Dear God Why Us Sports
"You are a complete embarrassment to anyone legitimately trying to blog.
You're gonna ruin it for everyone else. Keep it up." - Mike Harrington, TBN
  • Blog
  • The Deeg Podcast Industries
  • Mission Statement
  • Contributors

"And that was the second time I got crabs." - Week 14 - Rams/Bills

12/7/2012

1 Comment

 
Picture
It stinks like Harrington in here.
The Scizz

A meaningless Bills game in December?? That means Christmas is almost here!!!!!

Last week our beloved (in September - November) Buffalo Bills took it to the even more-so dysfunctional Jacksonville Jaguars in front of a crowd of 147 at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Seriously, my Albanian friend Tom's wedding to a Lebanese girl had more people at it (also, a belly dancer, but that's a conversation for different day). The Bills played well in almost every facet of the game, and I had a pretty nice time drinking a few beers and watching it without a care in the world. Until, of course as I mentioned last week, when I realized the win just pushes them further towards mediocrity and the 15th pick overall. Ugh, why can't they just "Billose" and let me get on with my life? (I just copyrighted that so back the fuck off.)

 I think the Continental handled that question well in her mailbag yesterday, but honestly I still don't know what to do anymore. Just like Office Mac explaining his second rendezvous with crabs, we've been here before haven't we? I sort of care about the games, but when all my non-Buffalo friends have teams with solid playoff aspirations, it just stings too much to still be that die-hard fan that mouth-breathers with Bills tattoos think you should be. The Bills are not fuckin' Rudy here folks, they're Giovanni Ribisi in The Other Sister; trying to take pride in what they do but failing miserably at it while making the people watching feel uncomfortable.

I'm keeping it short this week because I literally have an hour to knock this out and I probably won't edit it either. Join me on this illiterate journey, won't you?
Picture
Shitty Analysis:

I forgot the Rams were actually still a team until about 3 minutes ago. The "greatest show on turf" is now a just "something that happens on Sundays". My knowledge of the current team this season is that Sam Bradford is a delightfully mediocre fantasy QB, they tied the 49ers in OT earlier this season and almost did again last week, and the attached picture of RB Daryl Richardson is hilarious. Here's what the Bills need to do to win.

1.     Keep the same exact offensive game plan. See what happens when you run the ball, CHAN?!?!?!? Granted, it was Jacksonville that it worked against, but being a run first team looked awesome last week. Of course, this only makes me happy until one of you boners sends me stats that shows they actually passed more on first and second down, then this whole thing won't make any sense. Eat me.

2.     The team needs to rattle Sam Bradford early and often. The kid is not a confident QB and is slowly starting to turn into Alex Smith circa 2009. He had no TD's or Int's last week, and it appears that he is too afraid to throw into any kind of tight coverage, especially when rushed heavily. On the other hand, I'm in the fantasy playoffs and I'm leaning towards starting him as my second QB, sooooooo.....

3.     Uh....I got nothing. I'm bored with this. Maybe let Brad Smith play corner? Can't be any worse than Justin Rogers.

Playlist Additions to fire you up this week - 90's alternative addition:

I love 90's alternative. I would see Pearl Jam 15 nights in a row if I could. I don't care how much you think that every band just ripped off each other, it all reminds me of awesome times. (no links to the actual songs this week because I don't have YouTube access)

In the Meantime by Spacehog - I. Will. Never. Tire. Of. This. Song. EVER. EEEEEEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRR! That is all.

Backwater by the Meat Puppets - These guys were originally more of a punk-rock band in the 80's before sliding towards alternative in the 90's, but after I heard some of the members play with Nirvana on their unplugged record, I decided to buy their newest album (at the time) "Too High to Die", and this song immediately stuck out. Not long after I found out it was their first single and it has been on countless mix CD's and playlists since.

