That game made my eyes bleed.
I honestly feel that's all I really need to say about last week. Yes, a win is a win, but good God that was ugly. How terrible is it that we are so desperate for a winning team, that we are attempting to convince ourselves that this team still has a shot at the playoffs. It's asinine. I want it just as much as anyone else, but stop telling me I'm supposed to just be happy about last week and move on. No way, not with that attempt at football I saw on Sunday from Ryan Fitzpatrick. Nooooooooope!
Let me give you a little bit of my own personal point/counterpoint I experienced in my head Monday morning. This is what happens when optimistic Scizz meets Ragestorm Scizz. I’ve been studying the same crazy homeless man on the L train for the past three weeks and think I have this whole arguing with yourself thing down pat. I think you can figure out which personality is which.
Phew! That was a close one. Nice to finally get a big road win.
KOLB AND SKELTON ARE PILES OF SHIT!! THIS TEAM IS GAAAAAAAARBAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!
Whatever, it was nice to see an improvement of the running game. Sure, Chan should have probably handed the ball off at least another 8 – 12 times, but the ground game was established well enough to even let the Bills’ shitty quarterback make a few key passes in the 4th quarter.
BUT WHY DOES IT MATTER WHEN THE QUARTERBACK IS SO SHITTY HE ALMOST SINGLE HANDIDLY COST BUFFALO THE GAME??!!!!?!?!?!?
This is a good point, Scizz. I noticed you tweeted at one point that nobody else was to blame for the team’s deficiencies except Fitz. I have to agree it was comical that he was under/over throwing all of his receivers to the point that every wideout through his arms up in disgust at least once. Maybe Chan has finally realized the QB issue and made the play calling suit their style more? They definitely didn’t abandon the run.
THERE WAS STILL 5 WIDE SETS ON SECOND AND SEVEN. THIS INJUSTICE MUST NOT BE OVER LOOKED!!! OH YEAH, AND LET’S HAVE GIANT WASTE OF FUCKING MONEY BRAD SMITH THROW A DEEP BALL ON WHAT COULD BE CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYS OF THE GAME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
You’re right. That play call was ridiculous, but it’s nice to see a coach have the guts to take chances like that. Years ago we hated milquetoast Jauron, now we chastise Chan for doing the opposite. Anyways, how about that defensive line? Mario Williams looked like an animal, and even the great white joke, Chris Kelsay got a safety.
First of all, FUCK CHRIS KELSAY!!!! NOTHING HE EVER DOES IS GOOD! HE GETS NO RESPECT!!!!!! AND MARIO NEEDS MORE THAN TWO GOOD GAMES AGAINST SHITTY O-LINES TO GET MY RESPECT!
Yeah, it was nice to see Williams put together another great game, but not enough credit is given to Kyle Williams and Dareus for plugging up the middle.
FUCK THAT!!!! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE DOUCHEBAG FANS WHO KEPT TWEETING “Ooooo still mad at the Mario contract, haterz? Looks like he proved all ya’ll wrong!” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 16 GAME SEASON MEANS CONSISTENCY AGAINST ALL FOES. NOT JUST O-LINES THAT LET IN 22 SACKS OVER THREE WEEKS! FUCKING TWATS!
Agreed. Those people are twats. At least he is playing well against those shitty teams. Remember Fitzpatrick is playing shitty against almost everyone and the linebackers and secondary (minus Byrd) are a constant liability.
WHY DID YOU REMIND ME OF THAT! SDKFHEFHNMFSMDFBEFJKQHENFJQWEFHEJK3FBMNDBCKJDHFJKEBJFBEJFRH3JK!!^*$#@!!!!!
Ok, calm down. At least Nick Barnett had two sacks !
GAAAAAAH BILLS MAFIA LEEEEGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEND!! HAAAAAAAAAATE HAAAAAAAAAA /head explodes.
Let's move onto some analysis, shall we?
The Titans, huh? Yup, I pretty much know nothing about these guys. Is Jake Locker still starting? Eh, I don’t care. Whether it’s him or Hasselsnatch, the fact I haven’t heard a thing about either of them all year makes me hope the D-Line can savagely tear apart whoever is behind center. That’s #1.
1. Continue murdering quarterbacks. The Bills have been good at making bad quarterbacks look bad and making average quarterbacks look like All-Pro’s. This one could go either way depending on how much pressure this crew can put on whatever under-achiever is behind center.
