Short week, short preview. Jump on the Cleveland hate wagon with me, won't you?
Let me be clear I'm not talking shit about how the Buffalo Bills are superior to the Browns. Oh no no no. Despite getting delightfully trashed with the Yachtsman Sunday and witnessing that great win (while both getting yelled at by the bartender for standing on the chairs and also scaring two females Ravens fans enough that they left before paying for their food order), I'm scared to death of this match-up. After such a huge win last week, can't you just see Brian Hoyer and Willis McGahee torching Buffalo for 40 In primetime?? Watch it happen. BOY SCIZZ SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK THIS WEEK WITH ALL OF YOUR OPTIMISM AND RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS AND FRIENDSTER REQUESTS.
But despite my cowering little bunny attitude, I am excited about one thing thus far in 2013 pass and catch season.
Three Things to be excited about:
The Rookies. Oh my the rookies.
1. E.J. Manuel still hasn't turned into the savior of Buffalo quite yet, but I've seen enough of him to at least be very hopeful. Sure, he is still making some rough throws and needs better pocket awareness, but he has made big plays when it mattered and you can't ignore his confidence. Buffalo is 2 - 2 with him playing slightly above average, so I'm all for seeing what happens if he can really turn it up a notch. My one main complaint however is what I call the anti-Losman stance. Losman use to take off with the ball and start scrambling at the first sign off trouble, yet E.J. who by all means is a much better physical specimen, stays in the pocket TOO long. there have been several instances this year where E.J. forced a pass into good coverage when he had plenty of room to take off for a solid gain. This past week on a 3rd down in the redzone, he had a great shot at taking off for a potential TD, but held it until eventually tossing it out of the endzone. I don't want to see him all over the field, but a couple smart running decisions could mean big gains for the offense.
2. Bob Woods (yes, I'm only calling him Bob) is the legit #2 receiever this team has needed for several years. He is a great route runner, has solid hands, and doesn't disappear on 3rd downs. Hell, I'm still convinced that overturned touchdown was bullshit. also, I haven't watched it again since the game and I was hammered then so let's just forget about it. Now if only the Bills other #2 receiver can start showing up consistently (I'm not talking about T.J. Graham).
3. Kiko Alonso is what dreams are made of. He is everything we all wanted Poz to be. He is...I have to stop. If I type anymore I may need a towel.
Sidenote: I have to mention my boy Nickell Robey too. Kid could really be a diamond in the rough for this team.
One Thing to be absolutely terrified about:
1. Injuries. All of the injuries. Why does this franchise continue to have the worst strength and conditioning program since Todd Marinovich's family? My lord will it ever stop? The team loses Gilmore and Byrd for long stretches to start the season, they lose two solid second-tier guys in Ron Brooks and Marquise Goodwin, for the second straight year BOTH top running backs are banged up in the beginning of the season, and I haven't even mentioned Alex Carrington, Leodis McKelvin, Aaron Williams, Dustin Hopkins, and Doug Legusrky yet. GRAAAAAAAGEHWEKRWerfwjsdkn vsdm,lrjd! That is the sound I make every time another Buffalo player goes down hurt.
Playlist song addition you may not know about:
All Eyes on You by St Lucia: I came across this song when I was making a playlist for my honeymoon in Saint Lucia. Seriously. I started humming it around the apartment constantly and next thing I knew I was listening to it daily. I don't know much about the band, which is stupid because I really like this song, but it is definitely worth an add.
Playlist song addition that you definitely know but should be on every playlist ever:
Where I Wanna Be - Shade Sheist featuring Nate Dogg & Kurupt: Try not to bob your head to this track with a relaxed smile on your face. Just try.
#BillsMafia tweet of the week:
Blah blah blah stuff good people blah blah stuff joking blah blah die. You're all neanderthals.
Do you like the #Browns Brandon Hoyer? He credits his success to none other than ms. tom brady. #GoBills #BillsMafia
— Go Bills (@loyal2buffalo) October 2, 2013
As always, there is multiple levels of awful to this tweet. First of all, it's BRIAN Hoyer. If you're going to attempt to make fun of someone, try to get the name correct. Second, he hashtag'd #Browns just to troll their fans and goad them into an argument, which of course he has no chance of coming out of looking intelligent. Bush league. Third, he refers to Tom Brady as a Ms. (so clever) and uses Brian Hoyer's inspiration from one of the greatest quarterbacks of all-time as his point for making fun of him. When are you fucktards going to get that Tom Brady OWNS the Buffalo Bills. He owns each and every one of us. All of us are Tom Brady's bitch. Just stop.
Aaron Williams player of the week:
There may not be a single football player I have been harder on since the start of this blog than Aaron Williams. So I need to take this moment to tip my cap to his game on Sunday. Sure, he still got torched for a touchdown in the 2nd half, but christ those interceptions were both fantastic. On top of that he seemed to actually know what he was doing about 95% of time, which is an improvement from last year's 0.7%. A couple weeks ago I was tweeting with Sal Capaccio about Williams' struggle at corner and we both felt he should have never been moved from safety, and after this I still feel the same way, however it's nice to know the kid does have some inkling of what he is doing and can hopefully counted on more as he matures. Now please, don't have a horrid game after I was so nice just now, Aaron.