Far Behind by Candlebox - Ahhhhhhhh yeah! Candlebox yo'! Two quick stories about this band/song. First, my buddy who sometimes writes NFL draft posts for DGWU, the Wire, has been obsessed with Candlebox since the 90's and has actually seen front man Kevin Martin play live when he went solo. Yes, I realize how sad that is, but god love the Wire. When he gets into something, he gets into it. Second, a couple years backs, after a long night of drinking in the city, the lady and I (as well as some friends) stumbled into one of our favorite shitty live music venues. After consuming about seven Jack & Gingers, I continued to yell out "CANDLEBOX!! PLAY CANDLEBOX!" to the cover band that was on stage. Keep in mind that this place is incredibly tiny and our table was right by the stage. Yup, I was THAT guy. After repeating the same process for about five straight songs despite my girlfriend telling me to stop, the band leader finally leans over and says, "Sir, we are not going to play Candlebox, so please stop." Then I blacked out. ADULTHOOD!

Random Buffalo Bill of the week: 

Is there any better potential Jersey purchase than C.J. Ah You? The answer is no. Ah You was drafted by the Bills in the 7th round in 2007, but was released after the pre-season. He never played a regular season game, but his name is too awesome not to mention. Also, after leaving the Bills he signed with this week's opponent, the St. Louis Rams and actually had a few decent seasons until being released after last year. C.J. Ah You, I salute you in cool NFL name history.

Picture
Ah Yes.
Picture
Legendary Drunken Hook-up of the week:

I was going to start leaving these out, but at the urging of the Barrister and Continental before we recorded CrapTastiCast 38, I've decided to share this story. Although, it isn't really a true hook-up, but a failure in one, I figured I'd share.

During the week before finals of my first semester as a Sophomore, I was with a bunch of friends at what had become our normal Thursday night drinking spot. It had everything we needed: shitty beer that was 50 cents before 8pm and $1 after, a bouncer who would let you in with ANY ID no matter how shitty it was (and sometimes none at all), and naturally, a ton of Freshman girls who were just discovering they could get in to a college bar. All these factors made almost every Thursday night an epic adventure. However on this night, it wasn't a Freshman that caught my eye, but rather an adorable super Senior who was way out of place.

After who knows how many beers and awful Tequila shots, I start talking to said girl at the bar who tells me she is graduating in two weeks. She has to do the mid-year graduation because she fucked up so bad Freshman year partying, that she had to make up credits. Most of her friends had already graduated, so she had been laying low all semester long, but with about a week to go, her friends had come back to visit and they are hitting up their favorite bars from the past all week long. Keep in mind, no seniors go to this bar anymore. None. This place has become a strictly lower classmen spot, so this is a situation that never exists. A senior here? And a hot senior at that? The gods were smiling.

Anyways, after talking at the uber-crowded bar all night, we drunkenly make out for about an hour and she basically says we should hang out over the next 10 days before she graduates. Translation? Let's have a 10 day fling with no strings attached because after that I'm moving away and will never see you again. This has me especially excited since I had a pretty rough semester while hung up on another girl. Yet suddenly, she is whisked away to help a friend who is puking her guts out in the bathroom before I can get her number, and I'm left to think of what might have been. End of story? NOOOOOOPE.

As we head outside at last call to grab a cab home, some friends and myself get into an over-sized minivan, and guess who is there? Super Senior and her sick friend are in the back waiting for the cabby to pick up the rest of his fares. I'm certain this fling is fate now. I go to the back, help her with her friend while my friends drunkenly yell at passing pedestrians, and before you know she is REALLY re-stating how much she thinks we need to hang out. So since this is 2000 and I'm one of the last people on Earth to get a cell phone, I tell her that I can easily memorize her extension. She says it, I repeat it and by then we are back at campus. My friends and I get dropped off first because the Senior apartments are farther away, and as we leave the cab she asks me what her number is again. I repeat it, she smiles and says "talk to you soon", just as my friends erupt in cheers of approval. It was quite romantic. 

