The Outlander

To quote President Andrew Sheppard, I haven't done this in a really long time. For him that's jumping between the sheets with Annette Benning, for me that's posting on the blog, especially about college football. Not to mention the fact that the last time I discussed college football it meant addressing the fact that two of my most hated programs were facing each other for the National Championship. In hindsight I can't believe I kept myself from gleefully addressing the fact that Manti T'eo is dumber than the empty Keystone Light box that sits atop the mountain of empty cases in my apartment, especially given the fact that once again his family, his school and the media were able to explain away the whole thing by chuckling, shrugging and saying "aw shucks, he's just a simple kid from Hawaii." First off, IF he is just stupid, that stupid should not be used as an excuse but should be documented, analyzed and certainly mocked and insulted. Our view as a society toward idiots is disturbing and is yet another sign of the sure-fire decline of American society. Idiots should be treated with disdain, vilified, and as an object of scorn. They should not be cornerstone of one television station's programming lineup and the target audience for many others. This idea that it's okay to be stupid, to wallow in ignorance and shun both book and street sense is appalling. The Military Channel, my Waterloo of non-public broadcasting, aired a show last night called "Nazis vs. Aliens." I did not watch the show, which may have been a poor decision because if there really was a battle between Nazis and Aliens, then fuck those history professors who glossed this over because that battle must have been EPIC.

Buzzfeed idea: twenty-two reasons the battle between Nazis and Aliens was the most OMG battle of EVER.

Oh, and since I said "first off," the secondly of that is that if T'eo isn't stupid, then he completely made up said girlfriend with an accomplice in order to drive the narrative and create buzz around his Heisman credentials, draft stock and to a much lesser extent, his rapey teammates. For the record, I ascribe to this theory.

Well, there's 300 words you'll never get back. I am certain you've missed my contributions very much.

Anyway, this offseason has seen college football discussed at a level rarely seen before, certainly at a level I don't remember seeing before. Of course, almost none of this discussion revolved around the chances of the actual teams; you know, the minutiae that happens on Saturdays between existential discussions about the future of the game, who should get paid for what, how much the NCAA sucks and "what does it all MEAN, bro?" Don't get me wrong, I have my opinions on the business of college football and from what I've garnered, approximately 90% of fans and those who cover the game have one opinion whereas old white men- nay, VERY OLD WHITE MEN -and the NCAA have another view. As usual, 6% will answer "I don't know" because there's always an percentage of the population that fails to grasp the question. I'm in the 90%, but who the fuck cares? The NCAA is going to do what it does, players will get popped for bullshit and change will only come at the relative pace of continental drift. You know what is fun?

FOOTBALL!!!!! Football on Thursday's and Tuesday's and Friday's, football played by genetic freaks and frat bros born after the last Bills Super Bowl appearance, driven on by another blend of freaks who can manage to merge twenty-hour days with sociopathic pursuit of a goal that might get "stripped" from them some two years in the future anyways. I bet Sepp Blatter peruses college football messages boards to tell himself he's running a legit sporting operation. The NFL may have one guy who murdered some folks in cold blood, but I'm fairly certain every SEC coach has some mouthy assistant or snooping local reporter dissolving in acid in their bathtub as we speak. College football is the fucking tits.

With all the narrative given to one player, did you even know the season starts today? Can you name the top three teams in the AP poll? I know for sure I couldn't because until an hour ago I had the 3 and 4 flipped in my head. It's gotten to the point where not only, in a world with ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, NBCSN, FS1 and FS2, do we have to rely on ourselves to educate ourselves about the rosters, matchups, and (real) news in sports, we have to fucking rely on ourselves to be aware of when the goddamn GAMES are played. I'll be impressed in ESPN actually airs the full games this year and not a split screen with the game in one box and seven rich hyenas talking about the perils of being poor in 2013, but let's cross that river when we get to it around week five.

It's lamentable that's it's come to this because ultimately there's plenty of things to be excited about when it comes to the 2013 season. Will Alabama suck the excitement out of it again? (No.)Will Ohio State go from probabtion to national champs? (No.) Will Stanford, Georgia, or South Carolina take the next step? (Yes, no, yes.) How long until Teddy Bridgewater is the only thing about which anyone on telvision is able to form coherent sentences? (Sunday, 3:45pm) Will Notre Dame go back to disappointing their fans? (Yes.) Holy shit Northwestern is ranked? (Yes.)Will we get to say goodbye to the non-playoff era with one last clusterfuck between four undefeated or one-loss teams, the only send-off this time in the history of the sport deserves? (Christ I hope so.)

