Greetings and Salutations Berls fans! After a three week hiatus from the Bills previews I have returned more confused than ever! What is this team? To me right now, they seem like another 8 – 8 team that will show a glimmer of hope here and there, juuuuuuuust enough to keep us invested, yet ultimately breaking our hearts. Same old song.
It’s been an early season of “What If’s?” all around. What if Buffalo had all their weapons like Sammy, Shady, and Los Williams for every game? What if Tyrod was able to go last week? What if the offensive line could learn how to play football? What if defensive “genius” Rex Ryan sent his front four to destroy the QB more often? (Which any human with even a minuscule knowledge of football knows should be happening by the way.) Hell, what if Fred Jackson was never relea….GOTCHA!
What this all leads back to is that the one game I was the most confident about winning this season, now seems like it has the potential of a disappointment akin to last year’s loss to the Raiders. How has this happened? I have no real answers, but what I can say is that I don’t give a fuck how they do it, but they need to win Sunday morning in London. Maybe they need to sign Bullet Tooth Tony to start shooting players in the knee caps during warm ups. I’m just spit balling here.
Three things to be excite about:
1. Shady’s back! – Lesean McCoy looked like his regular self last week, and with EJ back under center and the corpse of Don Beebe starting at WR, he’s sure to get a heavy load (insert inappropriate Mom joke here).
2. The Defensive Front! – It appears Rex has learned the errors of is ways, and with facing a 2nd year QB in Blake Bortles this week, he better be sending the house as much as possible. Let Darby and Gilmore do their jobs and have Mario give Borts nightmares for the rest of the season.
3. Morning football! – 9:30 AM start? Yes, please! I drank on a Sunday out in Seattle last year and bars opening at 9 for football is just awesome. I honestly would love it if there was one morning game every week to enjoy as you get your day started. I’ll be streaming this bad boy from bed with Bloody Mary’s, breakfast sandwiches, and my upcoming “cocktail” of the week. How about you?
Three things I’m terrified about:
1. Rex Ryan. – Still not on board. He has been on this list 3 of the 4 weeks I’ve written and I feel even less comfortable after the D-line calling him out last week. But what really chaps my ass is the amount of people I remember not only being excited about the Rex hiring, but blatantly calling out people on twitter who didn’t like the move, now talking shit about Rex like it never happened. Die in a fire.
2. WR Depth Chart. – The following is the WR depth chart for this week
- Bobby Woods
- Bobby Brown
- Chris Hogan
- Ted Cruz
- Randy from IT
- A Segway
- Denarius Moore
- Joe Madden’s glasses
- Marcus Easley
3. EJ. – Nuff’ Said
Cocktail of the Week:
Fantasy Football Diamond in the Rough and Fugazi of the Week:
Diamonds in the Rough are guys who have warts and may not be expected to produce all season, but who have a favorable matchup or gameflow this week... Sometimes ya got to dig for it!
Fugazis? What's a fugazi? It looks nice and shiny - like something you want to spend some money on... But it's a fake, a fraud. You buy that, you're a real dunceski.
@Tha_Scizz – I told you Antonio Brown and Andre Johnson were Fugazi last week. The DGWU readers have to be on my DFS picks by now right?!? The Cash streak is up to 6…Too bad about that Sammy Watkins karma – Don’t think he knew that targets would come at the cost of his ankle…Check the Diamonds and Fugazi’s for week 7, when I’ll be streaming Yahoo early Sunday morning…
Diamond 1 – Lamar Miller. New Coach, new attitude...but same coach talk. Campbell says they want to make the most of every day and bring some emotion, which is code for "enough of the bullshit, let's run it down someone's throat”. The former TE gave Lamar Miller 19 more carries than last 2 games combined and he responded with 119 yards more than last 3 weeks combined and 1st rush TD of year. I expect a similar game flow vs. Houston in the Dolphins 1st home game for new regime. Lamar Miller makes 'em Bobble Walk in Miami.
20+ Touches, 110+ Combined Yards, TD
Diamond 2 – Travis Kelce. Pittsburgh has had trouble defending the TE this year giving up the most points in the NFL to that position, and after one week without Jamaal Charles it's clear the way to address his absence is not through the run game. The vaunted combo of Knile Davis and Charcandrick West combined to gain 46 yards on 14 carries against a Vikings defense that was giving up 113/game and in the bottom half of the league. The Chiefs will look to get their first home win at Arrowhead by pressuring 3rd string QB Landry Jones on D, but look for "Baby Gronk" to be heavily involved as Alex Smith is still scared to throw a ball more than 20 yards downfield and Jeremy Maclin may need to stay in the dark, quiet room.
8 Catches, 90+ Yards, TD
Fugazi 1 – Martavis Bryant. Sure, 32 fantasy points looks great in a return from suspension. The problem is the Clemson product has always been “Boom or Bust” and got most of his production on one play. Who knows who will start at QB for the Steelers this week, but job #1 will be to feed Antonio Brown (whose “dud” streak now stands at 3 and he must be pissed after being labeled a Fugazi last week) and LeVeon Bell who got zero receptions or targets for the FIRST TIME IN HIS CAREER last week. Bryant may look like a shiny new toy, but he’s a Fugazi this week!
3 Catches, <50 Yards
Fugazi 2 – Gary Barnidge. This can’t last forever - right? Speedz says the #1 fantasy TE through 6 weeks comes back to Earth in a Trap Game on the road against a non-conference opponent who is coming off a bye at home with time to prepare against the new hyped Cleveland weapon. And to ride with Barnidge means that you implicitly trust Josh McCown! What can Browns do for you? Make you scream at the TV in disgust. Don't do it...unless you trust McCown…I guess.
4 Catches, <60 Yards
After ordering the WWE network last summer to keep myself occupied during my off weeks from work, it has now taken me down a giant wormhole of professional wrestling that has me listening to not one, but TWO wrestling podcasts every week, watching random streams of Japanese wrestling, and also going to my first live indie wrestling show in Queens a couple of weeks ago. I’m sure as I resume work this obsession will die down, but for now I thought this would be fun.
Johnny Gargano: Most people probably don’t know this guy is, but over the last 6 months or so he has become one of my favorite wrestlers in the world. He’s got it all. Personality, mat skills, high flying ability, and he still plays with action figures as a hobby. He’s not the biggest or fastest guy out there, but he makes you want to root for him every match he’s telling a story in. If you watch NXT, you may have seen him a few times, but as far as I know he’s not signed to WWE quite yet. Also, he’s from Cleveland so fans at his shows chant “John-Ny-Wrest-Ling”. Brilliant.
No Greasico this week. I heard he’s a Cubs fan so he may be dead or planning to murder Daniel Murphy?!?
I can’t believe I’m scared of the Jaguars, but something tells me that Bortles goes off much like Derek Carr did last year for the Raiders in a major letdown game. Julius Thomas scores twice and the Bills don’t’ find the end zone. Pray I’m wrong
Jaguars 17 – Bills 9