Blog Archives

A Man. A Plan. A Canal. EFF YOU PANAMA.

6/21/2011

(The Scizz has brought it to my attention that not enough people are downloading CrapTastiCast #10. While I'm sure this is somehow related to the fact that I was not there for the recording - as I was in the midst of a booze-fueled wedding weekend in the Hudson River Valley and, then, northern Jerz - I would nevertheless greatly appreciate it if you all could take a moment to download & listen here. Scizz is having a coronary over this, and we really need him to survive through the summer so we can get in on his rad NASCAR plans up at The Glen. So, do me a solid and check it out. ~ B.)

Now on to the post...

The Barrister

I confess that I have always loved Clint Dempsey. A lot of USMNT fans give him a hard time for being kind of a dick, for being aloof at times, for seeming like he could give a shit that the team isn't dominating the world like we all want, and even expect them to at this point. Yet, where many see an arrogant player, I see one of the few hopes for US success. A player who plays with a flare rarely seen clad in red, white and blue on the pitch.

As I look forward to tomorrow's semifinal - a game in which the US looks to exact revenge for a tough 2-1 defeat against Panama in the group stage [Ed Note: Thanks to Dan for pointing out my error with the previous game's score in the comments. My apologies. Just the kind of shoddy reporting you can all look forward to from The Barrister.]. - my thoughts are on Clint, a player upon whom I peg much of my hope for the team's success in the Gold Cup and leadup to the next World Cup. As I often do when trying to focus my theme for a post, I drew inspiration from the web today - this time it was a Deadspin post from the weekend. I haven't read Deadspin since their stellar coverage of the Brett Favre A-cock-alypse, so was happy to find an analysis of Dempsey that I happen to agree with: "What a paradox we have in Clint Dempsey. His composure provides results. Those results give him confidence. That confidence makes him appear casual. And in the end, the biggest criticism we can muster is that Dempsey makes the game look easy, all the while his teammates make soccer look so hard."

Seriously, check out that post if you need to understand why Dempsey is our key to success in the men's game. The Yachtsman and I have often griped about the state of the American game - downhill soccer that lacks flare and creativity, driven only by the singular desire to progress the ball forward, even where the situation demands patience and thoughtfulness in a player's touch. Indeed, America's success - such as it is - has been the result of jamming the ball down the opponent's throat. Look at last year's World Cup goals: Donovan's winner to take us into the knockout stage? Scored off a rebound as the team streaked down the field like a team coached by Gordan Bombay. Or even Donovan's first goal in the Slovenia game. Great shot, sure, but a great example of shoving it down the other team's throat with as much will and force as you can muster. And don't even get me started on the garbage luck we had to count on to get the equalizer against England.

I bring these examples up not to denigrate the US team, but only to point out that, to their credit, the team has willed themselves to victory. But, when you take away that will to win - or when you at least recognize that the team's desire and heart can be easily matched in the passion of international play - we're left with a team that is worlds behind in terms of skill and natural talent. And, this is where a guy like Dempsey can change things - especially when he combines those traditional elements of the USMNT - the gritty determination of a perennial underdog - with the natural talent and skill of a kid who learned the game growing up in Nacogdoches, TX, outside of the traditional US youth soccer system, and with the influence of the Mexican game that had luckily worked its way into the community.

And for tomorrow's game, as the US looks to get one back from the Panama team that so thoroughly embarassed them a couple weekends ago, the US team needs a few things to change. I must say that it's been bizarre to watch an international tournament in which the team is favored to win it all, and maybe its that position - the lack of underdog status - that has had the team looking so befuddled over the past four games. Maybe they need to pack themselves into a corner to succeed, to kick it into that next gear where a nation's soccer hopes can be fulfilled. Either way, for this tournament to be what fans had dreamed it would be, the US not only has to win, but has to do so while showing itself to be the skilled and talented squad people keep saying it is.

Time is running out for the US team under Bob Bradley's leadership. Last summer's success, which I enjoyed and cheered on, was sort of illusory in retrospect. As I say above, it was based on good old American willpower, and that alone cannot be the only thing that surges a team to football glory. As a fan, I don't need a championship team - Dear God, we all know that's true - but I do need one I can believe in. And, as good as the international competition is worldwide, that NEEDS to include a hope for success at some point in the future. The recent success of American players in Europe - Dempsey, for one, but also Jay Demerit and even Freddy Adu - has indicated that there might be hope we're getting somewhere. Yet, the realist in me knows that it also has to show up on the pitch, and after the shellacking Panama put on the US team last time around, the only choice now is revenge...with a healthy portion of skill and flare. Anything less will be a failure in the short-term, and an indication that the US's long-term plan of international progress may be off-course.

Yes, as the title of this post suggests, the US team needs to play with a chip on its shoulder and show itself to be more than a one-trick pony. The team needs to work with a cockiness in their skill, exemplified by Clint Dempsey, along with the grit we've always expected out of the Yanks. Our national future of success with the Beautiful Game depends on such strides in tournaments like these - tournaments we're expected to win, where the only surprise should be whether we can get it done while showing the world that we're still getting better and that someday soon we'll be competing against the best of the best.

Freely admitting that this post was more style over substance, lacking in analysis as I rush off to do a triple-header of depositions this morning, it figures that I'd resort to some video imagery to take us out. Thus, I give you Panama...with puppets. America - FUCK YEAH!