As we walk back to the dorm, my friends are high-fiving me and giving back-handed compliments about how out of her league I am, and then we start chanting her extension so I won't forget. As we get closer to the dorm, we stop chanting and my buddy Jeff comes up to me and says something along the lines of "well done" in the heartfelt bro moment of the night. I remember saying "well nothing's happened yet, who knows if this is even her real number....wait...what's her number again?" I lost it. It was gone. We tried to start the chant again but none of our dumb drunk asses could put together a simple four number combination that made sense. I blew it.

Now, like I said, I have no certain way of knowing the number was real, but we've all been given fake digits before, and many times I know it's coming. Hell, I even did it plenty myself in college, but god damn that moment was for real, and at that time I needed it. That sucked. The next morning we continued to laugh about it, and I hoped I'd see my super Senior around campus, but alas, I never saw her again. 

Two weeks later, I bought a cell phone.

Best Twitter Bills fan of the week:

@Husaria - Why? Because he is a creepy Polish dude who can talk shit with the best of them. I'm not even sure if he's a Bills fan, but most people who talk about the Bills on twitter bug the fuck out of me right now, so there it is. My blog, my rules. /stomps away with pouty face


Worst Twitter Bills/Lockout fan of the week:

@JeremyWGR - 'Cause fuck that guy, AMIRITE??? 
Picture
Pants Optional
Picture
Predictions:

Last week, I was pretty damn close with Spiller. I predicted 15 carries for 102 yards and a TD, and he had 14 carries for 77 and a TD. Then again, if it wasn't for that 44 yard TD run I wouldn't have even been close. Oh well. I was way off on McKelvin who stayed out of the slot and continued his great job with coverage. I'm afraid to get use to this.

Top Stat line of the week:  Stevie Johnson - 9 catches 142 yards 2 TD's

Stevie has yet to have that really big game this season, so why not this week? Well that hammy injury might be why, but I see him rising above. If Fitz is on like last week, hopefully SJ13 can break out and have a monster game for my fantasy team....er....I mean the Bills. Yeah, the Bills!

Garbage pale Stat line of the week: Fred Jackson - 16 carries 46 yards  No Touchdowns

He had a great game last week and I just have a feeling he'll struggle against the Rams front seven. Enjoy him now folks, before we trade him next season for a conditional 4th round pick that Buddy Nix will use on a lineman that will get cut by mid pre-season. BERLS!





Potential Reader Injuries of the week:

Loss of brain cells

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from Masturbation

Basement Mold

Potential Bills Injuries for the week:

Same

Joe Buffalo Wins Memorial Tweet of the Week:


I was so wrong about the Knicks. I suck.

— Joe (@JoeBuffaloWins) December 7, 2012
Overall Score: Remember Isaac Bruce? I almost bought his jersey when I was in high school. I'm smart.

St. Louis 20 - Buffalo 30


-@TheScizz
1 Comment
The Continental
12/7/2012 05:21:02 am

I wanted to fucking frame Joe's tweet when he posted it. BALL DON'T LIE

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Follow DGWUSports on Twitter

    Recent Posts

    "I guess we have ourselves a reckoning." - Bills vs. Steelers Preview, Week 14

    "I got a nose for white supremacy, and he smells like bleach." Monday Night Football is back, folks.


    Dear God Why Us? In this Economy?

    DGWU Sports #CrapTastiCast Episode 49

    Us

    The Apologist
    @SamiquaLrhubarB

    The Barrister

    The Outlander
    @MattyRenn

    The Commander
    @essbeeay

    DEEG EMERITUS:

    The Yachtsman
    @Y_vo

    Guest Contributors


    And Them

    Black & Blue & Gold
    Buffalo Sabres Nation
    Die By The Blade
    Buffalo Wins
    Nick Mendola
    The Goose's Roost
    Bills Daily
    Sabres Prospects
    Shutdown Pair
    Sal Sports

    Email us!


