The Barrister

With the Deeg fully ensconced in the game of American Throw, Catch & Run Ball, and with fatherly duties perhaps keeping me away from my obviously more important duties here at the Deeg, it would be easy to coast a little bit with my contributions. Yet, if last Saturday night's "live" blog and the subsequent opportunities to watch a little more soccer than usual while on a slice of paternity leave, it's that I fucking love this sport. Sure, the NFL is tons of capitalist fun, but good Christ - there is little in the world that compares to watching the uninterrupted action of a game of soccer played at the highest levels of the sport.

So, for those of you who share that love or who like what I write enough to suffer through posts about one of your least favorite sports, I'll be trying to re-settle into a niche here at the Deeg while everyone else is talking about CJ "Blue Jesus" Spiller and the Bills' two lines of monster football players who remind us all (a little bit too much, probably) of what went down in Orchard Park about 20 years ago.  (Not that this will keep me from chiming in on the Bills, since it is game day...)

The format for these forays into footy, if you give a shit, will be a breakdown of the handful of games that I got a chance to watch or follow closely over the course of the last week, followed by a sprinkle of quick thoughts about the squads that matter to me, whether it be Liverpool, the Red Bulls, (mostly because I love Michael Bradley) Roma or the US Senior National Teams.  With the kiddo and my waning attention span, your guess is as good as mine as to how long I keep at this with any frequency. Finger crossing, as with all things, is encouraged. 

Click "Read More" to, you guessed it! -- READ MORE. 
 

The Deeg

First of all, if you haven't checked out Scizz's Bills/Pats preview - DO IT.

Ok, moving on...

Last night, the DGWU Sports Crew gathered at The Barrister's apartment to record another gem for your ear holes. After a slow week of written content at the site, it was nice to sit down and discuss all the many goings on in the sports world. Don't lie - we know you're excited. 

Our first segment was almost exclusively devoted to debriefing the Bills game in Cleveland last weekend, as well as our thoughts about Buffalo's two delightful, injured running backs. Segment two gave us an opportunity to look ahead to the game this weekend against the Patriots as we were joined by the Deeg's Buffalo correspondent, The Outlander. That's right - steaming hot takes spit all the way from the 716. Outlander stayed for the third and final segment while we talked Dickey's 20th win, the Orioles' playoff hopes and the tire fire that is the the Boston Red Sox. We close out with a brief discussion of our plans to #OccupyBridgeport for an AHL game this fall. More on that to come in the next few weeks...

As always, the CrapTastiCast is brought in by the musical vomit of the Jambrones. Additional interludes include Kansas, Seal (I KNOW! AND YOU'RE WELCOME!), and Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross.

Stream below, subscribe on iTunes, download here or here, or check our podcast page at Libsyn.

With a 14 - 0 lead over the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, I have never seen a room of Bills fans so deflated and depressed with such a lead. When C.J. Spiller went down with his shoulder injury, time stopped. At first the room got silent, and then there was a barrage of "Oh God No" and "Are you kidding me??" flying everywhere (mostly from me). And of course, in true Buffalo Bills fashion, it looked like it did the same exact thing to all of the offensive skill players on the roster. Luckily the team snapped out of it, and Fitz took this team to an awesome fourth quarter touchdown to seal the game, but more importantly, something else was proven.

This team's offensive line is fucking incredible for the first time since the Super Bowl era.

While it appeared many players were moping around and preoccupied with the Spiller injury, the big grunts up front continued to play the game like they were supposed to, which is dominating the opposing defense by opening up monster holes and giving Fitzpatrick all the time in the world to make plays. Never once did it look like they let up or took any plays off, even though Tashard fucking Choice was now the guy they had to make look good. And make him look good they did. Listen, I'm not going to call Choice complete garbage, he did an admirable job, but this offensive line is the real deal, and whether it is Freddie Jackson, C.J. Spiller, Choice, Johnny White, Shawn Bryson, Greg Bell, Robb Riddick, or the ghost of Wayne Patrick, these beasts are going to open up holes bigger than those belonging to Jenna Haze (mental image!). The big three in the middle of Eric Wood, Andy Levitre, and Kraig Urbik are punishing opposing DT's, Cordy Glenn looks like he could be an elite LT in the NFL, Erik Pears (who is still playing hurt) is quietly dominating on the right side, meanwhile for the first time since I can remember, Chris Hairston and Chad Rinehart have given the Buffalo Bills DEPTH on the offensive line. GOOD DEPTH!!!!! Hell, Hairston looks like he can easily start at either tackle position and Gailey is getting him reps in every game. I love these brutes and there is no fucking way I'm counting Fitz's "fumble" last week as a sack. They're still perfect.

I should probably also mention that this week's Super Troopers quote has little to anything to do with the actual game preview, but it is probably my favorite line of the movie, and when the Bills beat the Pats last season, it was my favorite Buffalo moment since I've legally been allowed to consume alcohol. That's all I got for you this week. I'm writing this on a day off and after a productive morning I'd like to have the rest of the day to do nothing but watch episodes of Storage Wars and Doctor Who while drinking too much coffee and quoting "Porch Pizzas" via text and twitter with the Cruise Ship.

Yet despite last year's happy Bills/Pats moment, this week also always terrifies me because the New England Patriots come to town to most likely dash all of my hopes and dreams for a successful Bills season. As the Cruise Ship has mentioned to me many times, if this team can sweep New England, all is forgiven and the Bills can do anything they want during the other 14 games. I also want that more than anything. To see douche-hoodie and Tom Brady pout on the sidelines not once, but twice in a season would fan-fucking-tastic. But let's not get a head of ourselves tooooo much because the Bills just need to pull this win out first, and it won't be easy. Tom Brady and crew are beyond pissed after dropping two in a row, especially because they blame the replacement refs. Well guess what, ladies? Welcome to every other team in the NFL. This is what happens when 90% of calls don't go your way and bad calls can actually cost you a game. Fuck off.

The good news for both sides (I think) is that apparently the NFL has struck a deal with regular referees, so we can look forward to numerous late hit calls on the Buffalo defense while Brady runs to them bitching like a little....a.....bitch. 

The other good news is that it looks like Tashard Choice may not be alone in the backfield Sunday. Fred Jackson has practiced all week and although he doesn't feel great, there is an outside chance he gets some playing time. Even C.J. Spiller's once believed to be season ending injury (ok maybe just in the room the Deeg were watching) is minor and Spiller is doing everything he can to make it back this week or next. Not bad for two injuries that looked like they could have sidelined these chaps for a career, lets alone several weeks. Anyways, enjoy Tawmmy Brady bitching on the sidelines and then let's get to the rest of this disaster of a preview.

I knew this day would come, when I was totally fucked with my work schedule and would have to rush through my hot college takes so I don’t step on the immensely more entertaining Friday Bills preview post. I’m currently in between meetings that stretch from 9-12:15 and 1:15-4 so here you get the abridged version of my college preview. Unfortunately I have ten games circled that piqued my interest so what is a guy to do? Well, I will attempt to squeeze everything in but if not, I will just have to write college jokes while attempting to listen to a meeting drone on in my ear. Seriously, I should get paid more.

On to the games…

(8) Stanford at Washington- 9pm Thursday, ESPN

So Time Warner Cable has the NFL Network finally and thus the Thursday night college game does not own a monopoly. Still, do you really want to watch the Ravens and the Browns? Who the hell did the Ravens fuck to get three primetime home games in the first four weeks of the season? That’s a fucking joke. No one likes the Ravens. The Ravens are like the Texans; none of their fans ever venture outside of their city; Houston because they have a burgeoning tech market, Baltimore because Ray Lewis stabs you in the diaphragm at the city limits.

Anyways, Stanford wasn’t supposed to be good this year, then they beat USC. Since my adopted team Clemson lasted four days before collapsing on national television (if you ever want to see a textbook way to blow a ten-point lead, review that game), I’m adopting the Cardinal. I just can’t believe they’re playing this well without the unstoppable Toby Gerhart. As for the Huskies, I like both Washington State teams just because they seem to pull off an impressive upset every several years. Hopefully this isn’t it.

(25) Baylor at (9) West Virginia- Noon Saturday, FX

Good to see FX can interrupt their three month long “Two and a Half Men” marathon to air a football game. We were spoiled last week with plenty of matchups between ranked teams. Only three caught my eye this week, and this one shouldn’t even count. I was looking forward to Baylor going back to irrelevance without RG III, and the Brittany Greiner era still gives me nightmares. Call me next time one teammate stabs another to try and jump him on the depth chart. As for West Virginia, it really needs to be reiterated that a fucking felon received 40% of the vote in the Democratic Presidential primary this year. I don’t know what made this patch of rednecks side with us in the Civil War and break off from Virginia, but if secession ever picks up steam a second time, I’m offering the state of West Virginia in exchange for Austin, Texas.

The Barrister


If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don't, WTF guy?!?!) or know me in real life (and if you do, WTF guy?!?!), you probably know that me and Mrs. Dubs had a little Baby Dubs this week and that I'm beyond excited and exhausted and terrified and have wept more this week than in the past year. 

(Conceding the lie of this at sidebar... I cry a lot normally. No joke. Funny story - sometime in high school, I realized that being a sensitive dude who cried was an untapped niche with the ladies and I exploited it, or at least told myself that's what I was doing while being a genuine pussy and sometime magnet for borderline emotionally unstable young women who enjoyed the opportunity to soothe a chubby giant as he waxed poetic about his desire to bring beauty to the world. Seriously. I don't know that I ever really got over the habit of letting loose some vicious man tears as a mechanism to attract ladies who might otherwise be turned off the size of my gut and/or man tits and/or ... nevermind. I was/am pretty much the worst...)

Moving right on past that overshare, without promising it'll be the last of the night.

Last night, our final one in the hospital before getting discharged this morning, I had my eyes set on penning some fatherhood opus, discussing together my current feelings about B-Dubs, my ongoing feelings about sport and friendship, and the Venn Diagram overlap of it all. But exhaustion took hold and I never got everything down like I wanted or like these subjects deserve, so I'll let the scribbled notes ruminate for a bit and see if I can drop that gem sometime in the coming weeks when I have the time and energy and inspiration to tackle it (read: summer, 2014). But, still missing my pre-baby routine a little bit - and, by implication, the routine of contributing here at the Deeg - I wanted to slide back into the habit with a live blog of the Red Bulls game tonight in New England. While I was cooped up in the hospital, the squad laid their first egg of the season at Red Bull Arena, ending a season-long home undefeated streak with the 2-0 loss to Eastern Conference leading Sporting Kansas City. SKC has been rolling strong all summer, so I can live with the streak ending to them, even if it effectively took RBNY out of the running for the Supporters Shield. That shit's meaningless anyway - the athletic equivalent of a toothy blowjob. 

You didn't think fatherhood would mature my sense of humor or improve my nonsensical analogies, did you? ... Because it hasn't.

What fatherhood has done is made my time especially difficult to manage, making this "live blog" a "two-plus-hour tape delay blog." Meh. BABY STEPS.

The ride on the Dubinator Express continues after the jump. ALL ABOARD!!

The Scizz

Well that was pretty cool. 

Last week our 2012 Buffalo Bills did exactly what an NFL franchise coming off a devastating week 1 loss should do. They took it out on a far less superior opponent. C.J. Spiller is becoming a superstar, Ryan Fitzpatrick, although not perfect, minimized mistakes, and the defense made plays in all the right places. This looked like the team so many folks on various forms of social media thought they could be. And right here would normally be where I breakdown last week's game in various uneducated forms and then make fun of this week's opponents (Ok, I'm still going to do that later). Instead, I really need to share how awesome my trip to Buffalo/WNY was last week. In all honestly, it was one of the best trips back home I've had in the eight years I've lived out here in NYC. It was epic. And although I constantly make fun of the city of Buffalo and its surroundings, I left with an enhanced appreciation for an area I once called home and will always respect as an awesome place with awesome people. Sure the Bills' big win helped, but even without that, it would have barely tarnished an absolutely amazing visit. Fuck a losing disease, Buffalo is awesome and here's why.

Because I’m a gamer, I’m writing today’s college football preview column with a brutal sinus cold. You know, the kind where you wake up at 3am unable to breathe out of one nostril, which is unfortunate because that’s the nostril that’s running like a sieve? Five years ago this would be grounds to lie in bed all day and order a pizza instead of going to class, but work is sadly not as optional as higher education. Not to mention I’m one of those people who uses his sick days for hangovers and not actual illness. This could have happened one of two ways: first, Lloyd’s taco truck came to my work yesterday and I waited in line for over an hour in short sleeves because checking the weather in the morning is just too much fucking work. Second, I put my body through the ringer on a weekend that saw me get day drunk with Yachtsman on Saturday and then drink for about sixteen straight hours on Sunday. Going to the bar after a full tailgate and Bills game is rarely a good decision and even with Monday off, getting acclimated with my couch was probably the best Sunday night decision. Oh well, off to our games.

Hey friends, Scizz here. Sunday morning/afternoon was a debacle of epic proportions. Every member of the Deeg (sans Barrister, who was on baby watch), gathered at La Galleria parking lot to do some heavy tailgating and then journeyed into "The Ralph" aka "The Odious Taint" to watch our Bills disembowel Matt Cassel and the Kansas City Chefs (not a typo).

It was grand. 

As per usual, the Deeg were having too much fun to record an entire episode of the CrapTastiCast, and stumbled through several drunken segments that barely made sense. But through the miracle of shitty editing, I've managed to piece together what was salvageable in order to destroy your ear-holes. So apologies ahead of time for this hot mess, but I hope you can still enjoy some audio from what was one of the best tailgating/game experiences of my 25 year fan-hood. If you want something more coherent and professional, check out my appearance yesterday on Buffalo Wins' Talkamania.

