[DISCLAIMER: If you're still looking for a Bills recap, it's STILL forthcoming. After the Yachtsman unveiled the inner-workings of his "I've got a boner for NYC" soul, reports are that he fell into a brief coma, comforted only by dreams of drinking craft beer while watching a pack of dogs in Knicks jerseys rape Al Qaeda operatives. In deference to Yachter and the, I'm sure, genius things he has to say about the Bills game and the shit-show that invaded his Brooklyn garden apartment, I'll be dipping into the meaningless side of football...]
This will typically be something handled by the Scizz, or really any of us - whoever feels best about their team, likely. Either way, we figured it might be fun to, on a weekly basis, share some goings-on from our Fantasy Football League "Tri-State Plus."
By way of background, it should be noted that this league has been around for several years now, and I am only just getting in the party. A two-player keeper league, this year's draft included two expansion teams, including mine.
The Scizz, at the helm of Hoboken Hurricanes, elected to keep Philip Rivers and Matt Forte, both of whom had solid first games en route to Scizzer's Week 1 win. The Scizz also had great performances from Jay Cutler and Kenny Britt (did not see that one coming), making the ultimate result a foregone conclusion.
The Yachtsman, leading Weir's Mom's Panties (yup...that happened), elected to keep Matt Schaub and Steven Jackson as his keepers. He had a tougher time of it this week - mostly because of SJ's hamstring-shortened Sunday - but still eked out a victory on the back of Wes "Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another" Welker and his 36 points. Dear Lord, the Patriots are scary.
The Apologist and his Yancey's Fancy (dumbest name ever), seemingly stuck with the only two Pats (Ochocinco and Danny Woodhead) who didn't benefit from Tom Brady's career day, suffered a Week 1 Loss. Don't count Aps out, though, as his lineup - including his keepers Andre Johnson and Josh Freeman, as well as LeSean McCoy and the surprisingly productive Rex "Sexy Rexy" Grossman - will be sure to put him in contention for the playoffs.
And speaking of Tom Brady...hooray for me and the recently renamed Bachmann's Cervix!! (formerly named as an inappropriate jab at a DGWU member's mom...who may read this site for all I know). As an expansion team blessed with the first pick, I was essentially forced into taking Brady or else risk there being no stud QBs on the board by the time my second and third round picks came around. Going against every fiber of my ever-loyal-to-the-Bills being, Brady is now leading me to greatness, and my Week 1 win - built on the backs of great outings from Steve Smith and Dez Bryant - has placed me atop the league standings. I feel like a dirty whore.
So, all of the crew gets a win except Apologist, which seems fair considering he was probably watching X-Files and/or the Red Shoe Diaries and/or anything involving David Duchovny during our draft. Next week, the DGWU Crew avoids any head-to-head within the crew match-ups, so we're still a ways off from any substantial trash talk appearing here on the site. However, it does bear mentioning that Bachmann's Cervix will be meeting Crippling Back Pain.