Greetings all!! I haven't blogged anything in a very long time, and for that I apologize. You see, when last we left me...I was happy, living in beautiful, warm California...enjoying life as much as I ever had. Funny thing that happens when you're with someone in the medical profession, they have to do internships and residencies for like 15 years after they pay six figures for the privilege of getting their degree. So you end up moving all over the country (and maybe even Canada!) while they're basically paid less than minimum wage and you never ever see them. This sort of vagabond lifestyle leads you to such exotic locales as my current home: Long Island.
So here we are, cold, miserable, and I haven't left my house in like 6 days. What better time to fire up the old blogging URL and wax poetic about our favorite hockey team, the Sabres.
First off, you need to go watch this or else the theme is going to be lost on you. If you haven't seen it, you can probably still follow along...but you should watch that video anyway because it's all sorts of brilliant and funny.
And with that I present...
Your 2014-2015 Buffalo Sabres!!
Who gives a flying fuck? He'll be hurt or suspended by Thanksgiving and you can go read one of 37 fluff pieces about his 95th comeback while you unwrap Christmas gifts.
If this guy was Russian, Paul Hamilton would have a "Cody Hodgson Sucks" hate piece every week. Because he's Canadian, people are just starting to turn on him. It'll all be forgiven if he drops a few goals anytime soon.
Honestly, I find him to be one of the most likeable Sabres. He doesn't really give bullshit answers to questions and he legit gives a fuck about them being a shitshow. I am also pretty sure he realizes the coach is a complete farce. I really hope they trade him to a contender and he gets a Cup. I will 100% be happy for him when he's dumping goals into the net on Crosby's wing in April.
If Jerry Sullivan knew Chris Stewart was black, Jerry Sullivan would write about how lazy and uninspiring this guy was at least 2 or 3 times a month. Pretty sure Jerry Sullivan doesn't even know who he is though. You probably shouldn't bother finding out more about him either, he's destined to be traded anytime between now and the trade deadline.
We fucking love you Brian Flynn.
Also, just interchange them and call them BenMez...they're the exact same dude.
That being said, he runs a rescue program for stray dogs, so he and I are cool.
2) Does the HIT PEOPLE GOOD thing everyone gets boners over
3) has an attitude
4) is a legitimate KHL flight risk
5) was scratched for players not anywhere near as good as he is as a fucking 19 year old
You can't really pick a side with him, it's fantastic. God bless you Nikita.
He's going to be the one to tell Paul Hamilton to go fuck himself one day. I truly believe in this.
You can literally pick some random words - add "battle, compete, work, effort" into them and write a post game Ted Nolan press conference. It's so fucking predictable that I am starting to think he's trolling everyone because he knows this is it for him in the NHL. And it is...we all know the ultimate goal here is to win like 5 games and get a McDavid/Eichel...Ted's a patsy. Ted's completely shot as an NHL coach when this is over. I mean, this team can't break out of it's own zone, doesn't play any sort of organized system, and literally can't pass the puck. Ted don't care, Ted is cashing his paycheck, making nice with the media guys, floating out some cliches and laughing his ass off.
If I didn't hate him so much, I'd almost admire the few fucks he has to give.
And that's it, that's your 2014-15 Sabres roster in a nutshell. A carefully collected group of guys with their eye on the ultimate prize. Connor McDavid or Jack Eichel. And godspeed to them...we all need this.
Press the button Smarftoof....press the god damned button.
No I didn't forget anyone