On to the Week one preview!

Thursday:

North Carolina at (6) South Carolina, 6pm ESPN

Does anyone know if this qualifies as a rivalry? Like, are people in South Carolina pissed that their nothern neighbor now has more oppressive voting laws than them? That has to sting, to fly that confederate flag for all these goddamn years only to find a state that voted for that damn Kenyan in 2008 is now doing a better job at telling students, the poor and minorities to go fuck themselves. Buck up South Carolinians, you'll always have Fort Sumter, Strom Thurmond and Jadeveon Clowney. I didn't catch much of him last year and if you're like me, this game is not only college football's opening day, it's your chance to see who this monster is and if he lives up to the hype through your own eyeballs. For once, my guess is he will, if only because I haven't seen a sniff of dissention from the consensus that is everyone buying into Clowney as a generational talent. Remember, we live in a time of sports commentary where everything is a debate; "who would win, Blackhawks or Heat," was an actual debate topic this season, yet I've not seen a soul willing to claim Clowney is overrated.

A couple weeks ago I joked that the first asshole to come up with some glib slogan to endorse a Bills tanking operation like "Clowning for Clowney" needs to be identified and exiled to Nunavut, but in the era of Tuel Time I suppose that would be harsh. If the only option for positivity come fall is watching Clowney and hoping for a 2-14 record, whatever, I can support that, especially given the state of the Bills defense.

South Carolina starts the season highly ranked yet in the SEC they always find themselves tripped up. They may lose to Georgia or Clemson, but it won't be both, and it would be the only loss they'll encounter this season.

Utah State at Utah, 8pm Fox Sports 1

I don't have much of a reason to support watching this game outside of the fact that the game above will be over, there's no CFL and college football is back. Utah is easily the non-southern state I either hate the most or would get into the most arguments with locals (or both). I honestly have no idea how they manage to manipulate non-Mormon 17 and 18 year-olds to submit themselves to Utah for a semester let alone a year or four. My guess is these schools attempt to use the Orthodox nature of BYU to make themselves appear to be the "hip" schools of Utah, which is like calling Blue Moon and Yuengling craft beers just because Bud Light Platinum is at the same serving station. Anyways, watch this game because the Utes have sharp uniforms and to see if FS1 can air their first college football game without fucking it up.

Saturday:

Buffalo at (2) Ohio State, 12pm, ESPN2

Of course you have to watch this game. UB has kind of made a niche of opening its season on the road and committing seppuku; it's been a thing for so many years I'm starting to wonder if it's less about the money and more about a masochistic athletic department. I mean, these games pull in a hefty payday for the visiting squad right? Theoretically, at some point this ploy should amass enough money for the athletic department and the football program that they won't have to embarrass themselves anymore and can play an opponent against which they would be more competitive and able to adapt to their future MAC opponents, right? Also, given the fact that the Bulls are supposed to be somewhat competitive and competing for their first bowl game since 2008 and perhaps even one played in the United States, maybe destroying their confidence against the future Big Ten champs isn't necessary. All that said, my Mom is marrying her long time boyfriend in Vegas this week and I told him to throw twenty on the Bulls to beat the spread. A 42-10 loss would get it done.

Rice at (7) Texas A&M, 1pm, ESPN

I'm almost certain I've never seen Rice play a football game before, or any other sport. I think Rice was involved in that play from the 50's where someone ran off the sidelines and tackled someone on their way to a sure touchdown, but I doubt their uniforms look the same. Probably some white helment that says "RICE" in cursive or something boring. A&M is favored by four touchdowns and I am certain some ESPN producer was going to end up running his car in the garage if Manziel didn't play, but of course he's going to play, and sitting a half in a game where you're favored by twenty counts. There is no way that a school, an entity built on making money and growing it's footprint in the SEC and Texas, sits their meal ticket a full game or more in order to prove a point, a stupid point at that. The NCAA created these stupid rules, they should be the ones forced to enforce those rules which then draws more attention to the sheer stupidity of those rules. Why should the school do the NCAA's dirty work? They would disappear into the margins of the SEC and suddenly those bros-in-training don't think College Station is that fun anymore.

