Category:

Absence makes the heart... OH CRAP THE SEASON IS LOST

7/23/2012

One of the many things I missed while I was out.

The Barrister

Cue the milquetoast opener:

Well gosh darnit, fans of the Deeg, I know you've been eagerly awaiting content from the Kings of Fresh Takes and like the degenerates we are, we've opted to tend to our real world lives instead of bloviating about the latest in bread and circus sports entertainment. Why the lull? Well, personally, my answer to that question has three parts: (1) it's July and I've been getting viciously hamzoed more often than I should admit (hooray anonymous internet monikers!!); (2) I've been traveling a lot over the past 10 days, aforementionedly (not a word?) drunk for 70% of it (not true... not not true either), and I've simply been too drunk and/or hungover and/or distracted to sit down for a little chat; and (3) the only bright spots in my sports world are a surging team in a still ignored league (for now) and an utterly unproven team in the best league in America (for now). Forgive me if I don't jump for joy at the prospect of dwelling on shit that makes me contemplate a swift union between my fist and Fred Wilpon's balls.

But more on those Mets in a few. I can't lead of this trainwreck with that much heartache.

Can't you tell this is going to be FUN??? I'm bored and drunk on a train and you all get the fruits of my labor!

Wait... we need music.

0 Comments

This is Some Superhero Shit.

6/30/2012

0 Comments

The Barrister

A day removed from taking LeBron to task for being a gigantic shit burger (despite also being an incredible player), it seems fitting that I'd get to stay up for a late, west coast Mets game and watch the antithesis of that on the mound. In a league with no cap, there's this guy who makes $3.9 million a year - less than Derek "Tossed Salad Roy" and Ville "The Finnish Rusty Trombone" Leino - and who is, inexplicably, right now, the best at what he does. He's so dominant that hitters laugh when they swing at his stuff. Laughing, somehow, an appropriate response because the only other logical reaction would be a temper tantrum. And no one really wants that.

I kind of fell out of love with baseball during the steroids era, as many did, and when I got brought back in to watch my family rejoice at the 2004 Red Sox win, only to find some of its heroes - Curt Schilling, for example - to be humongous dicks, I grew wary again. Sure, the Mets have been an exception, but even that has been a marriage of convenience in a sense, offset by their awful play, sometimes tough to take fan base and felonious ownership.

I was tempted to title this post "The Hero Baseball Needed?" but thought against it because it probably would have shown my ignorance to many great stars across the league - ones who perform at a high level while also being eminently likeable. Dickey, though, is certainly the hero I needed in baseball. I said it earlier this season, and it's only becoming more true - this Mets team has got me going all in.

And Robert Allen Dickey is reason #1.

He's 12-1, his ERA is 2.15, he averages just under 9 strikeouts a game, and four years ago, few of us had ever heard of him.

Unlike some stars who get pulled into the hype machine of the Network, almost forcing us to despise the guy at the center of it all out of principle, there's nothing to not like about what we're getting out of R.A. He's, comparably, vastly underpaid, he's well-liked by anyone and everyone, and he licensed his image to be on one of the best tshirts ever made.

The7Line.com

So, if you're on the fence about baseball and need a reason to watch and have, apparently, been living under a rock during his recent dominance, start watching the Mets every five games and see the best hitters in the game get straight up befuddled at what this 37 year old knuckler does.

0 Comments

We'll Do It Live - Wednesday Night with the Mets

6/20/2012

0 Comments

This is going to be a fun night.

The Barrister

I can't claim to have anything major to say these days. I'm not inclined to get too worked up about the endless conversations about what blogging means and what it means in the Buffalo sports universe in particular. Shit, most of what I've written here in the past few months is far from relevant to the Buffalo sports scene, what with my general disdain for speculating about drafts and free agents and teams that are a few months away from playing games that count. By the time the Sabres season comes around, I'll have a baby boy to dote on and, I imagine, far less time to dwell on these bizarre loves of mine. So, needless to say, I'm having my fun now.

