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"And I say I'm dead, and I move." - a Very DGWU Recap of Bills vs. Dolphins, Week 7

10/26/2016

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Jay Ajayi highlights
The Barrister

In some ways, this blog and others like it are as simple as a negative proof of the product we've all set out to digest on a daily weekly annual basis. Where the Bills sell hope and change like they're running for something other than Regional Fuckboi, this space sells despair. There's a surplus and we'd like to unload it off our books, I figure, and it's a goddamn bargain for those interested in investing in distressed emotional debt.

I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention, while we're still processing my brutal metaphors, that my mission here is to write about our Bills in spite of myself and in spite of our Bills, that my brain is mush and can't possibly be asked to form coherent takes, and that here, by the grace of God go I, is where I am basically because Apologist said "hey write that recap" while we parted at a lonely midtown street corner some time ago.

Fuck the Bills and Love the Bills, alas and so on and so forth.

If time is a flat circle, as some claim it is, we're blessed to experience this kind of Bills team only once but also infinity times, so it's an open question whether that 3 point loss in Miami should be eminently shrug-off-able as 'just a thing that happened' or emotionally paralyzing as 'the thing that just happens every fuck-all time.' We're somewhere in the middle, most of us, and it's frankly just as dark a corner of cerebral sub-consciousness as sports can get. The cruelty of belief is that it's is a massively marketable phenomenon to attach to any given team, and many of us have been all-too-willing to hitch ourselves to the hope cultivated and farmed for the benefit of our preferred clubs, irrationality be fucked.

The cruelty of belief is that it is equal parts goodness and elusiveness, the treasure at the end of the rainbow, sight unseen.

Depending on where you fall on the spectrum of Billschausen syndrome, you either got all in with this team recently (Hi!) or were on the precipice (or you billieve unconditionally, in which case why are you here?), and depending on where you fall, you're either out now, huffing and puffing about the uselessness of it all, or at the very least have a foot in the door open while you consider things like whether you left the oven on and, if so, whether it might be more useful to stick your head right up in it on Sundays because why let this team suck the life out of you when you're fully capable of killing yourself all on your own.

In the same way that people are drawn to comments sections and cable news out of morbid curiosity at the train wreck humans involved, being a fan of this team is very much about the allure of something so earth-shatteringly shitty that you sort of need to crane your head to look. Besides, there's virtue in learning to repackage the experience of watching a terrible football team into a fun exercise in schadenfreude and moral superiority. So long as the team is going to trip over its own putrid tendencies towards failure, we may as well alight our hearts with ideas that we deserve better and that we have answers that would fix what ails our Bills, if only if only if only. So long as this team is going to struggle through another fall as if it's the harvest and they're farming melancholy, we may as well pull out a dictaphone and assemble a cacophony of sarcasm and derision as tribute to the Wagon-Circling Buffalo Bills, the only team that would consider it a badge of pride that they left home without a map, keep taking the wrong trail and have yet again stumbled upon some band of horsemen or patriots or birds or marine mammals or whatnot, thereby necessitating wagon circling from the get.

tl;dr: When you live in Chump City, it's no consolation that you've been elected mayor.

Don't get me wrong: I'm *still* hopeful, and therein lies the annoying and inestimable rub. All they gotta do is win this weekend and they'll show us they really are the team we hope them hahahahahahahahaha hahahaha.

Fuck it. Let's do the damn thing, I guess.


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“Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now? That means this shit is serious.” - Week 7 - The Dolphins of Miami

10/23/2016

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The Apologist

​How could the league possibly confused about falling ratings? Has the league ever in its existence been less likable? After watching Cam Newton take more headshots than Walking Dead extras, the league said there was no reason to check and see if he had turned into a zombie. Meanwhile, they’re actively, regularly policing having passion. But if you’re a complete scumbag who enjoys knocking your wife or girlfriend around, just please make sure we don’t accidentally hear about it. To fans such as you or I, we may shake our heads in disgust and keep watching. But all those casual fans that had tuned in the last few years? Why would they want to stick around for this? There are no big stars outside of Tom Brady and Cam Newton, who everyone spent all offseason telling to change his attitude. This being the same league where guys like Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, and Deion Sanders became national icons. If Primetime played in today’s league, he’d have an open tab with the league office.

Honestly though, what surprises me more is that people are surprised. Or that they care. I’m fine with it. Good. Go away, casual fan. The NFL should lose viewers. They deserve to lose money. Lots of money. 

