You are about to get tag-teamed. …
No, not that kind of tag-teamed, perv. There will be no trips to the Eiffel Tower today, though you can still parlez vous my balls.
Barrister in blue. Wild Card, who will start us off, in red.
Wild Card: Alright. Let’s get a few things out of the way before we kick off this hot little spitfire. I’m a Stevie Johnson FAN. I mean, I celebrate his whole collection. We go pretty far back, me and Stevie. I distinctly remember a trip to St John Fisher his rookie year wherein I forgot the free tickets, and so incensed was the person driving that he turned the car around circa the 490. After a venomous rant, followed by a heartfelt apology, I convinced him to turn the car back around circa Batavia, and we proceeded to go to the ticket office (folding table) and ask the attendant (some fuckin intern or some shit) “hey I left the tickets at home, but come oooonn, right?!” and in true form that fuckin intern or some shit provided us with four tickets to training camp. This trip down memory lane is brought to you by Keystone Light; the tall boys of which I was still drinking at this point of my life, and it coincided with SJ13’s rookie year. That day, I saw Stevie at training camp and watching him run a few routes and catch a few balls was enough for me: he was my newest in a long line of long-shot Wide Receivers that I would root for every year. (See: Armour, Justin; Roosevelt, Naaman). But something happened for the first time ever with Stevie: HE ACTUALLY FUCKIN MADE IT!! I GOT TO BUY HIS JERSEY AND EVERYTHING!!
Why was the opening paragraph necessary? It wasn’t. I guess I just want to disclaim that he really is my favorite fucking player and I’ll defend him no matter what he does right or wrong. That being said, I firmly believe that he rarely does anything wrong. This time is no different.
But moving on…. the news.
So Stevie Johnson was in a picture that was ultimately posted by the Buffalo Bills to celebrate his birthday. He was in a shirt that said “USS Fuhkmore."