And that fun, right now, is New York Mets baseball.

Last night, the DGWU Sports crew hit Citi Field for game two in this series against the Orioles. Game one, if you happened to be under a rock yesterday, was RA Dickey's second straight one-hitter. The former Buffalo Bison is pitching as good as anybody in the league right now, and better than the team's "ace," Johan Santana. As for Johan, he followed suit with a gem of his own last night, leading the Mets to their second straight shutout against Baltimore. Santana was in complete control through his six innings last night, and it was good to see following two less-than-inspiring outings which, in turn, followed his epic no hitter on June 1st.

The Deeg had an absurdly fun time last night as we were thoroughly over-served and unsurprisingly giddy to have a chance to hang out again. Yachtsman stepped on a homeless guy on the subway, Scizz threatened the same guy with a round of old-timey boxing, and Apologist got over the loss of his Orioles by watching Lebron "Pool Boy" James pull off some heroics of his own. And me? I pretended to not know any of those clowns while barely containing my laughter.

We're really good at this.

Needless to say, live-blogging tonight seems to be an appropriate follow-up to those shenanigans since I'm probably still drunk and since these live blogs usually end up being an excuse for me to find infantile pictures on the internet and giggle like a moron.

Again, we're good at this.

Click through "read more" for the fantastic voyage.

0 Comments

Battle in the Boogie Down

6/8/2012

0 Comments

I believe that bear was part of Jeter's gift basket.

The Barrister

If I'm being honest, my feelings on the Subway Series typically fall on the "hate it" side of the fence. A twice annual reminder of why my team isn't as good as their team is usually not my idea of fun, and even those seasons where the Mets have come out victorious against their cross-town rivals, it's usually set against the overaching reality that the Yankees have a shot at playoffs and beyond, and the Mets just don't. Like in 2008, when the Mets won the season series 4-2, including a sweep at Yankee Stadium...and the Mets were eliminated from wild card contention on the last day of the season by the Marlins. Again. Or 2004, when they swept at Shea and won the series, only to go 71-91 that year.

Living in New York, the Mets are the team you root for if you don't really mind a dark cloud over your head. They're who you root for if sports don't have to be easy for you, if you want to feel a sense of fulfillment by earning success through years of despair. That is, if you think your being a fan has anything to do with anything, which - as it happens - I narcissistically do. Being a Met fan means that, even when you win, you gotta be ready to hear it from the Yankee fans in the room when they remind you of their many titles and how Jeter is God and how they don't even like A-Rod, as if that lends them more credibility (it does).

This season smells a little different, though. The teams step up the Subway Series in remarkably similar circumstances - the Yankees in third place in the AL East, a half game back of the surprising Orioles; the Mets in third, back a game and a half from the surprising Nationals. They each also sit in divisions with powerhouse teams in last place, further complicating their own prospects at an eventual postseason berth with the chance that the Red Sox and Phillies could suddenly remember how to play baseball again.

And, lest I forget, they each have teams owned by rich men who made money by swindling middle-class investors.

What's that? Only the Mets are owned by dirty crooks? Oh. Bummer.

/cries in corner over Wilpon crimes
/considers argument that all sports team owners are crooks who swindle the middle-class
/cries more

Despite the similarities of circumstances, the Yankees and Mets of 2012 are still very different teams. The Yankees are squeaking by despite fielding a team of proven winners and more than their fair share of perennial All Stars, while the Mets are exceeding expectations with a team of nobodies and top guys on the DL, leaving a roster seemingly held together with duct tape, naive ambition and the magical, high-pitched tone of Terry Collins' voice. Add in a guy coming off the franchise's first no-hitter, and suddenly this series doesn't just seem like an opportunity to show up the big brother club from the Bronx, but a chance for the Mets to establish themselves - in the context of a very strong season - as the NYC team to watch this summer.