Can you imagine that the state of Nevada, aware of everything we now know about the “benefits” of publicly funded stadiums being a complete and total scam, agreed to put up $750,000,000 to build a stadium so that they could TEMPT… not obtain, but attempt to get a football team. The league hasn’t voted on it and has no plans to. The people of Nevada are offering them three-quarters of a BILLION dollars to give them a football team, and the league is like, “Ummm… I just finished going through a breakup, so I’m not sure I’m ready just yet. But you’re really sweet.”

Of course, this Josh Brown story really takes the cake. First off, I’m very glad that Molly Brown is no longer in that awful situation and I hope she has since surrounded herself with a good support structure. But wow… where do you even start? With the fact that the team knew about the arrest and decided to resign him anyway? Or the fact the NFL knew full well that Brown was a garbage human without needing to know the specifics of his arrest? Or perhaps the part where the league ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH A RULE FOR THIS AFTER THE RAY RICE FIASCO BUT WERE LIKE NAH, THIS IS DIFFERENT, LET’S GIVE HIM A LESSER SUSPENSION THAN HE GOT!

...deep breath…

How could anyone be surprised that casual fans are turned off by this wretched behavior? Even those who understand that one man doesn’t define the league as a whole are understandably disgusted with the hypocrisy of Josh Brown earning $86K for a game he’s not playing in today, while his teammate is fined $97K for not “playing the game the right way.”

Lest we forget, Ray Rice only truly got in serious trouble when we got the actual video of him knocking out his wife, Jenay Rice. Before, when all we knew was he had punched her so hard she lost consciousness and he dragged her lifeless body out of the elevator, that deserved a two-game suspension. But once we were all forced to look at it and see, OH right, like… he punched her. That’s what that looks like. Then we were upset.

We’re still upset. It took longer than it should’ve to get people this upset, but at least we’re here now. The only people who’ve seemed not to notice are the ones more concerned with ratings. But pink towels show they care, right guys?

And side note: shout out to King County Sheriff John Urquhart for bringing the words “yokel” and “goofus” back into this world in an appropriate context. Well played.

Also, fuck Vontaze Burfict. Let’s do this.
​

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"No, I want you to set a fire so goddamn big, the gods'll notice us again ... I want all of you boys to be able to look me straight in the eye one more time and say: ARE WE HAVING FUN OR WHAT?" - a Very Belated Very DGWU Recap - Bills vs 49ers

10/19/2016

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The Barrister

I'm finally flying back home from Buffalo (EDIT: this was yesterday; I had to work and nap after getting back to New Jersey) and, like every trip to the Mother Ship of My Aching Heart, the weekend afforded little in the way of time for introspection after - without any real competition - the most interesting day of Bills football I've experienced in my 25 or so years as a fan. The unbridled hype of last year's opener (my last trip to Orchard Park) was replaced with a patient optimism about this godforsaken team and a lingering, uncomfortable buzz surrounding something completely unrelated to football. A day that gave all fans something to smile about, from ear to fucking ear, gave many of us in attendance an unshakable disgust with the parade of horrors on display. Death threats emblazoned on t-shirts. Tackling dummies playing the part of vague Muslim effigies. Fathers and sons screaming at an American citizen to stand when he prefers to kneel; screaming at an American citizen while the first verse of our National Anthem rang out. Chants of USA! raining down upon an American citizen and those who support him. Chants of USA! covering all manner of uniquely American sins.

I'm a bleeding heart. I'm an aspiring pragmatist above all else. I'm a venomous blogger who has been told not to use this space for this kind of commentary. I'm a Bills fan who left New Era Field feeling very apart from this new era of Buffalo Bills football. Sunday made it abundantly clear that I hold a minority opinion dwarfed by the rage of those who believe patriotism is a concept over which monopoly control may be exercised, who believe "American" is a one-size-fits-all panacea, and who believe dissent entitles you to nothing more than a one-way ticket back *there* (wherever that is) on the horse you rode in on.

All the same, I left New Era Field and its tailgate wasteland environs knowing that I'm not alone and proud of the pockets of dissent that sprang forth regardless of the un-American brand that would be seared onto their efforts by those who would sooner silence disagreement than attempt to understand it. They were outmanned and outflanked by those who opt to speak against black lives and against advocacy civil liberties; who opt to speak in support of unquestioning devotion to uniforms and badges and authority under the heel of a boot. But they were present all the same, and the peaceful, non-violent advocacy from people of color and white allies alike was something to celebrate. It was the best of Buffalo on display, and more than many other cities would show in similar circumstances.

