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Absence makes the heart... OH CRAP THE SEASON IS LOST

7/23/2012

One of the many things I missed while I was out.

The Barrister

Cue the milquetoast opener:

Well gosh darnit, fans of the Deeg, I know you've been eagerly awaiting content from the Kings of Fresh Takes and like the degenerates we are, we've opted to tend to our real world lives instead of bloviating about the latest in bread and circus sports entertainment. Why the lull? Well, personally, my answer to that question has three parts: (1) it's July and I've been getting viciously hamzoed more often than I should admit (hooray anonymous internet monikers!!); (2) I've been traveling a lot over the past 10 days, aforementionedly (not a word?) drunk for 70% of it (not true... not not true either), and I've simply been too drunk and/or hungover and/or distracted to sit down for a little chat; and (3) the only bright spots in my sports world are a surging team in a still ignored league (for now) and an utterly unproven team in the best league in America (for now). Forgive me if I don't jump for joy at the prospect of dwelling on shit that makes me contemplate a swift union between my fist and Fred Wilpon's balls.

But more on those Mets in a few. I can't lead of this trainwreck with that much heartache.

Can't you tell this is going to be FUN??? I'm bored and drunk on a train and you all get the fruits of my labor!

Wait... we need music.

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The Scizz Summer Movie Preview: Sabres Edition - May 2011

5/18/2011

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Besides being a well-known critic, I'm pretty sure this guy is required by law to inform you when he moves into your neighborhood.

The Scizz

On Saturday the DGWU crew (and Joe!) recorded our newest episode of the CrapTastiCast. We then proceded to drink high alcohol-content beers for several hours. I of course followed this up by returning home, drinking more, and then returning to Manhattan with the Yachtsman for more booze partaking. Needless to say on Sunday I was battling a vicious hangover. With my body destroyed and nothing to, I decided to watch some movie trailers online. After watching seven or eight of the blockbusters that are sure to make this summer both very lucrative and nerd-filled, an idea popped in my head. What if there was away I could combine two of my dearest passions? No, not Cadbury Cream Eggs and flash frying (hint: that has already been done, and it is amazing). I’m talking about summer movies and the Buffalo Sabres. Both are highly entertaining, force me to fill myself with unhealthy food and drink, and in the end, mostly infuriate me. Thus this un-educated brainchild was born. Each movie’s title and release date will be followed by the trailer, and then the best corresponding Sabres personality. I also decided to split the review into four separate sections; May today, with June, July, and August following in the next couple of weeks. Welcome to the Scizz Summer Movie Preview: Sabres Edition - May 2011

Thor - May 6th

Tyler Myers

I realize this film has been out for almost two weeks now, but it is still killing it at the box office and I have yet to see it. Thor, of course is based on the Marvel comic and is the story of an Asgardian God that has been exiled from his home to Earth. There, he must help a hot-ass Natalie Portman to save the world. Who else better than Tyler Myers fits the role of a hammer-wielding God of thunder put in charge of saving the day? Psycho T landed on planet Buffalo in 2010 and we immediately saw a guy that could help win the Cup (aka save the world). He is developing before our eyes and already plays like a superhero. Plus Thor has to battle ugly ice giants and that only led to one thought; Zdeno Chara, anyone?

Bridesmaids - May 13th

Nathan Gerbe

I know what you are thinking. “How dare you compare Nathan Gerbe to a movie all about women in dresses!!!”, but please hear me out. I have heard nothing but amazing things about this film. Apparently at the genius direction of Paul Feig and the acting of SNL member Kristen Wiig, they created a piece of work that is not what it seemed to many of us at first sight. It is a wedding movie with a mostly female cast that has the comedy style of Old School and Hangover, even though it appears to be a chick flick on the surface. Now how many of you last season thought Nathan Gerbe was just an undersized player that would never be a fan favorite or emotional team leader? SEE! The little guy may not look like a big, bruising star but when he amps up, fans go nuts and he can the push team to victory (see spin-o-rama on 4/8/2011).

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - May 20th

Derek Roy

I look to the famous Johnny Depp character of Captain Jack Sparrow for this comparison. Although not a captain (yet), Roysie was an alternate and is definitely considered a team leader. Before he went down this season he was having a career year and was considered by many to be one of the only players on the team that appeared to give a shit. Cap’n Jack also has a certain cockiness and flamboyance that reminds me of Roysie during his now infamous and bizarre nights on Chippewa. Plus, I have always said that if I could party with a celebrity, it would be Depp, and if I have a choice to hit the town with a Buffalo Sabre, you better believe it will be with this Kangol hat wearing sunovabitch!

The Hangover Part 2 - May 26th

Chris Butler

There. I finally said his name again. Much like the first film, Hangover Part 2 involves a group of friends getting hammered and trying to remember the night before? This is exactly how I feel about Butler after watching his playoff performance. I keep trying to remember all the good stuff he did at the end of the regular season, but it has proven to be quite difficult. I am continually searching for clues about what exactly happened that may have turned him into the doorstep of that first round series. Speaking of which, if anyone happens to know if Dmitri Kalinin was seen around Buffalo or Philadelphia from April 14 - 26, please contact @TheScizz immediately.

That does it for the May round of the Summer preview. Check back in the next few days for my look at the films of June and the Sabres that best represent them. I'll deal with mutants, cosmic heroes, government secrets, and a comedic woman....and then I'll write about the movies! ZING!

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What a Beautiful Morning

4/9/2011

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The Scizz (now on twitter @TheScizz)

I have now watched that highlight 27 times this morning. That call by Jeanneret is an instant classic. I have also read Bucky Gleason's new column four times before 10 am. May God have mercy on our souls.

Oh yeah, the highlight below isn't too shabby either. GIVE HIM THE DAMN CCCCCCCC!

