"I am crushing your head. I am crushing your head."
The Scizz
Welcome to the first part of a nnniiiiiiine (cue up Principal Rooney voice) part series that came to me after seeing this t-shirt created by famed Deadspin commentator and artist twoeightnine. If there is one thing worse than the carousel of lousy coaches that have come through Buffalo since the retirement of Marv Levy, it has to be the shit-show of QB’s that have consistently sucked HARD for this franchise since the retirement of Jim Kelly. I decided to do some stat research and do my gosh darn bestest to remember each and every tragic “field general” that started a game in Orchard Park. These posts are not for the squeamish. I shall start with Todd Collins.
Drafted out of Michigan in the 2nd round of the ’95 draft, Collins was supposed to be the heir apparent to the great Jim Kelly. Instead, we got a mediocre QB who lacked confidence and arm strength, and also had the ability to make every Bills fan realize how good we had it with #12 for the past eleven seasons. Before I continue, let us take a gander at Collins’ stat line as a Buffalo Bill
Record: 7 -10 Rating: 68.5 Yds: 3128 Comp. %: 54.7 TD: 16 INT: 19
Inspiring, huh? Ryan Fitzpatrick almost threw for as many yards in just this past season (only 13 game to boot). I was only 14 when his career started with Buffalo, but I do remember never liking the idea that this guy was supposed to replace Jim Kelly, my favorite player of all time. I can’t go into too much detail because I’m only writing about these players as I remember them, and since 1999 I have killed way too many brain cells via alcohol to recall anything more than me witnessing the beginning of the end for the franchise. Cryptic? Maybe. Wait until you see the rest of my posts.
Did somebody say Crypt? Any excuse is good enough to pull out this classic DGWU gem.
Back in April, Buffalo Rumblings actually ranked Collins as the 5th biggest draft bust in team history. I simply cannot argue with that. However, I will say that he has gone on to have quite the career as a headset wearer and clipboard holder. He has spent five seasons in KC, three in Washington (in which he received one of the best contracts ever for a third-string veteran QB), and last season in Chicago. He turns 40 this year and has lasted in the NFL longer than almost every other QB that will be a part of this series. Hell, in the past three seasons as a backup, he as a record of 4 – 0. I wonder if he is under contract for next season? Oh that's right, Buffalo has Levi Brown so we should be all set.
Kudos to everyone who got the The Kids in the Hall/Mr. Tyzik reference underneath the first photo. If you didn't, stop watching re-runs of King of Queens and move on to some Canadian comedy gold. Just avoid the Chicken Lady if you can, I'm saving that for a rainy day.
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Follow ME on twitter @TheScizz
And check out Episode #8 of the DGWU CrapTastiCast if you haven't already
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