No matter what happens this weekend, I'm optimistic about the Mets this season, insofar as I had previously expected to give up on them in May and now actually think there will be meaningful games come August and September. But, if I have to walk into work on Monday to find a gaggle of cocky Yankee fans gloating about beating up on the Mets this weekend, things may get violent. You may disagree, but I don't think I'd do well in Manhattan Central Booking or Rikers Island ... so, if only for that, Let's Go Mets!

I'm the cute one on the left.

Maybe in the end, it won't matter much - as most Inter-League play most certainly does not - since the Yankee fans will still have those rings to point to with a disgusting level of arrogance and hair grease, and since the Yankees themselves will likely remain the darling of the NYC sports world until the Mets make an actual run at World Series again (and that, despite my optimism, is a long way off). But, for these few days, just maybe the Amazins can put together some solid wins and shut the knuckle-dragging front-runners up for a little while. In a City that seems to live and breathe baseball for the summer months, and is overflowing with Yankee fans falling over each other to pat themselves on the back for the good sense at following one the most successful teams in all of sports, that's certainly a nice thought.

0 Comments

Infinite Sadness - Early Summer Laments

5/25/2012

0 Comments

Sad. And adorable.

The Barrister & The Scizz

It was a rainy, misty, shitty day in New York City on Thursday. The perfect setting for our second installment of Infinite Sadness, one of the peripheral cogs in the Deeg Podcast Industries. Scizz, still sitting in the solitude of his sobriety, and I, still sitting in my own sweat and overworked misery, got together via Skype to discuss some of the more recent sports news that makes us infinitely sad.

While the arc of our conversation is often tangential, we touch on the NHL playoffs and how it's been to watch hockey suddenly get big in the big market of NYC, and then have a reflective discussion on how unsurprised we are to see that the Buffalo Sabres have not invited us and our stockpile of dick jokes to attend next month's Blogger Summit. Hint: It's Scizz's fault. Second Hint: It's also Alex Sulzer's fault.

This was a ton of fun to make, as always, and includes musical interludes from Incubus, Ben Folds Five and Biggie Smalls. Enjoy by streaming or downloading below.

Cheers.

infinite_sadness_-_early_summer_laments.mp3
File Size:	31707 kb
File Type:	mp3

Download File

0 Comments

Going All In: Some Thoughts on My Mets

5/14/2012

0 Comments

The Barrister

If I'm being honest about my sports allegiances, I'm not sure if I'm a baseball guy. Mets fan, sure, but not an entrenched fan of the sport itself. Not in the way that some people are - people who grew up playing or going to games on a weekly basis, or who grew up with strong allegiances to the team their parents cheered for.

For those that know me, my confession of less-than-complete interest in baseball isn't terribly revelatory. At times, late in seasons, I can tend towards vocal cynicism with the sport. There are certainly times when I scoff at the idea of "America's Game" - a sport that can put me to sleep sometimes, a sport sullied by substance abuse and cheating, a sport largely ignored worldwide. But, there's also the beauty of it. Those perfect moments where the team you're pulling for comes through in the clutch, where a matter of centimeters makes all the difference. Like any sport that captures our attention and passion (and, there are many), baseball can bring us to the highest of places.

What I forget, sometimes, is that I'm still pretty new to the game - an odd thought considering how ever-present baseball is in American culture. I never played as a kid (soccer was my summer and fall sport), and left with AAA ball in Buffalo - albeit very decent AAA ball - I never really went all in. Sure, my parents were both Red Sox fans, but Boston was 400 miles away from Buffalo and, frankly, I didn't need baseball. I had my underachieving hockey team. I had my crumbling NFL franchise. I was all set.

Living in New York City changed this, though, at least to the extent that I can't ignore the game here. NYC is a great sports town, but more than that it is a big baseball town. When its teams are playing well, or poorly, they rule the airwaves and the water coolers, if only to encourage fans of opposing teams to jump into the verbal fray. Listen to enough radio during the season, as I did during my first full summer in New York, and it starts to sink in that one of the things that New Yorkers do is follow baseball. Making the choice to follow and adore the Mets, therefore, is - at least in part - a choice to go all in with New York as well. To decide to adopt a substantial aspect of New York City culture so that, in the bustle of city living, I don't feel quite so out of place.