    Past Drivel

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    January 2020
    August 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    August 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    March 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    April 2010
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009


    Tags

    All
    2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs
    Aaron Hernandez
    Aaron Williams
    Adventures In Douchebaggery
    Amar'e Stoudemire
    Analytics
    Andre Reed
    Apostles Of Bob
    Arizona Cardinals
    Arsenal FC
    Arsene Wenger
    Assbaggery
    Auto Racing
    Bad Idea Night
    Baltimore Orioles
    Baltimore Ravens
    Baseball
    Basketball
    Beards
    #becauseitsbuffalo
    Beer
    Big Lebowski
    Bigots
    Big Thoughts
    Bills Mafia
    Bills Previews
    Black Sabbath
    Blue Collar
    Boat Shoes
    Boner_Shorts
    Boobie Dixon
    Booze
    Boston Bruins
    Boston Celtics
    Boston Red Sox
    Boston Sucks
    Brian Moorman
    BroneCast
    Bucky Gleason
    Buddy Nix
    Buffalo Bills
    Buffalo For Real
    Buffalo Sabres
    BuffaloWins
    Buffao Sabres
    Canada Sucks
    Carmelo Anthony
    Cats
    CFL
    Chan Gailey
    Chelsea FC
    Chelsea Licks Taint
    Chicago Blackhawks
    Chicago Cubs
    Chris Hairston
    Christian Ehrhoff
    Christmas
    Circling The Wagons
    Citi Field
    C.J. Spiller
    CK Anal
    Clint Dempsey
    Clownpenis.fart
    CM Punk
    Cody Hodgson
    Cody Mccormick
    Colin Kaepernick
    College Basketball
    College Football
    Cordy Glenn
    Craig Schaller
    CrapTastiCast
    Criminallyvu1ga
    Daft Punk
    Dallas Cowboys
    Daniel Briere
    Daniel Murphy
    Daniel Sturridge
    Dan Snyder
    Dan Wheldon
    Darcy Regier
    David Wright
    Dax McCarty
    Defensemen
    De La Soul
    Derek Roy Sucks
    Detroit Sucks
    DGWU Crew
    DGWU Legal Bureau
    Dick Jauron
    Dominik Hasek
    Donald Sterling
    Donald Trump
    Don Cherry
    Doug Flutie
    Doug Marrone
    Doug Whaley
    DRAFT GOOD!
    Drew Stafford
    Drugs
    Drunk
    E.J. Manuel
    El Greasico
    Emeritus My Balls
    Epic Fail
    Epic Meltdowns
    Epic Rants
    EPL
    Eric Wood
    Examples Of Awful Journalism
    Expats
    Faceless Internet Potshots
    FA Cup
    Fandom
    Fantasy Football
    F.C. Buffalo
    FJM
    Football
    Former Bills
    Former Knicks
    Former Sabres
    Fred Jackson
    Fred Wilpon
    Free Agency
    French Revolution
    Fuck ESPN
    Game Previews
    Game Recaps
    Gangs Are For Pussies
    Gary Bettman
    Gold Cup
    Golf
    Greg Roman
    Guest Contributors
    Hall Of Fame
    Happiness
    Hard Work
    Haterade
    High Character!
    Hillsborough
    Hockey
    Hockey Hall Of Fame
    Hulk Hogan
    Hungover
    IIHF World Championships
    Ike Davis
    Indignation
    Infinite Sadness
    Jack Eichel
    Jairus Byrd
    @jambrones
    James Dolan
    Jason Pominville
    Jeremy White
    Jerry Jones
    Jerry Sullivan
    Jhonas Enroth
    Jim Boeheim
    Jochen Hecht
    Joe Pinz1
    Johan Santana
    Johnny White
    John Scott
    Jon Vogl
    Jordan Leopold
    Jose Reyes
    Josh Beckett
    Jurgen Klopp
    Justin Rogers
    Kawika Mitchell
    Kelly's NYC
