The Buffalo Bills are off this week, but that doesn't mean I can't be an idiot! Enjoy some poorly constructed ramblings and do something fun this weekend that involves alcohol and/or narcotics!
You win. You always do.
The Scizz
I'm going to keep this pretty short this week because I have a gajillion tasks to accomplish before I head to State College this weekend for Ohio State/Penn State, but more on that later. (In Jim Gaffigan voice: GASP! He must support child rapists because that's what all PSU fans do! For shame.)
The Buffalo Bills suck. There is no way around it. Sure, 3-4 isn't the worst position this team has been in over the past 12 years of playoff drought, but I have almost no confidence left in this team. They have been blown out three times (once when they had a commanding first half lead), lost another that was 100% in their control to win, and won another that by all means should have been a loss. The latter two falling mostly on a shitty coaching staff that appears to have no clue how the 2012 NFL works. In short, this is not good. I could go on more about last week's debacle, but the Apologist did a pretty solid job already. I will say that immediately after the game, I wasn't even that upset. As soon as Fitz threw that god-awful pick, I knew the team was doomed. I guess after all of these terrible years, I have become mostly numb to the stupidity I see from Buffalo week in and week out. The only time I even got remotely ragey about the Bills this week was after I saw a Stevie Johnson jersey on the Subway, and started thinking about those two awesome touchdown strikes Fitzpatrick had, and then pictured that interception again.
I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
For better analysis, check out Michael Necci's wrap-up over at Buffalo Wins, which I can't link to because my apparently my employer feels that site is inappropriate. Odd. (Sidenote: I mentioned on twitter this week that I want to poach this guy for DGWU and name him "The General." Then I remembered he is a Lakers fan and pictured Dwight Howard being beheaded French Revolution style while I cheer on and Necci cries in terror. Jesus, I'm a terrible person.)
Anyway, this week should be about enjoying yourself and not thinking about this shit-stain team and the agony they cause. That's my goal for this week's Bye Week Bonanza. YOU'RE WELCOME.
I'm going to keep this pretty short this week because I have a gajillion tasks to accomplish before I head to State College this weekend for Ohio State/Penn State, but more on that later. (In Jim Gaffigan voice: GASP! He must support child rapists because that's what all PSU fans do! For shame.)
The Buffalo Bills suck. There is no way around it. Sure, 3-4 isn't the worst position this team has been in over the past 12 years of playoff drought, but I have almost no confidence left in this team. They have been blown out three times (once when they had a commanding first half lead), lost another that was 100% in their control to win, and won another that by all means should have been a loss. The latter two falling mostly on a shitty coaching staff that appears to have no clue how the 2012 NFL works. In short, this is not good. I could go on more about last week's debacle, but the Apologist did a pretty solid job already. I will say that immediately after the game, I wasn't even that upset. As soon as Fitz threw that god-awful pick, I knew the team was doomed. I guess after all of these terrible years, I have become mostly numb to the stupidity I see from Buffalo week in and week out. The only time I even got remotely ragey about the Bills this week was after I saw a Stevie Johnson jersey on the Subway, and started thinking about those two awesome touchdown strikes Fitzpatrick had, and then pictured that interception again.
I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
For better analysis, check out Michael Necci's wrap-up over at Buffalo Wins, which I can't link to because my apparently my employer feels that site is inappropriate. Odd. (Sidenote: I mentioned on twitter this week that I want to poach this guy for DGWU and name him "The General." Then I remembered he is a Lakers fan and pictured Dwight Howard being beheaded French Revolution style while I cheer on and Necci cries in terror. Jesus, I'm a terrible person.)
Anyway, this week should be about enjoying yourself and not thinking about this shit-stain team and the agony they cause. That's my goal for this week's Bye Week Bonanza. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Playlist Additions to just listen to in order to forget about the Buffalo Bills football team.
Here are three random songs I'm listening to right now. Sorry if you hate Indie music, I'm kind of douchey like that.
Darling by Kids These Days. This is a seven piece jazz/blues/hip-hop group that has members who each look way too young to be this incredibly talented. They are fucking killer. I love the mellow style, and Vic Mensa, the group's rapper, has an incredible flow.
