The Scizz
Three weeks ago I wrote a post in honor of new Bills Coach, Doug Marrone in order to give him some advice on the disgustingly awful roster he was inheriting. I chose to start with the offense and had planned on writing the defensive follow-up a few days later, but the constant state of sadness that our Buffalo sports franchises ingrains in all of us has left me unmotivated. Talking/tweeting/writing about any Buffalo team leaves me frustrated and in all honesty, sometimes it feels like a chore. We started this site as an outlet to write about the carousel of embarrassment the Sabres and Bills have been over the past 10 years, but right now it feels like an all-time low. Take a look at our own content since I last wrote if you want to get a view of our discontent; a Ray Lewis post, a podcast about music, and a CrapTastiCast that was full of sadness and only scheduled because I wanted to get drunk on a weekday. L:SDGGL:KASLDFKASFKASDFA!!!!! That's the sound I just made.
But unlike the Sabres this season, I am here to overcome my lack of drive and offer up some more advice to Mr. Marrone. He already took some of my advice by not tendering Donald Jones, and has made my job easier today by letting go of Berls Merfia heroes, Nick Barnett and George Wilson (Neither of which will probably even be in the NFL next season). However, there is still a giant car wreck of a defensive roster at One Bills Drive that needs to be evaluated by a guy who stopped playing competitive football at the age of 12.
Three weeks ago I wrote a post in honor of new Bills Coach, Doug Marrone in order to give him some advice on the disgustingly awful roster he was inheriting. I chose to start with the offense and had planned on writing the defensive follow-up a few days later, but the constant state of sadness that our Buffalo sports franchises ingrains in all of us has left me unmotivated. Talking/tweeting/writing about any Buffalo team leaves me frustrated and in all honesty, sometimes it feels like a chore. We started this site as an outlet to write about the carousel of embarrassment the Sabres and Bills have been over the past 10 years, but right now it feels like an all-time low. Take a look at our own content since I last wrote if you want to get a view of our discontent; a Ray Lewis post, a podcast about music, and a CrapTastiCast that was full of sadness and only scheduled because I wanted to get drunk on a weekday. L:SDGGL:KASLDFKASFKASDFA!!!!! That's the sound I just made.
But unlike the Sabres this season, I am here to overcome my lack of drive and offer up some more advice to Mr. Marrone. He already took some of my advice by not tendering Donald Jones, and has made my job easier today by letting go of Berls Merfia heroes, Nick Barnett and George Wilson (Neither of which will probably even be in the NFL next season). However, there is still a giant car wreck of a defensive roster at One Bills Drive that needs to be evaluated by a guy who stopped playing competitive football at the age of 12.
Somebody rub Dave Wannstedt's nose in this.
Unlike last time, I'm going to start with the area that may have the least amount of suckiness.
Defensive Line
Mario Williams - Yes, Mario Williams signed a huge contract and under-performed last season. Yes, he clashed with the media and occasionally came across like a snotty cunt. Yes, he seems to be dealing with a lot of injuries that could continue to hamper his play. NO, he is not a bust....yet. In a rare moment of positivity, I'm going to give Mario the benefit of the doubt on his play last season. A potential nagging injury, imbecile Defensive Coordinator, and supporting cast of shit still landed him 10.5 sacks and two forced fumbles. Not terrible. Is it acceptable for the amount of money he is getting paid? Of course not, but one season under Wanny and Chan can do that to anyone. Doug, you have a stud on your hands here, make sure he lives up to that crippling contract.
Kyle Williams - Another big name player with a hefty contract who completely under-performed last year, yet somehow avoided being heavily chastised by the media. Why? Maybe it was the lack of a mini-fridge in his locker room, or maybe it's because Jerry Sullivan is probably a racist, I don't know (Yes I do). All that matters is that Williams returns to form next year along with Mario and this next guy. I'm still confident that if coached right, this D-Line can be one of the most dominant in the game.
Marcell Dareus - Obviously he gets a pass for what he had to deal with last year, but even so, I didn't think he played all that terrible. He showed some weakness against the run at the start of season, but in the last 4 games I heard his name more than the other 12 combined. Use these three well, Doug. They are your best hope.
Mark Anderson - I've now sat here for about 10 minutes staring at the screen. I don't know what to say about him. He only played in 5 games, and naturally has the ability to play better, but I have no clue what to do with him. He only has a year left on the contract, but you may be able to find a cheaper option at end. Specifically....
Kyle Moore - Let me get one thing straight: I do not understand the twitterati's obsession with this guy. He over-performed for an undrafted free agent, sure, but that doesn't mean you run out and give him an even average sized contract. With that being said, would I be mad if the Bills sign him to a short-term contract for a little over the minimum? Not at all. But when I searched his name on twitter I found numerous Bills fan calling for a 4-5 year deal. Slow your motherfuckin' roll y'all.
Chris Kelsay - No.