Besides a few very special guests on the podcast, there are also musical breaks from Europe and Van Halen. Stream the cast below, pop the iTunes button and subscribe (this episode pending), or go straight to the source at Lisbyn. Enjoy.

The Yachtsman

Well NFL fans, here we are: Week 2 of the season is upon us. In accordance with Interweb tradition, I'll be tackling a weekly NFL preview to generate pageviews and hopefully make this fucking shit show profitable (LAUGH). As with everything I do, I'll be blatantly ripping off the format my hero Drew Magary uses over at Deadspin (loud yelling and cursing.....so declasse). There are no byes this week, so no NFL fan will have a reprieve from the corporate megachine designed to suck all the joy of out the quiet Autumnal beauty occuring just outside our collective window (right Matt Stewart?!!?). THE LOSING DISEASE CONTINUES. ON TO THE PREVIEW.

Just to prep you guys, I'll break down the games into four tiers. You can then pick which ones you want to watch accordingly. They are ranked in quality from first to worst.

JIM KELLY'S VODKA GATORADE GROUPING:

Everybody has that one story they like to tell when they meet new people. I have a story about peeing my pants at an age when it was totally unacceptable and passing it off as "sweating". Dubs has a story about that one time he ate an entire ham in his underpants while his wife was sleeping. Jazz Hands has his Jim Kelly story. Rumor has it that in the early 2000s, before St. Jimbo found Jeebus and got off the sauce, The Bills had an intern whose sole responsibility was to trail Jimbo with a gatorade bottle of fine quality vodka mixed with one of the citrus "colored" gatorades. One day I want to get that famous so I can stalk the sidelines of One Bills Drive as a distinguished alumni with an intern trailing me with a vat of scotch.

These games are as high as the quality of Jim Kelly's Gatorvodka:

BEARS @ PACKERS *THIS GAME ALREADY HAPPENED BUT FUCK YOU ANYWAY*

I really want to see a game at Lambeau, but I am petrified of the Ain't Got Shit To Do Rule. I have a theory that says the worse a town gets, the more viciously intoxicated you become if you are a visitor. I learned this rule during my 4 years at SUNY Albany. Albany is a notorious dump, but I got exponentially more hammered there than I did anywhere else because there was absolutely nothing to do. If I were plunked down in Green Bay, WI for a weekend I'd probably die of instant sclerosis.

BRONCOS @ FALCONS

Peyton Manning's robot infused neck looked awesome against the Steelers last week. There are few teams I love to watch lose more than the Shittsburgh Steeltaints. As a Bills fan, I feel like Fredo to their Michael. I would give anything to sell them out to the Miami Jewish Mafia.

LIONS @ NINERS

Not only is Megatron on the cover of Madden 13, I also drafted him in my fantasy league. I think we might see the NFL's first on-field fatality this year. Sorry, bro.

RAVENS @ FALCONS

I save every shit that my dog takes so that one day I may take a giant sack of poop and place it upon Michael Vick's grave. That may be creepy and weird but it's my little slice of vengeance.

The Scizz

Well shit. Where to begin? As I correctly predicted last week, I was a total idiot for once again getting my hopes up for a Buffalo Bills football season. But then again, at least I kind of/sort of saw it coming and drank enough alcohol on Sunday to numb the pain.

Of course, Monday was a different story. Still exhausted from the copious amounts of beer/vodka/whiskey (and a random Jager Bomb) that was consumed, I was forced to recount the previous day's outcome. Ryan Fitzpatrick looks like hot garbage. The defensive line is NOT who we thought they were. The secondary is an absolute joke. And of course, the injury bug has already hit big, as Fred-Ex is out for at least three weeks and David Nelson is out for the year, in a position of need where the team was already extremely undermanned. OH THE JOYS OF FOOTBALL!!!

Yet I'm not here to continue to whine and complain about how shitty the team looked in week one. There is enough of that everywhere (with obvious good reason). No, these previews aren't recaps, they are about looking forward and enjoying football, which is the most awesome-est sport in the world. In fact, as I said to the Yachtsman earlier today, I can't fully write this team off yet. I just can't. Because really, who am I betting against? If the Bills continue to suck, then it's just another year where by week 10 I have my Sundays back. Cool. However, If the Bills bounce back and show some of that early season 2011 spark, then maybe, just maaaaaaaaybe these ass clowns can still pull it together and all hope won't be lost. Naturally, as a fan I prefer the latter, but at this point in my life, I'm just going to enjoy football season and hope for the best. Brace yourselves, the Scizz is trying to keep things positive! Check it out after the jump....