Baltimore is the New Brooklyn by JC Brooks and the Uptown Sound. Again, I'm listening to a lot of bands lately with an older sound. When this band was first recommended to me, they were described as a "post-punk soul band". Sounds disgusting, I know, but after a few songs I was hooked and breaking out my white man dance moves. Said moves by the way, killed it at a wedding in Philly this weekend. And by killed it, I mean probably embarrassed my fiancée causing her to now actively shop for a new future husband. I'm awesome.
New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystem. Not even remotely new, but who ever tires of James Murphy? After my run-in with the MTA this week, the song fits here perfectly.
Here are three random songs I'm listening to right now. Sorry if you hate Indie music, I'm kind of douchey like that.
Darling by Kids These Days. This is a seven piece jazz/blues/hip-hop group that has members who each look way too young to be this incredibly talented. They are fucking killer. I love the mellow style, and Vic Mensa, the group's rapper, has an incredible flow.
Baltimore is the New Brooklyn by JC Brooks and the Uptown Sound. Again, I'm listening to a lot of bands lately with an older sound. When this band was first recommended to me, they were described as a "post-punk soul band". Sounds disgusting, I know, but after a few songs I was hooked and breaking out my white man dance moves. Said moves by the way, killed it at a wedding in Philly this weekend. And by killed it, I mean probably embarrassed my fiancée causing her to now actively shop for a new future husband. I'm awesome.
New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystem. Not even remotely new, but who ever tires of James Murphy? After my run-in with the MTA this week, the song fits here perfectly.
Random NBA player of the week (because FUCK THE BILLS):
Growing up in WNY, I was a Chicago Bulls fan. With no NBA team within 200 miles of Franklinville, like many kids from the area, I latched onto Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. I was obsessed with the entire NBA at this time, especially knowing every single player on the Bulls and everything about them. This is when I remember a young man by the name of Rusty LaRue. I'm not making this up. Rusty was an undrafted member of the 97-98 Bulls championship team, not a male stripper from Quebec City (Editors Note: our sources suggest he was, indeed, both). He actually played in 14 games that season and the following season when Jordan retired he manage to start six games during the rebuilding process. He may be my second favorite random NBA player of all-time besides the Mayor himself, Fred Hoiberg.
(sort of) Legendary Drunken Hook-up of the week:
I forgot to find someone to provide this week's story, so just a quick hit for you. My first night at college, our RA gathered us bright eyed Freshmen and took us to listen to some chump from the Real World talk in the university's biggest concert hall. Ten minutes in we all realized that we didn't HAVE to go to this thing, so along with my new neighbor "Eric", I made friends with a guy in front of us named "Mark" whose only purpose in life appeared to be to ask every person around him where parties would be off campus. After getting as much info as needed, he informed us of the best frat party available and we cabbed our way over.
Soon after arriving, we proceeded to down as many shitty beers as possible and start preying on unsuspecting co-eds. Unfortunately, I wandered off by myself for most of the night, and as a still frightened 18 year old from a farm town, all I could manage is what you could barely call a dance floor make-out. Mark and Eric however, had befriended a large group of Freshman ladies while I was off grinding to an awful Sean Paul song. One of these girls hit it off with Mike right away, but to his disappointment, all he managed was her number. Eric and Mark both realized the night's conquest was going nowhere with this group so they moved on. A little while later, the still lightweight I was (hard to imagine that ever existed), stumbled to a cab and went home without the other two, who were of course still on the prowl. I then missed all the excitement, so I'll do my best for the rest of the story.
Apparently after I left, the two of them met a couple of upperclassmen gals who were working the welcome back crew and without much effort,ended up bring them back to the dorms. My neighbor Eric got the short end of the stick, and upon seeing his hook-up leave his room, I was beyond happy that I went home early. Mark on the other hand landed a cute girl who he planned on never seeing again. That is, until his first day of class when he mistakenly sat right next to her in a lecture hall because he had almost no recollection of what she looked like. She didn't recognize him either or was too ashamed to say anything because neither one of them said a single word to each other for the entire class. Mark only noticed towards the end and in a panic ducked out without acknowledging her. She then sat next to him during the next class. No words exchanged again. College, right guys?
And a little epilogue to the story.... that girl Mark got the number from when we first got to the party? He's married to her now. No joke. I've lost touch with them, but every time I see one of them on my Facebook timeline it brings back that story to memory.