As fate would have it, for the first time in years I'm in a position where I may need to leave New York City in the not-too-distant future. And, as fate would have it, I find myself watching a lovable Mets team and feeling, at least incrementally, more and more like an entrenched New Yorker with every come-from-behind win that these supposed scrubs put together.

After watching the Mets go to the brink of success soon after I moved to Queens in '05, only to sink faster than Liam Neeson's credibility, the first six or seven weeks of this season have been incredibly heartening. My only Mets thoughts before the April rolled around revolved pretty closely to those I had last May, when I mused on the frustration of a fan base stuck supporting team with an economic ball-and-chain in the face of Fred Wilpon. Even when the team began with a hot start, I was quick to shift back to a protectionist, pessimistic stance. Indeed, in that early April piece, I predicted a certain slide to 4-5 when the Mets faced the Phillies that week. The Mets went on to easily win that series, only missing out on the sweep by way of a dominating Cole Hamels performance in the third game. And while there have been hiccups along the way - getting swept by the Astros, for starters - this team has been consistently good through the first 35 games.

The surprising play has been a theme of this season, whether it be about the team itself or the individual players that are getting them there. David Wright, left for dead by me and many fans, has rejuvenated his career and is batting better than we've seen since '07, really. Hitting .398 through tonight's 3-1 win over the Brewers, Wright looks like he's found the swing he had lost somewhere around the time Carlos Delgado stopped protecting him in the lineup, and suddenly his hits are actually appearing in clutch situations (rather than during blowout wins or losses, as seemed to be the case in the past few years). RISP? .364. RISP with 2 outs? A stupid .462. This is a David Wright I simply did not expect to be back in Flushing. I guess dropping that fence line was a great idea. Go figure.

While Wright is a great story of the season, the play of the recent call-ups has been utterly bananas and is redefining what Mets baseball can be this year. Kirk Nieuwenhuis, who came into the starting lineup when Torres went down and opened up a spot in centerfield, is batting over .300 with 12 RBIs. His field play displays his youth at times, though he's really no worse than Jason Bay (and a hell of a lot cheaper) and brings a bat that Bay has been unable to locate since being signed by the Mets last year. Daniel Murphy and Ike Davis have started to find their stride in the last few weeks as well (Murph more than Ike, though), and suddenly the Mets batting order may actually start to make opponents worry and wonder where three outs are coming from.

On the other side of the ball, the optimism keeps on coming. Johan Santana, back from injury, is pitching some insane starts, though sadly his win-loss column makes us all feel like the team could be doing more to help him get the results he rightfully deserves. His 1-2 record and 2.92 ERA are reminiscent of his first season in Flushing, when the team consistently failed to give him decent run support. Yet, with the whole team pitching well, and the bats finding success late in games (leading the league in comeback wins), Santana's poor record may just be the nature of the beast. (To that point, Dickey is the only starter with a winning record at 5-1; lots of no decisions for everyone).

I'm the fucking boss.

Which isn't to say that this Mets team is without faults - we need another starting pitcher with Big Pelf out for the year, and we may still be in need of a closer, and there isn't a legit starting catcher in the bunch. But, these kids keep winning, inexplicably. They sit at 20-15, are nearing the quarter way mark of the season, and are very much in the mix of the NL East.

At any rate, so long as they keep playing well, I'll keep latching on to this team, living and dying with every game, and continuing to feel more and more like a New Yorker who can't bring himself to leave this City that has become his home.

0 Comments

Watching the Metropolitans. A Live Blog.

4/17/2012

70 Comments

The Barrister

This may or may not be a colossal waste of time. Except I'm drinking a giant Sierra Nevada and everything about tonight rules as a consequence. Here we go.

