Blogging equivalent of pooping on a piece of paper and calling it art.

This, however, IS art.

The Barrister

Seems to be a seasonably dreary but unseasonably warm day throughout the northeast today - global warming is REAL... Shhhh - and the news coming out of the various relevant-to-me pockets of the sports world is similarly good/bad. So, with a few free minutes to opine on those goings-on, exhausted from an afternoon deposition and still feeling the effects of the three hour conference yesterday afternoon (I love my job. I love my job. I love my job...), some thoughts...

- Jordin Tootoo got suspended for two games for his hit on Miller Saturday night. I assume y'all have seen the hit by now, and if not trust that you can use Youtube like the rest of us. On the one hand, I like the suspension - he got tossed from the game anyway, so it really amounts to 2.5 games, and I am relieved that Shanahan didn't find another way to slap the Sabres in the face with his shriveled, tiny phallus. On the other hand, the two games, when set against the lack of any suspension for Lucic - a hit that actually caused injury and was, in my mind, just as egregious - appear to set a weird standard somehow related to whether a team does and does not have players conceived with the seed of Colin Campbell. Give yourself time to appreciate that visual image. 

YOU'RE WELCOME.

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I'm apparently in a dick-centered mood today. Unexpected, but not altogether unpleasant. I mean... Dammit. 

I admit to being a big fan of the Shanaban process when it was unveiled during preseason this year, particularly the explanatory videos and their impact on transparency and league credibility. But, if the guy at the helm is arguably an idiot, the system is worthless. With the recent inconsistencies among Shanahan's decisions, I'm starting to believe the guy might have dog shit between the ears. Not good. 

As an aside, I'd LOVE that job. Just sayin'.

I googled "southern hockey blows" and got this. Fucking g-d bless you Internet

- In broader NHL news, we have gotten the initial approval on league realignment. The prevailing opinion seems to be that the divisions (now called conferences... Except by me. I'm going with diviconfersionces. Fuck it.) are ok, but that the playoff system is all kinds of bullshit. Reports are that each diviconfersionce will have exclusive playoffs for the 1-4 seeds, with the winner going on to play the winners from the other diviconfersionce. In practice, this means two things of note: (1) teams will never play outside their diviconfersionces until reaching the league-wide semifinals, and (2) "deserving" teams with decent records will not reach the playoffs if they play in tough diviconfersionces. The second of these concerns is - on the surface - tough to argue with, though I think it will be offset by the disparity between the number of intra- and inter-diviconfersionce games. I'm not sure how it will be offset, exactly, but I'm drunk before 6 on a Tuesday (maybe true, maybe not...get off my back MOM), and my AP Stats days are long behind me. Just trust in the wisdom of the Deeg. 

As for the first concern, my only response is "meh." Part of me will miss TriState games in the early rounds, but my general feeling is that teams gotta be able to beat everyone if they want a Cup. The new system guarantees early rivalry games for Buffalo (putting aside missing out on early round Flyers matchups...thank Jesus), and those will be guaranteed fun for at least the next few years. 

For me, my main gripe is missing out on TriState games during the regular season, since they've suddenly been halved under the new system. That said, games like February 4th's #OccupyNassau, made more scarce for us NYC expats, may make each of those games even more fun.  Not to mention, of course, that Long Island won't have a team in three years, so it was going to change anyway. Suck it, Wang. 

This isn't how I remembered Charles Wang looking, but Google Images don't lie, son.

- In Bills-related news, we still suck, but - Scizz be damned - Stevie Johnson had a decent bounceback game this past weekend. I also drank a pitcher and a half of beer during the game and left before the very end, so I could be making that up. Whatever. Either way, I enjoyed his TD celebration/not celebration. This is all we have left, Bills fans. The mafia has killed everyone else. 

Speaking of Scizz! He recorded a post-game podcast with Joe from Buffalo Wins. Listen to it here. 

- And speaking of podcasts! We'll be back at the CrapTastiCast this week in new digs courtesy of the Scizette, also known on the twitters as @jstanny1. The Deeg is really pumped at having a new place to CrapCast. You, my friends, ought to be excited as well. 

- Oh, and just when I start letting myself get excited about Liverpool again, Lucas Leiva is out for the season and we lose at home to Fulham. Didn't watch the game, but I blame Rick Perry. You heard me. Again, you gotta trust me on this one. 

Well, this was a bag of dicks post if I ever saw one. But, my integrity requires I just post it and give the finger to Mike Harrington's twitter avatar for good luck. 

Done and done. 

Too. Fucking. Easy.