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The Sabres are a Terrible Pit of Sadness, So Let's Just Not, For Now - Barrister's Intermittent Footy Roundup

2/25/2013

metaphors

The Barrister

I'm attempting to remain upbeat by not thinking about our shitty hockey team and shitty local hockey media and how Mike Harrington needs a punch in the gunt and how Jesus Christ what if everything except Lindy was the problem and we're rebuilding with the wrong blueprint and this is all going to turn into a quintessential #becauseitsbuffalo fuckup that my son will have to live with through a lifetime of sport sadness steadily replicating the life I've led to date and the feeling of emptiness in my heart left by a missed field goal and foot in the crease and it'll just be passed on to a kid who doesn't know better and will surely love these teams too because he inexplicably thinks his dad is the tits and makes infallible decisions?

I just can't. Fuck. Dammit. Balls in the mouth.

So instead, I'm revisiting the bloggasuperfranchise that is my Intermittent Footy Roundup. See! It's been a long time! INTERMITTENT!!!! Ha. Words.

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The Apostles of Bob: Episode 6 - Los Angeles is Burning

2/23/2013

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The Apostles of Bob (Yachtsman & Scizz)

The title of this episode is slightly misleading since we don't even discuss the Lakers until the second half of the podcast, but it has a lovely ring to it, so shove off.

Fresh off the NBA All-Star break, the Apostles gathered on a day off to discuss the state of the New York Knicks and the monumental fear that comes with it. This crippling fear, of course, was proven 100% accurate by the Knicks when they got absolutely dismantled on Wednesday night in Indiana and schooled Friday night against Toronto. Yay! The Road to the 5th seed! (We also recorded with WGR personality, "Coach "Sal Capaccio on his Buffalo Bills Now! podcast so feel free to check that out AFTER YOU LISTEN TO THIS!)

We also discuss the potential playoff outlook of the entire Eastern & Western Conferences, why we both hate Dwight Howard (I mean besides Nazi sympathizers, who doesn't?), and finally say a few kind words about the legendary Jerry Buss, may he rest in peace. Bonus: Scizz pronounces Stephen Curry's name wrong while trying to compliment him and Yachtsman might have threatened to poop on the floor of MSG too. Music interludes go punk this week with the Clash, Bad Religion, and Iggy & the Stooges. Download from Libsyn, iTunes, or stream below.

Sorry if you only want to listen to the CrapTastiCasts. We use the same feed so just delete this shit when it downloads....OR listen to us because we're neat!

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"It's been a long, a long time coming...."

2/22/2013

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-The Scizz

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
'Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will - Sam Cooke

A bit dramatic?

Of course. But if I'm going to address the biggest news in Buffalo sports in the last several years (Sorry Bills only fans), then I'm going all jazz hands on ya and pulling out aaaaaaaall of the emotions. Some of my points/shitty metaphors/hot cakes are similar to the Yachtsman's from early Thursday morning, but I can't sit silent. I need to weigh in. Your loss.

Lindy Ruff has been fired after 16 years as the head coach of our "beloved" Buffalo Sabres. Am I happy? Abso-fuckin-lutely! Does this mean I hate the guy? Not in the slightest. In fact, I don't even dislike the guy. I still sort of love him in that used-to-be-cool-friend-from-high-school sort of way. You know, the guy who stuck around home too long after graduation and still wants to catch up when you stop through. You can only recall the same memories so many times before you realize your buddy has three kids, lives in a trailer, and has a wardrobe that only consists of camo and NASCAR t-shirts (Daytona 500 preview coming this Sunday morning!) Eventually you need to cut ties with the guy altogether.