7:37 - I'm starting late because I needed to eat. Typical. The Mets are down one in the bottom of the second. Daniel Murphy made it on base in the first but I can't recall how. In the bottom of the first, Jason Bay gifted the Braves with a big error, leading to guy on second with no outs and an eventual unearned run on subsequent sac flies. After absolutely thieving that HR last night, though, I'm declaring it a wash. Upside is there is plenty of ballgame left for him to make up for it.

I just banked on Jason Bay making good baseball plays. This is how bizarre this Mets team is making me.

(continue with this adventure in stupidity after the jump...)

70 Comments

Infinite Sadness - A podcast

4/13/2012

0 Comments

The Barrister & The Scizz

Oh look, another podcast! Well, since it has become more and more difficult as of late to get the band together in the same recording space for CrapTastiCasts, and due to the success (???) of our other spin-off podcasts the Legal Limit, and Apostles of Bob, Barrister and I decided to get together and form our own brand. What did we come up with? Sadness. Lots of Sadness. Infinite sadness if you will, won't you?

With the Sabres season over, whiny TBNers crying about worthless press conferences, and the Mets playing shitty baseball again, there is just so much to be absolutely sad about. Thus, we bring you the new DGWU Sports podcast creation, Infinite Sadness. We curse and make inappropriate jokes, so as always, NSFPOLAW (Not safe for playing out loud at work).

I think we're on to something here, so take a listen and enjoy. All music this week is from the Smashing Pumpkins.

infinitesadness1.output.mp3
File Size:	46484 kb
File Type:	mp3

Download File

0 Comments

The Perennial Hope Merchants from Flushing

4/11/2012

0 Comments

Jason Bay. It's up to you to decide whether I mean the dog, the poop or the scooper.

The Barrister

I've started writing this as the Mets finish the death rattle of Game 6 of the 2012 season. Their hot 4-0 start has cooled off considerably - first with the predictable result on a cold Tuesday night with bench players, and then with Wednesday afternoon's impotent bats that failed to give Johan Santana any sort of support. These more recent games, reminding fans of the stark reality of Mets baseball, are refreshing if only because they force me to get my head out of the clouds and actually think reasonably about what, if anything, the beginning of this season means. Or, more to the point, about whether I can actually expect to be looking about an above .500 record in a month, much less a week.

I cannot. Chances are they'll be 4-5 by Sunday and won't look back. Accepting this inevitable course towards oblivion is strangely comforting.

Even so, baseball is back and refusing to be all that emotionally invested in wins and losses - a particularly smart choice through roughly 1/27th of a season - helps me simply be excited that summer is around the corner and I get to watch a completely hopeless baseball franchise for bottom basement prices a mere 20 minutes from my apartment. What could be better?!?

/slams face in empty seat at Citi Field to keep awake during sleepy on-field effort

0 Comments

Can the Amazins Regain .500? The Barrister Liveblogs Mets @ Pirates

6/13/2011

7 Comments

Jose Reyes: Perennial key to Mets' success and currently 2nd in NL All-Star voting.

If You haven't done so, please check out DGWU's CrapTastiCast Episode #9, feat. Nick Mendola!

The Barrister

Having so thoroughly enjoyed Scizz's previous foray into liveblogging a Cubs game - despite the rain delay involved - I'm going to take advantage of Mrs. Barrister's book club night, along with a pretty early end of the work day for me, to have some fun tonight. After all - propensity to jinx my teams be damned - the METS COULD BE AT .500 WHEN TONIGHT IS OVER. As I've chronicled pretty thoroughly at DGWU Sports, the Mets season has been a series of hopeful and frustrating moments. Actually, you really need to take it back to last season for the full context: K-Rod punching his baby-mama's daddy and busting his hand in the process, Johan needing surgery on his shoulder, and the Wilpon's parade of financial misdealings, all of which have had a negative impact coming into this season. Bullpen guys have been forced to start and AAA guys (Go Bisons!) have been called up along the way, due to further injuries, all of which has left most fans feeling less than confident in the team's ability to stay competitive each game, much less make a run at a divisional crown. And then there's Ike and D Wright going down within a week of each other. Other than the Greece/Ecuador match at Citi Field last week, Flushing has been a dismal and empty place.