Shawne Merriman - I feel like you already know better than this, but just in case you think he has something left in the tank, let me save you the trouble. He does not. In fact, the ONLY people on the planet that thought he had anything left were Chan and Buddy and Shawne himself, who actually thinks he is one of the top free agents on the marketHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA (deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.
Spencer Johnson - I didn't even know he was still on the team. Bye.
Alex Carrington - I have a soft spot for "The River Monster" and as a back-up and master kick blocker, you should let him stay. And as a sidenote, please have Buddy Nix stop drafting D-lineman projects. It's a total waste.
Defensive Line
Mario Williams - Yes, Mario Williams signed a huge contract and under-performed last season. Yes, he clashed with the media and occasionally came across like a snotty cunt. Yes, he seems to be dealing with a lot of injuries that could continue to hamper his play. NO, he is not a bust....yet. In a rare moment of positivity, I'm going to give Mario the benefit of the doubt on his play last season. A potential nagging injury, imbecile Defensive Coordinator, and supporting cast of shit still landed him 10.5 sacks and two forced fumbles. Not terrible. Is it acceptable for the amount of money he is getting paid? Of course not, but one season under Wanny and Chan can do that to anyone. Doug, you have a stud on your hands here, make sure he lives up to that crippling contract.
Kyle Williams - Another big name player with a hefty contract who completely under-performed last year, yet somehow avoided being heavily chastised by the media. Why? Maybe it was the lack of a mini-fridge in his locker room, or maybe it's because Jerry Sullivan is probably a racist, I don't know (Yes I do). All that matters is that Williams returns to form next year along with Mario and this next guy. I'm still confident that if coached right, this D-Line can be one of the most dominant in the game.
Marcell Dareus - Obviously he gets a pass for what he had to deal with last year, but even so, I didn't think he played all that terrible. He showed some weakness against the run at the start of season, but in the last 4 games I heard his name more than the other 12 combined. Use these three well, Doug. They are your best hope.
Mark Anderson - I've now sat here for about 10 minutes staring at the screen. I don't know what to say about him. He only played in 5 games, and naturally has the ability to play better, but I have no clue what to do with him. He only has a year left on the contract, but you may be able to find a cheaper option at end. Specifically....
Kyle Moore - Let me get one thing straight: I do not understand the twitterati's obsession with this guy. He over-performed for an undrafted free agent, sure, but that doesn't mean you run out and give him an even average sized contract. With that being said, would I be mad if the Bills sign him to a short-term contract for a little over the minimum? Not at all. But when I searched his name on twitter I found numerous Bills fan calling for a 4-5 year deal. Slow your motherfuckin' roll y'all.
Chris Kelsay - No.
Shawne Merriman - I feel like you already know better than this, but just in case you think he has something left in the tank, let me save you the trouble. He does not. In fact, the ONLY people on the planet that thought he had anything left were Chan and Buddy and Shawne himself, who actually thinks he is one of the top free agents on the marketHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA (deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.
Spencer Johnson - I didn't even know he was still on the team. Bye.
Alex Carrington - I have a soft spot for "The River Monster" and as a back-up and master kick blocker, you should let him stay. And as a sidenote, please have Buddy Nix stop drafting D-lineman projects. It's a total waste.
At least he does something.
Linebackers:
BURN IT ALL DOWN!
Nick Barnett - Well done, sir. I'm tired of him blowing coverage and watching RB's run by him.
Kelvin Sheppard - Speaking of blown coverage, this guy can't cover a fullback, let alone a dominant Tight End like Gronk. And how many times you can watch him get barreled over by Daniel Thomas before you figure out he has no place on an NFL roster. Worthless. GONE.
Arthur Moats - I heard he once tackled Brett Favre. Nobody has seem him since. GONE
Chris White - The google machine tells me he is a special teams "specialist", which of course means he isn't good enough to start and never will be. GONE.
Kirk Morrison - Still on the team despite being inactive for 17 of the 16 games. What's the point? GONE.
Bryan Scott - An unrestricted free agent, I use to love Scott for his ability to play several positions and make some surprising big plays, but the last year he was one of the worst players on the field defensively. When the Bills signed him mid-year several seasons ago, every other team in the NFL had zero interest. Feeling Deja Vu, sir. GONE.
Nigel Bradham - The one member of this group that I'm alright with keeping around. Down the stretch, he was the only guy making plays or even acting like he gave a shit what the outcome was. If you watched the loser bowl against the Jets, he put some monster hits on their RB's and that may just be enough to give him another year, but I'm not heartbroken if this entire unit is scrapped altogether.
BURN IT ALL DOWN!
Nick Barnett - Well done, sir. I'm tired of him blowing coverage and watching RB's run by him.
Kelvin Sheppard - Speaking of blown coverage, this guy can't cover a fullback, let alone a dominant Tight End like Gronk. And how many times you can watch him get barreled over by Daniel Thomas before you figure out he has no place on an NFL roster. Worthless. GONE.
Arthur Moats - I heard he once tackled Brett Favre. Nobody has seem him since. GONE
Chris White - The google machine tells me he is a special teams "specialist", which of course means he isn't good enough to start and never will be. GONE.