2. Please don’t let Chris Johnson have some sick, breakout game against the Bills. Please, God. He’s been held in check almost all season, and you damn well know that if he has a huge game, it’ll be against the Bills. Remember, some guy named William Powell even ran well in the clutch against this team. STOP HIM, KYLE!
3. Don’t let Brad Smith throw the ball. Don’t run a double reverse to T.J. Graham. Don’t run an ‘effin triple hook and ladder to Lee Smith. Stop it, Chan. Just stop. You’re starting to remind me why I hated Mike Mularkey.
Back to the intensity….sort of.
Welcome to Paradise by Green Day. I went there. Of course, this isn’t Broadway production, brooding old man Green Day. This is when they were kids who seemed like they actually had an idea what it meant to be punk. By no means was it ever in the same ball park as the Ramones or Iggy, but I still thought that whole record kicked ass. This song was always my favorite and It still makes every playlist.
No Escapin’ This by the Beatnuts. I mentioned this song in a preview last year because it puts me in a great mood, and the final part of the video that features Greg Nice dancing is hilarious. And as I’ve said last year, I like to picture the Barrister doing the same dance after a drunken Bills game viewing. Turn to the 2:24 mark to check it out. “OH OH TURN IT OUT OH! OH MY GOD OH!”
All Night Long by Lionel Ritchie. If you don’t like Lionel, then fuck you. Now excuse me while I fi-est-a for-ev-er.
Random Buffalo Bill of the week:
Remember Travis Brown? Remember how some people thought he might be the answer at quarterback after Bledsoe left? That actually happened. DEPERATION! I distinctly remember living in Buffalo in 2003 and hearing people call into WGR claiming he was the answer to the team’s QB problems. THESE ARE YOUR CALLERS, WGR! THESE ARE NOT INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS!!!!
(I was going to post a picture of Travis here, but when I google image searched "Travis Brown Buffalo", the first picture that came up was of Jim Kelly. Travis done did well!
This week's story involves a former co-worker of mine from when I first moved to New York City. Her name was Danielle, and she was around my age at the time, no more than a year or two removed from college. Danielle was a cute girl, was easy to talk to, was always joking around with the staff, and when she drank she had a mouth like a sailor. She was cool people.
Anyways, Danielle had a boyfriend the same age as her, in fact it was her boyfriend from high school AND college. As far as I knew, she assumed that they had only had sex with each other. You can probably see where this is going. They moved to the city together after graduation from somewhere in Penslyvania or Ohio or Deleware or an equally shitty state because the boyfriend "Jeff" had landed a sweet job in finance as an investment banker I believe. This is actually all the background I knew about her.
(Now only certain parts of this story I actually witnessed, the rest was told to me by another co-worker that she was much better friends with.)
One morning at work, Danielle managed to figure out her boyfriend had cheated on her (it involved his lost cell phone and is another great story) and then left work to confront him and returned around 4 pm, calm as could be. It was creepy, but she wanted to go out for happy hour to drown her sorrows so I was down.
Once we are out and drinking, she presents the bartender with her boyfriend's Mastercard that she took as she was returning from their apartment. This was awesome to me because I didn't have a ton of money at the time, and I drank like a champion that night. No, I still don't feel bad about it. As about eight of us proceed to get shit-faced, Danielle starts to tell us more of the story. After she confronted Jeff at work, he came clean and admitted that he had been cheating on her regularly since college. He also said he needed space and wanted her to move out, since he was paying most of the rent anyways. She then returned home, packed her stuff, trashed the apartment and came back to work to take us to happy hour.
Upon getting black out drunk she also announces to us she's going to have an "insane revenge fuck tonight". She then finds some guy at the bar, tells him honestly what she wants and they leave together about 15 minutes later. Fucking. Amazing. But this isn't the best hook up in this story. AFTER banging this random guy, she decides to go back to her apartment where she lived with Jeff to do god knows what to him, but instead runs into a friendly neighbor (that was also around her age and knew Jeff) that she always had a little crush on. She confides in him.....and they hook up. Three doors down from where her and Jeff lived. Talent! Upon finishing the coitus, she stumbles down the hall to the apartment (keep in mind we started drinking at 5, so this is only about 11 at this point) and walks in as she sees Jeff cleaning up the mess she left. She then says the following, "I fucked two guys tonight, and one of them was the hot neighbor! I'm catching up asshole!", and then turns around and leaves forever.
