That was... less than it could have been.
That's all I can manage to say about this team, except we all know that's not true because I'm about to ramble on for a thousand words or so and it's going to be great.
This is not that post.
On to the recap of sadness!!!
LEAD WITH THE HAPPY AND THEN TAKE EM DOWN WITH A MASSIVE SERIES OF DOWNERS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT
1. The defense. What the fuck? NO ONE expected that kind of result. I know they said there'd be blitzing and pressure, but christ on a cracker does this illustrate even more strongly that Dave Wannstedt should never be employed in football ever again. What a delightfully terrible asshole.
Caveats: the defense still got absolutely torched at times yesterday and couldn't hold it down when it really mattered and got a ton of penalties and Brady looked shaky, but oh shit this was supposed to be the positive section.
They made plays. Searcy. Leodis. Fucking Justin Rogers? Man. That's all I want. You're going to give up a couple TDs to the Pats. They did. But that was it. Huge redzone stops? Check. Unreal turnovers? Check. Defensive responsibility in limiting mistakes? Wait... NOPE. (more on that, for sure)
Again, better than expected. Now do it again next week, and fix the thing you guys were terrible at.
2. Oh, EJ. Early reports are in and all of you who questioned whether this kid can hang can shut the fuck up. He looked good for an NFL QB and great for a rookie NFL QB in his first game. /possible hyperbole
We may have found the guy we've been waiting for. And, no, I didn't say this about Fitz, but just in case please don't check our blog archives because I probably did.
4. Maybe? I'm going to get murdered - not Hernandez murdered, silly, it's a just a turn of phrase! - for throwing this out there, but Brady looks a shell of his former self. His accuracy with the deep ball has fallen off, he's missing slants where he never would have five years ago, and he showed a ton of frustration throughout the game.
Does this mean his days of owning the AFC East are done and the Bills might have a shot? Maybe, and no. IF he's on a serious downturn, it'll be a slow one likely (he just beat the Bills but the Bills are also terrible so whatever), and more importantly, while we've been dicking around at One Bills Drive, the Dolphins have gotten pretty legit and will beat us twice this year! WEEEEEE!!!!
1. Penalties. Jesus the penalties. Caveats: I hate most NFL penalties, and the Bills got a couple questionable calls go their way, and the fact that the center can lift up his body and point his finger and cause a neutral zone infraction that really doesn't affect the play but is still a penalty is simply unbelievable, but the NFL has decided that the width of the ball between the teams has to be treated with delicate respect because it could risk shattering the precarious peace between Klingons and white people or some shit.
The NFL is so fucking stupid. It's morphed itself into such a mangled mess of rules and uneven interpretations of those rules that reasonable thinking fans (a small percentage of fans, probably) are left to hate that they love such a stupid fucking institution, cheering for their squad as if watching The Longest Yard because, sure, the Bills can win, but they'll still be shackled to and playing within the confines of a wholly asinine institution.
And if you hated that metaphor, (a) loosen up, dick, and (b) accept that I was talking the original movie and not the Adam Sandler bastardization because Burt Reynolds is the fucking tits.
To the actual point -- the Bills HAVE to stop being so dumb with this shit. I know. I know. It's likely impossible. When was the last time we had a squad that was responsible when it came to avoiding penalties? It's infuriating as hell.
Your Buffalo Bills: shooting themselves in the foot since forfukingever.
He got his shit together later in the game, but whatever. That first TD was ridiculouspants.
3. The offensive play calling. I won't even begrudge them the late use of the no huddle when reason dictated that wasting clock was a better course of action. I should begrudge them that, but I won't.
But, where were the deep balls? Weren't we told to expect them? How many did the EJ toss? One? Not acceptable. Jesus I sounded terribly sanctimonious there. This is nothing new.
More to the point, though -- late in the game, lead in hand, the offense had every ability to ice the game and we get short slants yards short of a first down on 3rd and 10, screens and a fucking pile of "yeah we've seen this movie before and it blows." The defense stopped Brady et al TWICE on goal line stands, and this is what the offense manages?
It's the same playing not to win Buffalo Bills style of football.
Ugh. Garbage. I hate this.
Also, this is amazing:
I had a goddamned blast at McFaddens yesterday. It was wall to wall Bills fans - and one lone Pats fan... Congratulations, bud, you're a terrible person. The energy was amazing, Shout! was getting me dancing on chairs, and merriment was had. Sure, I looked depressed enough to get a woman to ask me if I was going to be ok after the game (true story) and sure I was telling Apologist to fuck off when he tried to rationalize why I should feel good about the game, but it was FUN.
Also, I'm about to win the first games of all 6 of my fantasy football leagues, so that's nice.
Rock bottom is when you start looking at fantasy football as an upside to replace the pit in your stomach from watching another terrible week of the Buffalo Bills.
Better next week, please.