Follow me on twitter @theycallmedubs, or the whole crew at @DGWUSports

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The DGWU CrapTastiCast Episode 10: Frustrating Idiots

6/20/2011

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The haircut alone is worth 15 jokes

Welcome to episode 10 of the not-so-famous DGWU CrapTastiCast. We follow up last week's brilliant Nick Mendola episode with this absolute masterpiece of shit. This week we ventured out of studio to record at Megsie's apartment with her brand spankin' new road equipment.....and we did so without Megsie. Yeah I know, I have no clue why she would let us animals into her apartment unsupervised either. All around awesome guy and creator of our intro music, Mondee Torres helped us out this week and made sure the streak of awfulness starts up again.

The episode features all the nonsense you have come to know and love from your favorite rambling morons, Including a solid two minutes of arguing over what episode number this actually was. IT IS TEN, YACHTSMAN! Douche. We also welcome Apologist back from the dead and talk baseball allegiances and obscure player names, the Sabres Summit, what will happen when the Bills move to L.A., videogames, Tim Thomas (the basketball player of course), the NFL lockout, inferiority complexes, why we are frustrating idiots, ESPN hate, Megsie's book collection, and naturally we take faceless potshots at people we don't know. Everything is back to normal. Mondee even adds in a solid heavy metal outro for us. Name that tune in the comments section (we're looking at you Phil). Enjoy the show, and if you haven't subscribed to the CrapTastiCast via iTunes or Libsyn yet, please do us a solid and get on that chief.

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King Kenny and Liverpool's Continued Rebirth

6/18/2011

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God, I love this man.

The Barrister

This is going to be a shockingly brief post for me - mostly because I have a wedding to continue getting ready for (just learned to tie a bow tie to complete the look with my seersucker suit....I'm handsome in an old-timey kind of way), but mostly because most of the news surrounding The Reds is complete conjecture. And, since my only sources on the EPL are a couple guys in Buffalo on Twitter, and the latest Google news searches, I'm going to keep this to what I know...which is basically nothing.

So, on to the footy.

With FC Buffalo off until next weekend, and USMNT generally making me want to puke out of frustration (a loss to Panama followed by scratching out a win against GUADALUPE? Even non-fans can probably guess that those are each embarrassing results). much of my attention has been focused on Liverpool and the deals being done and being contemplated at Anfield. Fans already saw that Dalglish was willing to make a splash during the in-season transfer window, as he parlayed the fee he received from Chelsea for a disgruntled and ultimately production-less Fernando Torres into the fees paid to secure Luis Suarez aka El Pistolero, and Andrew Carroll. While Carroll made only brief appearances due to his injury status at the time of the transfer, both players showed themselves to be settling into the "Liverpool way" by the time the EPL season wrapped up.

[Apologies for the shit quality of the videos....they're honestly the best you can find. Double apologies for the absurd music in the Suarez video. The British are a weird people when it comes to their musical tastes.]

Word on the interwebs is that King Kenny has been given an even wider latitude with the off-season transfer window. Giddy at the prospect of more and more big splashes though the summer, Liverpool fans have already seen good news over the past couple weeks. First, I give you Jordan Henderson, recent signing from Sunderland:

A regular on the U-21 English team, Henderson is a young homegrown talent that Kenny clearly wanted to get due to his youth, his quality and, well, because he's English. The EPL, I was surprised to learn, has requirements regarding the number of English-born players necessary to keep on a roster, and Kenny has been going over and beyond that with his transfer targets this summer. His stats aren't the most impressive I've ever seen, though his youth indicates that he'll likely keep getting better. Ideally, with the 38 game season, we could be looking at 10-15 goals from the kid. And with a midfield stacked with ridiculous veteran talent, I can't think of anywhere else that would foster Henderson's growth than Anfield.

Other transfer news has LFC rumored to be in on a number of other potential deals - 25 yr old French star Sylvain Marveaux, Serie A defender Christian Zapata (sign him now, please), AC Milan's Antonio Cassano, among others - though each hold varying degrees of likelihood. But, if you're like me, and you love the idea of increasing Liverpool's ranks with quality English talent, the guy you're chomping at the bit for is Charlie Adam.

With twelve league goals on a pathetic Blackpool squad that has since been relegated, Adam is looking to stay in the EPL this year by transferring to a new club. Even with the seeming overabundance of quality midfielders on the roster, Liverpool have been the front-runners in all conversations surrounding any potential move, though reports this week indicate that Aston Villa may also be looking to get in on this one and cock-block Kenny in his moment of triumph. Eff that bullshit. Get this done Dalglish.

Needless to say, a lot of exciting times to come over the next few weeks for the Reds. Hopefully the majority of big moves can be made soon, before July 1st. My head may explode if I have to keep track of both EPL and NHL transfers/trades/signings.

And, so this post will feel longer than it really is, another video to take us out. Cheers everyone, and have a fabulous and safe weekend. I'll see you all on the other side of twenty gin and tonics.

Follow me on Twitter @theycallmedubs
And the whole DGWU crew @DGWUSports

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A Summit All Our Own.

6/17/2011

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"I grew up on the crime side / the New York Times side / Staying alive was no jive"
-Raekwon The Chef

We climbed our very own summit today. The Staten Island Dump.