Lindy was one hell of a coach and nobody can deny that. He lead the Sabres to the Stanley Cup Finals, two separate Eastern Conferences Finals, and a President's Cup. He worked his players hard, didn't take shit from the media, and overall was a coach to be proud of in our blue collar city. I really, really liked the guy. But things change. It is - scratch that - has been his time to go for awhile now. There is only one thing I want more than winning a Stanley Cup with Lindy Ruff, and that is winning a Stanley Cup. Period. It wasn't going to happen with Lindy, folks. This doesn't mean he is washed up as a coach by any means. Many talented coaches and players have worn out there welcome in the cities that made them famous and then went on to greater stardom. In fact, go ahead and expect it from Ruff #becauseitsbuffalo. I will say confidently that he was not going to win a cup in Buffalo. That window has closed and it is time for this franchise to move on in a new direction. Is the new path of the Buffalo Sabres going to end up in a lighting fast winning streak into the playoffs under interim coach Ron Rolston? Maybe. The tag "interim" is there for a reason. But right now it doesn't matter to me. The Buffalo Sabres needed to change things up....and quickly.

I hate clowns but felt this was a needed reference. Cheers if you get it.

I'm engaged to get married on June 1st. When the Sabres last won a playoff series, I was only dating my soon-to-be-wife. (I bring that up for another reason, but I'll get back to that in a moment) That was almost six years ago. I'm sorry but that's a long time for me. I refuse to accept mediocrity and sneaking into the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed. As fans, we deserve more. We deserve 2006 again, but this time only better. I'm over the "small battles." Maybe it's because I live in New York City now and am surrounded by fans who demand only the top levels of success from their team, but that's what I want. I know I'm being selfish, but fuck it, that's where I'm at. I feel the same about the Bills.

I also bring up marriage because in a weird way (ok, SUPER weird way) this whole thing reminds me of the path I have taken. I'm willing to bet I'm not alone in saying that I have once been a relationship that went on past its prime. It's a scary situation to be in. You spend years with somebody and get comfortable with them. You know their friends, their family, every detail about each other, and for a little while, it works. You're happy. The world only seems like it can get better. But eventually it doesn't. Things stay the same, or even get worse. You aren't necessarily unhappy, but something is wrong. Somewhere, somehow everything stopped working the way it was supposed to, yet there you are, still in the same relationship, afraid to leave. Why? It could be a lot of reasons. You're used to it and you're comfortable, so why screw it up when you can always just keep trying to improve things. Maybe you're scared to walk away because of the fear of the unknown. What if I don't find anybody else and end up alone? What if the other person goes out and finds somebody right away and makes me look stupid? Maybe you just don't know how they hell to even begin to start over.

Finally, though, you have to take a chance. You have to get out of the dead-end and move on to a new path. It doesn't mean the past was all bad and terrible, in fact there were many good times, but in the end, you know this isn't where you're supposed to be. You know that you can either stay in what has become a bland relationship, or take a chance and see what else is out there.

This is how I have viewed Lindy Ruff and the Buffalo Sabres for the past few years. Sure I love Lindy and would love to win a cup with him, but things haven't looked all that great recently, and maybe it's time to take a leap and see what else is out there. Sure, there are going to be growing pains, regrets, and pure unadulterated ragestorms, but wading in the medicority of what this franchise has become is no longer an option. I refuse to accept it and I don't think you should either. Lindy Ruff and the Sabres have grown stale and now we get to see how the franchise reacts to new relationships. I'd rather take a chance and fail miserbale then watch the same half-assed work ethic from players that I truly feel have a ton of talent.

Like Sam Cooke once sang:

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
'Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Change is scary because of the uncertainty, but change is necessary in life to survive, just as it is in the sports world we hold so dear. It's been a long time coming, but change has to come....and it finally did. Now let's hope that this leap of faith is as successful as the one I took with the Scizzette almost six years ago.

After all, she is the one that lets me get drunk with all these meatheads, record it, and then post it to the internet. I hit the jackpot and here's praying the Sabres do the same with a coach in the very near future.

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Thanks, Coach.

2/21/2013

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The Yachtsman

Yesterday, at 3:19 PM, I received the news via text that Lindy Ruff had been fired.

The "Chan Gailey Fired! FUCKIN A!!!!!!111" texts were way more satisfying than the ones I sent yesterday.

This one sucks WAY more than that firing. This is more of a horribly sad breakup. One of those where nobody does something significantly terrible to immediately end the relationship, but rather a once torrid love dies slowly until nothing but slight animosity remains.

"Connolly, Jochen, Gaustad." "Who are 'Reasons for Lindy Ruff's demise', Alex."

