The Apologist
How could the league possibly confused about falling ratings? Has the league ever in its existence been less likable? After watching Cam Newton take more headshots than Walking Dead extras, the league said there was no reason to check and see if he had turned into a zombie. Meanwhile, they’re actively, regularly policing having passion. But if you’re a complete scumbag who enjoys knocking your wife or girlfriend around, just please make sure we don’t accidentally hear about it. To fans such as you or I, we may shake our heads in disgust and keep watching. But all those casual fans that had tuned in the last few years? Why would they want to stick around for this? There are no big stars outside of Tom Brady and Cam Newton, who everyone spent all offseason telling to change his attitude. This being the same league where guys like Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, and Deion Sanders became national icons. If Primetime played in today’s league, he’d have an open tab with the league office.
Honestly though, what surprises me more is that people are surprised. Or that they care. I’m fine with it. Good. Go away, casual fan. The NFL should lose viewers. They deserve to lose money. Lots of money.
Can you imagine that the state of Nevada, aware of everything we now know about the “benefits” of publicly funded stadiums being a complete and total scam, agreed to put up $750,000,000 to build a stadium so that they could TEMPT… not obtain, but attempt to get a football team. The league hasn’t voted on it and has no plans to. The people of Nevada are offering them three-quarters of a BILLION dollars to give them a football team, and the league is like, “Ummm… I just finished going through a breakup, so I’m not sure I’m ready just yet. But you’re really sweet.”
Of course, this Josh Brown story really takes the cake. First off, I’m very glad that Molly Brown is no longer in that awful situation and I hope she has since surrounded herself with a good support structure. But wow… where do you even start? With the fact that the team knew about the arrest and decided to resign him anyway? Or the fact the NFL knew full well that Brown was a garbage human without needing to know the specifics of his arrest? Or perhaps the part where the league ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH A RULE FOR THIS AFTER THE RAY RICE FIASCO BUT WERE LIKE NAH, THIS IS DIFFERENT, LET’S GIVE HIM A LESSER SUSPENSION THAN HE GOT!
...deep breath…
How could anyone be surprised that casual fans are turned off by this wretched behavior? Even those who understand that one man doesn’t define the league as a whole are understandably disgusted with the hypocrisy of Josh Brown earning $86K for a game he’s not playing in today, while his teammate is fined $97K for not “playing the game the right way.”
Lest we forget, Ray Rice only truly got in serious trouble when we got the actual video of him knocking out his wife, Jenay Rice. Before, when all we knew was he had punched her so hard she lost consciousness and he dragged her lifeless body out of the elevator, that deserved a two-game suspension. But once we were all forced to look at it and see, OH right, like… he punched her. That’s what that looks like. Then we were upset.
We’re still upset. It took longer than it should’ve to get people this upset, but at least we’re here now. The only people who’ve seemed not to notice are the ones more concerned with ratings. But pink towels show they care, right guys?
And side note: shout out to King County Sheriff John Urquhart for bringing the words “yokel” and “goofus” back into this world in an appropriate context. Well played.
Also, fuck Vontaze Burfict. Let’s do this.
How could the league possibly confused about falling ratings? Has the league ever in its existence been less likable? After watching Cam Newton take more headshots than Walking Dead extras, the league said there was no reason to check and see if he had turned into a zombie. Meanwhile, they’re actively, regularly policing having passion. But if you’re a complete scumbag who enjoys knocking your wife or girlfriend around, just please make sure we don’t accidentally hear about it. To fans such as you or I, we may shake our heads in disgust and keep watching. But all those casual fans that had tuned in the last few years? Why would they want to stick around for this? There are no big stars outside of Tom Brady and Cam Newton, who everyone spent all offseason telling to change his attitude. This being the same league where guys like Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, and Deion Sanders became national icons. If Primetime played in today’s league, he’d have an open tab with the league office.
Honestly though, what surprises me more is that people are surprised. Or that they care. I’m fine with it. Good. Go away, casual fan. The NFL should lose viewers. They deserve to lose money. Lots of money.
Can you imagine that the state of Nevada, aware of everything we now know about the “benefits” of publicly funded stadiums being a complete and total scam, agreed to put up $750,000,000 to build a stadium so that they could TEMPT… not obtain, but attempt to get a football team. The league hasn’t voted on it and has no plans to. The people of Nevada are offering them three-quarters of a BILLION dollars to give them a football team, and the league is like, “Ummm… I just finished going through a breakup, so I’m not sure I’m ready just yet. But you’re really sweet.”
Of course, this Josh Brown story really takes the cake. First off, I’m very glad that Molly Brown is no longer in that awful situation and I hope she has since surrounded herself with a good support structure. But wow… where do you even start? With the fact that the team knew about the arrest and decided to resign him anyway? Or the fact the NFL knew full well that Brown was a garbage human without needing to know the specifics of his arrest? Or perhaps the part where the league ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH A RULE FOR THIS AFTER THE RAY RICE FIASCO BUT WERE LIKE NAH, THIS IS DIFFERENT, LET’S GIVE HIM A LESSER SUSPENSION THAN HE GOT!
...deep breath…
How could anyone be surprised that casual fans are turned off by this wretched behavior? Even those who understand that one man doesn’t define the league as a whole are understandably disgusted with the hypocrisy of Josh Brown earning $86K for a game he’s not playing in today, while his teammate is fined $97K for not “playing the game the right way.”
