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The DGWU Sports CrapTastiCast - Episode 43: Deadline Day Douchebaggery!

3/7/2014

Tim is unimpressed with our takes

Back with actual Buffalo sports talk in a Dear God Why Us? Sports podcast, The Barrister, The Outlander and The Commander form a critical mass of the Deeg and break down what happened with the Sabres over the last few days. Good God, it was messy and beautiful and let's do it again soon.

Musical interludes by way of The Jambrones, The Mooney Suzuki, Talib Kweli, Architecture in Helsinki and Basement Jaxx. Throw your hands up.

Download here or here. Stream below. Subscribe via iTunes below. Subscribe via RSS here. Do your thing the way you want it.

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You're damn right I'll come out of hiding for this shit.

1/9/2014

4 Comments

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Barrister

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

I don't fucking like Mike Harrington. He's a monumental piece of shit, a terrible writer, horrible on twitter, looks creepy in the way that every guy who owns big white van with the faintest of rust marks looks creepy.

He's one of the reasons I wrote so much between summer of 2011 and summer of 2013, ending with this last one about the Sabres end of the season presser. That piece was so much fucking work and so much fun with transcribing and forcing jokes. Surprisingly, it was received by Harrington actually quite well as he responded to me "hahahah, asshole, that was awesome, also I hate you, but funny as hell" or something to that effect.

Fair enough.

It feels lazy and probably is lazy to take shots at the dude over and over, though I never said I got into this world of sports shouting to work hard. Either way, Harrington's sort of funny and human response to me being pretty terrible to all of Buffalo sports print media caught me off guard to the point that I've since been pretty quiet when it comes to his buffoonery. Maybe that was his intention? To make me bored of taking him to task since he had destroyed some of the shock value of it - knowing he reads everything written about him online, because of course he does, and knowing he's fuming over me calling him the leader of the White Van Brigade. The joy was gone. So I let his digs at women's soccer or UFC or the Mets go without any responsive ragestorm because, ugh, why bother?

It was good while it lasted, I suppose.

4 Comments

Everybody's Workin For The Weekend - A Friday Dump, Early

8/1/2013

3 Comments

The Deeg.

The Barrister

I feel like writing, so will invent topics by musing on this hilarious world of ours and making jokes to keep me sane. And since I'm on a work/pleasure trip to Buffalo tomorrow and intend to have too much fun with the pleasure portion of my visit - i.e. anime porn, if you're interested - I won't be available much, and today it must be.

Firstly....

Bills training camp started, so a huzzah and merry almost football to you and yours. Professional catch and run ball is pretty great, except when it actually starts and we find ourselves enveloped again in an existential crisis of suck.

Go Bills.

BUT THIS COULD BE THE YEAR. So they tell me; "they" being pretty much anyone willing to forget the past and start fresh, though for them it happens every year and EJ Manuel, by implication, sits in the same storied and shit-upon position as Trent and Fitz and JP and Robbie J and Bledsoe and even Levi Brown for a quick minute which tells you all you need to know about what it takes to be a Buffalo quarterback and ride the wave of foolish optimism that is being a fan of a Bills team with the shittiest wagons making the shittiest circle.

Related: when the Bills circle their wagons, rumor has it, a parallel dimension of this world is invaded by Cybermen and it's all really terrible until Rose Tyler appears and remains smoking hot as she saves the motherfucking day.

Whatever, have at the hope if you want to. It's sports. Have fun. EJ, jokes aside, is certainly less saddled with the cursed history of Buffalo football than the rest of us, so maybe he'll be fine. He's looked seriously good in these first few days of camp, if Buffalo sports writers are to be believed (they're not), but the stark contrast of his game when set against Kevin Kolb may be distorting everyone's perspective.

Calm down, and as mentioned, supra, Go Bills.

3 Comments

The DGWUS CrapTastiCast - Episode 41: An Internet Beer Garden

7/24/2013

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We gathered to chat about sports and stuff. Bills. Jokes. Dance music. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. America.

It's been too long.

Music by way of White Panda, Dr. Ooo and Ellie Goulding. That's right.

Download here or here. RSS feed here. Stream below. Subscribe on iTunes below. Let us hit you each and every way possible. It won't hurt after a few minutes.

america

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Barrister's Intermittent Footy Roundup - FuLOLham, Sir Alex Shoves Off, the Citizens Implode & MLS moves to the foreground

5/13/2013

3 Comments

The Barrister

Oh, spring. The time of year when I have already given up on baseball except on the days when my team's improbable Cy Young candidate is pitching; when the Sabres have, not so improbably, retired for the off-season; when sports are a simple backdrop to thoughts of day drinking in the sun and cutting out of work as often as possible.

For the next three months or so, soccer will really be the only sport I care about, and that's just fine with me. While the Buffalo Bills tempt us into a familiar land of hopes and dreams, I'll be in the corner enjoying a sport that hasn't yet beaten me into submission with annual kicks to the nuts.