Yet, here we are, looking at a Mets team just below .500 and only 7.5 games out of first in the East. As a fan of all things Buffalo, I'd like to credit Buffalo Baseball Hall of Famer Terry Collins for making a lot out of a little, but I think a lot of it has to do with guys actually playing up to their abilities, rather than down to the low expectations of us fans (read: disgruntled Yankee-loving NYC media). Injuries have crippled this team, sure, but hell if the guys left on the field aren't actually kind of decent. Who knows? If they can stay afloat into July, get Wright, Johan and Davis back...this team could make some noise down the August and September stretch. Or they could just get themselves into 2nd in the East, only to lose ten straight to close out the season. Whatever. I'll take a build up to a let down over no build up at all.

Anyway, this post will chronicle my evening of Mets watching. I'll likely be checking in on the Stanley Cup Finals as well, so don't be surprised if you see comments about that game as well. And, of course, with a computer on my lap, other semi-tangentially related content may make it in also. Who knows? Anything can happen. WE'RE DOING IT LIVE!!

6:10: It is warm in this apartment. I was thinking about breaking out some Mets gear for the evening, but a combination of heat and laziness has left me wearing a bachelor party t-shirt from my recent trip to Dover. Speaking of which...like NASCAR and/or drinking and/or strippers and/or blogs about such topics? Great! Read this. I promise that tonight won't be all about self-promotion. Just over an hour until first pitch. I'll be watching "Archer" on Netflix until the SNY pre-game starts up.

6:35: Reyes is batting .346 this year, by the way. Leads the NL in that category, as well as triples (though the latter stat is nothing new). But with a lifetime average of .290, his ability at the plate is ABSURD this year. Unsurprisingly, he also leads the NL in hits, as well as singles.

6:40: "Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No." - Archer. That reminds me. Dane Cook sucks.

6:50: Drink of the night is Tangueray and Tonic. With lime, obviously. Might be the death of me. SNY not yet on, as Archer is way better than NYC sports media.

6:55: SNY showing video of Pittsburgh cityscape. Reminds me that I really want to check out PNC Park. I mean, I have family there, after all. ADDED BONUS: Tracking down Sidney Crosby's house and dropping off a flaming bag of poop on his front porch.

6:56: In response to group text suggestion of opening up tonight's post to witty and/or relevant texts from the rest of the DGWU Crew, Yachter comes up with this gem: "The fat penis man on the Mets pregame has the most punchable face I've seen in New York." Which begs the question: Which one does the Yachtsman mean?

7:02: Mets lineup is as follows: Reyes, Turner, Beltran, Pagan, Bay, Paulino, Murphy, Tejada, Pelfrey. Paul Maholm is starting on the mound for the Bucs.

7:04: Reyes shown doing his ridiculous handshakes with teammates. I love him. If/When they trade Jose, I'll be a sad kid. He leads off with a groundout to short.

7:12: After Justin "Ginger" Turner makes it to first on a BB, Beltran grounds into a double play. Required a great stop from Brandon Wood, the Pirates third baseman. Top of the 1st is in the bag. I will comment much less about Mets defense. You can bank on that.

7:17: Pirates take lead on a series of singles. Zero outs. Pelfrey in trouble early. Nothing new here.

7:18: Big Pelf helps himself by picking the runner at 2nd off with a great move. Next batter flies out to right center, a play that would have pushed runner to third. Instead, Pirates have two outs with a guy on first. Gary: "Those are the things that lose you ballgames." Gary should know with all the Mets baseball he watches.

7:22 Overbay strikes out. END OF 1st.

