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Smarten Up! - What is Love?

2/14/2013

9 Comments

 
The Continental

Every week (HA FUCKING HA) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 


I clearly need to get better at "getting drunk" and/or "posting to the site."  The Barrister puts me to shame and he has a wife, child, and law bidness and drinking to tend to.  In the mean time I have been getting drunk A LOT.  #OccupyNassau was fun, if traumatic for brave coworker I invited along.  I did do a lot of yelling about Jochen Hecht being a shitsipping taint, but I did keep the "Please let me suck your dick Cody" to a minimum.  But seriously, if any of you buffablogbros can hook a sister up tell Cody I'm DTF.  
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 What's a good VDay activity for a non-romantic couple that doesn't want to buy each other shit. @criminallyvu1ga

Anal.

That counts for a lot of people.  Although some people can get by with "make dinner" and "tell my partner I love them."  But for you two, you guys moved to a new city with what I assume is a somewhat temperate climate?  I recommend a nice long walk with your dogs, then if you can, make a bonfire!  That's cozy and romantic (provided you are legally able to set fires.)  Hot dogs optional, but everything in my life is better with hot dogs.
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Hot Diggity Damn!
Which professional league athletes get the most ass on the road and why and in order? -HKD


Time spent on the road, takes football right out since they have the shortest season, plus just less time away from their wives and families during the week.  Let's go from least to most ass:

4. Football-time crunch, short seasons AND career length.
3. Baseball- baseball players wear tight pants, but they're mostly busted and weird shaped.  At least hockey players are busted but man-shaped.
2. Hockey- good Canadian boys usually get married young and have a surprising amount of sexual hangups.  So by the time they start being adulterous it's in their late 20s, inherent disadvantage.
1. Basketball- I mean have you SEEN basketball players!  Young, cute, crazy scary tall, full schedule with plenty of travel.  Definitely first.



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HOOP DREAMS
Who should I want to bang more, TJ Brennan or Ryan Fitzpatrick? @SamanthaJoy124

First this stems back from a hilarious exchange with @fgif when his profile picture was Franj with TJ Brennan.  Sam said she "maybe would" the tall one (Brennan.)  Then Frank cried himself to sleep or something, I don't know his life.

Sam, TJ Brennan is 6'1" and Fitzy is 6'2" so they are pretty much at the same playing field as "unfortunately not that much taller than you."  (Sam is my dutch goddess friend, if any of you are 6'3" or taller in the NYC Metro area  and are a "good" dude please romance her.)  TJ Brennan is the obvious choice, he is younger, has a better future in his sport, isn't Grand Marshall of the shit parade.  Brennan is the healthy scratch of shit parades.
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I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feel-lings
I'm a busy important 3L, please watch House of Cards and decide whether or not I should watch it since we both have impeccable taste.  -@sholland06

Ok, I may have paraphrased there but that's really what he meant.  SORRY to to disappoint but the night I tried to start watching House of Cards I hit a speed bump commonly known as "blacking out." Since I tried to drown my sorrows that Franj and Renn could not make #occupynassau.  Maybe 12 beers before trying to start an hour long drama was a poor choice.  Really the drinking 12 beers was the poor choice.

Anyways sholland06, people I love and trust (Happy Valentines Day <3) all love it, the afformentioned Franj, Renn, but also StephanieZD, runthedive, cbruckel and other people who I'm sure I'm forgetting.  The tone seems to be a lot of "wow this is incredible and well done" but mostly "KATE MARA."

Also to everyone if you have any important cultural contributions to add to my life I am always looking readers.
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House of Cards tho
What's your ideal sports/vday date: Mine is NBA All-star weekend? -@e_dealur


Really?  All star weekend?  Anyone likes those things?  But fair, it's the NBA and you get dunk contests and the game is like two Harlem Globetrotters playing each other, not the awkward shinny the NHL puts on every year.

Sex and hockey is probably too pedestrian right?  Yeah, that's not even a special occasion, and Valentine's Day is about going "above and beyond" we can all agree. Therefore my answer is leave work to drink, go to a Rangers or Knicks game and get very drunk,then give a blow job to my date in a cab.  WHO SAID ROMANCE IS DEAD Y'ALL!!!!
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True Romance.
Are you there Deegers it's me The Continental:


On a day with such a rich tradition of love and romance I'm here to ask you: What is the most shameful/weirdest/creepiest/scariest/saddest/grossest thing you've ever beat off to?  Anonymity encouraged. 


Happy Valentines Day! XOXOXOXO
9 Comments

Smarten Up! - Danger Zone

12/13/2012

16 Comments

 
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Bills are still a football team, which really bums me out.  Fortunately I had Boner Shorts Day to look forward to this week and it was a great time.  The next day at work?  Not so much.  As promised, here is my answer to last week's question: "what's the worst thing someone has overheard you say."

To preface this, my 11th grade history teacher was a total cockbag.  He graduated from the school he teaches at, he was popular then, and then in his mid 30's he was still trying to relive his glory days.  He loved making us listen to him talk, mostly inane anecdotes he repeated often.  I think it was about the third time he launched into his "trip to Paris" story when he paused for dramatic effect and I leaned over to my friend/seatmate and said "Congratulations."  Problem: I said this in my normal speaking voice, not a whisper, cue class laughter.

Mr. Cockbag decides that this is a good place to lecture me for my sarcasm and cynicism   The joke was on him because he used both of those words incorrectly.  I knew he was pissy, so I didn't correct him so I wouldn't get detention.  