For the record I love Johnny Football, and encourage all of you to watch as many games of his this season as possible. I could do a full post on him alone, but that's been done to death, turn on fucking Around the Horn if you want more. I will say this: I cannot desctribe how happy I am twitter didn't exist when I was in college.

Penn State v. Syracuse (at Metlife Stadium), 3:30pm, ABC

This is one of only two matchups between unranked teams in this week's preview and as per usual it goes to Penn State (if you're new here, PSU will always be featured in my weekly previews because fuck you that's why). I will be DVR'ing this game because I'm attending Wingfest this weekend and as I found out during the Cardiff City-Man City game last Saturday, I will have to go to semi-extreme levels to avoid the spoiling of this game until I get home to watch it.

There are numerous reasons to watch this game, especially to see how both teams do after losing their quarterbacks to the NFL and in Syracuse's case losing most of their coaching staff. Penn State opened last season losing to Ohio, then Virginia in a game where their kicker missed four field goals then rebounded to finish 8-4 including a loss to Nebraska on the final drive. Whether that was overachieving or not remains to play out over the final three years of the sanctions.

First, they have to settle on who replaces Matt McGloin at quarterback. Well, Bill O'brien has stated he's made up his mind but refuses to tell anyone so I guess it is settled. Somehow, true freshman Christian Hackenburg, the nation's top ranked quarterback recruit, kept his verbal commitment to Penn State even after finding out he would be unable to play for a bowl-eligible team until his Senior year. While I wouldn't be surprised for him to win the starting job later this season, my money is on JUCO transfer Tyler Fergeson starting Saturday in New Jersey, if only because he has been with the team since the spring. I am biased towards all things Penn State, which can then bleed into my Sabres bias, but I truly wouldn't be surprised to see the Nittany Lions in the top 25 at the end of the season. They won't beat Ohio State as usual, but 9-3 is certainly possible and after watching ESPN's mini-series surrounding the players and coaches summer preparation in State College, I am confident that even without some veteran leadership they will improve over last season.

Not to mention you have the two closest, biggest programs facing off in what dumb people call New York and the opportunity to say "see, Doug Marrone and Hackett were geniuses, Syracuse is LOST without them!" to help ease your Bills depression.

(1) Alabama v. Virginia Tech (Atlanta), 5:30pm, ESPN

I don't know, most people like watching the highest ranked team and defending national champion play, right? Well, for you there's this, the nation's best team sandwiched in between two games that I find far more intriguing. I suppose there's an off chance of a battle between Alabama and Virginia Tech hillpeople (seriously, if you're driving to Blacksburg from Buffalo and not from, say, Rochester or Syracuse, the drive is scary as all hell. Whereas with the latter, you get to take I-81 literally the entire way down and bypass all but a mile or two of West Virginia, the Buffalo route immerses you in far more of Appalachia than any good hearted northerner should be subjected to in a lifetime. Just make sure you get to Blacksburg during daylight because the last six hours are terrifying enough without the acute awareness that if you encounter car trouble you will likely not be heard from again), and there's nothing better to watch on television than hillpeople since you're in the safe confines of your own home.

Seriously, outside of McCarron and Yeldon I don't know anyone on the Crimson Tide, but I'm sure they'll win. Check back next week to see if I learned anyone else.

(5) Georgia at (8) Clemson, 8pm, ABC

Every year there is some week one matchup between a pair of top ten teams, and there's nothing more for me to add but my undying love for these matchups. Oddly despite my anti-Dixie views, I like both of these teams. Clemson caught me young because a) I didn't know where they were located until my 20's and b) I absolutely love the orange, the tiger paw, everything about it. Like George Costanza in velvet, I would ensconce myself in Clemson orange were it socially acceptable. Georgia on the other hand, while I do dig their jerseys, has been an "enemy of my enemy" situation for some time. I rooted hard for them in the SEC Championship last year and hated to see them fall just short, likely creating a BCS Championship clusterfuck which is always fun. Anyways, if Georgia wins this game I can see them landing in the championship this year. However, despite the fact that Clemson always seems to drop a game at home early on to torpedo their title hopes, I don't think that'll happen this year. Clemson wins in Death Valley.