Lest we forget, Ray Rice only truly got in serious trouble when we got the actual video of him knocking out his wife, Jenay Rice. Before, when all we knew was he had punched her so hard she lost consciousness and he dragged her lifeless body out of the elevator, that deserved a two-game suspension. But once we were all forced to look at it and see, OH right, like… he punched her. That’s what that looks like. Then we were upset.
We’re still upset. It took longer than it should’ve to get people this upset, but at least we’re here now. The only people who’ve seemed not to notice are the ones more concerned with ratings. But pink towels show they care, right guys?
And side note: shout out to King County Sheriff John Urquhart for bringing the words “yokel” and “goofus” back into this world in an appropriate context. Well played.
Also, fuck Vontaze Burfict. Let’s do this.
THREE THINGS TO BE EXCITED ABOUT:
1) Rex Ryan
1) Rex Ryan
I'll admit that most of the reason I'm excited about this is because I really can't stand the idea of yet another head coach job hunt. We all remember the part where people didn't want to coach for Buffalo for years, right? How we wound up with men like Chan Gailey, Doug Marrone, and Dick Jauron? If Rex's reputation had continued to plummet to the point where he deserved to be fired midseason, then we'd be right back in those days. Particularly if it had been surrounded by rumors of disputes with Doug Whaley and reports of the Pegulas being overly involved, which it almost certainly would have.
I'm not ready to say that Rex is the long term answer. But the fact that he's been able to find success means that it's not impossible to build a strong contender in Buffalo. Even if this season falls apart, they've proven the pieces are there to win games.
2) Tyrod Taylor
After watching the Denver Broncos win the Super Bowl with half a quarterback, more people would lose this idea that you MUST have a Brady or Brees or Manning to win the big one. Sure, that totally helps. But even if you have Aaron Rodgers, it doesn't mean you can start booking your tickets to the postseason. Look at the Vikings right now. Do you think that Sam Bradford just realized he's a Pro Bowl quarterback? Did he suddenly become healthier? Or is he playing on one of the best teams in the league and they are elevating his level of performance? Which one would you bet on.
It's fairly safe to say that Tyrod Taylor will never be mentioned in the same conversation as a Brees or Brady or even Wilson. He still has some accuracy issues and will probably never be the classic pocket passer that some (cough, Sully, cough) want him to be. But as a man who once had a box of Flutie Flakes sitting on his bookshelf well past their expiration date... who. fucking. cares.
The guy wins football games. The only thing that could ruin what the Bills have going for them right now is to convince themselves that Taylor is a hinderance to their offense. Today the Bills will trot out Justin Hunter and Marquise Goodwin as their top two receivers. If Taylor can win, albeit against a fairly weak opponent, with those two lining up on either side of him, I don't care if he only throws for 80 yards, he's earned every penny of that extension for this season.
3) Cubs v Indians
Can you imagine that this is real? Has there ever been a better matchup in the history of sport? Two of the most woeful franchises in the history of baseball face off on Tuesday for the championship trophy and no matter what, a midwestern city is going to erupt in pure joy. This is why I watch sports. I cannot wait.
I'm not ready to say that Rex is the long term answer. But the fact that he's been able to find success means that it's not impossible to build a strong contender in Buffalo. Even if this season falls apart, they've proven the pieces are there to win games.
2) Tyrod Taylor
After watching the Denver Broncos win the Super Bowl with half a quarterback, more people would lose this idea that you MUST have a Brady or Brees or Manning to win the big one. Sure, that totally helps. But even if you have Aaron Rodgers, it doesn't mean you can start booking your tickets to the postseason. Look at the Vikings right now. Do you think that Sam Bradford just realized he's a Pro Bowl quarterback? Did he suddenly become healthier? Or is he playing on one of the best teams in the league and they are elevating his level of performance? Which one would you bet on.
It's fairly safe to say that Tyrod Taylor will never be mentioned in the same conversation as a Brees or Brady or even Wilson. He still has some accuracy issues and will probably never be the classic pocket passer that some (cough, Sully, cough) want him to be. But as a man who once had a box of Flutie Flakes sitting on his bookshelf well past their expiration date... who. fucking. cares.
The guy wins football games. The only thing that could ruin what the Bills have going for them right now is to convince themselves that Taylor is a hinderance to their offense. Today the Bills will trot out Justin Hunter and Marquise Goodwin as their top two receivers. If Taylor can win, albeit against a fairly weak opponent, with those two lining up on either side of him, I don't care if he only throws for 80 yards, he's earned every penny of that extension for this season.
3) Cubs v Indians
Can you imagine that this is real? Has there ever been a better matchup in the history of sport? Two of the most woeful franchises in the history of baseball face off on Tuesday for the championship trophy and no matter what, a midwestern city is going to erupt in pure joy. This is why I watch sports. I cannot wait.
THREE THINGS TO BE TERRIFIED OF:
1) Jay Ajayi
If this guy runs for anything near 200 yards, forget everything good I said about Rex Ryan. Or go ahead and make fun of me for it. Either way.
Nothing would be more Buffalo than for our four game winning streak to come to an end thanks to a Boise State running back playing basically the second game of his career. This is my nightmare scenario.
2) