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The Legal Limit - Episode 10: Throw Those Shockers Up

3/30/2013

Barrister

This is as belated as we've been in a while. Maybe the dad among us shouldn't promise to edit anymore, particularly on a noght of such heavy drinking. With esteemed Deeg colleague Monsieur Boner Shorts in town, things got weird.

I won't bother recapping it, except to say this was recorded the night of Tuesday, March 26th, in the midst of Sabres, Knicks, USMNT, Clippers/Mavs and shots of whiskey. Also, the Scizz was there, so if you love the soft tones of his Franklinville accent, make sure to join in the fun with a download.

Download HERE or HERE or stream below if you want, whatever. Subscribe via the itunes link below, or via RSS at www.deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com/rss ... I think?

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It May Be Time To Re-Evaluate

3/26/2013

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The Outlander

Tonight the Buffalo Sabres take to the ice in the land of meth labs and man-eating sinkholes to attempt to do something they haven’t done once during this mercifully shortened season: win their fourth hockeypucks game in a row. If Winnipeg and Philadelphia win their games in regulation, the Sabres will suddenly find themselves one point removed from the final playoff spot with a game in front of 13,000 empty seats on deck Thursday night in the Everglades. Ten of their final fourteen games will be played at home and, despite all of this, some of you are despondent, downtrodden, terrified that they might win, that they might turn that puncher’s chance into a playoff berth.

Why is this case? Well the prevailing logic seems to be that the team is better served by finishing with a top three draft pick, buttressed by the sweeping assumption that if the Sabres sneak into the playoffs, Darcy Regier will be rewarded with keeping his job and this team will be thrown into some sort of perpetual mediocrity as true as our orbit around the sun. I can’t say I don’t understand this logic; the idea of giving this general manager a second crack under Pegula at assembling a roster would accomplish little more than hemorrhaging the fanbase and leaving us a few more years closer to death without a sniff at a cup. What I don’t understand is how people are willing to assume that this is black and white, that wins equal the general manager staying. Because drive-time radio pronounces it true? Because a WGR beat reporter who spent the entire football season telling you Chan Gailey wasn’t going anywhere is now saying the same about Darcy? Because TBN staff members that haven’t broken a team story since the Ford administration pronounce it true? For shame.

I don’t know what the owner thinks about the general manager’s future. Neither do you and neither do any of the local media. What I do know is management espoused a three-year plan to win a Stanley Cup (that has been shot to shit) and pledged to win multiple Stanley Cups under the new owner. I know the owner allowed or ordered the firing of a coach that had been involved with the team for the better part of three decades. I know that perennial eighth place finishes and first round exits are quite removed from the sixteen wins that it takes to win a championship. I know that no one who builds a business worth more than a billion dollars does so by accepting continuous underachievement and incompetence.

I also know that telling the fans that they’re being neglected, ignored and mistreated sells papers and ad space, and allows fans to wallow in the “woe is us” attitude that gets ingrained into your DNA at conception in this region. I know it’s the safe column to write, the safe position to take. I know Pominville, Vanek and Miller have contracts that expire after next season and the general manager himself has already bucked tradition and stated to local and national outlets that any changes that will be made will be focused on next season.

My point is that there’s at least enough empirical evidence to argue that the general manager is gone no matter what happens short of a conference finals appearance, right? There’s more than enough evidence to support the idea that columnists and radio hosts are trolling the fanbase by using Darcy as a boogeyman to get you to tune in or use one of your ten free page views (I’m not silly enough to assume any of our readers are also TBN subscribers).

Making it harder to accept even a slight run of success is the fact that we had finally embraced, welcomed the idea of hitting rock bottom. After half a decade of mediocrity this was going to be the year we finally said “fuck it,” and took the losses laughing instead of crying. We were ready, and then these, these ASSHOLES had to go and start winning! God can’t they do anything right!?