Lindy needed to be fired, no matter what the likes of Nick Mendola and the happy brigade (don't boo, you guys! hands across america!!!!) back home might be saying. (I like most of those people but I also like being mean, so....you know....sociopathy). This is as much an organizational gut check as it is the first referendum on Darcy Regier's tenure as GM of the Buffalo Sabres. A poor carpenter blames his tools, but Darcy had Lindy building the Hoover Dam with a metaphor for a shitty tool set at times.

connollyextension.jpg

But I'm not here to focus on the bad times. I'm here to focus on the good times, for once in my cold, soulless life (before I start, /Barrister fat joke). I would like to thank Lindy Ruff for his time served under excruciating circumstances for a coach from the bottom of my insignificant heart. This is a man who dealt with Rigas Family Bingo, Bettman's Stewardship, Golisano's Microphone Eating Schtick, Darcy Regier's lack of team building expertise, No Goal, and Larry fucking Quinn. Throughout all of these hardships, he amassed a record of 562-452-84 with our beloved Buffalo Sabres. Not all of it was good (see: early 2000s). Not all of it was bad (see: mid 2000s, the 90s).

In the end, Lindy brought us to respectability throughout the league. Nobody remembers us for our idiot owners, bankruptcy, etc. They remember that for a period of time, we had the hardest working team in hockey. Then again, a few years down the line, we had the Showtime Lakers of the NHL, if only briefly. These were two teams coached by Lindy Ruff. Those two teams brought me so much more happiness than any of his losing teams brought me sadness. I can thank Lindy for being the catalyst to some of the happiest times of my life (Sabres Flags on my Buick in the 90s, Bar hopping during the Drury years after wins in my mid 20s). Sadly, we probably identify ourselves too closely with the teams we support. Thank you Lindy for making those identities pretty happy for many years. Best of luck.

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The Legal Limit, Episode 6: Three Popes, One Coach

2/20/2013

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What an asshole.

El Barristo and Aps

Hey internet friends! The Sabres are mighty terrible, having dropped a snoozer to the East's worst team (actually the Sabres are now that), yet here we are to deconstruct the shit show and drink the beers.

This one, predictably, devolves into a #FireLindy party because, well, that's all we got. Prove us wrong, Sabres. Please prove us wrong. You won't.

As always, our hot takes are set against the noises of New York City and the inevitable guy wearing really nice shoes and looking for change.

You're welcome.

Stream and download below, or here and here.

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The DGWUS CrapTastiCast - Bonus Episode: LIVE from #OccupyNassau

2/15/2013

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#BecauseItsBuffaloWins

The Barrister

Welp. That happened.

We went to the Sabres game out on Long Island last week, we recorded dipshit #hottakes in the midst of our drunkenness, and then I took my sweet ass time editing it all into a nice little package for you.

At least it's short, right guys?

If you enjoy those moments when we're the most wretched versions of ourselves, you'll love this one. If you prefer us when we're serious sports analysts, go take a nap while reading Buffalo Wins.

Music by the Jambrones, The Edgar Winter Group, The Doors and Eric Clapton. Download here and here, or stream below.

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Actually, This is Pretty Bad

2/15/2013

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The Outlander

This evening the Buffalo Sabres host the Boston Bruins in what will be the fifteenth game of a forty-eight game season. With the season nearly a third complete, they find themselves tied for not the division, not the six seed, not the eight-seed, but for dead last in the Eastern Conference. I have watched the “L”s string along on the schedule I keep on the wall at work, next to schedules of other teams with their own impressive collections of losses. We’ve all grown accustomed to the Sabres being a fairly “streaky” team with no shortage of peaks and valleys throughout the seasons, of a team that will run out to commanding division lead only to go .500 the rest of the way and get bounced in the first round (09-10), or a team that will piss all over themselves like a bro after his first night out in Canada for four months and then become the hottest team in the league on the valiant run to eighth place (10-12). They are four points away from eighth at the moment, could conceivably find themselves there by the time I return to the office on Monday. But they won't, and that's why I'm here.