The Yachtsman

If you're on this site in June, I don't have to explain the Sabres Summit to you. The roster had some of our favorite and least favorite people (VAGUE FACELESS INTERNET INSULT ALERT // IS HE KIDDING OR ISN'T HE?? WE WILL NEVER KNOW) **sidenote: an ant just crawled out of my keyboard...wtf** In true moronic fashion, the DGWU Crew finished our horrifically long work days and headed straight to a bar to form our own NYC Sabre Summit, complete with rounds of applause for each individual's entrance. We even had a special guest appearance: Joe, of Buffalo Wins Fame...who should probably stop hanging out with us because we are a bad influence on good blogging. We drank pints, bummed weird Indian cigarettes (just because American Spirits take 90 minutes to smoke doesn't make them healthy, chief) and opined about our love for Sabres Hockey.

"WAAAAAAAALT!"

Down to business. Here is an unwanted and insignificant recap of our unnecessary New York City Sabre Summit of 2011 (any opinions are gospel truth and should be regarded as such and if not, a gilded bag of cocks to you kind traveler):

1.) The Apologist and I are basically communists, whereas everyone else aside from The Barrister (I think he may be a socialist) exists within political gray area of rational thought. How did this come up? Young teachers are getting rogered on all sides by Unions, the BOCES dropouts in the NYS Assembly/Senate, and old people. Seriously, it is the position of DGWU Sports that the Education system in this country is fucked beyond belief.

2.) Of each Borough of the Five, the greatest rappers from each are as follows: 1.) Brooklyn: Biggie 2.) Staten Island: GZA 3.) Queens: Nas 4.) The Bronx: (3 way tie) Inspectah Deck/Big Pun/KRS-One 5.) Manhattan: Big L **judges reversal - Guru & Premier just recorded in Staten Island sometimes, but as they were raised in Boston & Houston, respectively, they don't qualify upon further review, Scizz. My bad.**

3.) Wu-Tang Clan is indeed nothing to fuck with.

4.) The Sabres need a center almost as bad as they need a Stanley Cup. Half the crew (Barrister, Aps) think they are a few years away, and the other half thinks they are a splashy Centerman + a solid defenseman away from contending (Scizz, Yachtsman). I'm pretty sure I have those divisions right.

5.) We need some more Sabres Road Crew love here in New York City. Not saying that we're going to get it, but we're going to need some.

6.) Look for some interweb streaming CrapTastiPreGames for key Sabres & Bills games from us this upcoming season.

Finally, here's a quick StreetCast we did in front of Drop Off Service on Avenue A tonight, replete with hammered rambling and cat poop. Thank you for your continued sympathy, which enables us to act like morons with impunity.

@DGWUSports Streetcast #1 at Drop Off Service by MegRobertson

This post was heavily influenced by uncontrollable insomnia and the musical stylings of the Wu-Tang Clan.

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Post-Stanley Cup Ramblings and Incoherent Thoughts

6/16/2011

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The Scizz

-I am a poor sport. I hate losing and it does not matter if it is a pick-up basketball game with friends, an essay writing contest in college, or board games on date night with my girlfriend. I can admit to this and it is a problem I will probably never fix. I also hate when teams I dislike win. This is why I will not congratulate the Bruins on winning the Cup. Immature? Absolutely. I do not care, and I am still convincing myself that Tim Thomas is a closet Nazi.

This is because I really, really, really hate Boston. It stems from several occurrences in my life. 1) Before the Sawx won the World Series in 2004, I always despised the way Boston fans bitched and moaned about the epic baseball championship drought. Their other three professional sports teams had combined for 24 total championships, compared the giant ZERO my teams have experienced. I viewed them as spoiled brats. (Sidenote: I realize that some people are only Red Sox fans, and those people I am usually willing to let it slide.) 2) I have only been to Boston twice, and both times it was a terrible experience. People were rude, it smelled like fish, and a guy named Tommy threatened to hit me because I was wearing a Cubs hat…seriously. I was walking down the street, nowhere near Fenway and this brooding giant says "I should smack your face off for wearing that hat in my town". I have no idea if his name was Tommy but it seems like a safe assumption. 3) All of their franchises are incredibly easy to hate. Even Boston fans can admit to this. Brady, Belichick, Schilling, Papelbon, Chara, Garnett…I hate all of these guys. ESPECIALLY THAT NAZI LOVING TIM THOMAS! END RANT!No congrats from this guy. I am going to stay bitter and continue with my plot to place lite brights all over the city of Boston. That seems to scare them.

You stay classy Vancouver

-On to Vancouver. I know they were totally whiny during the playoffs and it made them hard to root for. Luongo is jack-wagon and the Sedin twins are b-i-otches. I get this. That is why last night I DVR’d the game and watched True Grit in the park while chugging back a magnum of wine. I did not want either team to win, and after seeing the way all of those douche-nozzle fans reacted after the loss, I wish that both teams would have been abducted by the Super 8 alien and held hostage in a dark cave, forcing the NHL to allow Tampa Bay and San Jose play for the cup. That would have been stupendous.