/looks at prior Liverpool season results

/kicks self in aforementioned nuts as penance for blatant lie

Of course, paying any attention to this sport flies in the face of certain opinions set forth by certain creepy sports journalists in Tuffalo, but I think it goes without saying that Mike Harrington is simply out of his element when he tries to talk about anything that doesn't fall within the following categories:

the availability of Terry Pegula for sarcastic, caustic interviews;
the quickest way to climb a tree outside an unsuspecting woman's window;
tying knots;
the best proportion of Miracle Whip and Fritos to put on a bologna sandwich;
the fragrance of a minor league baseball locker room;
buying bulk candy;
Jerry Sullivan's jock; and
LOL ROFL Doh! Thanx

So, when it comes to soccer, don't worry about this knuckledragger's opinion. When he hears "The Beautiful Game," his mind instantly shifts to family reunion Twister. He's gross.

On to the #Hot #Sports #Takes!!!

3 Comments

The Buffalo News got their press conference and it was just amazing so I'm going to make fun of everyone now.

4/29/2013

7 Comments

Super big wieners.

super bigger huge wieners

The Barrister

God help me for bothering to do this today. Pretty sure it's that asshole Dan Sterlace's fault, but whatever. I'm in too deep now.

Today, unless you're a Sabres fan living under a rock that doesn't allow for decent wifi, you know there was a press conference with Ted Black and Darcy Regier. Awesome! I seem to remember they didn't have one of those last year! I bet those pros over at the Buffalo News were so excited and put on their nicest Burger King pants for the occasion. I bet they even decided not to be their usual turd burgling selves and act like adults for once.

Or not.

It's as if TBN's anger about no presser last year was a vicious case of blue balls, and now we've gotten the inevitable double load.
— The Barrister (@theycallmedubs) April 29, 2013

Oh mannnnnnnn, was this a terrible shit show. Everyone walked away from this looking like a terrible human being - Darcy, Mike Harrington, Jerry Sullivan, Paul Hamilton (though to be fair he waddled away looking like a walrus with terrible grammar, as per usual), Ted Black, some asshole from Channel 2 named Scott Brown and one or two guys named John, one whom I can only assume was Jon Vogl and the other who I learned was John Wawrow. Of course, the key players of Rusty Tromboning were to be expected, but fuck. The dipshittery was flying from every direction. Pretty sure I've interviewed inmates on Rikers facing murder charges evince more of a commitment to civility than I saw on display.

Oh, and they also talked about the terrible hockey team we inexplicably love. Good times.

What's the solution? Oh, I'm going to FJM this motherfucker. It's the only way we get right again.

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

7 Comments

The Value of Context. Or, Another Reason to Hate the #WhiteVanBrigade

4/8/2013

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AS IF YOU NEEDED ONE, AMIRITE??

The Barrister

I hate having to write this, but I'm a sucker for accuracy and specificity and setting the record straight when it's been sullied by knuckledragging journalists who couldn't care less about accuracy, professionalism or personal hygiene, and today was a perhaps overlooked adventure in misrepresentation in media and the willingness of fans to fall down a rabbit hole of obfuscation.

How's that for a fun potshotting intro? You're hooked! You're blissfully unaware I'm just a hack, basement-dwelling blogger!! Success!

The good (great) news is that this isn't a fan piece on booing. It's a fan piece on why the #WhiteVanBrigade has failed us, again.

Today...

NEWSFLASH: RYAN MILLER AND RON ROLSTON CALL SABRES FANS ASSHOLES FOR BOOING; FANS RETORT BY CALLING THEM UNDERPERFORMING PUSSIES

It's probably more fun to just believe that our favorite players and our coach are talking directly to us after a game, giving unsolicited comments about the game we just watched. It's more fun to think of just those comments, and not the context of those comments when assessing a game story because, among many reasons, Paul Hamilton and Mike Harrington are both creepy and weird looking and who wants to think that they're part of the scenario. Hell, I can't be bothered to watch locker room interviews after a Sabres game anymore for fear of a walrus peeking out in the corner of the frame, voice recorder in hand, pastrami sandwich in pocket.

0 Comments

It May Be Time To Re-Evaluate

3/26/2013

3 Comments

The Outlander

Tonight the Buffalo Sabres take to the ice in the land of meth labs and man-eating sinkholes to attempt to do something they haven’t done once during this mercifully shortened season: win their fourth hockeypucks game in a row. If Winnipeg and Philadelphia win their games in regulation, the Sabres will suddenly find themselves one point removed from the final playoff spot with a game in front of 13,000 empty seats on deck Thursday night in the Everglades. Ten of their final fourteen games will be played at home and, despite all of this, some of you are despondent, downtrodden, terrified that they might win, that they might turn that puncher’s chance into a playoff berth.