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The Legal Limit - Episode 9: The One With All The Slander

3/23/2013

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The Barrister and The Apologist

I don't even care that the title of this episode rips off 'Friends' - it's accurate. We're mean in this one. Well, really only with respect to certain creepy members of a certain local newspaper's sports staff.

Recorded during and after the Sabres' most recent game - a win?!?? - against the Maple Leaves of Toronto, we talk plenty about the Sabres, how sad we are about the lack of silver linings this season, and then whistfully predict the inevitable Cup run. Oh, and Joe from Buffalo Wins makes a cameo to talk about striking out with the smokeshow bartender at Gleason's, further adding to the list of things we'll make fun of him about when he returns to Twitter on Easter.

Musical additions by the way of Jefferson Airplane, Homeboy Sandman and Kasabian.

Download here and here, or stream below in the media player. And if you haven't, subscribe to all of our "great" "podcasts" via RSS or the iTunes button below. LIKE A BOSS.

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When does this get fun again?

3/20/2013

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sadbres

Scene 1.

[the camera slightly rises to reveal a set of rugged old tires and then an equally rugged sedan, formerly sleek and currently rusted. Inside the car are four friends, empty tall boys of Coors Light tucked on their sides. The car rolls to a stop as the driver hands a wad of bills to the parking lot attendant on his left. The camera is set on the car's rear as it rolls slowly forward into a parking spot and the four doors each open suddenly. The tall boys are replaced by fresher versions from the trunk. Music plays over the idle chatter, revealing a certain atmosphere of hope as the friends don blue and gold jerseys.]

[cut to a startled Dubs, waking from a deep slumber in the embrace of a leather recliner, pretzels strewn across his torso and a dried mix of saliva and a Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA crusted on the right corner of his mouth. The look of disappointment washes over his face as he realizes that it is 2013 and the dream... distant.]

The Barrister

This is where we're at, Sabres fans. Our best memories of this team are forgotten and unreachable on the ass end of a half decade of ongoing disappointments. The 2013 joy of watching with friends and keeping up with the team ... largely dissipated after a horrid first month or so of hockey. With a 1.8% chance of making the playoffs, that time when we love our hockey the most, we can barely recall why we ever loved this team so much in the first place, other than an unrelenting commitment to our hometown, despite its many faults. Hockey used to be at the forefront of how we imagined Buffalo could be - social, excited, optimistic, fun - but now we struggle, especially when we do it from afar, to think much of anything good about what our hometown could be when one of its formerly superior products has failed so miserably. A future of incessant losing for our beloved home appears to be written in the stars.

#BecauseItsBuffalo appears to be a matter of divine providence.

I have a hard time discerning where it is I would like to place the heap of blame that I have stored up for this team. We always need to blame someone, of course, and even the act of placing blame becomes a competitive venture as we seek out a moment of triumph to fill that empty place left by a losing hockey team. Golisano. Small market economics. Those dickhead Rigas bitches. The media. Darcy. Lindy. European divers. Lazy Vanek. Derek Roy's STDs. Game presentation. The lack of fan noise. We can choose as many as we want, really, so long as we're willing to argue about it.

And then, when we're tired of deciding where the buck must stop, we revert to arguing about what manner of hope for the team is most appropriate. Hope for failure with the expectation of draft picks and a more solid and speedy rebuild? Or hope for winning now, draft position be damned, so that we may get small moments of triumph presently and may, if just for a night, revel in victory and forget the sordid history of defeat? We call each other bandwagoners and idiots and fools and callous pricks, and we bemoan how much we miss a hockey team that wins with some predictable regularity.

What I really miss, though, is arriving together at a point in time where we fans can all feel hope for this team again. Where it wouldn't sound like a terrible idea to hop in a car and head to some out-of-town arena just to see our boys battle for 60 minutes, win or lose. Where we can argue about which team and which team's fans we hate, rather than which part of our own fan base we hate, since we're all united in a shared devotion to Buffalo hockey.

We have none of that, now, at least not for more than a couple of weeks at any given time in any given season. Instead, pessimism (rightly, probably) rules and we're left to argue about the post mortem before the season is officially, mathematically dead. We're left with a "rational" part of our fan base wishing for the team to tank while the "fun" part of our fan base - the part that chooses joy at watching a team succeed, if only fleetingly - rails against the idea of ever cheering for your team to fail. We're left with many fans fitting into both of those warring factions from time to time as each of us struggles to find a mindset in which supporting this team is palatable again.

I wish I had a way to wrap this up with words of wisdom or some reprimand for being the kind of petty, stupid fans we have become, but this isn't that post. This is the post where I simply observe, commiserate, and quietly hope for some spark to bring us back to that place about which I so often dream.

Cheers.

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That Joni Mitchell Chick Was Right

3/15/2013

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Is that Meatloaf in Fight Club?

The Scizz

The Buffalo Bills should have re-signed Andy Levitre and I'm terrified that this will come back to haunt the organization. Am I overreacting? Most likely. I do that. But as it stands right now I'm pretty bummed about what I feel is the strongest unit on the team falling apart.

Before I get started, it should be said that there is the chance that Levitre wanted out of Buffalo no matter what was offered to him. Perhaps the Bills front office did in fact offer Levitre a huge contract comparable or even larger than what Tennessee gave him, but he simply wanted out of the playoff death trap that is the Buffalo Bills. Maybe all of the reports about Buffalo not contacting him at all were erroneous. I admit this is possible, however it does not change the fact that Levitre is gone, and it doesn't matter whether it was because they didn't try hard enough to re-sign him, or if the team's constant failure was the major factor. Either way, the fault falls on the front office. Onto my actual rant.

8 million dollars a year for Andy Levitre is A LOT of money. I get it. Yet, in the last 10 years, myself and many other semi-intelligent football fans have been clamoring for the Buffalo Bills to bolster their defensive and offensive lines. It finally happened. Despite this team's failure last season, the Bills have developed Kyle Williams, drafted a beast in Marcel Dareus, and signed big name free agents Mario Williams and Mark Anderson....now we just need them to put a full season together. At least the talent is THERE.

On the other side of the ball, the offensive line had finally become a bright spot on the team. It is no secret that I loved me some Joe D'Alessandris. He was one of the only coaches I wanted back in Buffalo from 'the coach that shall not be named' regime. He did a great job with his players. Cordy Glenn struggled late season but has shown tons of promise as a 2nd round pick. Erik Pears has become a waiver wire steal and has played great, as well as his back-up Chris Hairston, who I have said said before has the talent to start in the league. Eric Wood is obviously a top-tier center (besides the injury issues, but more on that later), and I have a weird obsession with Kraig Urbik after watching him flatten linebackers while blocking for Spiller. That leaves Andy Levitre, who has anchored this line for four straight seasons without missing a game. That is the key stat that has been overlooked here. On a team that has been decimated by injuries EVERY SEASON (especially on the offensive line), Levitre has been a rock, playing at every position and playing well (except at center, that was an absolute disaster). Has he struggled occasionally? Yes. Is he overrated? No. On a team this bad, that still managed to have great run AND pass blocking, how can he be overrated? I honestly don't understand this. I've tried finding game clips of him royally fucking up, or in-depth articles about how he has been a failure, but I turned up absolutely nothing. Andy Levitre has been a great player for this team and he should still be a part of it.

Front office success!

Front office failure!

On the other hand, there seems to be a large contingency of people who disagree with me. The whole, "well guards are deep in the league so a cheaper replacement will be easy" argument is one of the reasons this franchise sucks so fucking bad. Wait....we have a guy who is solid at his position? Never missed a game? A leader in the locker room? Well, we can probably find somebody marginally less talented for a lot cheaper so let's do that!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaaaaaat. He did his job and he did it well, but all of sudden Joe fanbase thinks he will be overpaid? And miraculously you think this 872 year old GM and cocksucker Russ Brandon KNOW what they are doing? Good for you. I have some lakefront property I'd like to joke that everyone has made I'll shut up now with that.