-Brian Bund of Buffalowins wrote a great post earlier today telling hockey fans to relax. I agreed with most of what he had to say (not so much about the Two & A Half Men being a good show part, sorry Brian). After I read it, we briefly chatted on twitter and the point came up that we as fans (old AND new) have become way too dismissive of other fans. When the hell did this “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality take over? Seeing some of these twitter battles take place reminds me of losers like Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, and every shmuck on Around The Horn. How about making valid points and not dismissing everyone with sarcasm and a know-it-all attitude? We are better than this people! I know our site is mostly based in humor and we RARELY act like we actually know what we are talking about, but there is an insane amount of knowledge in the heads of the assholes that run this blog and when we want to make a point, we will. I guarantee none of us will just say “whatever, you’re an idiot” or tell people that they don’t know anything about hockey or any sport for that matter because we are in a pissy mood. A blog or a message board account gives you a platform to speak your mind in any way, shape, or form you would like, however if you take the “well I’m right, and you’re wrong” route, prepare to be dismantled. I’m not keeping the Yachtsman on a leash anymore. You’ve been warned.

-I just realized everything I previously wrote may completely contradict itself. Oh well, eff it. Hopefully you got my point.

-I know I can be a real pain in the ass with self promotion, but seriously if you have not checked out episode nine of the CrapTastiCast yet, please download it and take a listen. I still can’t believe Nick Mendola agreed to talk to us. He is such a great figure for Buffalo and the interview touches on some amazing points involving the city. We appreciate all the readers of the site and if you could spread the word on that interview, we would be in your debt.

Feel free to determine which blogger is which and leave it in the comment area.

-The Buffalo Sabres Blogger Summit is happening today at 6:30pm. I have to admit that the whole thing is pretty cool. I’d like to see some more snarkiness and cynicism on the invite list, but that’s because we here at DGWU are total jerk-offs. We know that Phil at BBG will be our proxy and representing us in a much more sophisticated and less douchey manner (he doesn't know this, and I am totally making it up). Honestly though, I am glad that the whole thing is taking place, and this blog never thought we would ever be invited. We have absolutely no right to be there. First of all, we are all in NYC and possibly a little out of touch with Buffalo. Second, have you read this site or listened to our podcast? Holy hell we are a natural disaster of immense proportions. Yachtsman would be screaming at Ted Black about the locker rooms not being ready in time for free agency and that somehow it is a conspiracy involving Larry Quinn. Apologist would be so baked we would start asking questions about Dirk Nowitzki and would most likely walk out mid-conference to grab some Jim's Steak Out. Barrister would be at least seven shots of Jameson deep and telling creepy, childhood church camp stories. And Finally, I would be asking questions like “how much tail does Timmy Connolly REALLY pull on an average weekend?”, or maybe “What’s it like to hang out with Matt Ellis? Is it true smell like oak and fresh pine needles?” See what I mean? DISASTER.

-Which brings me to a very important announcement: Since we have no business being at the Sabre Summit, I decided to create our own. I am proud to bring to you, tonight at 7pm not sharp, the 2011 NYC Sabre Summit. The conference will feature yours truly and the rest of the DGWU Crew, as well as Joe from Buffalowins and maybe some other special guests! (Hint: I have reached out to Bob Corkum’s people aka his mom) The Summit will take place at Drop-Off Service on 211 Avenue A and will feature delicious craft beers, shots of Irish whiskey, and zero journalistic integrity. As Brian Bund said to me earlier, “NYC Sabre Summit: Where drinking makes you forget you’re not at the real summit.”

Cheers everyone. Enjoy the blogger takeover today, and make sure you clean your mom’s basement before you head over to HSBC (nerd jokes!). And if you see Matt Ellis, tell him I said hi and NO, I WILL NOT STOP SENDING HIM LETTERS UNTIL HE RESPONDS!

Why won't you love me, Matty? Wow I'm creepy.

Remember to follow us on twitter @DGWUSports

And yours truly on twitter @TheScizz

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The Year of LeBron Comes to a Close

6/15/2011

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The Apologist

On Sunday evening, I had to work. I work at restaurant and such is life. But I knew I’d be getting out in time to at least catch the fourth quarter of Game 6, so I ran across the street to a sports bar to catch the closing minutes. Outside the bar were two Mavs fans. Or to be more honest, they were anti-Heat fans.

In fact, the entire bar seemed as though they were pulling for the Mavericks. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the Mavericks have plenty of fans strewn about the country, but clearly this bar encapsulated America’s thinking about the next NBA champ. We don’t care who it is, just don’t let it be them.

Back in March, I wrote a post about the formation of Miami’s Big 3 and what it meant for the future of the NBA. At the time, they were surrounded by criticism 24/7, both legitimate and imagined. Whether it was questioning Chris Bosh’s contribution or the media frenzy over LeBron’s shoulder-bump on Erik Spoelstra, all anyone could seem to talk about were the Miami Heat.

This league-wide mentality distracted from a lot of other storylines, but let’s be clear… the Miami Heat made this one of the most exciting seasons in recent memory.

I remember having a conversation with the Yachtsman a while back about the New York Yankees. The Yachtsman pointed out that the league does better when the Yankees are better. The reason for this is simple. When the Yankees are playing well and competing for titles, all of their fans are more likely to pay attention. And all of their detractors are even more likely to pay attention, just to root against them.

This phenomenon plays out in every sport. In football, you have the New England Patriots (the NY Giants will NEVER be more popular than the night they ended the perfect season). In college basketball, there is Duke. And now, in the NBA, we have the Miami Heat.

Part of this is due to a Yankee-like mentality. By that I mean, many of us don’t like teams that buy their way into success. It’s one thing to spend money to keep talent around your foundation, i.e. Los Angeles, but it’s another to go from several 1st round exits to title contender in one off-season. Still, just because it has created a lot of negativity, doesn’t make it all bad.