Epilogue: he goes to my church and the one time a year I see him he never speaks to me or my family, though we sit two pews away.  Assclown.
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Smarten Up! - Ball Don't Lie

12/6/2012

4 Comments

 
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Continental

Alright, I'm just going to come out and say it.  If the lockout ends this week it was absolutely due to CrapTastiCast 38 with Jeremy White. Because yeah, that was a thing that totally happened in my life.  But really I kind of don't care about the NHL happenings because guess what the fuck is happening December 21, 2012: ZUBAZ NIGHT ... that's right!  The Rochester Americans are doing $30 tickets PLUS your own pair of Zubaz.  What a bargain   So yeah, catch me there. I might have to wear these around Williamsburg and Soho every weekend to see if someone takes my picture for their Street Style Blog.  
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I wish I could be as cool as @JustinBassett, the self-proclaimed Hugo Boss of fanswear. He's right.

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Smarten Up! - You Never Go #ASSMODE to Mouth

11/28/2012

15 Comments

 
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 

The Continental


I made it back from the Thanksgiving pilgrimage to my childhood home, and boy do things there never change.  Except my father made me install a new glass door with my brother, and boy did it almost fall on me and permanently disfigure my face.  Plus I even got to meet The Outlander!  I have finally met every Deeg-er and boy are we more hilarious and inappropriate in person.  The written word does not do enough justice.  I'll be home for Christmas too, and I'm planning on hitting an Amerks game.  Look me up, I'll probably even buy you a beer because holy tits I forgot how cheap beer can be, no but seriously wow.
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Smarten Up! - Train Rum

11/14/2012

4 Comments

 
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.

The Continental

It has been too long!!

To recap last week: I did not watch the Bills/Texans game.  Me 1, the rest of you 0.  And my Question of the Week - "Is it more pathetic that I can't drive or that I can't do 8th grade math?  What are the most pathetic traits/quirks/habits you find in women?" - was a source of tremendously #HOTTAKES.  Apparently there is no such thing as "too pathetic to have men want to sleep with you," which is spectacular news for me. 

Oh, and The Barrister, The Scizz, The Yachtsman, @JustinBassett and I TRIED to go to the Red Bulls game last Wednesday and were nor'eastered out.  Shit was crazy.  The next day, we managed to make it back to Red Bull Arena and it was exactly what you thought would happen to three Buffalo fans going to a playoff game.  Look it up, I'm not about to rehash that shit show of a game.  On the bright side, Barrister and I both independently made homeless people mixed drinks to get buzzed on the subway to Penn Station.  Alcohol problem, or alcohol problem solved?  You decide.  

Then the Pats game happened, yawn, whatever, over it, but if you guys missed the Calgary v Saskatchewan CFL playoff showdown you Missed. It. All.  I'm still not entirely sure what happened but god damn it there was a lot of yelling!  Plus it's so fucking cold in Regina, everyone on the sidelines has to wear silly huge parkas when not playing. Not as silly as Belichick's hoodies, though, ew.

On to the mailbag!!
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4 Comments

Smarten Up! - The Sounds of Silence

11/1/2012

20 Comments

 
Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here), The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is a Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane. 


The Continental

What a week.  As the hurricane loomed over us Sunday, I - as on most Sundays - decided to go to my local, terrified of what was to come, though in this case my fear was not related to a Bills game... thank you bye week.  Last year I spent Irene with a friend's family, but this year I was on my own and woefully under-prepared, not to mention riddled with documented anxiety issues.  So what better way to manage fears by drinking 20 beers? I made it home late Sunday night and didn't leave my home in central Queens until Tuesday night to go back to the bar.  Luckily, I couldn't have been safer; I had power and everything the whole time, no flooding, no trees fallen on my block, nothing.  The Barrister took the Wee Baby Dubs and Lady Dubs to Massachusetts safely, The Yachtsman watched loads of Friends in Brooklyn, and The Apologist played video games.  The Scizz, however, was in Hoboken, which was severely affected by flooding and fires and I can only imagine what else.  Fortunately he and his lady made it through and The Yachtsman rescued them, and now he is back to tweeting hilarious and offensive shit.  Awesome. 
 
I am so grateful that my friends, and the DGWU crew made it through this storm safely.  This was no fucking joke.  

Okay, time for some fucking jokes.
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Smarten Up! - A DGWU Sports Mailbag

10/18/2012

19 Comments

 
Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages, overweight Buffalo sports writers with mullets and Burger King pants, it is DGWU Sports esteemed pleasure to introduce you to our newest contributor, "The Continental". Now this new writer isn't your typical degenerate alcoholic who likes to curse about sports, this degenerate alcoholic who likes to curse about sports is A LADY! Everybody wins! Since Megsie has been super busy with her real job, it will be nice having a gal around to keep us assholes in check.

Every week (or at least we hope, everyone knows we suck at schedules here) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.

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The Continental

I figured before I start spouting off what will undoubtedly be regrettable and reprehensible advice, I should introduce myself.  I am The Continental, and I'm from a town smaller and shittier than yours in Western New York.  Why The Continental?  Well, because like the breakfast I'm not warm, and like the airline I have a spotty safety record and require intense negotiations before entering a merger.  That or I'm a degenerate creep, you decide.  Now I rep the 718, pretty much as well as any white girl can.

Since I'm a Bills and Sabres fan I am also quite adept at hating myself, which could also be one of the reasons everyone thinks I'm Jewish perhaps?  Who knows. But moving to New York has offered me so many more opportunities to sulk; Enter the Knicks, Mets, and St. John's basketball.  (PS. Fuck you Syracuse turncoat shit sippers.) Onto the questions!



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