I only worked at that place for a couple more weeks so I never knew how the rest of Danielle's conquest went, but that story was always legendary to me. Well done, Danielle, wherever you are.
@BuffaloHippie - Mark the time and date! This is the day I name a twitter personality with a Bills Mafia twibbon as fan of the week! Shocked, I know! Although I tend to despise many of the mouth breathers that choose to use the twibbonny thingy, Megan here is different. Sure, she is beyond optimistic about her Buffalo Bills, but she does so in a way that is also adorable, yet realistic. You’ll never see her shitting on Jim Kelly over Fitzpatrick or asking John Potter for a Retweet, but instead every week she gets beyond pumped for the game and takes everything this team hands her in stride. Kind of reminds me of Scizz circa 2006.
Worst Twitter Bills fans of the week:
It would have been easy to go with a couple WGR personalities that have been tool bags this week (and let’s be honest, every week), but instead this spot goes to a guy named Shawn. He calls Buffalo, "B-Lo", uses homphobic slurs, asks for players RT's, and may be one of the most unintelligent human beings I've ever seen on twitter. I think if he tried to read any of this, his head would explode. It sucks that so many of these fans exist. I was going to put up his tweeter feed, but I can't....I just can't. He doesn't deserve it. I'm sure you can find him. Just remember - he's Shawn and he's from B-Lo. He is everything smart fans despise about sports. Worst part? He has kids. Easy money that they'll be bullying gay kids at school in no time!
Fitz was pretty close last week, except no touchdown. Hopefully Chan keeps him involved as little as possible this week too. I almost nailed it on DoJo too. He only had one catch, but alas it was for positive yards. I’m still continuing to be eerily good at this.
Top Stat line of the week: C.J. Spiller – 16 Carries 98 yards 1 TD, 3 catches 64 yards
This is the week Spiller shows Chris Johnson what he used to be, in person. I remember back when Buffalo drafted C.J., commentators kept talking about how he could be the next Johnson. Well, here it is, except hopefully he never drops off in production so early in his career like Johnson. Then again, who am I kidding? Of course that’ll happen. #becauseitsbuffalo
Garbage pale Stat line of the week: T.J. Graham - 2 catches 11 yards 1 carry -9 yards
Fitz and Chan strike again!
Potential Titans Injuries of the week:
Jared Cook - Ringworm
Kenny Britt – Handcuff Chaffing
Jamie Harper - Beat up by B-Lo Shawn for having a girls name.
Potential Bills Injuries for the week:
Nigel Bradham – Poslusznmaryhia (This is where I fall in love with a player their rookie year, and then they go on to disappoint me for the rest of their career)
Ryan Fitzpatrick - Who cares
Drunkest Deeg Member of the Week:
I was way off last week. Not that Outlander probably wasn’t hammered himself, but rather I’m referring to the fact that I predicted none of the NYC Deeg would be drunk because of Barrister’s son’s baptism.
What was supposed to be a quick post-baptism lunch at the original spot all of us met (Kinsale Tavern), turned into an all-day boozefest that ended with us playing beer pong and singing karaoke eight hours later. I’m not sure if one of us was drunker than the rest, so I’m awarding all of us a point, minus Barrister because he had a vegan brunch and then watched the game at home. I should actually take his one point away for that one, but his baby is so incredibly cute I just can’t force myself to do it.
So here are the standings after six weeks.
Outlander – 2
Scizz – 2
Yachtsman – 2
Apologist – 1
Barrister – 1
This week is tough. I’ll be coming back from a wedding in Philly on Sunday, so I have no idea if I’ll even be back in time for the game. Aps told me last night he isn’t working, so I assume he’ll watch with the Yachtsman somewhere. Barrister still has a baby and is writing smart stuff. Outlander will of course be at the home game, so that always makes him a favorite. Then again, after her big debut yesterday, the new lady of DGWU, the Continental, could very well jump into the running. She always seems be throwing back copious amounts of Coors Light at a bar in Queens somewhere and pining for some hot Bills fan that shares the same name as her father. I’m going to predict it’s one of the last two, depending on the Outlander and the Jambrones meeting up to pre-game.
That will definitely swing the vote.
Overall Score: I hate myself.
Bills 28 - Titans 20