Hi there, welcome to The DEEG. I’m “The Commander”, which is totally a play on Cobra Commander. Confession: I’m a giant GI Joe dork, I have an entire room full of action figures and shit. I’m a grown ass man and everything. I even have a job, and a girlfriend, and a shitload of cats and dogs. If you don’t know me, that’s ok I haven’t written anything long form in forever. Basically, I’m a Twitter smartass and the people who run this place love that sort of thing so they gave me a chance to be funny and entertaining in more than 140 characters.
First a little background so that you guys get where I’m coming from when it comes to my relationship with Buffalo sports. I was actually born in Cleveland and moved to Buffalo when I was about 9 years old. Being too young to really care about the Cleveland teams, I latched onto the Bills and Sabres and grew up following them. The first Bills game I attended in person was The Comeback, so really It’s been all downhill from there. About 2 years ago I moved to California and jinxed the only pro team in my immediate area into moving to Seattle. You’re welcome Sacramento! Despite having a “9 to 5” I’ve been able to watch like 95% of every Sabres game this year…thanks to mobile devices and working from home occasionally. So now that you have an idea of the lengths I go to be disappointed in my sports teams, I feel that I can openly bitch and complain about them for you. The only difference between you and I is that at least when the Bills and Sabres suck unequivocal amounts of ass in November or December, I don’t have to shovel snow.
This is a terrible time to jump aboard the DEEG, Bills season is long over and another shitty Sabres season is behind us. But I wanted to take this time and reflect on the 5 things that I hated the most about the past Sabres season.
I’m going to preface this with a confession: I fucking LOVE Jason Pominville. But before you think I hated the VALUE aspect of the deal, I’m ok with what he returned. For that kind of haul, you have to send the guy out of here. I also get the symbolism of trading him: he was the captain of the fired coach. A hand-picked representation of Lindy Ruff’s long tenure of milquetoast failure. I just don’t understand how people were so happy to be rid of the guy. Aside from a 15 game stretch this year, he’s been a solid two-way, point scoring, first line winger. “DURR HE WAS A BAD CAPTAIN!” Was he, WGR Caller?? I had no idea you were in the locker room and privy to what went on in there. I know he doesn't run guys through the end boards you dipshit, but when you’re sitting there wondering DURR WHY THEY NOT SCORE GOALS?? Remember that it’s because people like you want all the “pussy soft players” off the team, and generally those are the players who score goals.
2) Tyler Myers
This one’s simple. Not as simple as saying WOW THIS GUY SUCKS, which I could easily do and move on to number 3, but just what he represents. To me Tyler Myers is the prime fucking example of everything that’s wrong with the Sabres. I don’t want him out of here, it’s stupid to think a 22 year old NHL defenseman is “done” already. But the high expectations, huge salary given based off a tiny sample size, and massive disappointment just sum up the last 8 years of Sabres hockey.
3) Rob Ray
THAT WAS A GREAT PERIOD BY THE SABRES DESPITE BEING OUTSHOT 24-3. RYAN REALLY HAD NO CHANCE ON NATHAN KADRI’S SHOT FROM BEHIND HIS OWN NET. THEY HAVE TO COME OUT IN THIS NEXT PERIOD AND CONTINUE TO WORK REALLY HARD, I SEEN THEM DO IT BEFORE.
Seriously, take the microphone away from this asshole. He regurgitates the same 7 sentences over and over again.
This one has been beat to death, and really just go read any blog post about the end of season press conference to get an idea of how terrible the BIG media in town can be. A bunch of vendetta pushing children who don’t even cover the team in any sort of depth. They’re all happy just bitching about the team, fans, front office, and what food is served in the press room on Twitter. Both major outlets pander to the part of the fanbase that will find anything to bitch about no matter how good/bad things are. It’s lazy reporting. Thank fuck for social media, thank fuck for the BASEMENT DWELLING bloggers who can produce thought provoking statistical analysis and creative ways to educate people. If you’re here I’m assuming you know this already…or like seeing the word fuck used a lot, but educate your friends and family. Get them on Twitter, link them to blog posts…just get them the fuck away from TBN.
5) Steve Ott
I’m going to catch hell for this one, but I really don’t care. I don’t like Steve Ott. It’s not because of what he is as a player, he’s fine there...a good 3rd liner who lays the body and has all those cool ~~intangibles~~ that give people a boner. What I don’t like is how people have pegged this guy as the poster child of what we want out of a Sabres player.
“I’d take a full team of Steve Ott’s over a whole team of Ilya Kovalchuks in the playoffs!!” – something a real person said
I get it, Sabres fans still have a massive boner for the Ted Nolan days…hitting, fighting, all that cool stuff that we like about hockey. The problem here is that a whole team of Steve Ott’s would lose a playoff game like 7-1 to a team of Ilya Kovalchuk’s. You NEED guys like Steve Ott, absolutely…but you also need skill and offensive creativity to win in the NHL. This team blows total dog shit because it has one guy with elite NHL skill, not because you think Nathan Gerbe doesn’t TRY REAL HARD or whatever.
As far as giving Ott the “C”…if a guy who licks other dude’s visors and takes at least one stupid penalty a game is what we really want out of a captain, it just goes to show you how far off from “Hockey Heaven” we really are. Brace yourselves, it’s not getting any better anytime soon.
You can follow “The Commander” on Twitter at @essbeeay