Why is this case? Well the prevailing logic seems to be that the team is better served by finishing with a top three draft pick, buttressed by the sweeping assumption that if the Sabres sneak into the playoffs, Darcy Regier will be rewarded with keeping his job and this team will be thrown into some sort of perpetual mediocrity as true as our orbit around the sun. I can’t say I don’t understand this logic; the idea of giving this general manager a second crack under Pegula at assembling a roster would accomplish little more than hemorrhaging the fanbase and leaving us a few more years closer to death without a sniff at a cup. What I don’t understand is how people are willing to assume that this is black and white, that wins equal the general manager staying. Because drive-time radio pronounces it true? Because a WGR beat reporter who spent the entire football season telling you Chan Gailey wasn’t going anywhere is now saying the same about Darcy? Because TBN staff members that haven’t broken a team story since the Ford administration pronounce it true? For shame.

I don’t know what the owner thinks about the general manager’s future. Neither do you and neither do any of the local media. What I do know is management espoused a three-year plan to win a Stanley Cup (that has been shot to shit) and pledged to win multiple Stanley Cups under the new owner. I know the owner allowed or ordered the firing of a coach that had been involved with the team for the better part of three decades. I know that perennial eighth place finishes and first round exits are quite removed from the sixteen wins that it takes to win a championship. I know that no one who builds a business worth more than a billion dollars does so by accepting continuous underachievement and incompetence.

I also know that telling the fans that they’re being neglected, ignored and mistreated sells papers and ad space, and allows fans to wallow in the “woe is us” attitude that gets ingrained into your DNA at conception in this region. I know it’s the safe column to write, the safe position to take. I know Pominville, Vanek and Miller have contracts that expire after next season and the general manager himself has already bucked tradition and stated to local and national outlets that any changes that will be made will be focused on next season.

My point is that there’s at least enough empirical evidence to argue that the general manager is gone no matter what happens short of a conference finals appearance, right? There’s more than enough evidence to support the idea that columnists and radio hosts are trolling the fanbase by using Darcy as a boogeyman to get you to tune in or use one of your ten free page views (I’m not silly enough to assume any of our readers are also TBN subscribers).

Making it harder to accept even a slight run of success is the fact that we had finally embraced, welcomed the idea of hitting rock bottom. After half a decade of mediocrity this was going to be the year we finally said “fuck it,” and took the losses laughing instead of crying. We were ready, and then these, these ASSHOLES had to go and start winning! God can’t they do anything right!?

3 Comments

The Legal Limit - Episode 9: The One With All The Slander

3/23/2013

0 Comments

The Barrister and The Apologist

I don't even care that the title of this episode rips off 'Friends' - it's accurate. We're mean in this one. Well, really only with respect to certain creepy members of a certain local newspaper's sports staff.

Recorded during and after the Sabres' most recent game - a win?!?? - against the Maple Leaves of Toronto, we talk plenty about the Sabres, how sad we are about the lack of silver linings this season, and then whistfully predict the inevitable Cup run. Oh, and Joe from Buffalo Wins makes a cameo to talk about striking out with the smokeshow bartender at Gleason's, further adding to the list of things we'll make fun of him about when he returns to Twitter on Easter.

Musical additions by the way of Jefferson Airplane, Homeboy Sandman and Kasabian.

Download here and here, or stream below in the media player. And if you haven't, subscribe to all of our "great" "podcasts" via RSS or the iTunes button below. LIKE A BOSS.

0 Comments

The DGWUS CrapTastiCast - Episode 39: Loose Poops & Toilet Wine

1/8/2013

2 Comments

Sunday Funday

The Barrister

Never has a CrapTastiCast required so much editing.

Sunday didn't go quite as planned. Our special guest for the afternoon was absent due to the failings of Time Warner's high-speed never really works internet so the rest of the NYC-based crew soldiered on with discussions of the Bills, Sabres, NHL and a silver platter of other topics that I can't be bothered to remember. We finish it off with another installation of our game "Scizz is a Douche," thereby giving us all the opportunity to show how stupid we are when we're a few deep.

Musical interludes care of Radiohead, Dr. Dog, Kendrick Lamar and 2 Bears. Download and stream below, or hit our libsyn podcast page for access to all of our podcasts.

2 Comments

<<Previous

The DGWU Sports CrapTastiCast - Episode 43: Deadline Day Douchebaggery!

You're damn right I'll come out of hiding for this shit.

Everybody's Workin For The Weekend - A Friday Dump, Early

The DGWUS CrapTastiCast - Episode 41: An Internet Beer Garden

Barrister's Intermittent Footy Roundup - FuLOLham, Sir Alex Shoves Off, the Citizens Implode & MLS moves to the foreground

The Buffalo News got their press conference and it was just amazing so I'm going to make fun of everyone now.

The Value of Context. Or, Another Reason to Hate the #WhiteVanBrigade

It May Be Time To Re-Evaluate

The Legal Limit - Episode 9: The One With All The Slander

The DGWUS CrapTastiCast - Episode 39: Loose Poops & Toilet Wine

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