(12) LSU at (20) TCU, 9pm, ESPN

TCU seems to always find themselves in the top 25 yet only get on national television when they find themselves up against a more highly ranked opponent. It has to be tough down there in (google search) Fort Worth, being the fourth most popular school in a football crazed state and handicapped by the fact that your "college town" is the fucking twin shitpiles of Dallas and Fort Worth. They're going to win all the games against bad teams, then lose all the games against good teams and possibly another in some random Thursday night upset. TCU lost to Michigan State by a point in the Buffalo Wings Bowl which is exactly the result I picture in such a bowl. LSU is back to being not just regular competitive but possibly SEC-competitive which is nice if only for the Alabama game where you ultimately hope for a bunch of injuries to avoid the inevitable glaucoma another LSU-Alabama BCS championship would bring.

(19) Boise State at Washington, 10pm, Fox Sports 1

Finally, the rematch of last season's Las Vegas Bowl that we've been waiting eight months for! I feel kinda bad for Boise State; they beat Oklahoma in one of, if not the best college football game I've ever seen several years back, blew a BCS bowl birth against Nevada a couple years later, and now find themselves in the large pool of talented teams that no one pays much attention to because they never threaten to shake up the BCS computers or polls. One of these years they, or another mid-major will grab a four seed, beat Alabama only to lose until Georgia in the championship and leave every crotchety, racist SEC pushing jackyl clammoring on about how the other schools just aren't as talented. It'll probably be true, but you'll just want to shove an ice pick into your ear when you're hearing it. Anyways, Washington isn't bad, it's a 10pm game and one of the best things of college football is that unlike baseball, there is always a late night west coast game to watch on a night where you don't have to get up in the morning. Sign me up all day for these games, the games where you get too invested in because you're 12 beers deep and you think this running back on the Huskies is suddenly a Heisman dark horse. These games are the fall lush's fantasy.

Sunday:

Ohio at Louisville, 3:30pm, ESPN

I'm guessing this is the first and only week ESPN can pull this crap with the NFL coming a week later. Of course come November if the options are a blacked out Bills game, a Nick Foles Eagles game or Bridgewater, I'd go Bridgewater. We definitely did not get many Louisville games last year and the few we did found their way to ridiculous weeknight schedules. I am confident that the monoliths that control college football programming will ensure that this temporarily unranked team does not repeat that fate this year. Louisville schedule is hilarious. If they don't go undefeated, the blame that will fall on him will certainly be hilarious and likely unjustified, it's just that no one else can name another guy on the Louisville roster. I can't wait for the Bills to go 2-14, get the second pick of the draft and then have Bridgewater decide to stay in college. Berls Mafia would egg that kid's house. The mafia are collectively that guy in Anchorman who says "nobody talks about my city that way!" except instead of a scary biker guy, they're a twibbon. Also, how long has the Bills mafia logo been painted on a house adjacent to the enterance road to the Fieldhouse? That is the worst thing I have ever seen, something that makes this athiest break down and pray that the Bills never get good if it means the camera of a national sports broadcast shows that abomination.

CFL Game of the Week:

Montral at Toronto, Tuesday, 8pm, NBCSN

This is only the game of the week because it's the only game nationally televised here. NBCSN loves to air Argos games, likely because they are the reigning Grey Cup champions and have Canada's biggest city and a bunch of other media nonsense but I hate watching games at the Rogers Centre. While many teams play either in smaller college stadiums or homey stadiums taylor made for their city's respective franchise, Toronto continues to plop the Argos down in one of the only multi-sport stadiums still in existence. It makes the crowds look smaller, takes them away from the action and generally makes watching them aesthetically less pleasing. Nevermind that since this is a Toronto game the stadium is filled with Colts, Steelers, Bears and other random NFL gear. It's as if Toronto fans feel that so long as is the same sport (which it arguably isn't), they can wear their jerseys. This was embarrassing when the Bills played there for obvious reasons but even more so when it's actually their own team, and a title holder at that.

But seriously, watch some CFL, it's hilariously entertaining shit.

Outlander's Predicted Conference Champions Without Explanation Because he's 3,500 Words in and Wants a Sandwich (Vanquished Championship Game Team in Parenthesis)

American Athletic (LOL): Louisville

ACC: Clemson (over North Carolina)

B1G: Ohio State (over Northwestern)

Big XII: Oklahoma State

Conference USA: Tulsa (over MIddle Tennessee State)

MAC: Northern Illinois (over Buffalo)

Mountain West: Boise State (over Fresno State)

Pac 12: Stanford (over Arizona State)

SEC: South Carolina (over Alabama)

BCS Championship: Stanford over South Carolina

Enjoy! And if you haven't yet, please check out yesterday's post by The Scizz and if you can, #SupportSally.

The Scizz


http://www.sweetsallysunshine.com/


Before you do anything else, click on that link above and do a little reading.


Sally is the 10 month old daughter of Matt Kabel, the co-founder of the New York City Buffalo Bills Backers, a friend of DGWU Sports, and an all-around awesome guy. As you can read from Sally's site, she was recently diagnosed with Leukemia and has been going through treatment at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York City.

I've known Matt since the summer of 2004 when I first moved to NYC and needed somewhere to watch the Bills and feel at home. Matt and the other ex-pats from NYCBBB welcomed me with open arms. So when I heard about Sally's condition, I figured it would be the perfect time to put all of our snark and dumb jokes aside, and use this platform to help out an amazing family.

I immediately contacted our sometime cohort and sometime enemy TrendingBuffalo.com to see if they could help with the cause. They worked quickly, and now I'm proud to announce that Store716.com and Socorp, Inc. have teamed up to bring you the Sweet Sally Sunshine charity t-shirt. These guys have offered to take care of all the production and shipping of the shirts, with all proceeds benefitting Sally, Matt, and the rest of the family. You can click on t-shirt image for a link to purchase the shirt. 

As much as we may get down on Buffalo and its sports teams, there is a reason why the place is called "The City of Good Neighbors". Sally is our neighbor and she needs us right now. Help us #SupportSally and wear the shirt with Buffalo Pride.

I'd again like to thank TrendingBuffalo.com, Store716.com, and Socorp, Inc in helping put this all together. I'd also like to thank NYCBBB co-founder Matt Soreco for staying in contact with Matt Kabel throughout this whole process. But that's not all! In a move that may surprise you all, Arch-nemesis Del from the Bills Mafia has also offered to help with getting the word out about Sally (& the shirts) and has donated some swag to an upcoming fundraiser/raffle that will be held here in New York in a few weeks (more info to come). Thanks to Kevin Snow from the Sabres too for sending some raffle donations our way.

I'd also like to thank all of the Buffalo blogs that have offered to help out over the coming weeks in support of Sally and her family. Not all of us have always got along, so it was beyond impressive the quick response I got from everybody. After just one tweet asking for interest in helping out, these guys have agreed to spread the word throughout the blogosphere, donate items for the raffle, and even organize fundraisers of their own. So thanks to Joe from Buffalo Wins, Phil from Black & Blue & Gold, Ryan from The Goose's Roost, Chris from Two in the Box, Frank from From the Rockpile, Kevin from Buddy Nixon, Mike from Queen City Sports, Shutdown Pair, 3rd Man In, Dave Kelly, the Defenseman, Sal Capaccio, and the rest of Deeg for all their assists. 

If anybody else would like to help out, you can contact us at [email protected] or contribute directly through the Sweet Sally Sunshine website.

But seriously, if DGWU Sports is working together with the Bills Mafia on a project, don't you think it should be worth supporting???

Be honest, none of you expected us to actually have a second episode of this now incredibly-famous-in-a-very-infintesimally-small-niche-market podcast ever, much less the very next week. If only to prove you wrong, or to allow Barrister one small moment of joy before moving to the suburbs, here is Episode 2. We are, from time to time, and at some times more than others, going to have a party. There will be cake.

This week was Liverpool winning 1-0 away at Villa Park. It was good fun. We drank. We revelled. We opined orally.

Download here or here, stream below, subscribe via our RSS feed here, or through iTunes below and/or at the top right of our site. Options, motherfuckers. We bring you options.

YNWA. JFT96.

Cheers.

Oh good day, you pathetic little imbecile. You have apparently seen it fit to consult with the Deeg for fantasy advice. This tells me a couple things: a) you’re awesome and I love you; b) you get fucked in fantasy harder than Tori Black... in... my fantasies. But fret not you damnedable bottom dweller - I, THE WILD CARD - will put an end to your shit-sucking ways and put some confidence and money in your pipe with which you can smoke... it.