The biggest problem for the NBA in recent years is that the regular season has become nearly irrelevant. Sometime in late October the games begin and it isn’t until early June that you find out who the champion is. And teams like the San Antonio Spurs have proven that you don’t need to give it your all every night, during the regular season, to win a title. This has led to even big fans, such as myself, only glancing at games and standings until around April.

But this year was different. This year everyone was riveted, for reasons good and bad, to see what would become of this new conglomeration of talent in South Beach. Suddenly people who couldn’t stand the Lakers or Celtics were lauding them with praise for putting these punks in their place early in the regular season.

Of course, there was more to this season than that. We witnessed a turning point in the NBA. The old guard of the San Antonio Spurs, Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers are all on their way down, passing Chicago, Memphis and Oklahoma City on their way up. New stars emerged like Blake Griffin and Kevin Love. And Derrick Rose showed the league there’s another name to add to the argument “Who is the best point guard in the NBA?” if not best player period.

Still, the influence of the Miami Heat is undeniable. Attendance and viewership is way up. The level of play during the regular season was raised, if only against the Heat and only to put them in their place.

Obviously it’s not just on the court that their influence is found. After seeing what happened in Cleveland & Toronto, the Denver Nuggets were forced to deal Carmelo Anthony to the New York Knicks (although in the end, it looked like the other way around). Soon Orlando & New Orleans will need to make equally tough choices about their futures, or lack thereof, with Dwight Howard and Chris Paul, respectively. Orlando particularly knows all too well how far the drop-off can be when you let a superstar like Shaq just walk out the door and you’re left with nothing in return.

And yet, as I said before, all of this has distracted from something. And that something is Dirk Werner Nowitzki.

For years, Dirk had to hear it from everyone, including me, that he would never be tough or talented enough to win an NBA title. To me, it always seemed as though ‘06 or ’07 were the best teams he played on. But clearly that isn’t the case. And the reason why is Dirk.

By his own admission, 6 years ago Dirk didn’t flourish in those big moments of the game when stars need to rise (are you listening, LeBron?). He was anxious with the ball in his hands and seemingly unable to figure out what he wanted to do with it. Not to mention, he was coached by men whose idea of a gameplan late in the 4th was ‘someone throw Dirk the ball at the top of the arch and let him go 1-on-1’ everytime.

This year, all that changed. Now Dirk will go down as one of the best 7-footers/jump-shooters/closers of his generation. And rightfully so. Looking back, no team had an answer for him. From almost any spot on the floor, he could find a way to generate a decent shot for himself, if not an easy lay-up at the rim.

But clearly, this was a total team effort. Jason Terry established himself in these playoffs as a far better jump-shooter than anyone gave him credit for. I’m sure more than a few eyes rolled when he said he didn’t think LeBron could guard him for 7 games. Turns out he couldn’t even guard him for 6. And not just Terry, but Barea and Kidd all shot extremely well overall in the playoffs and more importantly, got Dirk the ball when and where he wanted it, so when the time came, he could close it out.

They will forever be known in Dallas folklore as, "the Jason's".

Then there were the defensive stalwarts, Shawn Marion and Tyson Chandler. It feels weird referring to Shawn Marion that way. It doesn’t seem like very long ago that “the Matrix” was flying high above the rim in Phoenix. But some players age like a fine wine and realize that their skill set has to change with their bodies. Kidd realized the same thing. As age has caught up to him and his knees, he developed himself into a great spot-up shooter.

Chandler has been the same player for a long time, but now has found his niche as the backbone of this Dallas team. When everyone else is shooting from 10, 15, 20-feet away, Chandler is banging his way to the rim for every rebound he can reach. Even when the game was pretty much sealed away in Game 6, he was leaping over white jerseys to pull down offensive rebounds and put the final nails in the coffin.

And in the end, hopefully that’s what this season proved. Even after all the hoopla over Miami buying the new Big 3, the Dallas Mavericks proved that teamwork and desire are still the two most important things in sports. And no, sorry Pat Riley, they are not available to be signed this off-season.

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QB Suckitude - Alex Van Pelt '95-'03

6/14/2011

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"Make that TWO double quarter-pounders and TWO large chocolate shakes." YEAH! FAT JOKES!

The Scizz

I bet you didn’t realize that Alex freakin’ Van Pelt spent NINE seasons with the Buffalo Bills as a back-up QB of some capacity. I sure as hell didn’t. However, as I started researching these posts it all came back to me. You know what? I always LOVED Alex van Pelt. There was something about the guy that made him extremely likable. Of course it was never his talents as a QB for the Bills, which you can clearly see from his stat lines below:

Record: 3 - 8 Rating: 64.1 Yds: 2985 Comp. %: 54.9 TD: 16 INT: 24

I believe it was Van Pelt’s “I don’t really give a shit” attitude that he exuded. Not a "I really don't give a shit because I am getting paid loads of cash and I am 110% bat-shit insane" attitude like Vince Young. And definitely not a "I don't really give a shit because I am going to torch you for 400 yards and 5 TD's" attitude like Tom Brady. He was overweight for a QB (this was well before the hefty lefty, Jarden Lorenzen had entered the league), never appeared frightened or scared when he had to enter a game, and seemed to be utterly amazed that he was even on an NFL franchise. Now as always, this is based on absolutely no fact and only on what I remember of the guy (The DGWU way!), but I am certain Van Pelt never expected to be in the league for nine years.

