During the 2013 Buffalo Bills season, the Scizz will be writing weekly game previews that will ruin your entire weekend. The last two seasons saw him using quotes from The Big Lebowski and Super Troopers to convey his feelings for this crapfire of a franchise. This year he'll be choosing quotes from many of his favorite films to get the point across. As always, it's 25% football, 70% useless garbage, and 5% luchador gambling picks. Here we go.....
The Scizz
Well that was silly, wasn't it? I sat here in front of the keyboard for a solid 15 minutes before I knew what to say first. After thinking about it I figured I would just share this picture:
Well that was silly, wasn't it? I sat here in front of the keyboard for a solid 15 minutes before I knew what to say first. After thinking about it I figured I would just share this picture:
That picture was taken just seconds after E.J. Manuel hit Stevie Johnson for the game-winning score. From Left to right standing is Joe from BuffaloWins.com, the Apologist, his brother Drew, & the Barrister. The schmuck sitting in front of them is me.
Let me preface this by saying that a minute later I was up and dancing with the rest of the fools, but in that moment....I couldn't cheer. I couldn't yell, I couldn't jump up and down, I couldn't fist pump like my lovely Jersey wife was surely doing. In that moment I was frozen. I never planned on just sitting there after the big play, in fact moments before I was bracing myself with a hand on Barrister's shoulder ready to react to either heartbreak or football ecstasy. Yet, when it all went down I couldn't move. I was frozen and just kind of sat there in disbelief, taking in the moment. I barely moved for about 30 seconds, simply soaking in this moment where E.J. Manuel became our hero. Right after I tweeted that this was the moment for E.J. to make us love him....he did. And the reaction of the crowd was nothing short of spectacular. Just youtube McFadden's/Bills/Panthers and watch the numerous videos (many of which with me, dancing like an asshole). Yeah, Ryan Fitzpatrick and J.P. Losman had some great last second wins, but something about this felt different.
Am I going to get over excited and start yelling playoffs?? Fuck to the no. This is STILL the Buffalo Bills after all. But....BUT....seeing this team march down the field like that, penalty or not, and snag victory was something I can hold onto this season no matter what comes next. Go Bills.
Now onto to the Jets. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck the Jets. As it says in the title, I fart in the general direction of the Jets and their fans. With the exception of maybe a handful of semi-normal friends who happen to enjoy wearing that vomit/snot colored jersey, I loathe everything about the Jets. So much so, that on Sunday, while I will be tailgating my ass off with DGWU Sports & friends, I won't be staying for the game. At 3ish I'll be high-tailing back to the comfort of my downstairs bar to watch the game in peace, away from that hell-hole and the demonic fans that inhabit it. Last year was the last straw for me. When some Jets fans started berating an elderly Bills couple, and Yachtsman tried to interfere, not physically mind you, security rushed over and tried to throw HIM out. What followed was one of the greatest moments in drunken lawyering ever witnessed. The Barrister absolutely hypnotized the security guards, yelling at them about how liable they will be for kicking out fans, who by all means were just helping an old couple being abused by the local fans. Security basically said "watch yourself" and walked away. The man was hammered and he didn't reason with them, he belittled them and we still got to stay. Amazing.
(Barrister here: I remember this going down a very different way, but hey, beers)
I should also mention (humblebrag approaching) that another reason I'm not staying for the game is the fact I'll be running 13.1 miles that morning in the Newport half marathon in Jersey City. I'll then be going straight to the tailgate after a quick shower, so I'm not exactly sure how my body is going to respond. Probably terribly, hence another reason to be close to home after ripping fireball shots for three straight hours. But if you happen to live near JC, come out and watch me rock my #SupportSally shirt during the race. Store716 was gracious enough to print a running shirt for me with the logo.
But yeah anyways, fuck the Jets and onto the lists:
Let me preface this by saying that a minute later I was up and dancing with the rest of the fools, but in that moment....I couldn't cheer. I couldn't yell, I couldn't jump up and down, I couldn't fist pump like my lovely Jersey wife was surely doing. In that moment I was frozen. I never planned on just sitting there after the big play, in fact moments before I was bracing myself with a hand on Barrister's shoulder ready to react to either heartbreak or football ecstasy. Yet, when it all went down I couldn't move. I was frozen and just kind of sat there in disbelief, taking in the moment. I barely moved for about 30 seconds, simply soaking in this moment where E.J. Manuel became our hero. Right after I tweeted that this was the moment for E.J. to make us love him....he did. And the reaction of the crowd was nothing short of spectacular. Just youtube McFadden's/Bills/Panthers and watch the numerous videos (many of which with me, dancing like an asshole). Yeah, Ryan Fitzpatrick and J.P. Losman had some great last second wins, but something about this felt different.
Am I going to get over excited and start yelling playoffs?? Fuck to the no. This is STILL the Buffalo Bills after all. But....BUT....seeing this team march down the field like that, penalty or not, and snag victory was something I can hold onto this season no matter what comes next. Go Bills.
Now onto to the Jets. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck the Jets. As it says in the title, I fart in the general direction of the Jets and their fans. With the exception of maybe a handful of semi-normal friends who happen to enjoy wearing that vomit/snot colored jersey, I loathe everything about the Jets. So much so, that on Sunday, while I will be tailgating my ass off with DGWU Sports & friends, I won't be staying for the game. At 3ish I'll be high-tailing back to the comfort of my downstairs bar to watch the game in peace, away from that hell-hole and the demonic fans that inhabit it. Last year was the last straw for me. When some Jets fans started berating an elderly Bills couple, and Yachtsman tried to interfere, not physically mind you, security rushed over and tried to throw HIM out. What followed was one of the greatest moments in drunken lawyering ever witnessed. The Barrister absolutely hypnotized the security guards, yelling at them about how liable they will be for kicking out fans, who by all means were just helping an old couple being abused by the local fans. Security basically said "watch yourself" and walked away. The man was hammered and he didn't reason with them, he belittled them and we still got to stay. Amazing.
(Barrister here: I remember this going down a very different way, but hey, beers)
I should also mention (humblebrag approaching) that another reason I'm not staying for the game is the fact I'll be running 13.1 miles that morning in the Newport half marathon in Jersey City. I'll then be going straight to the tailgate after a quick shower, so I'm not exactly sure how my body is going to respond. Probably terribly, hence another reason to be close to home after ripping fireball shots for three straight hours. But if you happen to live near JC, come out and watch me rock my #SupportSally shirt during the race. Store716 was gracious enough to print a running shirt for me with the logo.
But yeah anyways, fuck the Jets and onto the lists:
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