I don’t apologize often, for what I’d like to think are two reasons. The first is that in recent history, the words coming from my mouth that I regret the most have been apologies, apologies that were not warranted or deserved, even in abstract form. The second is related and offered with a grain of salt- I just believe I’m wrong less often than other people. Many fields demand that from those they employ, mine is no different.

So it is with gritted teeth but sincere repentance that I apologize for ever believing that this team, with these players, with this coach could ever put together a shortened season that could be described as anything other than a soul-sucking death march to the draft. We’ve spent many words here at the deeg eviscerating Ralph for not firing Jauron when it was called for, not firing Gailey when it was called for. I called him a “villain from a Dickens novel” and published it right after he had fired the coach I was ripping on him for not firing.

Ask how proud we are about "regionalism"

Ralph Wilson turned his franchise into a sideshow, an embarrassment. Perhaps they always were and we were just born at the right time to think otherwise. But I think at this point it is only fair to begin taking an objective look at those pulling the levers at the foot of Washington Street, because 2007 is rapidly disappearing in our rear view mirror and if all you need to do for immunity in this town is commission a bronze statue and plop an admittedly wonderful complex steps from the waterfront, then we deserve to be ridiculed by other fans, we deserve to be irrelevant.

The eeriness of the similarities is becoming disconcerting and I wonder if Ted Black follows Buffalo’s other hapless franchise enough to see those similarities, or if he is too busy digging through his thesaurus for new ways to explain “Terry’s” dedication to winning a Stanley Cup. We all love a good orator; myself probably more than most, and we cannot deny- especially in light of the last occupant of the owner’s box- that money talks. Throwing godfather offers at Richards and Doan, upgrading the arena, putting up the Harbor Center if for no other reason than we don’t have to watch Carl Paladino erect some lifeless structure only a 1970’s East German architect could love, mean something. But “something” is as far as I’m willing to go anymore.

Ted Black has emerged as Russ Brandon 2.0, with a wardrobe upgrade and a new fan interaction feature. The talk remains about the brand, about how dedicated the owner is, how they communicate daily, how passionate he is to win and how distraught they are about the losses. Now I fully believe that Brandon is shoveling shit while Black is being at least more sincere, but the similarities of listening to these two men offer red herrings and parlor tricks to a disgruntled and desperate fan base is insulting. I’ll enjoy the Harbor Center as much as anyone, but Pegula can take the flaming tap water from “Gasland” and turn it into the fucking Bridal Veil Falls if it means there’s a parade down Delaware. I won’t fault this owner for not dealing with the Buffalo media given their current bullpen of hacks and has-beens, but that silence, pious as it may be, has a consequence to the fan base and that consequence is assumptions.

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Dear Doug: I'm Sorry

2/14/2013

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The Scizz

Three weeks ago I wrote a post in honor of new Bills Coach, Doug Marrone in order to give him some advice on the disgustingly awful roster he was inheriting. I chose to start with the offense and had planned on writing the defensive follow-up a few days later, but the constant state of sadness that our Buffalo sports franchises ingrains in all of us has left me unmotivated. Talking/tweeting/writing about any Buffalo team leaves me frustrated and in all honesty, sometimes it feels like a chore. We started this site as an outlet to write about the carousel of embarrassment the Sabres and Bills have been over the past 10 years, but right now it feels like an all-time low. Take a look at our own content since I last wrote if you want to get a view of our discontent; a Ray Lewis post, a podcast about music, and a CrapTastiCast that was full of sadness and only scheduled because I wanted to get drunk on a weekday. L:SDGGL:KASLDFKASFKASDFA!!!!! That's the sound I just made.

But unlike the Sabres this season, I am here to overcome my lack of drive and offer up some more advice to Mr. Marrone. He already took some of my advice by not tendering Donald Jones, and has made my job easier today by letting go of Berls Merfia heroes, Nick Barnett and George Wilson (Neither of which will probably even be in the NFL next season). However, there is still a giant car wreck of a defensive roster at One Bills Drive that needs to be evaluated by a guy who stopped playing competitive football at the age of 12.

Somebody rub Dave Wannstedt's nose in this.

Unlike last time, I'm going to start with the area that may have the least amount of suckiness.