Mets 0, Pirates 1

7:25: Angel Pagan leading off 2nd. Apparently batting .349 since returning from injury. Also sporting a badass beard. Good thinking! (HOW DOES GOOGLE IMAGES NOT HAVE THIS DOCUMENTED?) Pagan grounds out.

7:28: Jason Bay, arguably the most frustrating Met of the year, fights to a 3-2 count, and gets his base on balls.

7:31: Murphy with Mets' first hit of night. Off of a 0-2 count. I like the aggressiveness from Murph. Moves Bay to third. Mets have two outs due to out that I missed. Entirely possible Bay is actually out, and the guy to third is someone else.

7:34: Tejada flies out to center. Three outs, two left on.

Already bored of the game, I figured I'd share some great music from a great friend of mine, Ryan O'Neil. One of the craziest videos I've ever seen. MUPPETS!

7:37: Pirates go 1-2-3 while I uplodaded the video. Baseball: Requires Very Little From Us Fans.

END OF 2nd

7:40: Pelf leads off. What an ugly hitter. Strikes out. Is batting less than .100 in his career.

7:42: Reyes robbed with great sliding catch in shallow right by Garrett Jones.

7:44: Mets stats from Gary. In this series, first time through inning, Mets are .087. Second time through .385, .third time through .478.

7:45: With Turner groundout, Mets have some hits to get to keep that average up. Bottom of third.

7:55: Pelf cruised through bottm of third. Mets blow through first two batters. Kevin Burkhardt is in booth now, talking about Santana recovery. "He's not even close." Ugh. Will try off of mound again soon. Looks like August 1 may be projected return date now. Johan not yet at the "beginning of spring training" level. Keith opines that he's too valuable to push. Meanwhile, Bay strikes out. Way to go, Jason. Douche.

7:59: Pelf continues his good play. Has retired 11 straight since first inning issues.

END OF 4th.

Hey, Mets' bats...Anytime you want to help Mike out, that would be great.

Still Mets 0, Pirates 1.

8:03: The Pirates have been around for 125 years? Damn. If I were meaner, I'd make jokes about Yachtsman's mom being their original team marm, but...it would be cruel. And I'm not entirely sure "marm" is the word I'm looking for. It means prostitute, right?

8:08: Murphy now has two hits, but is followed by Tejada. Guys at 1st and 2nd with one out.

8:09-8:12: Pelf up to bat, which all but guarantees that the Mets won't get a double play now. Oh WTF - why is he swinging? No guarantees in Mets baseball. Pelf then bunts through pitch, Murphy caught in a rundown. Tejada makes it to second on decent baserunning while Murph runs around like an asshole. Pelfrey follows with decent cuts, including near hit down the third baseline, and makes Pirates pitcher (already forgotten his name, don't care enough to find out) work. Pelf ultimately grounds out. Updside: Reyes to lead off 6th.

And, still a little bored: More promotion for my boy Ryan O'Neil. And as I type this, Wood crunks a homer to left. 12 homeruns given up by Pelf this year. Mets 0, Pirates 2. But, still, take a listen to the video below, which isn't actually a video.

8:16: great stop by Tejada. Apparently he writes letters in the infield dirt that stands for "If God is with me, who can be against me?" Oh, I know this one! Answer: the Pittsburgh Pirates.

8:20: Mets make it out of inning with limited damage. Again, I repeat. GET SOME HITS. Ugh. This gin is not helping. That's a lie.

END OF 5th.

8:24: Jose pops out for the 1st out. I may move to scotch soon.

8:25: Ginger Turner inexplicably bunts - badly - and gets to first on an error by the pitcher. Beltran follows with pop out to right. Two outs.

8:26: Angel Pagan, the walking religious contradiction, grounds out to second. Middle of the 6th. Mets 0, Pirates 2.

8:34: Pelfrey cruises through bottom of 6th. Has matched his season high in strikeouts.

END OF 6th.

