to drive is a necessity. Do yourself a favor and put it on your to-do list before you are 30.