Defensive Line

Mario Williams - Yes, Mario Williams signed a huge contract and under-performed last season. Yes, he clashed with the media and occasionally came across like a snotty cunt. Yes, he seems to be dealing with a lot of injuries that could continue to hamper his play. NO, he is not a bust....yet. In a rare moment of positivity, I'm going to give Mario the benefit of the doubt on his play last season. A potential nagging injury, imbecile Defensive Coordinator, and supporting cast of shit still landed him 10.5 sacks and two forced fumbles. Not terrible. Is it acceptable for the amount of money he is getting paid? Of course not, but one season under Wanny and Chan can do that to anyone. Doug, you have a stud on your hands here, make sure he lives up to that crippling contract.

Kyle Williams - Another big name player with a hefty contract who completely under-performed last year, yet somehow avoided being heavily chastised by the media. Why? Maybe it was the lack of a mini-fridge in his locker room, or maybe it's because Jerry Sullivan is probably a racist, I don't know (Yes I do). All that matters is that Williams returns to form next year along with Mario and this next guy. I'm still confident that if coached right, this D-Line can be one of the most dominant in the game.

Marcell Dareus - Obviously he gets a pass for what he had to deal with last year, but even so, I didn't think he played all that terrible. He showed some weakness against the run at the start of season, but in the last 4 games I heard his name more than the other 12 combined. Use these three well, Doug. They are your best hope.

Mark Anderson - I've now sat here for about 10 minutes staring at the screen. I don't know what to say about him. He only played in 5 games, and naturally has the ability to play better, but I have no clue what to do with him. He only has a year left on the contract, but you may be able to find a cheaper option at end. Specifically....

Kyle Moore - Let me get one thing straight: I do not understand the twitterati's obsession with this guy. He over-performed for an undrafted free agent, sure, but that doesn't mean you run out and give him an even average sized contract. With that being said, would I be mad if the Bills sign him to a short-term contract for a little over the minimum? Not at all. But when I searched his name on twitter I found numerous Bills fan calling for a 4-5 year deal. Slow your motherfuckin' roll y'all.

Chris Kelsay - No.

Shawne Merriman - I feel like you already know better than this, but just in case you think he has something left in the tank, let me save you the trouble. He does not. In fact, the ONLY people on the planet that thought he had anything left were Chan and Buddy and Shawne himself, who actually thinks he is one of the top free agents on the marketHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA (deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.

Spencer Johnson - I didn't even know he was still on the team. Bye.

Alex Carrington - I have a soft spot for "The River Monster" and as a back-up and master kick blocker, you should let him stay. And as a sidenote, please have Buddy Nix stop drafting D-lineman projects. It's a total waste.

At least he does something.

Linebackers:

BURN IT ALL DOWN!

Nick Barnett - Well done, sir. I'm tired of him blowing coverage and watching RB's run by him.

Kelvin Sheppard - Speaking of blown coverage, this guy can't cover a fullback, let alone a dominant Tight End like Gronk. And how many times you can watch him get barreled over by Daniel Thomas before you figure out he has no place on an NFL roster. Worthless. GONE.

Arthur Moats - I heard he once tackled Brett Favre. Nobody has seem him since. GONE

Chris White - The google machine tells me he is a special teams "specialist", which of course means he isn't good enough to start and never will be. GONE.

Kirk Morrison - Still on the team despite being inactive for 17 of the 16 games. What's the point? GONE.

Bryan Scott - An unrestricted free agent, I use to love Scott for his ability to play several positions and make some surprising big plays, but the last year he was one of the worst players on the field defensively. When the Bills signed him mid-year several seasons ago, every other team in the NFL had zero interest. Feeling Deja Vu, sir. GONE.

Nigel Bradham - The one member of this group that I'm alright with keeping around. Down the stretch, he was the only guy making plays or even acting like he gave a shit what the outcome was. If you watched the loser bowl against the Jets, he put some monster hits on their RB's and that may just be enough to give him another year, but I'm not heartbroken if this entire unit is scrapped altogether.

And this is the first picture I found. FML.

Defensive Backs:

Not quite the disaster of epic proportions that the linebackers are, but still a big mess. At least there seems to be a couple top-tier players in the group, but after that it is puuuuuuuure dogshit.