Kirk Morrison - Still on the team despite being inactive for 17 of the 16 games. What's the point? GONE.
Bryan Scott - An unrestricted free agent, I use to love Scott for his ability to play several positions and make some surprising big plays, but the last year he was one of the worst players on the field defensively. When the Bills signed him mid-year several seasons ago, every other team in the NFL had zero interest. Feeling Deja Vu, sir. GONE.
Nigel Bradham - The one member of this group that I'm alright with keeping around. Down the stretch, he was the only guy making plays or even acting like he gave a shit what the outcome was. If you watched the loser bowl against the Jets, he put some monster hits on their RB's and that may just be enough to give him another year, but I'm not heartbroken if this entire unit is scrapped altogether.
And this is the first picture I found. FML.
Defensive Backs:
Not quite the disaster of epic proportions that the linebackers are, but still a big mess. At least there seems to be a couple top-tier players in the group, but after that it is puuuuuuuure dogshit.
Stephon Gilmore - There have indeed been growing pains with Gilmore, but as the season progressed he looks like he could very well be that All-Pro corner this franchise so desperately needs. His awareness in coverage and willingness to go hard against the run were an absolute pleasure to watch, considering his teammates were getting torched left and right by mediocre--at best-- wide receivers. He also made numerous all-rookie lists but mostly from the mainstream media, and fuck them, right Doug??
Aaron Williams - Holy awfulsauce is he terrible at football. Blown coverage? Check. Overplaying for interceptions? (The Nate Clements) Check. Being absolutely useless against the run? Checkity check check check! I don't care if he is only in his second season, this is not the future of the franchise.
Leodis McKelvin - I already mentioned him in my offensive/special teams preview, and I say keep him if you can get him on the cheap. An amazing return man who didn't look half-bad in coverage last season. Just don't count on him as anything more than your dime back.
Ron Brooks - I don't remember him doing anything. He was hurt and during the draft he had tons of "upside", which you may know is code for "will be great on the Patriots but useless on every other NFL team".
Justin Rogers - I call him little Aaron Williams. Do with him what you must.
Terrance McGee - Hasn't played a full season since 1997 and his long neck creeps me out. He has no business being a professional athlete anymore. (UPDATE: Apparently Doug listened and cut McGee the same day this went up. Mind meld, Doug. Mind meld.)
Jarius Byrd - Let me use reference from one of my favorite movies to voice my opinion. Hope you like Danny Glover, Doug. Sign him. Sign him NOW! What are you waiting for???? COME ON! SIGN HIM!!!!!
Da'Norris Searcy - Another a guy I could not care less about. With George Wilson gone and Byrd un-signed, he is the only other Safety on the roster so I guess keep him? Either way, please refer to me as "Da'Scizz" from now on. Actually don't. That's stupid.
That's all I got for ya, Doug. I hate sports.
Da'Scizz....OUT!
Not quite the disaster of epic proportions that the linebackers are, but still a big mess. At least there seems to be a couple top-tier players in the group, but after that it is puuuuuuuure dogshit.
Stephon Gilmore - There have indeed been growing pains with Gilmore, but as the season progressed he looks like he could very well be that All-Pro corner this franchise so desperately needs. His awareness in coverage and willingness to go hard against the run were an absolute pleasure to watch, considering his teammates were getting torched left and right by mediocre--at best-- wide receivers. He also made numerous all-rookie lists but mostly from the mainstream media, and fuck them, right Doug??
Aaron Williams - Holy awfulsauce is he terrible at football. Blown coverage? Check. Overplaying for interceptions? (The Nate Clements) Check. Being absolutely useless against the run? Checkity check check check! I don't care if he is only in his second season, this is not the future of the franchise.
Leodis McKelvin - I already mentioned him in my offensive/special teams preview, and I say keep him if you can get him on the cheap. An amazing return man who didn't look half-bad in coverage last season. Just don't count on him as anything more than your dime back.
Ron Brooks - I don't remember him doing anything. He was hurt and during the draft he had tons of "upside", which you may know is code for "will be great on the Patriots but useless on every other NFL team".
Justin Rogers - I call him little Aaron Williams. Do with him what you must.
Terrance McGee - Hasn't played a full season since 1997 and his long neck creeps me out. He has no business being a professional athlete anymore. (UPDATE: Apparently Doug listened and cut McGee the same day this went up. Mind meld, Doug. Mind meld.)
Jarius Byrd - Let me use reference from one of my favorite movies to voice my opinion. Hope you like Danny Glover, Doug. Sign him. Sign him NOW! What are you waiting for???? COME ON! SIGN HIM!!!!!
Da'Norris Searcy - Another a guy I could not care less about. With George Wilson gone and Byrd un-signed, he is the only other Safety on the roster so I guess keep him? Either way, please refer to me as "Da'Scizz" from now on. Actually don't. That's stupid.
That's all I got for ya, Doug. I hate sports.
Da'Scizz....OUT!
It's your funeral.
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