You overpay for good players. You just do. If you want to be a contender in the NFL I truly think that needs to happen (sweeping generalizations, anyone?). So instead of giving Levitre a big contract that he earned, the Bills dump more money into a former 1st round pick CB who has only become serviceable as a punt returner/dime back and another underachieving linebacker that no other team wanted. (Manny Lawson sounds like a swell guy, but no other team even had him on their radars. I read seven different articles about the top 50-100 free agents on the market and not ONE named him, except a single honorable mention.) Speaking of lists, I realize that they have become somewhat arbitrary, but Levitre was also top 5-10 on every single one I could google up. They can't all be dummies, right? O.K. don't answer that.

The other argument I see, is that the Bills need to save the money so they can re-sign impending UFA Eric Wood next year. Really? I mean for real? Like real deal Evander Holyfield? (I'm sorry) Remember when this team let Antoine Winfield walk so they could save money to re-sign Nate Clements? Both of them left. And even if the Bills did convince Clements to come back, Winfield has by far (I'd say about 6,428 miles) out-played his former teammate in their post-Buffalo careers. I absolutely hate this argument. Like, post-lockout hockey fan hate. On top of that, you're telling me the team should save money to re-sign a guy who has yet to put together a full season. This is also a player that has suffered more than one severe injury in his short career, and my counterparts think the money should be invested in him because Center's are harder to find. No. Just no. I like Eric Wood and believe he has long term Pro Bowl potential IF he can stay healthy....but that hasn't happened yet. The guy could be one year away from Brad Butler status and that is not a chance I want to take when I have a healthy starting guard sitting on my roster.

And of course, to top things off the Bills also lost Chad Rinehart to the San Diego Chargers this week, thus losing one possible "cheap replacement" option for Levitre. I'm willing to wait a little longer and see what happens in the rest of free agency, but right now I have feeling that the organization, and us as fans are going to find out that we didn't know what we had til it was gone. I hope I'm wrong, I really do. Until then, get ready for David Snow. UNLIMITED INFORMER/GAME OF THRONES JOKES FOR EVERYBODY! /goes on instagram because deep down I miss twitter

You can hassle me on twitter @TheScizz but right now I'm taking a sabbatical so you'll be ignored.

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Why I Hate that Fitz is Gone, and No, it's not Beard-Related

3/14/2013

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Barrister here. As you all should know by now, sometimes we post a lot, sometimes our real jobs at which we're each enormously successful take up a little too much of our time, sometimes we have to plan for weddings and public remarks at said weddings, and sometimes we just forget we have a website to maintain in between early wake up calls in pools of our own vomit. We've lately been a little short on actual written content here (download those podcasts, though!), but have added a new guest contributor to our pathetic ranks! "The Wild Card" hails from West Seneca but is down here in NYC for law school and he likes to drink and curse like us so I'm sure he'll fit right in. In any event, someone had to write about Fitzpatrick here at the Deeg, and sure as shit none of the rest of us had the stomach for it. So I give you...

The Wild Card

Why I Hate that Fitz is Gone, and No, it's not Beard-Related

I know. The beard was like 99% of the gravitas. Hell, it was fuckin' awesome. But it wasn't awesome enough to make you want him as your starting QB and that's probably why you, as a Bills fan are pretty happy today. The Bills cutting Fitz means we get a NEW quarterback next year! And new is great! Right?! RIGHT?!