So I’ve compiled a list of pointers - a 16-step program (one for each round - get it?!) that will allow you to perform at least as well as myself in your fantasy league (2nd place if you're lucky) (me, “perform” HA!). Now, this isn’t meant to be some bible about fantasy football strategy or some analytical system that’ll show you where the value is in the draft, or whether you should draft a QB or a RB first. If you want that shit, give Matthew Berry a handie and be sure his dick is pointing directly at your brain as he climaxes. You know. For maximum absorption of his genius.

No, to be perfectly frank, I’m just in the mood to fuck with you. See, last week I was locked out of my parents home, and - stricken with boredom while I sat on dirty plastic outdoor furniture - I volunteered my services for fantasy advice and no one took me up on the offer! Not one! So I decided to write this shitty thing. Here’s the deal. Some of these 16 tips are actually good advice. Others are not! BWAHAHAHAH.... HAH.

WHY SO SURIOUS?!?

… whatever.


Here goes:

16. Pat LaFontaine sayeth “thou shalt not wait until 16 to take a kicker.” Yea, Thou, you fuckin idiot. You know who was the leading scorer of the Packers last year? Well, it was Aaron Rodgers. But AFTER Aaron Rodgers it was... OK, it was Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson and Jimmy Jones, but after THEM it was Mason Crosby! And he, like, sucks man. The point is that kickers score a ton of points, dude, so you better get a good one. I’m not saying you should take Sebastian Janikowski in the 1st round, but... maybe the 11th?

15. Join as many leagues as you can. It’s a numbers game. The more leagues you’re in, the better your odds of winning one. Plus it’s more fun. I mean. would you rather pay a ton of attention to 2 leagues or just set a dozen lineups every Sunday? Duh. Plus, if you only do a couple leagues then you can’t draft every player in the game. I mean, last year, you would’ve had to known ahead of time that Adrian Peterson was going to be a stud to draft him. But if you’re in a dozen leagues, chances are you grabbed him in at least one of them!! #championship

14. Make sure you only join leagues with really weird scoring systems. No points for kickoff return yards? No thanks. No drafting defensive players? See ya. No bonus points for 50+ yd field goals? Go suck a fuck. Join one of these cookie cutter “standard” leagues and you’ll just be sitting around cheering for touchdowns. There’s a lot more to this game called “futbol americano.” Embrace it.

A new podcast series two years in the making!

Back from his self-imposed, terrible sports-motivated hiatus, Yachtsman joins the Barrister for some hot sound-based takes. Unlikely to write for the site anytime this decade, El Yachtero's willingness to participate was largely based on the fact that he could do it while hungover and drinking. Fair enough.

Linking up at the 11th Street Bar, the home of Liverpool's NY Supporter's Club, Yachtsman and Barrister talk about LFC's opening win versus Stoke fucking City while quickly pulling down cigarettes on a lovely Saturday morning. Good times were had, adult beverages imbibed at outrageously early hours, and a podcast was made.

Music from Ratatat, Pearl Jam and Daft Punk.

Download here or here. RSS feed here or subscribe to all our podcasts on iTunes with the handy button. Or stream below.

The Barrister

Hey y'all, the word of the day is "TWELVE"

12 straight wins.

Yeah this should have gone up yesterday, but fuck you I was working/trolling fools in the Buffalo News comments for sport. get on my level.

Yesterday was a good day. Fans on both sides will temper the boisterous joy with which some are looking at the USMNT's win in Sarajevo yesterday - it was their B team when the US put up those goals, the first half was all that mattered, it's a friendly so who cares - and I totally accept that. 

BUT ALL THAT DOESN'T MATTER. This is goddamn awesome.