Van Pelt was THE MAN at the University Pittsburgh and broke almost all of Dan Marino’s passing records, another obvious reason why I like him. He then started out as an 8th round draft pick of his hometown Pittsburgh Steelers in 1993, but never made the opening day roster. He bounced around to a couple of teams before he ended up as a Buffalo Bill, backing up future hall-of-famer Jim Kelly and last week’s target, Todd Collins. AVP, as the DGWU crew like to refer to him, actually threw two touchdowns during week 17 in relief of Todd Collins after the Bills went down 28-3 in the 4th quarter.

AVP then became the back-up QB by default in 1997 after Billy Joe Hobert famously forgot to read the playbook and was subsequently released. After that, the rest was history and Van Pelt earned his place on the roster for years to come. He started 8 games in 2001, going 2-6 after Rob Johnson went 1-7. (Wow that was a tough year, but does anyone remember that awesome Monday night win over Jacksonville? Anyone? Bueller? Oh forget it.)

Yet despite an awful stat line and his eventual downfall as both the future Buffalo Bills color-man and offensive coordinator, I will always have a place in my heart for AVP. This is most likely because his initials are eerily similar to one of the best professional wrestlers of all time, and serve as a great excuse to display the picture below. ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

The photo-shop skills of the Apologist, ladies and gentleman.

And of course this GIF....

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Can the Amazins Regain .500? The Barrister Liveblogs Mets @ Pirates

6/13/2011

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Jose Reyes: Perennial key to Mets' success and currently 2nd in NL All-Star voting.

If You haven't done so, please check out DGWU's CrapTastiCast Episode #9, feat. Nick Mendola!

The Barrister

Having so thoroughly enjoyed Scizz's previous foray into liveblogging a Cubs game - despite the rain delay involved - I'm going to take advantage of Mrs. Barrister's book club night, along with a pretty early end of the work day for me, to have some fun tonight. After all - propensity to jinx my teams be damned - the METS COULD BE AT .500 WHEN TONIGHT IS OVER. As I've chronicled pretty thoroughly at DGWU Sports, the Mets season has been a series of hopeful and frustrating moments. Actually, you really need to take it back to last season for the full context: K-Rod punching his baby-mama's daddy and busting his hand in the process, Johan needing surgery on his shoulder, and the Wilpon's parade of financial misdealings, all of which have had a negative impact coming into this season. Bullpen guys have been forced to start and AAA guys (Go Bisons!) have been called up along the way, due to further injuries, all of which has left most fans feeling less than confident in the team's ability to stay competitive each game, much less make a run at a divisional crown. And then there's Ike and D Wright going down within a week of each other. Other than the Greece/Ecuador match at Citi Field last week, Flushing has been a dismal and empty place.

Yet, here we are, looking at a Mets team just below .500 and only 7.5 games out of first in the East. As a fan of all things Buffalo, I'd like to credit Buffalo Baseball Hall of Famer Terry Collins for making a lot out of a little, but I think a lot of it has to do with guys actually playing up to their abilities, rather than down to the low expectations of us fans (read: disgruntled Yankee-loving NYC media). Injuries have crippled this team, sure, but hell if the guys left on the field aren't actually kind of decent. Who knows? If they can stay afloat into July, get Wright, Johan and Davis back...this team could make some noise down the August and September stretch. Or they could just get themselves into 2nd in the East, only to lose ten straight to close out the season. Whatever. I'll take a build up to a let down over no build up at all.

Anyway, this post will chronicle my evening of Mets watching. I'll likely be checking in on the Stanley Cup Finals as well, so don't be surprised if you see comments about that game as well. And, of course, with a computer on my lap, other semi-tangentially related content may make it in also. Who knows? Anything can happen. WE'RE DOING IT LIVE!!

6:10: It is warm in this apartment. I was thinking about breaking out some Mets gear for the evening, but a combination of heat and laziness has left me wearing a bachelor party t-shirt from my recent trip to Dover. Speaking of which...like NASCAR and/or drinking and/or strippers and/or blogs about such topics? Great! Read this. I promise that tonight won't be all about self-promotion. Just over an hour until first pitch. I'll be watching "Archer" on Netflix until the SNY pre-game starts up.

6:35: Reyes is batting .346 this year, by the way. Leads the NL in that category, as well as triples (though the latter stat is nothing new). But with a lifetime average of .290, his ability at the plate is ABSURD this year. Unsurprisingly, he also leads the NL in hits, as well as singles.

6:40: "Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No." - Archer. That reminds me. Dane Cook sucks.

6:50: Drink of the night is Tangueray and Tonic. With lime, obviously. Might be the death of me. SNY not yet on, as Archer is way better than NYC sports media.

6:55: SNY showing video of Pittsburgh cityscape. Reminds me that I really want to check out PNC Park. I mean, I have family there, after all. ADDED BONUS: Tracking down Sidney Crosby's house and dropping off a flaming bag of poop on his front porch.

6:56: In response to group text suggestion of opening up tonight's post to witty and/or relevant texts from the rest of the DGWU Crew, Yachter comes up with this gem: "The fat penis man on the Mets pregame has the most punchable face I've seen in New York." Which begs the question: Which one does the Yachtsman mean?