8:38: Mets go 1-2-3 on SEVEN PITCHES. Wow. Good fucking lord. This team is vehemently against my attempts at fan participation/hyping of their sports-product. Fine. I get your point. Except that I might not remember this tomorrow.

8:45: Have put the booze aside in favor of a Firecracker Popcicle, aka The Bomb Pop. Good thing my one-handed typing skills are in good practice. Pelfrey still looking for the win.

END OF 7th.

8:46: More grexting gold from The Yachstman... On Keith's comment about staying in Pitt tonight whuile rest of SNY crew flies down to ATL for the mid-week series: "With Keith staying in Shittsburgh one more day, how much old single lady piano bar ass is he gonna get? I say over under a thousand with me picking the over. I do so with full faith in his spectacular stache."

8:50: Tejada leads off, gets ahead 3-1 against the Pirates reliever. Works his way onto first with a walk.

8:52: More from Yachter, as he wonders whether Bernie Madoff was Jason Bay's representative when he signed. A fair query, though I'd wonder more about Jose Castillo's or Oliver Perez's deals. Regardless, since they were all paid for by Bernie funds, however indirectly, there's a case to be made for each of them. I say Wilpon hits up Jose and Ollie for some cash before he pays back the Madoff defraudees.

8:57: Reyes robbed again with men at 1st and 3rd. Tejada gets home on sacrifice, though it was debatable whether he actually left too soon. Duda doubled up as he runs to second in anticipation of ball dropping in short left. METS SCORED THOUGH! Boom. Mets 1, Pirates 2. Turner proceeds to fly out. Going to bottom of 8th.

Time for another video!

It's funny cuz it's true. Good thing Mrs. Barrister hides the really sharp knives. She is a smart and sexy lady.

9:06: With Manny Acosta in, Pirates get two singles to get men on first and third. Acosta has not played since his most recent call-up. Gotta be a short leash with Terry. He could probably find one in Keith's box o' kink.

Too far?

9:09: Despite good effort by Ginger Turner, his throw is up the line and probably late. Infield single loads up the bases. Acosta pulled for Byrdak. One out.

9:11: Ad with guy doing solo flash mob in Grand Central comes on. Douche. Of all the group activities to get in on, a flash mob is NOT on my list. This, however, I could get into:

Incidentaly, not all that different than the mediocre a capella music I used to do in college. Just without the accent.

9:16: 3 and 2, 2 outs, bases loaded in bottom of 8th. Let's Go Mets chants rain down from stands. The Pirates have not been good for a MINUTE. Nicest ballpark in the east, so I've heard, in a sports town. They deserve better. And apparently the Mets agree! Byrdak walks batter, runner comes in. Byrdak pulled. Mets 1, Pirates 3.

9:21: Mets get out of inning with just the one run against.

END OF THE 8th.

9:25: Beltran grounds out sharply to second. Pagan strikes out. JASON BAY IS UP. FIRST PITCH BOMB!! To the fucking warning track.

Kill yourself Jason Bay. You'd be the worst "Bay" in the world if it weren't for Michael Bay and Guantanamo Bay. But you're in 3rd. If anyone's curious, the Bay of Pigs and Baywatch round out the top 5.

And no, I'm not so drunk that I think that was funny. But I am drunk enough to just leave it up there, annoying us all. Just like Jason Bay, the reigning Turd Ferguson.

Well, folks, I'd do a brief recap if I thought there was anything really to say. Another split against the Pirates, another wasted opportunity. Mets shift to two games below .500. As predicted. I'm sorry, it was obviously my fault for even doing this.

But, I had fun, and I hope you did as well. Thanks to the DGWU Crew for keeping me company, and to BC for hopping in as well. Looks like there may be an impromptu trip to Citi this weekend, so look for more Mets coverage then.

To play us out, some Camp Lo. This joint was in heavy rotation after it's presence on a mix CD (remember those) from fellow Buffalo expat in NYC, The Wookie (a nickname I made up just now...or maybe I didn't...dude's pretty hairy, I'm sure it's been said).