Mike Tannenbaum Well, not if that new QB sucks a giant fat one. This is the problem - with Fitz gone, everybody knows that the Bills are taking a QB with one of their first 2 picks. So, if I'm Mike Tannenb... I mean, John Idzik (the Jets new GM) (don’t worry I had to google it too) sitting at 9, and I really like Geno Smith, or Barkley, or some other ass-hat not worth a top 10 pick, I'm trying like hell to trade up in front of the Bills and grab my guy. And if that guy is the Bills’ guy too, then the Bills are going to have to take a different guy! I don’t want that guy! I want the other guy! The other guy is Ben Roethlisberger (two Super Bowl rings)

Not pictured: RAPE

and that guy is JP Losman (you just vomited)! Please, god, let us get the other guy.

(yeah, that’s actually Kyle Orton. But screw it, they look exactly the same and if JP isn’t chugging JD right now, then… like… what the hell is he doing?)

And the same thing goes if the Bills want to wait until the second round to get their guy, or trade back up into the first. When everyone knows what you’re doing it’s a lot easier to get fucked by one of the other handful of teams that need a QB.

But maybe everything will work out and the Bills will get their guy. Great. But now their guy has to be THE guy. He has to be the starter. Day one. Do you really see Tarvaris Jackson starting week 1 at QB for this team? Or… Aaron Corp? Or… sweet Jesus … Rex Grossman? Did you vomit again yet?! Did you even make it past Jackson without vomiting?! So yeah, whoever they take is going to have a ton of pressure on him, and the conventional wisdom is that none of the guys in this draft are polished enough to be day one starters. They’re guys that would be better off taking a year and sitting behind a wiley, bearded, Harvard-educated, Wonderlic-crushing veteran that screams like a 4 year old girl.

Tuesday, that wiley, bearded, Harvard-educated, Wonderlic-crushing veteran that screams like a 4 year old girl was on our roster. Now he is not.

And the beard was sexy as fuck.

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Legal Limit 8: The Legal Disciples of Bob, Ltd

3/12/2013

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This is what winning looks like, Sadbres.

The Barrister & The Apologist

When watching your favorite team gets this hard, you need to find ways to make it fun. For most of us, this requires a great deal of alcohol, but here at the Deeg, recording podcasts makes it extra special. And so it was that the other night the Barrister and I stood outside our local pub and discussed a wide variety of topics while the Sadbres played not tough against the Flyers. (Note to Darcy: Just because there's a fight, it doesn't mean you played tough.)

Ok, so we mostly talked about basketball. Discussing the Sabres for more than 30 seconds gives us anxiety attacks at this point. But there are other reasons to listen too. We briefly discuss the brawl at the World Baseball Classic. Our ol' pal, Joe, stops by (he writes for a different blog, I can't remember what it's called). And there are highlights of our Rockupation of the Prudential Center last Thursday.

All in all… it's pretty mediocre.

But hey, it's Tuesday! What the hell else do you have to do?

Download here or here or just stream directly below.

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Hockey & Friends & Drinking & Stuff is Fun

3/7/2013

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Now you're in Neeeeeewark! These streets have an 8 pm cuuuurfew, I hope you know kuuung-fu!

The Scizz

The Buffalo Sabres play in New Jersey tonight. I live in Hoboken, New Jersey, only a short path train ride away. Therefore, I am going to watch the Buffalo Sabres in New Jersey tonight. Simple, right?

Not really. I almost wasn't going. In fact, with my contempt towards the Buffalo Sabres' players and organization at an all-time high I had decided that unless a friend of mine could hook me up with with free or heavily discounted tickets, then I was going to sit this one out. The reasoning was simple really; I'm attempting to horde all the money I can for my wedding and honeymoon in June, I'm coming up on a huge moment in my personal career that has me working crazy long hours, and to be completely honest, this team gives me weekly aneurysms, so why should I give a shit?

Then a couple of days ago a little voice inside my head said, "Hey, you miserable sonuvabitch! You like HOCKEY! You love it actually! GO! You know what else? You love hanging out with your friends AND watching hockey! You know what else you like even more? Hanging out with your friends, drinking heavily on a weeknight, AAAAAAAAND WATCHING HOCKEY!!!!"