Things to consider:

• Bosnia-Herzegovina was/is ranked 13th in the world by FIFA, and 9th by the Soccer Power Index. US is ranked 19th by FIFA and the SPI (which seemed ambitious, and suddenly doesn't).
• Bosnia hadn't lost at home since 2010. That string included a scoreless draw to now-ranked 7th Portugal in Euro Qualifiers, a 2-1 Friendly win over now-ranked 9th Brazil, and a 3-1 win over Greece in World Cup Qualifying. Eight wins and three ties over that home undefeated run.
• On the field for the whole game was Edin Džeko, a dude who has 30 goals in 54 appearances for his national team, which plays in the most competitive Continental Football Association on the planet. In his club career, he's scored 152 goals, including 19 for Man City during their title run. He is legit.
• JOZY ALTIDORE MAKES ME WET.
• This streak is only three wins shy of tying Spain's record of 15. Only six national teams, including Spain, have done better. 
• Since the last World Cup, the US have beat Italy, Mexico and Bosnia-Herzegovina away, and beat Germany at home. What more do these guys have to prove before they're considered legit?

Ok, that's it. If you're not watching this US team these days, I don't know what to say. Get yourself right and ready for Brazil.

The Barrister


The impact of a simple tweet:

(the same guy who broke Luis going to LFC in 1st place, and also Coates, fwiw)


Confession: it was a lot easier to just hate Suarez.

Fuck, it was a godsend to see news of him wanting out. I remember last spring, the week after he lashed his teeth into Ivanovich’s bicep, sitting in my car with Yachtsman on the other line, trying to rationalize every argument and scenario that would make me feel better about the implications of what I had seen.  

“This season is lost anyway, I don’t care.” 

“Whatever, the FA is garbage. Jermaine Defoe didn’t get suspended for biting a dude! The FA hates Liverpool!” 

“He’ll be back, he’ll get better. He has to right?”

“I mean, we could sell him.”

It didn't seem possible then that another club would want his baggage – delightful scoring touch aside – for even £20 million. LFC bought him for £26.6, but whatever, he’s worth less now, I reasoned. Sure, he is more prolific now than we dreamed him to be, but we don’t want this, I said.

Guest Contributor, @jambrones

I don’t get fired up about things enough to violently berate them on the internet very often.  In fact, I only have done that once.  And it was a private matter.  Hashtag Bills Mafia is no exception.  I am not fired up, offended or even the least bit anxious about this hashtag and its wake.   This is exactly why I must write about it.  I am completely centered, here.  I am in #BillsZen.

The Barrister


So last Friday, I ventured down to Fredonia to drink with a bunch of friends, old and new, and we all got a little loaded. 

Understatement.

At some point, while standing in a delightful alley next to the bar, I decided - probably stupidly - to unload some of the hate that's been welling up inside of me. It felt awesome.

As much as I really do like some of the guys involved in this fan-driven movement, and as much as I love and appreciate the charity work they do, my animosity about a few certain things is inescapable. So I post this both out of frustration, as well as catharsis.

I imagine this will piss more than a few people off. Good. Get on my level. Kisses.

The Barrister


I feel like writing, so will invent topics by musing on this hilarious world of ours and making jokes to keep me sane. And since I'm on a work/pleasure trip to Buffalo tomorrow and intend to have too much fun with the pleasure portion of my visit - i.e. anime porn, if you're interested - I won't be available much, and today it must be.

Firstly....

Bills training camp started, so a huzzah and merry almost football to you and yours. Professional catch and run ball is pretty great, except when it actually starts and we find ourselves enveloped again in an existential crisis of suck. 

Go Bills.

BUT THIS COULD BE THE YEAR. So they tell me; "they" being pretty much anyone willing to forget the past and start fresh, though for them it happens every year and EJ Manuel, by implication, sits in the same storied and shit-upon position as Trent and Fitz and JP and Robbie J and Bledsoe and even Levi Brown for a quick minute which tells you all you need to know about what it takes to be a Buffalo quarterback and ride the wave of foolish optimism that is being a fan of a Bills team with the shittiest wagons making the shittiest circle. 

Related: when the Bills circle their wagons, rumor has it, a parallel dimension of this world is invaded by Cybermen and it's all really terrible until Rose Tyler appears and remains smoking hot as she saves the motherfucking day. 

Whatever, have at the hope if you want to. It's sports. Have fun. EJ, jokes aside, is certainly less saddled with the cursed history of Buffalo football than the rest of us, so maybe he'll be fine. He's looked seriously good in these first few days of camp, if Buffalo sports writers are to be believed (they're not), but the stark contrast of his game when set against Kevin Kolb may be distorting everyone's perspective. 

Calm down, and as mentioned, supra, Go Bills.