Best Twitter Bills fan of the week:
@Michael_Necci - That's right! I'm really sucking up this week in order to take him from Pinzone. Michael has drawn a lot of ire from the BERLSMAFIA because of his honest takes on the Bills, which I find hilarious since he is one of the most consistently knowledgeable football fans I've seen in the twittersphere. He isn't overly negative people, he is brutally honest about a franchise he loves beyond belief and is sick of seeing imitate a barrel fire. He also kills it on college football Saturdays.
Worst Twitter Bills fans of the week:
I warned him on twitter and he had no clue what I was talking about, but that's fine. This week I take down some mouthbreather named Joe Socha. Feel free to search him, as I will never promote the worst fan's twitter feed, but I'm warning you, this one is a doozy. This whole section isn't so much a take down of one person, rather to me, he represents the figurehead of the uninformed, naïve SUPER fan.
Joe was brought to my attention after he started throwing the term "bandwagon fan" around in relation to the Buffalo Bills. This is absolutely hilarious. (Also hilarious, his location says "At your mom's house." Comedy gold.) How is it possible to be a bandwagon fan of a team that has been terrible for 12 straight seasons? Fans can't be sick and tired of the same crap when it happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR? C'mon dude. Accept this mediocrity all you want, I'm going to demand more from this franchise that I have loved for so long with the rest of the folks who have a real education. Blind allegiance is a scary thing... just ask Tea Party members.
It's not about being a better fan than the next guy. As my former colleague, and current asshole, the Defenseman said on twitter, this is about consumerism. If you choose to keep spending your money on a franchise that doesn't give a fuck about the fans, go for it, but that doesn't make you better. In my opinion it makes you naïve and unintelligent. Most the time, I would leave that super positive fan alone. That is, until said fan decides to start telling other fans how terrible they are and that he will stick with the Bills until the bitter end! As if when this team finally does rebound from mediocity (I'm pulling for 2023!), he will actually get to enjoy it more than the rest of us. This is how he makes himself feel superior to the "common" fan. "I have always cared more than you so every win means more to me." Really, chief? More power to ya if you are that intense about the Bills. I'll never say I'm a better fan, but I will without a shadow of a doubt say that I'm a smarter fan.
Take Van Halen, for example (bear with me here). I absolutely love early Van Halen with David Lee Roth, but I choose to hate every other incarnation like any sane man should. Does that make the guy who bought the last three albums a better fan than me? That the most recent Van Halen is actually good? I sure hope not, because that means I have to shell out more money for rock music that sounds like it was made by my eight year old nephew. Choose your level of passion all you want, but shut the fuck about it and go back to your sad hole where mediocrity is somehow acceptable.
Now that that's out my system. Other reasons why these type of folk are the worst.
1. They tweet at players about watching T.V. and other dumb shit. These guys are not your friends, pal. They don't give a fuck about your hashtag and what you think about the last episode of "The Voice." They may only interact with you briefly so you won't have complete disdain for them.
2. They truly believe the odds of a brand new stadium are 50/50 or better. I can't even....
3. They still find some amazing way to defend Ryan Fitzpatrick as a legit starting quarterback. How is this humanly possible? I feel like this is a scientific breakthrough and these people need to be studied now.
4. They take the whole "What are all of you negative fans going to say when we make the playoffs, huh?" as a loaded question, despite the fact that it takes no real thought. For instance - "What are you going to say if the team goes 4-12?" See how that works? You can't win that conversation because nobody has any clue what will really happen, but the evidence provided to the fans this season shows a team that is a long way from the playoffs and hasn't sniffed them in seven years. I'll choose to go by that mark, but dear god it would be amazing if this team magically turned it around. See, I can both be negative AND hope this team does better!!!!! Nuance. Amazing concept.
5. They also pick and choose which negativity they'll be offended by. Say shit about Fitz or Barnett and you're bad fan, yet I'll see these same people going off on Chan Gailey, Aaron Williams, or even Mario with no sense of irony. Really, I don't understand how that works.
Growing up in WNY, I was a Chicago Bulls fan. With no NBA team within 200 miles of Franklinville, like many kids from the area, I latched onto Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. I was obsessed with the entire NBA at this time, especially knowing every single player on the Bulls and everything about them. This is when I remember a young man by the name of Rusty LaRue. I'm not making this up. Rusty was an undrafted member of the 97-98 Bulls championship team, not a male stripper from Quebec City (Editors Note: our sources suggest he was, indeed, both). He actually played in 14 games that season and the following season when Jordan retired he manage to start six games during the rebuilding process. He may be my second favorite random NBA player of all-time besides the Mayor himself, Fred Hoiberg.
