Boy does having a real job suck. I had actually drafted up this recap yesterday, as I fought my way back to health with the assistance of some Bloody Marys and herbal tea, but then lost said post in the ether of my shitty netbook which has been beleaguered by some sort of trojan horse or whatnot. Either that or I might just be an idiot.
I had actually twice tried to saddle this recap task on the Apologist, but the word on the street is that he is holed up writing an ode to Mariano Rivera. Leave it to Aps to write a slobjob piece about the team that has so thoroughly dominated his Orioles for MLB's entire modern era. Way to go, Apologist, you are an absolute inspiration.
Scizz and Yachter have both been MIA as well, what with real jobs and craft beer week in NYC, and while Scizz is going to hit you all with another "game preview that's not a game preview" on Friday, we all know how important our fantasy football standings are to our dear readers (read: not important at all). So click through beyond the jump if you actually give a shit. If you're lucky, we'll have some new, actual content up at some point soon - but not quite yet....
We'll start with the bad news. After a rough start in Week 1, the Apologist's Yancey's Fancy fell again in Week 2 after a heartbreaking barnburner against Grandpa Tim's AARP All-Stars. The highest scoring match of the weekend, this game should have rightfully given Apologist the victory. Aps had strong outings up and down his lineup, including from LeSean McCoy and Andre Johnson, but Yancey's simply could not hold up to AARP's banner days from Miles "My QB has a FUCKING WHOLE IN HIS LUNG" Austin, Darren "I catch 30 yard screen passes all over the Bills' defense" McFadden and Ryan "Shut the F up McFadden, I just douched all over your Raider face" Fitzbatrick. Sad story is that Apologist's point total was the 5th highest of the week, so it is surely a shame he lost. Buck up, Aps. You'll be playoff-bound in the end.
The rest of the DGWU crew fared much better in Week 2, starting with Yachter's WMPs (abbr.), who lucked out by playing the second lowest scoring team of the week, the Hammering Hebrews XI. Which was a good thing, since WMPs was the third lowest scoring team of the week. After drafting Carson Palmer a few weeks back, it is a wonder that Yachtsman is undefeated, but that's what happens when your opponent is relying on Matt Cassel and Plaxico Burress as starters. Somewhere, Aps is plotting Yachtsman's death for this grave injustice.
Scizz's Hoboken Hurricanes also had a Week 2 victory, though the victory was less about luck and more about the sheer, brute force of the RB duo of Fred Jackson and Matt Forte, along with the inexplicable productivity of Keny Britt. Are you kidding me, Kenny? Jesus, NO ONE saw that shit coming. Except Scizzer. Nice sleeper pick, boss. Got you a nearly 40 point victory, as well as a narrow lock on first place.
And finally, yours truly, at the helm of Bachmann's Cervix (still very weird to type), also had a great week against Crippling Back Pain. Sure, continuing productivity from Steve Smith (thank God for Cam Newton), Dustin Keller and Eric Decker (talk about a sleeper...) brought my point total up. But, of course, the story remains Tom Brady and those luscious locks. Dude is inarguably en fuego and I, for one, am terrified about what he's going to do to our Bills this weekend. Luckily for all of us Bills fans, my position as his fantasy manager puts me in a position of influence. Tommy, as your coach and confidante, I urge you to scale it back a touch this weekend. Save it for the playoff push, for the love of God.
There, that should do it. Looks like we may be ok.
Rounding out the league action, J Spotters demolished GiZ Beasts, and the DC Eathquakes eked out a win against El Mas Guapo. The results leave our league table looking like so:
In any event, next week's matchups again avoid any direct DGWU confrontations, so we're still a ways away from any moments of hateful fire burning the ties that bind us here at the DeeGeeDubs. Thank goodness for that. In the meantime, we're all hoping Apologist can dig himself out of the hole so we can all rest assured that he's putting the razors away and not turning into a cutter. After all, with the love he's dishing out to Mariano this past week, it's pretty apparent that he has a masochistic streak... never can be too careful.