For the last few weeks, I’ve been chomping at the bit for something to get worked up about and post about. I mean it doesn’t take much, but I’ve found the current storylines swirling around here in Buffalo have been so meaningless, so trivial, that to try and put some 1,000 word diatribe about them would be so transparently fraudulent - not to mention really difficult for me to do - that it would frankly unbecoming of me. I don’t have many standards when it comes to what I’ll write about, but faux-outrage (copyright: national media, November 2011) - or blatant trolling if you will - is the lowest point of blogging you can reach (Ed. Note: We've all been there). I’d rather read hot takes on what the French Connection statue should look like, or an in-depth post on whoever the other punter in Bills camp is. Vince Young? Who cares? Tarvaris Jackson? Ditto. The NHL lockout? That’ll be worth discussion in a month, when the first slew of games have been cancelled but for now, the two sides are speaking so far past each other they can’t even bother being insulted, and neither should we. Shane Doan? My once raging doaner is now flaccid and sad.
I need to clarify here, since perhaps as a non-New Englander my blame is more rational. I don’t give a shit about golfing on off days, or fried chicken. I don’t care if you’re funneling beers and doing lines of coke off John Lackey’s bubble ass in the locker room before starts. My list of things you can’t do is two bullet points long: violent crime, and be shitty at your job. I’d like to think those two requirements apply across the board at pretty much every job in the country. To my knowledge, you passed the former with flying colors. It was the latter that you have failed at, and to be utterly devoid of any humility, any admission that yes, you were failing at being a major league starting pitcher who could get through five innings without falling all over yourself - is why you’re a douche.
I urged Sox fans earlier this summer to embrace the horror of this season, and from where I’ve been sitting, it’s been entertaining. It seems every other night the Red Sox twitter handle alerts me to the fact they’re trailing by four runs in the third inning. The Sabres may hate their coach too, but launching a goddamn mutiny through media leaks and petulant behavior while dropping games to the Royals and Indians at every opportunity isn’t a way to get anyone on your side. Last week they had leads of six runs twice in three games and lost them both. That’s Angels in the Outfield pre-actual angels shit. The best part of the season was the team shipping their best hitter to LA. The worst? David Ortiz going Shawn Merriman on his Achilles rounding the fucking bases after a home run. I’m ready for this season’s inevitable whimpering demise.
You’re up Bills. After this summer, it’s a low bar to clear.