The voice inside my head (let's call him Bookshelf Jr.) was totally accurate in his assumptions. I DO love all those things! (Except this Frank guy that's coming, I really hate him) So I went on ticketmaster, found a seat near the rest of the DGWU crew (& friends), ponied up a measly $33 bucks and now I'll be on my way to what will be a fun-filled night with old friends, new friends, and probably a couple of other randos I barely know (and again, Frank).

What's my point? Well besides being excited for tonight and not feeling motivated at work whatsoever, that's a given. I believe it would be to just enjoy sports as best you can even though #becauseitsbuffalo is a constant hashtag in our lives of sporting sadness (which coincidentally will be the name of the MLS expansion franchise in Buffalo). I have found myself miserable from sports way too often the last few years, and rightfully so, but sometimes you have to push through all that shit and just have fun because that's the point, isn't it? I like to think it is. I also hope this rambling stream of consciousness makes sense.

So bring it on Devils fans, bring it on Sabres under-achievers, and bring it on 5 am Friday wake-up because I'm ready for anything you throw at me!

Wait....Enroth is starting? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

eight scotches deep

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The Legal Limit - Episode 7: So Much Less Chlamydia, For Instance

3/4/2013

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The Barrister and The Apologist

Hello fans of our infamous podcast! We were back at the local watering hole for beers, whiskey, a healthy helping of cigarettes and some Sabres hockey. The Buffalo Hockey Swords Team obliged, well, sort of. They got a point at least.

Listen if you enjoy your hot sports takes with a high ABV and we know you do.

Download here and here, subscribe on itunes through the handy button or the RSS feed, or stream below.

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Oh, Adidas

3/1/2013

4 Comments

The Barrister

This will be quick since, well, I've been suffering through another stomach flu this week and figure just one last Friday dump is in order. Ahhhh, wordplay.

This week, worldwide jersey and shoe maker, Adidas, has made some stunning headlines as it unveiled what have been routinely called some great fucking jerseys for the MLS. They really are. Apart from the fact that LA remains sponsored by a company recently adjudged to be a pyramid scheme by a Belgian court, they're really all top notch. Some of my favorites are Seattle's

... Colorado's home:

... their alternate, featuring hoops with the names of all their season ticket holders because that's pretty much the greatest idea ever:

... and because I'm biased, RBNY's new home kit which I'll most likely buy because I'm a sucker:

I still hate you Conor Lade.

Let's face it, Adidas has soccer on lock. They make the best kits in the world for the best sport in the world, and all of these designs - obviously with contributions from the clubs themselves - are brilliant. Hooray Adidas!!

....

And then, this happened.

Welp

What in the holy ever loving fuck happened here?

Man, I love me some Zubaz. I'd wear them every day if I could. Seriously. But no. Just no.

How can a company that does so great with one sport so completely miss the mark with another? Are these assholes clowning us? Have they just performed the ultimate marketing "fuck you" to everyone who foolishly gives a shit what any sports team is wearing ever? Sure seems like it.

And if someone wants to explain how institutions of higher education can permit this kind of monstrosity to represent their schools, I'd be glad to hear it. These are premier baskethoops programs and they've basically opened the door to every sort of criticism. Rick fucking Pitino is going to coach a team wearing those jerseys. Fuck. I can't even.

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The Legal Limit - Episode 10: Throw Those Shockers Up

It May Be Time To Re-Evaluate

The Legal Limit - Episode 9: The One With All The Slander

When does this get fun again?

That Joni Mitchell Chick Was Right

Why I Hate that Fitz is Gone, and No, it's not Beard-Related

Legal Limit 8: The Legal Disciples of Bob, Ltd

Hockey & Friends & Drinking & Stuff is Fun

The Legal Limit - Episode 7: So Much Less Chlamydia, For Instance

Oh, Adidas

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