Also the Star Spangled Banner sucks, Francis Scott Key was a questionable human, and America the Beautiful is the absolute jam.
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​And then there was the game, and like I said, it's shitty that I'm left feeling like I gotta speak out about a player doing something as harmless as kneeling - the ultimate sign of respect and fealty - during the NFL's ongoing commercial use of America's anthem, but it's monumentally more shitty that police wearing the badge of the State, cloaked in the authority of our collective promise to each other and ourselves through adherence to our nations' laws, are killing Americans with the kind of arbitrariness and lack of oversight endemic of the Empire from which we declared independence in 1776. So I guess I'll deal. As will you.

The game, though? Apart from the heat that Kaep continually got for daring to be a black man with an opinion? It was dope as hell. The best game I've ever seen live, and that's saying something because I went to the Bills' last two games in New Jersey against the Jets (combined score 65-40), and the opener last year. When the Bills beat Arizona four weeks ago and it looked like there was a chance there'd be something to cheer for when I headed up to WNY for Week 6, I knew that the game was going to be the one that sealed my Sundays for the foreseeable future. A loss and the start of hockey season would have seemed a blessèd relief. A win, and I knew I'd be be left buzzing about what's still to come.

And here we are. 

The game was hilarious in its arc - from a close nail-biter to a thorough walloping in the matter of just a few series. When the floodgates opened in the third quarter, it suddenly became a party. The edge of fans' anger at Kaepernick (or each other) was dulled in the face of such impeccable play from our Bills. What a weird sentence to write. It was the kind of win that binds us all together for our love of this stupid team, suggests we may have more that keeps us coming together than that forces us apart, and gives us some small hope for coming together and making the most of this shared world of ours, even if it seems impossible at present.

Sports, man. Maybe.

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“You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right? ... Come on in and experience some of my bullshit.” / Week 6 / The Forty-Niners of San Francisco

10/16/2016

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The Apologist

​I thought about not using the above image. I thought about not discussing Colin Kaepernick's protests. I thought about not writing anything at all. I think a lot about lots of stuff, most of which is trivial, but this feels important. The following are my thoughts on this and no one else's.

Gun violence is bad. Police brutality is bad. Racism is bad. I know, I know. I'm really going out on a limb here. These are things that many young Americans believe. Kaepernick is sharing this same belief. That is why Kaepernick is taking a knee during the national anthem. Not because he hates cops or America. Because he knows they can be better and he wants us to talk about it. The fact that he is willing to jeopardize his career and his personal safety to do something that he believes will improve this country for his fellow man is brave and commendable. 

What gets tricky is when beliefs clash with symbols. The American Flag is a symbol. “The Star-Spangled Banner” is a symbol. What they represent and how they make you feel is entirely yours and yours alone. You may know a great many people who feel similarly to you, but no one can possibly feel EXACTLY the same way that you do when they look at the stars and stripes and hear the words of our nation’s anthem. Your idea of these symbols and how they represent America can be completely different from someone else’s idea. And that’s ok. THAT idea is what this country was founded on. That two disparate sides can find a way to compromise and coexist for the betterment of all.

I grew up in Buffalo, NY, in a middle-class white family with all the perks and #priveleges that entails. I have no idea what it must feel like for an African-American to see yet another story of an unarmed black man being gunned down in the streets. No one in my immediate or extended family has ever served in the military or policed the streets of a city, county, or state. I don’t know what that sacrifice makes you feel when you look at the Stars & Stripes and listen to the story of conflict that symbol survived. But to me, that song and that flag and the country that it represents is an idea that we are constantly, all of us, striving to be better. That no matter our disagreements and our struggles, we will listen to each other and work together and make compromises and keep trying. Our nation is not now, nor has it ever been, perfect. But as long as people are willing to talk to one another, we’ll keep improving. It’s only when we ignore each other and make our neighbors out to be enemies that we lose what makes us special.

I don't like bringing politics into this environment. I'm sure it's not why you come here. I'm guessing Colin Kaepernick feels the same way. I'm sure he'd like nothing more than to not have to do this anymore. It'd be easier not to do it. But some things are worth the struggle. Some things have to be said.


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The Unknown is Scary Unless it Isn't- Outlander's 2016-17 Sabres Preview

10/12/2016

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PictureGonna be here when you get back, Jack
The Outlander

EDIT: So if you're reading this you already know. The season's been boarded up. The doors, the locker rooms, everything. We're staying in the Comfort Inn, room 112. I love you.

Or, alternatively you can read what I wrote before the news Eichel will be out 4-6 weeks (say 8 to be safe) because really, truly, it changes little about the enthusiasm or really what your expectations should be.