    Kelvin Sheppard
    Kevin Durant
    Kevin Youkilis
    Khal Drogo
    Kim Martin
    Kim Pegula
    King Kenny
    Kirk Nieuwenhuis
    Kobe Bryant
    Kraig Urbik
    Kyle Orton
    Kyle Williams
    L.A. Lakers
    Larry Quinn
    Lebron James
    Lee Evans
    Legumes On Your Penis
    Lenny Palumbo
    Leodis McKelvin
    LeSean McCoy
    Lindy Ruff
    Links
    Liveblog
    Liverpool FC
    Long Island
    Los Angeles Kings
    Luis Suarez
    Luke Adam
    Lunchpail
    Mailbag
    Manchester City
    Manchester Fc
    Manchester United
    Maple Leafs
    Marcell Dareus
    Marcus Easley
    Marcus Foligno
    Marcus Stroud
    Mario Williams
    Marshawn Lynch
    Martin Skrtel
    Marv Levy
    Matt Ellis
    Matthew Barnaby
    Matt Moulson
    McFadden's NYC
    Mean
    @Mechaphil
    Media Access
    Media Hit Jobs
    Megsie
    Memories
    Messi
    Metal
    Metallica
    Mets
    Miami Dolphins
    Miami Heat
    Michael Jasper
    Michael Jordan
    Michael Phelps
    Michael Vick
    Michael Vick Is A Fuck
    Mike D'Antoni
    Mike Grier
    Mike Harrington
    Mike Richards Is A Loser
    Mike Schopp
    Mikhail Grigorenko
    Miller
    MLB
    MLS
    Monday Night Football
    Mondee
    Montreal Canadiens
    Moon Bills
    Morality In Sport
    Motorsports
    Mouth Breathers
    Movie Trailers
    Moxy Früvous
    Murderers
    NASCAR
    Nathan Gerbe
    NBA
    Nba Draft
    Near Death Experiences
    Nerd Alert
    New England Patriots
    New Jersey Devils
    New York
    New York City
    New York Islanders
    New York Jets
    New York Knicks
    New York Mets
    New York Rangers
    New York Red Bulls
    New York Yankees
    NFL
    NFL Draft
    Nfl Free Agency
    Nfl Lockout
    NFLPA
    NHL
    Nhl Draft
    Nhl Free Agency
    Nhl Lockout
    NHL Playoffs
    Niagara Falls Reporter
    Nick Mendola
    No Limit Soldiers
    NSFW
    Nwo
    NYCBBB
    Nyc Sabre Summit
    Ny Red Bulls
    Oakland Raiders
    Occupy Nassau
    Offseason
    Oklahoma City Thunder
    Olympic Hockey
    Olympic Soccer
    #OneBuffalo
    Open Bar
    Optimism
    Overtime
    Ozzie Guillen
    Ozzy
    Parenthood
    Party Bus
    Pat Lafontaine
    Patrick Kaleta
    Patrick Kane
    Patriots
    Pat Williams
    Paul Gaustad
    Paul Hamilton
    Paul Posluszny
    Philadelphia Flyers
    Phillipe Coutinho
    Pink Elephant
    Pittsburgh Penguins
    Playoff Hockey
    Playoff Hunt 2011
    Playoffs
    Podacst
    Podcast
    Podcasts
    Post Game Reflections
    Post Game Reflections With The Yachtsman
    Post-Game Reflections With The Yachtsman
    Poz
    Pre Game Panicking
    Premiere League
    Premier League
    Premiership
    Press Conferences
    Pretentiousism
    Professional Wrestling
    Pro Football Hall Of Fame
    Pro Wrestling
    Pussies On Skates
    Qb Suckitude
    Rabbi Darkside
    Racing
    Racism
    Racist Assholes
    R.A. Dickey
    Ra Dickey
    Rafael Benitez
    Raffi Torres
    Rage Against The Machine
    Rage Storms
    Ralph Wilson Jr
    Ramblings
    Rants
    Rare Moments Of Lucidity
    Ray Lewis
    Realignment
    Recaps
    Rednecks
    Reggie Corner
    Rex Ryan
    Rian Lindell
    Roadcast
    Roadcasts
    Roadtrips
    Robert Goulet
    Rob Johnson
    Rob Ray
    Rob Van Dam
