I started with a cheap shot foot joke at Rex Ryan this week. So what? I don't want to be original. I want to be a mean spirited guy that makes fun of other's shortcomings, so I say fuck him and his clogged arteries. I WANT VICTORY!!!
In my week 9 Bills preview, I have decided to very simply break down all the things I LOVE about the Bills so far this year and HATE about the Jets. After last week's performance, the Bills deserve no animosity from me, however, that could all change this week BECAUSE IF THEY LOSE TO THE JETS I WILL DISOWN THEM AS A FRANCHISE AND MOVE TO CANADA! NOTHING LESS WILL BE ACCEPTED AAAAAAHHHH RAAAAAAAAAAGE STOOOOOOOOOOORM I HATE THE JETS!!!!
Before I blow a gasket, let me count the ways I adore the 2011 Buffalo Bills:
1. Fred Jackson is arguably the best running back in the NFL this season and should be a legitimate early MVP contender. Of course Aaron Rodgers, Calvin Johnson, and Patrick Willis are getting all of the attention, as well they should be, but blowhards on the radio and ESPN are talking up Eli FUCKING Manning as an early candidate. Just stop. Seriously.
Jackson has already rushed for 721 yards, with 1074 yards from scrimmage in ONLY SEVEN GAMES! Toss in a 5.5 yards per carry average and 6 TD's and that's pretty fucking incredible. The only other RB's that even touch him this year are AP (Vikings suck), and Matt Forte (Mike Martz). As mentioned on this week's CrapTastiCast, Freddie is by far the best RB this team has had since Thurman, and the organization needs to lock him up NOW! If the team makes the playoffs, hence lifting my ban of purchasing Bills merchandise, #22 is an easy purchase....after he extends his contract.
2. Marcell Dareus is going to be a beast for years to come. Yachtsman touched on this earlier in the week, so I won't exhaust it, but JESUS H. CHRIST did you see him move out there last Sunday? I don't give a shit if it was the Redskins or any other team, franchise players dominate bad teams. That's what he did, and I want to kiss him on the mouth. Picture that....go ahead, do it. You know you want to.
3. The collective of random players making big plays is mind blowing. Fitzy and Stevie Johnson have become quite the impressive combo, but how about Scott Chandler and his 6 Touchdowns? How did Chan and Buddy find this guy? CHANDLAARS!!!!
Throw in David Nelson, Naaman Roosevelt, George Wilson, Kirk Morrison, Bryan Scott, and I could keep going. Gotta love the Goonies.
4. The offensive line is the most ridiculously over-achieving group of players I have ever seen. Even with Demetrius Bell resting, the group has created a fortress of solitude around the Amish Rifle, the likes of which no one has seen in Buffalo since 1994.
Can you name all the starters? Here they are: Andy Levitre, Jim Richter, Mike Ludders, Fred Dukes, and a marble pillar. The more you know.
1. The fans (for the most part) are cut from the mold of satan's asshole. Besides a few close friends who know football, it is next to impossible to have intelligent conversations with these monsters. Every time I travel to the Meadowlands or watch football in New York, I get Johnny Pepperoni and big Sal telling me how great the Jets are, and how the Bills and everybody else in the NFL suck, despite them only knowing that Mark Sanchez is their QB, Rex Ryan is the coach, and bunch of black guys they would normally hate are the rest of the team. Yes, I'm calling many of them racist. Head to the Meadowlands, you'll see.
Remember how much these guys loved Eric Mangini? The Mangenius? Remember all of the shit talking these fuckheads did when he was the coach? Another rage storm approaching....
The worst part is that this fat fuck Rex Ryan has bumped up their sense of accomplishment. I don't mind fans being confident in their team, BUT ONLY IF THEY CAN BACK IT UP!!!! If you can't name the starting defense or even know the name of your coordinators, then get the fuck away from me and go back to watching Soprano's re-runs and talking about how you could beat up Ronnie from Jersey Shore. Uh oh.....RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOORM!!!!!!!!!
Alright, I"m better now. I swear. Deeeeeeeeeeeep breath, and here we go:
2. Darrelle Revis is so fucking good it makes me angry. I'm not sure how to justify this, but the guy is the game changing coverage corner that I have always wanted the Bills to find. Having him on the field gives the Jets an insane boost, no matter who they are playing. I WANT HIM ON MY TEAM GOD DAMMIT! Oh wait, we have Leodis. Joy.
3. Mark Sanchez is slightly better than Trent Dilfer. He is not a star QB. He is a good looking asshole who knows how and when to say the right things, but as a player he does "just enough". The reason that Baltimore won a Super Bowl in 2001 was their defense and running game, and that's how the Jets manage to succeed (although the running game has struggled the last couple of seasons). Trent Dilfer's job was to not screw up; same as the role Sanchez has taken. Sure, he has shown flashes of star power, but overall the guy is mediocre. This isn't a bad thing for the Jets, but the fans, media, and his teammates need to stop treating him like super star. He's no Browning Nagle.
4. I hate Rex Ryan. I hate his fat face. I hate his dumb foot fetish. I hate his loudmouth predictions that nobody holds him accountable for. I hate his doofy smile. I hate his brother. I hate the fact he gave up on his team and talked shit about them, yet when THEY turned it around, he took all of the credit. I hate that he is a known horse rapist. I hate that he laughed when Steve Jobs passed away. I hate that he drinks Cosmopolitans. I hate that he runs a dog fighting ring. And finally, I hate that he never even considered coaching the Bills.
But that no longer matters because Chan is the man!
Until a blowout loss tomorrow, and then of course I move to Canada and start my new Toronto sports themed blog, Dear Lord, what aboot us, eh?
(Or enter your own bad Canadian joke here)