7:02: Mets lineup is as follows: Reyes, Turner, Beltran, Pagan, Bay, Paulino, Murphy, Tejada, Pelfrey. Paul Maholm is starting on the mound for the Bucs.

7:04: Reyes shown doing his ridiculous handshakes with teammates. I love him. If/When they trade Jose, I'll be a sad kid. He leads off with a groundout to short.

7:12: After Justin "Ginger" Turner makes it to first on a BB, Beltran grounds into a double play. Required a great stop from Brandon Wood, the Pirates third baseman. Top of the 1st is in the bag. I will comment much less about Mets defense. You can bank on that.

7:17: Pirates take lead on a series of singles. Zero outs. Pelfrey in trouble early. Nothing new here.

7:18: Big Pelf helps himself by picking the runner at 2nd off with a great move. Next batter flies out to right center, a play that would have pushed runner to third. Instead, Pirates have two outs with a guy on first. Gary: "Those are the things that lose you ballgames." Gary should know with all the Mets baseball he watches.

7:22 Overbay strikes out. END OF 1st.

Mets 0, Pirates 1

7:25: Angel Pagan leading off 2nd. Apparently batting .349 since returning from injury. Also sporting a badass beard. Good thinking! (HOW DOES GOOGLE IMAGES NOT HAVE THIS DOCUMENTED?) Pagan grounds out.

7:28: Jason Bay, arguably the most frustrating Met of the year, fights to a 3-2 count, and gets his base on balls.

7:31: Murphy with Mets' first hit of night. Off of a 0-2 count. I like the aggressiveness from Murph. Moves Bay to third. Mets have two outs due to out that I missed. Entirely possible Bay is actually out, and the guy to third is someone else.

7:34: Tejada flies out to center. Three outs, two left on.

Already bored of the game, I figured I'd share some great music from a great friend of mine, Ryan O'Neil. One of the craziest videos I've ever seen. MUPPETS!

7:37: Pirates go 1-2-3 while I uplodaded the video. Baseball: Requires Very Little From Us Fans.

END OF 2nd

7:40: Pelf leads off. What an ugly hitter. Strikes out. Is batting less than .100 in his career.

7:42: Reyes robbed with great sliding catch in shallow right by Garrett Jones.

7:44: Mets stats from Gary. In this series, first time through inning, Mets are .087. Second time through .385, .third time through .478.

7:45: With Turner groundout, Mets have some hits to get to keep that average up. Bottom of third.

7:55: Pelf cruised through bottm of third. Mets blow through first two batters. Kevin Burkhardt is in booth now, talking about Santana recovery. "He's not even close." Ugh. Will try off of mound again soon. Looks like August 1 may be projected return date now. Johan not yet at the "beginning of spring training" level. Keith opines that he's too valuable to push. Meanwhile, Bay strikes out. Way to go, Jason. Douche.

7:59: Pelf continues his good play. Has retired 11 straight since first inning issues.

END OF 4th.

Hey, Mets' bats...Anytime you want to help Mike out, that would be great.

Still Mets 0, Pirates 1.

8:03: The Pirates have been around for 125 years? Damn. If I were meaner, I'd make jokes about Yachtsman's mom being their original team marm, but...it would be cruel. And I'm not entirely sure "marm" is the word I'm looking for. It means prostitute, right?

8:08: Murphy now has two hits, but is followed by Tejada. Guys at 1st and 2nd with one out.

8:09-8:12: Pelf up to bat, which all but guarantees that the Mets won't get a double play now. Oh WTF - why is he swinging? No guarantees in Mets baseball. Pelf then bunts through pitch, Murphy caught in a rundown. Tejada makes it to second on decent baserunning while Murph runs around like an asshole. Pelfrey follows with decent cuts, including near hit down the third baseline, and makes Pirates pitcher (already forgotten his name, don't care enough to find out) work. Pelf ultimately grounds out. Updside: Reyes to lead off 6th.

And, still a little bored: More promotion for my boy Ryan O'Neil. And as I type this, Wood crunks a homer to left. 12 homeruns given up by Pelf this year. Mets 0, Pirates 2. But, still, take a listen to the video below, which isn't actually a video.

8:16: great stop by Tejada. Apparently he writes letters in the infield dirt that stands for "If God is with me, who can be against me?" Oh, I know this one! Answer: the Pittsburgh Pirates.

8:20: Mets make it out of inning with limited damage. Again, I repeat. GET SOME HITS. Ugh. This gin is not helping. That's a lie.

END OF 5th.

8:24: Jose pops out for the 1st out. I may move to scotch soon.

8:25: Ginger Turner inexplicably bunts - badly - and gets to first on an error by the pitcher. Beltran follows with pop out to right. Two outs.

8:26: Angel Pagan, the walking religious contradiction, grounds out to second. Middle of the 6th. Mets 0, Pirates 2.

8:34: Pelfrey cruises through bottom of 6th. Has matched his season high in strikeouts.

END OF 6th.

8:38: Mets go 1-2-3 on SEVEN PITCHES. Wow. Good fucking lord. This team is vehemently against my attempts at fan participation/hyping of their sports-product. Fine. I get your point. Except that I might not remember this tomorrow.

8:45: Have put the booze aside in favor of a Firecracker Popcicle, aka The Bomb Pop. Good thing my one-handed typing skills are in good practice. Pelfrey still looking for the win.