    Robyn Regehr
    Rochester Amercks
    Roger Goodell
    Ron Rolston
    Roscoe Parrish
    Running Diaries
    Russ Brandon
    Ryan Fitzpatrick
    Ryan Meanra
    Ryan Miller
    Ryan Nassib
    Sabres
    Sabres Alumni
    Sabres Crunk Mix
    Sabres Development Camp
    Sabre Summit
    Sadness
    Saint Bonaventure
    Sally Ride
    Sammy Watkins
    San Antonio Spurs
    Sanctimonious Shit Sandwich
    San Francisco 49ers
    Scizzette
    Scizz Gets Hard
    Scott Chandler
    September 11th
    Shady
    Shanabans7f1abf80bf
    Shaun Powell
    Shaving Buttholes
    Shawne Merriman
    Shawn Merriman
    Shit Sammies
    Sidney Crosby
    Signings
    Site Update
    Smarten Up
    Snowman Erections
    Soccer
    Spencer Johnson
    Standards Of Decency
    Stan Fischler
    Stanley Cup
    Starlin Castro
    Stephon Gilmore
    Steven Gerrard
    Steve Ott
    Stevie Johnson
    Stoke City FC
    Streetcast
    Strippers
    Subway Series
    Suck It Ref
    Summer Lovin
    Summer Movie
    Summer Movie Preview
    Summer Olympics
    Super Punters
    Super Troopers
    #SupportSally
    Swedes
    Swimming
    Syracuse Basketball
    Tailgating
    Tailgating At The Ralph
    Tank Carder
    Tanking
    Taro Tsujimoto
    Tashard Choice
    Tbn
    Team Captains
    Ted Black
    Ted Nolan
    Terrance Mcgee
    Terrance Williams
    Terrell Owens
    Terrence Mcgee
    Terry Collins
    Terry Pegula
    Thad Lewis
    Thanksgiving
    The Adventures Of Walter Garbinski
    The Apologist
    The Aud
    The Barrister
    The Beautiful Game
    The Big Lebowski
    The Buffalo News
    The Casted Foot
    The Cincinnati Bengals Are Criminals
    The City Of Buffalo
    The Commander
    The Continental
    The Dark Knight
    The Deeg
    The Defenseman
    The Grouch
    The Happy Endings Podcast
    The Hit
    The Hosers
    The Jambrones
    The Kids In The Hall
    The Kinsale
    The Legal Limit
    The Outlander
    The Patriots
    The Pink Elephant
    The Ralph
    The Rock
    The Ronin
    The Scizz
    The Scizzette
    The Undertaker
    The Wayans Brothers
    The Wild Card
    The Wire
    The Wizard
    The Yachtsman
    Thierry Henry
    Things That Matter More Than Sports
    Things That Piss Me Off
    Thomas Vanek
    Thrashers
    Tiger Woods
    Tim Connolly
    Tim Graham
    Tim Kennedy
    Tim Murray
    Tim Tebow
    Todd Collins
    Tom Brady
    Tom Golisano
    Tom The Cat
    Toronto
    Tottenham Hotspur
    Trade Rumor
    Trent Edwards
    True Colors
    Twitter
    Tyler Ennis
    Tyler Myers
    Tyler Thigpen
    Tyrod Taylor
    Ugly Models
    Undertaker
    Undrafted Free Agents
    USMNT
    USWNT
    Vacation
    Vajazzling
    Vancouver
    Vanilla Ice
    Video Games
    Ville Leino
    Vince Mcmahon
    Vincent Tan
    Vince Young
    Violence Is Not Funny
    Von Miller
    Vulgarity
    Wall Of Fame
    Warpath
    Washington Capitals
    Washington Redskins
    Waste Of A Post
    Watkins Glen
    WCW
    WECK 1230
    Weed
    Weezer
    Wembley
    West Wing
    WGR
    Where Are They Now?
    Wilco Sucks
    Winnipeg Jets
    World Cup
    Wrestlemania
    Wrestling
    Wtf
    Wu Tang Forever
    WWE
    Yankees
    You Can Play
    Your Mom

this site powered by the inane musings of raving lunatics