Oh, and somebody please make a gif of his awesome dance after the first pick.
On Saturday I went to a delightful Sports Bar in Brooklyn with the Yachstman to watch the OSU/Wisconsin game with some friends, and we both noticed huge Bills and Sabres flags hanging from the ceiling. This of course got us excited for no real reason, but then I found out they have buckets of Genny cans for $15. SIX beers for $15. I love craft beer as much as the next guy, but there is something deliciously smooth about Genny. I'm excited for many return trips.
Not 100% sure if 4th down is a Buffalo bar (although the name is appropriate), but we're going to be checking it out this Thursday for the game. Genny!
Many of you know that we sometimes hang out with the guy that runs this website. Since he won't speak to us anymore, we had to reach out to his evil and insane Mexican Luchador cousin, El Greasico. We asked him to make a weekly NFL gambling pick. These are transcribed from voicemails he leaves us from a payphone. You're welcome.
Another doozy from the now infamous El Greasico. Ironic that after the Outlander's great Sabres preview that actually gives a little credit to the Sabres social media department, the Big Grease decides to take them down a thousand pegs. This guy is such an asshole, but I refuse to censor him.
IYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAY!
It is El Greasico, the best there is, the best there was, and the best perverted lucha libre in allllllllllllllllll of Mexico!
So, you fucken punks feel the Bills are on the right track I bet? The Sabres are starting up soon which means Chubs is fucken throwing wild parties at his home while worshiping Nick Mendola's titty fucking God and the 2nd cousin lookalike of Firemen Ed, AKA, Crappy Renn, is coming up with his own series of hot fucken cheers that will make me deaf cause he talks extremly fucken loud. Congrats. Fuck you and die.
IYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!
Hey speaking of the Crappy and the Sabres, did you hear they had some sort of blogging summit recently? How many more times can we ask about game presentation, why Darcy hasn't been canned yet, Ted Black wanting to take a run at the "Run with Sabres" blogger (If you know what I mean..boobies!), and pretending to be fucken journalists? You fucken dicks make me sick.
You see, as a perverted Mexican who only thinks about [paying for] sex 24/7, I only have awful things to say about people. Si..I hate Linda Cohn because she's fucken hideous, but give me some sloppy Matt Barnaby pussy in Michelle Beadle any day of the week. The Sabres used to have this hot ass girl as their social media coordinator. I'm not at liberty to say who she is, because, well, I may be fucking her, but she was hot as crap and I'm sure when bucktooth bloggers laid eyes on her for the first time, they felt something in their pants pop up that they haven't felt since seeing Steve Ott wear the 3rd jersey. You fucken dicks. Go pay for sex like me and get it over with! Virgins shouldn't exist past the 12th grade.
Sadly, the girl is gone and now they bring in a fucken guy with a giraffe size fucken neck who I kind of think is a cross between Inspector Gadget fucking the spawn of Third Man In's mother. His Twitter feed is about as confusing as figuring out if this guy has female or male parts. Tweeting out dumb photos, having Steve Ott unveil a uniform I wouldn't let my stripper's wear, and not even saying that Gerbe got waived. Just terrible.
IYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAAYAYA!
Then we get into the rest of the pendejos. We got some kid who used to work at WECK (Yeah, I don't remember the station either) and wrote for the Goose's ass. If I have to hear Gordo Smith or the Fred Flintstone lookalike from Trolling Buffalo tell me how great that site is, I'm going to vomit all over my burrito. You ever see this kid? If Harrington is driving the white van and Fatsman is feeding minors beer out of the back of it, this kid is pushing the accelerator like Short Round did in The Temple of Doom.
IYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Memo to the virgins: Just because a poet can write some snappy love sonnets, doesn't mean they can fuck like me! Your sports takes suck and you can take your $5 words and shove it up your ass.
IYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYA!
Then we have the friend. The guy everyone loves. He prob hates all the TBN chumps. He loves wrestling, which means he loves Lucha Libres. Even You assholes are always trying to beg him to grab drinks with you because Aps wants to see if he'll smoke weed or that Scizzy misdemeanor fuck can get him to buy fundraiser t-shirts to pay for my bail when the Federali come knocking. But fuck him! He's from Canada which means I can't go there and see strippers because my visa is revoked.
Now, let me tell you about this Cake Fingers gal.
FUCK, IT IS THE FEDERALI AGAIN! SHIT, I really thought that girl was under 18..I mean over 18..Um, fucken send me that dirty money so I can get the fuck out of jail. Oh, my lock of the week is the Colts and the points.
IYYAAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Final Prediction:
HEARTBREAK
Browns 17 - Bills 6
Let's get stink-o.
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