END OF 7th.

8:46: More grexting gold from The Yachstman... On Keith's comment about staying in Pitt tonight whuile rest of SNY crew flies down to ATL for the mid-week series: "With Keith staying in Shittsburgh one more day, how much old single lady piano bar ass is he gonna get? I say over under a thousand with me picking the over. I do so with full faith in his spectacular stache."

8:50: Tejada leads off, gets ahead 3-1 against the Pirates reliever. Works his way onto first with a walk.

8:52: More from Yachter, as he wonders whether Bernie Madoff was Jason Bay's representative when he signed. A fair query, though I'd wonder more about Jose Castillo's or Oliver Perez's deals. Regardless, since they were all paid for by Bernie funds, however indirectly, there's a case to be made for each of them. I say Wilpon hits up Jose and Ollie for some cash before he pays back the Madoff defraudees.

8:57: Reyes robbed again with men at 1st and 3rd. Tejada gets home on sacrifice, though it was debatable whether he actually left too soon. Duda doubled up as he runs to second in anticipation of ball dropping in short left. METS SCORED THOUGH! Boom. Mets 1, Pirates 2. Turner proceeds to fly out. Going to bottom of 8th.

Time for another video!

It's funny cuz it's true. Good thing Mrs. Barrister hides the really sharp knives. She is a smart and sexy lady.

9:06: With Manny Acosta in, Pirates get two singles to get men on first and third. Acosta has not played since his most recent call-up. Gotta be a short leash with Terry. He could probably find one in Keith's box o' kink.

Too far?

9:09: Despite good effort by Ginger Turner, his throw is up the line and probably late. Infield single loads up the bases. Acosta pulled for Byrdak. One out.

9:11: Ad with guy doing solo flash mob in Grand Central comes on. Douche. Of all the group activities to get in on, a flash mob is NOT on my list. This, however, I could get into:

Incidentaly, not all that different than the mediocre a capella music I used to do in college. Just without the accent.

9:16: 3 and 2, 2 outs, bases loaded in bottom of 8th. Let's Go Mets chants rain down from stands. The Pirates have not been good for a MINUTE. Nicest ballpark in the east, so I've heard, in a sports town. They deserve better. And apparently the Mets agree! Byrdak walks batter, runner comes in. Byrdak pulled. Mets 1, Pirates 3.

9:21: Mets get out of inning with just the one run against.

END OF THE 8th.

9:25: Beltran grounds out sharply to second. Pagan strikes out. JASON BAY IS UP. FIRST PITCH BOMB!! To the fucking warning track.

Kill yourself Jason Bay. You'd be the worst "Bay" in the world if it weren't for Michael Bay and Guantanamo Bay. But you're in 3rd. If anyone's curious, the Bay of Pigs and Baywatch round out the top 5.

And no, I'm not so drunk that I think that was funny. But I am drunk enough to just leave it up there, annoying us all. Just like Jason Bay, the reigning Turd Ferguson.

Well, folks, I'd do a brief recap if I thought there was anything really to say. Another split against the Pirates, another wasted opportunity. Mets shift to two games below .500. As predicted. I'm sorry, it was obviously my fault for even doing this.

But, I had fun, and I hope you did as well. Thanks to the DGWU Crew for keeping me company, and to BC for hopping in as well. Looks like there may be an impromptu trip to Citi this weekend, so look for more Mets coverage then.

To play us out, some Camp Lo. This joint was in heavy rotation after it's presence on a mix CD (remember those) from fellow Buffalo expat in NYC, The Wookie (a nickname I made up just now...or maybe I didn't...dude's pretty hairy, I'm sure it's been said).

Follow me on Twitter @theycallmedubs
And the DGWU Crew @DGWUSports @TheScizz @Y_vo @Sam_Hartman

7 Comments

A Tale of Two CrapTastiCasts: Part 2...featuring Nick Mendola!

6/13/2011

1 Comment

Welcome to a very special CrapTastiCast. In fact, episode 9 is simply FanTastic. Instead of rambling on about it, let me re-post the Yachtsman's take on this episode from last week:

In this week's episode (9), we have an incredibly inspirational and in depth conversation on anything and everything to do with Buffalo and the trials and tribulations of trying to make things work there.....with special guest Nick Mendola! Definitely a representation of what we aspire to be in our more sober moments here at DGWU.

I'll say this: if you only listen to one of our Craptasticasts, a) eff yourself you aren't loyal and b) please listen to this one because it's one of the best we've had so far. We had an amazing conversation with Nick, and the topics/sentiments brought forward in that interview should be shared among forward-minded Buffalonians worldwide. (Don't scoff at that, you know we're all over the place)

As you most likely know, Nick hosts his own radio show for WECK 1230 on weekday afternoons. He also has an excellent blog over at nickmendola.com and of course is a founder and co-owner ofFC Buffalo. We want to thank him again for coming on the show. He demonstrates a lot of what we strive for and his passion is what Buffalo needs right now. Download the podcast from iTunes below or at Libsyn. Good stuff here people. Spread the word.

1 Comment

You Are Not The Chosen One.

6/12/2011

0 Comments

We were all witnesses.

The Yachtsman

Michael never lost in the Finals. Ever.

You've only lost in the Finals.

Eff yourself, Eff your team, Eff your town, and Eff your stupid decision.

That is all.