How about a live video from someone in attendance? Last one for now, I promise!

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Opening Day was Yesterday and I Could Give a Flying F#@$. A Brief History of My Baseball Fandom.

4/1/2011

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The Scizz on Monday afternoon

The Scizz

No "dismantling of the Bills' draft" column today folks. Not up for it. I have already posted once this week and I had a god-awful stomach virus in the last few days that was worse than watching Patrick Lalime or Jose Theodore suit up as Ryan Miller's backup. Which reminds me: What do you call it when you shit and vomit at the same time? I am not sure if an official word has ever been created for this phenomena. I was going to connect them and call it a "SHIVOM", but it sounds eerily Yiddish and I don't want to offend any of our fine Jewish friends (Hey Bluedot! Told you I'd work a shout-out in one day). Please leave your shit/vomit word creations in the comments. IT TAKES A VILLAGE PEOPLE!!!

Welcome to the 2011 MLB season. I'll wake you in November.

So what's up with the post? Well the fact is I am simply not ready for baseball right now AND possibly all season. Not feeling it. Interest has faded. More concerned with new episodes of Pawn Stars.

As you may know (read our damn bio's!), I am a Cubs fan, and have been since the days of grade school. It may be easy to blame my lack of concern with the game today solely based on the ineptitude of the Chicago franchise, but I swear to Jim/Thurman/Andre/Bruce, that's not it. You see, baseball and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I will not bore you with too much detail, but as a young child, Buffalo only had the Triple-A Buffalo Bisons, so with no real MLB team to root for, I flat out didn't give a shit about Baseball. This went on through most of grade school until I discovered afternoon games on WGN. As soon as I walked in the door from school, there was the brilliance of Harry Caray calling the game, with the likes of Ryan Sandberg, Mark Grace, Greg Maddux, Andre Dawson, and of course the world's greatest utility man, Luis Salazar! I was hooked. My love for baseball grew and my love of the Cubs grew. I always kept it to myself because my friends either didn't give a crap about baseball yet, or chose the Yankees or Mets because it was the same state.

This early Cubbies obsession went on through Junior High, but as soon as the strike of 1994-1995 occurred, I again was disillusioned with America's past time. Besides, I was in High School now with better things to do, like force myself to be accepted by everybody I came in contact with, ride the pine in basketball only to miss two gimme free-throws in my only chance to win a game, and make my parents feel guilty for not buying me six new pairs of Nikes yearly so that I would look cool. Gosh darn those were some wonderful years. SHIVOM! (still not working, is it?)

Enter College. Here I could ramble on forever, but I'll save you your time and effort. My interest peaked again in these years. I will say it started to rise right before I left, mostly because of the Home Run race between McGwire and Sosa, but it didn't completely get me back in the groove until that first full year of undergrad. Yes, having my "favorite" team on the front pages was awesome, but their was still this lack of coverage in Buffalo, or any love for the game from any of my friends, and that held me back. What pulled me back in, was attending a college that was filled with New Yorkers. In my entire life I had never seen people so obsessed with baseball. Their passion for baseball was equivalent to my passion for Hockey and Football. Watching games with all these guys that would eventually become my lifelong friends was one of the best parts of college. I could play the middle man between my Mets and Yankees friends because of my Chicago love and enjoy all of the games.

*Sidenote: During the 2000 subway series, my friends and I would go to our usual Thursday night hangout, this dirty and over-crowded bar that had cheap beer and would serve anyone with a shitty fake ID called....you guessed it, "CHEERS". As we walked in the side entrance, they were only letting in one person at a time, which of course made us nervous that the ID policy had suddenly changed. But what was really happening, was the bouncer asking everybody "Yankees or Mets"? He was a Mets fan, and if you answered "Mets", it was two bucks to get in. If you answered Yankees, it was five. I answered "I'm a Cubs fan". He shook his head, said he was sorry and let me in free of charge. YAY SADNESS!!!

Yup. These were the type of crazy assholes who got me back into the game of baseball.

After college, I moved back to Western New York briefly and my interest began to fade again. But the Cubs were on fire and there was no way I was leaving this team behind! Then Steve Bartman happened. Fuck. I actually blamed myself for this. I kept saying, "Holy Shit! As a Buffalo fan, my luck is now screwing other cities too." This is from a real conversation I had in my living room.

This did not last long however, because in the summer of 2004 I moved to New York City, the motherland of baseball (Up yours Boston! Every one of your franchises has won a championship now so you can no longer whine about ANYTHING!). Once here, baseball surrounded me. I got to see the Cubs play in Shea and Yankee Stadium several times (No wins on record yet), and I even found other Cubs fans to hang out with and watch baseball, a first for me. It has been pretty awesome to say the least.

The only place in New York City that is a Bills/Sabres/Cubs bar. A one stop shop for emotional distress and alcoholism.

Yet this season. I really don't care. I didn't care when the Cubs signed Carlos Pena. I didn't care when they re-signed Kerry Wood. And when I heard last week, "Opening day begins Thursday March, 31st", I sort of shrugged it off and went back to work. I have no clue why this is, and by the end of the season my interest may return. Maybe its because I'm in full-on hockey playoff mode, or maybe its because the possibilty of no upcoming NFL season has scared to death, but at the same time happy I won't have to deal with any letdowns this year. Who knows. Until I figure it out, you can find me in my room watching highlights of Jhonas Enroth and Nathan Gerbe over and over again on my laptop. Midget fetish? I hope not.

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Absence makes the heart... OH CRAP THE SEASON IS LOST

The Scizz Summer Movie Preview: Sabres Edition - May 2011

What a Beautiful Morning

Opening Day was Yesterday and I Could Give a Flying F#@$. A Brief History of My Baseball Fandom.

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