In every article, book, quote, post I’ve ever read about writing, the one piece of advice that is nearly universal is this: keep writing. Write every day, write something. For many years I did; I wrote in college classrooms during lectures, wrote during work hours in Vermont and Buffalo, wrote at home with the sound of a game in the background. If I wasn’t working on some story (which, from age 12-26 I almost always was), I was working on papers, about the death penalty, the Dred Scott decision, Vatican II, the influence of the frontier on early American Literature (gleamed almost entirely from SparkNotes), or the impact personality had on the Good Friday Agreement.

Point is I can tell you that when it comes to getting words to flow onto the paper/screen, nothing can replace the simple act of beginning to write. You can think about your post while in the car, search your tweets for a coherent #narrative, smoke a blunt and watch a Ken Burns series; nothing is going to help as much as sucking it up, closing the door and starting to type shit out until it clicks.

I say this because for the last few months I’ve had absolutely NO idea what I wanted to say about the upcoming Sabres season. There’s no longer a goal that’s bigger than the game; with the first year of development behind Eichel and Reinhart, and the first year of playing together behind nearly everyone, the shift as gone from “let’s just hope they’re fun and we see improvement” to “okay well now let’s try to make the playoffs.”

The fact that this takes some getting used to is by itself a testament to how shitty the past three seasons have been. The fact I can barely remember what it’s like to be a fan of a team that had expectations and potential makes me want to open my window and scream “what the fuck have we been doing!?”
​
Then I watch Jack Eichel (EDIT: in 4-8 weeks), Sam Reinhart and Ryan O’Reilly and I’m like, “oh yeah.”


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“Don't start tryin' to do the right thing, boy-o. You haven't the practice." - Week 5 - The Rams of Los Angeles

10/9/2016

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The Apologist

There should be phrase for the game experience we’ve had the last two weeks. That feeling in your gut where you’re pretty sure this good thing won’t last. The team lines up in the victory formation, but you’re still holding your breath through each movement of the snap, only exhaling once the quarterback has successfully dropped to one knee. Because there’s no way a 1-2 Bills team walks into the Razor and shuts out the best team of this millennium. 

To an outside observer, there was never much question of who had the advantage and was most likely walking away with the victory. But we are not, dear reader, unbiased in these circumstances. From the first kickoff to the last second ticked off, we couldn’t escape that anxious feeling that any minute now, the bottom will fall out and our true nature will overtake us.  It was true last weekend and the Sunday before against Arizona. But it happened. You were there. You saw it. I don’t care who was playing quarterback. The Patriots got booed off their own field. Awesome.

I'd say more but... the game starts in a little over two hours, and I'm running out of time, so let's skip straight to the bullet points...
​

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It Can't Rain All The Time - A Very DGWU Recap of Bills at Patriots, Week 4

10/2/2016

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Absolutely bossed it.
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The Barrister

If you'd given me the option to take 2-2 before the season started, I probably would have taken 2-2 before the season started - putting aside my not insignificant pipe dream of a world ablaze with a nice 1-9 run, of course. I would not have been able to predict the breakdown of wins and losses that have come with the 2-2 start, though; such is the nature of this particular football club at this particular sixteen-year-long-moment in human history. 

The rad thing about this Sunday evening reality is that no matter if you are buying in on the possibility that these two improbable wins are the start of some great run (I have not bought in, and am a ways off yet, my hyperbole herein notwithstanding), these two improbable wins are nevertheless really fucking improbable. This Bills team was left for dead by this fan base, and quite fucking right that they were. Dreadful is not a strong enough word for it when it was a thing we've seen enough before; enough big talk during off-season PR pushes and enough capable rhetoric paired with highly suspect play. The Bills team we saw through Weeks 1 and 2 were fucking bad and deserved all the scorn they got and more.

And now they're, well, not bad at all. At least not now, not yet, not still. They were so bad and then with a token firing and a drastically scaled down offense relying on proficient execution of straightforward concepts, they've moved the pendulum far enough the other way to make even the most jaded fan (read: all of us) give a polite golf clap and tip of the cap.

As with everything, as for always, the salient question is "how long can this possibly last?," and the joyous answer is "we can't tell, but this team suddenly looks capable of beating a lot of squads." At worst, our resort to the fallout shelter of pessimism has no immediate justification beyond "because it's Buffalo" and, perhaps more relevantly, "because most teams fail." Which is all well and good. Four weeks in, for this particular football team in particular, it feels pretty ok. 

​As with everything, I want more. Gimme some more. 


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