Dirk Kuyt is a terrible striker. He has no skill on the ball, he can't turn quickly, his shot placement is bad, and he's not particularly tall. With the departure of Fernando Douchebag Asswipe Traitor Torres to Chelski this past January, my hopes for Liverpool were seriously in doubt with Kuyt as the squad's main man up front. Suarez & Carroll were noisily brought in, but injury & disqualification sidelined them (and my enthusiasm) for the majority of February. The past 6 weeks of Liverpool's offensive hopes have rested squarely upon the shoulders of The Flying Dutchman. Strangely enough, in a roundabout way, he has delivered. It's unfathomable, but somehow it happened. The slow burn of Kuyt's offensive prowess blew up this weekend at Anfield in the greatest Derby match of them all, Liverpool vs. Manure United.