(sort of) Legendary Drunken Hook-up of the week:
I forgot to find someone to provide this week's story, so just a quick hit for you. My first night at college, our RA gathered us bright eyed Freshmen and took us to listen to some chump from the Real World talk in the university's biggest concert hall. Ten minutes in we all realized that we didn't HAVE to go to this thing, so along with my new neighbor "Eric", I made friends with a guy in front of us named "Mark" whose only purpose in life appeared to be to ask every person around him where parties would be off campus. After getting as much info as needed, he informed us of the best frat party available and we cabbed our way over.
Soon after arriving, we proceeded to down as many shitty beers as possible and start preying on unsuspecting co-eds. Unfortunately, I wandered off by myself for most of the night, and as a still frightened 18 year old from a farm town, all I could manage is what you could barely call a dance floor make-out. Mark and Eric however, had befriended a large group of Freshman ladies while I was off grinding to an awful Sean Paul song. One of these girls hit it off with Mike right away, but to his disappointment, all he managed was her number. Eric and Mark both realized the night's conquest was going nowhere with this group so they moved on. A little while later, the still lightweight I was (hard to imagine that ever existed), stumbled to a cab and went home without the other two, who were of course still on the prowl. I then missed all the excitement, so I'll do my best for the rest of the story.
Apparently after I left, the two of them met a couple of upperclassmen gals who were working the welcome back crew and without much effort,ended up bring them back to the dorms. My neighbor Eric got the short end of the stick, and upon seeing his hook-up leave his room, I was beyond happy that I went home early. Mark on the other hand landed a cute girl who he planned on never seeing again. That is, until his first day of class when he mistakenly sat right next to her in a lecture hall because he had almost no recollection of what she looked like. She didn't recognize him either or was too ashamed to say anything because neither one of them said a single word to each other for the entire class. Mark only noticed towards the end and in a panic ducked out without acknowledging her. She then sat next to him during the next class. No words exchanged again. College, right guys?
And a little epilogue to the story.... that girl Mark got the number from when we first got to the party? He's married to her now. No joke. I've lost touch with them, but every time I see one of them on my Facebook timeline it brings back that story to memory.
Best Twitter Bills fan of the week:
@Michael_Necci - That's right! I'm really sucking up this week in order to take him from Pinzone. Michael has drawn a lot of ire from the BERLSMAFIA because of his honest takes on the Bills, which I find hilarious since he is one of the most consistently knowledgeable football fans I've seen in the twittersphere. He isn't overly negative people, he is brutally honest about a franchise he loves beyond belief and is sick of seeing imitate a barrel fire. He also kills it on college football Saturdays.
Worst Twitter Bills fans of the week:
I warned him on twitter and he had no clue what I was talking about, but that's fine. This week I take down some mouthbreather named Joe Socha. Feel free to search him, as I will never promote the worst fan's twitter feed, but I'm warning you, this one is a doozy. This whole section isn't so much a take down of one person, rather to me, he represents the figurehead of the uninformed, naïve SUPER fan.
Joe was brought to my attention after he started throwing the term "bandwagon fan" around in relation to the Buffalo Bills. This is absolutely hilarious. (Also hilarious, his location says "At your mom's house." Comedy gold.) How is it possible to be a bandwagon fan of a team that has been terrible for 12 straight seasons? Fans can't be sick and tired of the same crap when it happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR? C'mon dude. Accept this mediocrity all you want, I'm going to demand more from this franchise that I have loved for so long with the rest of the folks who have a real education. Blind allegiance is a scary thing... just ask Tea Party members.
It's not about being a better fan than the next guy. As my former colleague, and current asshole, the Defenseman said on twitter, this is about consumerism. If you choose to keep spending your money on a franchise that doesn't give a fuck about the fans, go for it, but that doesn't make you better. In my opinion it makes you naïve and unintelligent. Most the time, I would leave that super positive fan alone. That is, until said fan decides to start telling other fans how terrible they are and that he will stick with the Bills until the bitter end! As if when this team finally does rebound from mediocity (I'm pulling for 2023!), he will actually get to enjoy it more than the rest of us. This is how he makes himself feel superior to the "common" fan. "I have always cared more than you so every win means more to me." Really, chief? More power to ya if you are that intense about the Bills. I'll never say I'm a better fan, but I will without a shadow of a doubt say that I'm a smarter fan.