Stephon Gilmore - There have indeed been growing pains with Gilmore, but as the season progressed he looks like he could very well be that All-Pro corner this franchise so desperately needs. His awareness in coverage and willingness to go hard against the run were an absolute pleasure to watch, considering his teammates were getting torched left and right by mediocre--at best-- wide receivers. He also made numerous all-rookie lists but mostly from the mainstream media, and fuck them, right Doug??

Aaron Williams - Holy awfulsauce is he terrible at football. Blown coverage? Check. Overplaying for interceptions? (The Nate Clements) Check. Being absolutely useless against the run? Checkity check check check! I don't care if he is only in his second season, this is not the future of the franchise.

Leodis McKelvin - I already mentioned him in my offensive/special teams preview, and I say keep him if you can get him on the cheap. An amazing return man who didn't look half-bad in coverage last season. Just don't count on him as anything more than your dime back.

Ron Brooks - I don't remember him doing anything. He was hurt and during the draft he had tons of "upside", which you may know is code for "will be great on the Patriots but useless on every other NFL team".

Justin Rogers - I call him little Aaron Williams. Do with him what you must.

Terrance McGee - Hasn't played a full season since 1997 and his long neck creeps me out. He has no business being a professional athlete anymore. (UPDATE: Apparently Doug listened and cut McGee the same day this went up. Mind meld, Doug. Mind meld.)

Jarius Byrd - Let me use reference from one of my favorite movies to voice my opinion. Hope you like Danny Glover, Doug. Sign him. Sign him NOW! What are you waiting for???? COME ON! SIGN HIM!!!!!

Da'Norris Searcy - Another a guy I could not care less about. With George Wilson gone and Byrd un-signed, he is the only other Safety on the roster so I guess keep him? Either way, please refer to me as "Da'Scizz" from now on. Actually don't. That's stupid.

That's all I got for ya, Doug. I hate sports.

Da'Scizz....OUT!

It's your funeral.

2 Comments

Smarten Up! - What is Love?

2/14/2013

9 Comments

The Continental

Every week (HA FUCKING HA) The Continental will answer your questions. Whether it is Buffalo sports related inquiry, needed advice, or just a generally stupid question you feel like seeing her answer, have at it and we'll see what this young lady is made of! You can e-mail weekly questions to us at deargodwhyussports@gmail.com, tweet us @DGWUSports, or even tweet her directly @hpurricane.

I clearly need to get better at "getting drunk" and/or "posting to the site." The Barrister puts me to shame and he has a wife, child, and law bidness and drinking to tend to. In the mean time I have been getting drunk A LOT. #OccupyNassau was fun, if traumatic for brave coworker I invited along. I did do a lot of yelling about Jochen Hecht being a shitsipping taint, but I did keep the "Please let me suck your dick Cody" to a minimum. But seriously, if any of you buffablogbros can hook a sister up tell Cody I'm DTF.

What's a good VDay activity for a non-romantic couple that doesn't want to buy each other shit. @criminallyvu1ga

Anal.

That counts for a lot of people. Although some people can get by with "make dinner" and "tell my partner I love them." But for you two, you guys moved to a new city with what I assume is a somewhat temperate climate? I recommend a nice long walk with your dogs, then if you can, make a bonfire! That's cozy and romantic (provided you are legally able to set fires.) Hot dogs optional, but everything in my life is better with hot dogs.

Hot Diggity Damn!

Which professional league athletes get the most ass on the road and why and in order? -HKD

Time spent on the road, takes football right out since they have the shortest season, plus just less time away from their wives and families during the week. Let's go from least to most ass:

4. Football-time crunch, short seasons AND career length.
3. Baseball- baseball players wear tight pants, but they're mostly busted and weird shaped. At least hockey players are busted but man-shaped.
2. Hockey- good Canadian boys usually get married young and have a surprising amount of sexual hangups. So by the time they start being adulterous it's in their late 20s, inherent disadvantage.
1. Basketball- I mean have you SEEN basketball players! Young, cute, crazy scary tall, full schedule with plenty of travel. Definitely first.

