DISCLAIMER: I TYPED A BOAT LOAD OF TEAM NAMES HERE AND SOME MAY HAVE BEEN LOST BECAUSE WE ARE TOO POOR/LAZY TO AFFORD AN EDITOR/PROOFREAD. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME/US. THANK YOU/THEM. I'LL STOP WITH THE SLASHES NOW/FAIL.
Of the many horrors Commissioner No Goal has brought upon the NHL in the last twenty years, the creation of the Eastern and Western Conferences sits steadfastly in the top 5...sandwiched somewhere betwixt The Phoenix Coyotes and the Versus Television Contract.
Norris Division:
- Vancouver
- Edmonton
- Calgary
- Winnipeg
- Detroit
- Minnesota
- Chicago
Gretzky Division:
- San Jose
- Los Angeles
- Anaheim
- Colorado
- Phoenix
- Dallas
- St. Louis
As you can see, I've moved Columbus and Nashville into the eastern super-conference in the interests of keeping hockey viable in those parts (happy, 3rdManIn?!). The idea that most roadies for Columbus fans entail 10 PM starts is as ridiculous as putting two hockey teams in the State of Florida. So, forthwith...the Eastern Conference.
Beliveau Division:
- Montreal
- Ottawa
- Toronto
- Buffalo
- Boston
- Washington
- Carolina
- Columbus
Arbour Division:
- New York Islanders
- New York Rangers
- New Jersey
- Philadelphia
- Pittsburgh
- Nashville
- Tampa Bay
- Florida
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT SOMEHOW THE SAME....
Campbell Conference
Norris Division:
- Vancouver
- Edmonton
- Calgary
- Winnipeg
- Detroit
- Chicago
- Chicagoland (goodbye forever, Phoenix)
Gretzky Division:
- Minneapolis
- San Jose
- Los Angeles
- Anaheim
- Colorado
- Dallas
- St. Louis
I've eliminated the joke of a franchise currently crapping along in Phoenix and replaced it with a second franchise in North America's 4th largest metropolitan center. I've stayed away from hockey in the desert entirely, because I simply do not agree with the tremendous waste of energy it takes to run an ice hockey arena in 100+ degree heat 250 days a year....Las Vegas is a terrible idea, no matter how badly horny beat writers want to head there on assignment twice a year.
Prince of Wales Conference:
Beliveau Division:
- Quebec (goodnight, Tampa...we barely cared)
- Montreal
- Ottawa
- Toronto Maple Leafs
- Toronto Marlboroughs (fuck you forever, Carolina!)
- Buffalo
- Boston
- Washington
Arbour Division:
- New York Islanders
- New York Rangers
- New Jersey
- Philadelphia
- Pittsburgh
- Nashville
- Columbus
- Kansas City (WHOA SEE WHAT I DID THERE!? MORE HOCKEY IN MIZZOU!??? CRAZY TALK. Also, hockey in Miami? Come on now.)
So there you have it. My realistic realignment and my ridiculous realignment (alliteration fail). In a perfect world, one would happen. However, I'll leave you with one last thought before you hit the video....I think the renaming of the Conferences/Divisions is far more important than where exactly each team ends up. Reaching back into hockey's past is what the majority of fans love about the game, from throwback jerseys to the Cup itself....hockey is about looking back AND looking forward. Somebody needs to slap that into No Goal's midget head. But for now...we wait...