Take Van Halen, for example (bear with me here). I absolutely love early Van Halen with David Lee Roth, but I choose to hate every other incarnation like any sane man should. Does that make the guy who bought the last three albums a better fan than me? That the most recent Van Halen is actually good? I sure hope not, because that means I have to shell out more money for rock music that sounds like it was made by my eight year old nephew. Choose your level of passion all you want, but shut the fuck about it and go back to your sad hole where mediocrity is somehow acceptable.
Now that that's out my system. Other reasons why these type of folk are the worst.
1. They tweet at players about watching T.V. and other dumb shit. These guys are not your friends, pal. They don't give a fuck about your hashtag and what you think about the last episode of "The Voice." They may only interact with you briefly so you won't have complete disdain for them.
2. They truly believe the odds of a brand new stadium are 50/50 or better. I can't even....
3. They still find some amazing way to defend Ryan Fitzpatrick as a legit starting quarterback. How is this humanly possible? I feel like this is a scientific breakthrough and these people need to be studied now.
4. They take the whole "What are all of you negative fans going to say when we make the playoffs, huh?" as a loaded question, despite the fact that it takes no real thought. For instance - "What are you going to say if the team goes 4-12?" See how that works? You can't win that conversation because nobody has any clue what will really happen, but the evidence provided to the fans this season shows a team that is a long way from the playoffs and hasn't sniffed them in seven years. I'll choose to go by that mark, but dear god it would be amazing if this team magically turned it around. See, I can both be negative AND hope this team does better!!!!! Nuance. Amazing concept.
5. They also pick and choose which negativity they'll be offended by. Say shit about Fitz or Barnett and you're bad fan, yet I'll see these same people going off on Chan Gailey, Aaron Williams, or even Mario with no sense of irony. Really, I don't understand how that works.
My main man, Fitz! ECC be the same as Harvard, bro!
Potential Bills Injuries for the week:
Mario Williams - Torn Labia
Chan Gailey - Dementia
Chris Kelsay - Blue Balls
Arthur Moats - Self-Realization
John Potter - Mono
Shaun Powell - Murdered by BERLSMAFIA
Drunkest Deeg Member of the Week:
Nailed it last week with the Continental. If you don't believe me, read it here. Outlander being the DD for the Bills game helped her out, but I think she may have taken the title either way.
Outlander - 2
Scizz - 2
Yachtsman - 2
Apologist - 1
Barrister - 1
Continental - 1
The bye week changes everything. Instead of just Sunday, I feel I will gauge this weekend as a whole (Ed. Note: I get the sense that this one is fixed). I'll check in Sunday with all my fellow Deeg writers, but as of now, my trip to State College to for OSU/PSU takes the cake. Out Friday night, fully catered tailgate on Saturday, game at 5:30, out again that night, and possibly some day drinking upon returning to Jersey on Sunday. I'm taking this one down, and since my fiancée and her awesome family will be joining me in most these ventures, who can stand in my way?? Besides the police of course.
Overall Score: This is obvious
Bye Week 27 - Bills 10
-@TheScizz
Mario Williams - Torn Labia
Chan Gailey - Dementia
Chris Kelsay - Blue Balls
Arthur Moats - Self-Realization
John Potter - Mono
Shaun Powell - Murdered by BERLSMAFIA
Drunkest Deeg Member of the Week:
Nailed it last week with the Continental. If you don't believe me, read it here. Outlander being the DD for the Bills game helped her out, but I think she may have taken the title either way.
Outlander - 2
Scizz - 2
Yachtsman - 2
Apologist - 1
Barrister - 1
Continental - 1
The bye week changes everything. Instead of just Sunday, I feel I will gauge this weekend as a whole (Ed. Note: I get the sense that this one is fixed). I'll check in Sunday with all my fellow Deeg writers, but as of now, my trip to State College to for OSU/PSU takes the cake. Out Friday night, fully catered tailgate on Saturday, game at 5:30, out again that night, and possibly some day drinking upon returning to Jersey on Sunday. I'm taking this one down, and since my fiancée and her awesome family will be joining me in most these ventures, who can stand in my way?? Besides the police of course.
Overall Score: This is obvious
Bye Week 27 - Bills 10
-@TheScizz
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