HOOP DREAMS

Who should I want to bang more, TJ Brennan or Ryan Fitzpatrick? @SamanthaJoy124

First this stems back from a hilarious exchange with @fgif when his profile picture was Franj with TJ Brennan. Sam said she "maybe would" the tall one (Brennan.) Then Frank cried himself to sleep or something, I don't know his life.

Sam, TJ Brennan is 6'1" and Fitzy is 6'2" so they are pretty much at the same playing field as "unfortunately not that much taller than you." (Sam is my dutch goddess friend, if any of you are 6'3" or taller in the NYC Metro area and are a "good" dude please romance her.) TJ Brennan is the obvious choice, he is younger, has a better future in his sport, isn't Grand Marshall of the shit parade. Brennan is the healthy scratch of shit parades.

I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feel-lings

I'm a busy important 3L, please watch House of Cards and decide whether or not I should watch it since we both have impeccable taste. -@sholland06

Ok, I may have paraphrased there but that's really what he meant. SORRY to to disappoint but the night I tried to start watching House of Cards I hit a speed bump commonly known as "blacking out." Since I tried to drown my sorrows that Franj and Renn could not make #occupynassau. Maybe 12 beers before trying to start an hour long drama was a poor choice. Really the drinking 12 beers was the poor choice.

Anyways sholland06, people I love and trust (Happy Valentines Day <3) all love it, the afformentioned Franj, Renn, but also StephanieZD, runthedive, cbruckel and other people who I'm sure I'm forgetting. The tone seems to be a lot of "wow this is incredible and well done" but mostly "KATE MARA."

Also to everyone if you have any important cultural contributions to add to my life I am always looking readers.

House of Cards tho

What's your ideal sports/vday date: Mine is NBA All-star weekend? -@e_dealur

Really? All star weekend? Anyone likes those things? But fair, it's the NBA and you get dunk contests and the game is like two Harlem Globetrotters playing each other, not the awkward shinny the NHL puts on every year.

Sex and hockey is probably too pedestrian right? Yeah, that's not even a special occasion, and Valentine's Day is about going "above and beyond" we can all agree. Therefore my answer is leave work to drink, go to a Rangers or Knicks game and get very drunk,then give a blow job to my date in a cab. WHO SAID ROMANCE IS DEAD Y'ALL!!!!

True Romance.

Are you there Deegers it's me The Continental:

On a day with such a rich tradition of love and romance I'm here to ask you: What is the most shameful/weirdest/creepiest/scariest/saddest/grossest thing you've ever beat off to? Anonymity encouraged.

Happy Valentines Day! XOXOXOXO

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Wherein we try to do it better...

2/7/2013

3 Comments

The Barrister

As sports observers, in an effort to make ourselves feel that sports are more significant than they are, maybe, we often look for a moral component to weave into the narrative. We look at the field of play, of course, and then the life off the pitch. We search for a quality, or even just a moment of a perceived quality, where a player becomes emblematic of the evil guy you believe/want him to be.

Hating guys is often less trouble, since there's not the kind of risk that goes hand in hand with watching your beloved hero inevitably fail. In football, the guys I've always hated most have been good. Very good. Brady, Revis, Marino, Emmitt. Above all, we hate guys because they're good. Because they've made a habit of making our squad look like bitches. Because hating them is so much fun.

Hating a player for being good alone is rarely enough fun, though. Sometimes you just need a heel. The moral component of a guy being utterly terrible is often a necessity. Watching a sport, especially one as infuriatingly inconsistent with its rules as the NFL, is easier with a heel; a guy you can verbally douche upon with a moral righteousness to go with your over-consumption of Pabst and/or whiskey and/or ESPN. The heel allows you to swim in an Olympic-sized pool of sanctimony as we moralize over the lives of men we pay to subject themselves to repeated blunt force trauma. It allows all of it to seem more than what it probably really is: utterly insignificant and arguably inhuman in its brutality.

1978.

All of this, I guess, is to say that it's probably no surprise that we moralize over the life of Ray Lewis as he wins a second Super Bowl and tries to leave a troubled past behind. It's how we moralize, and what we're willing to abandon in doing so, that has been bothering me for the past couple weeks.

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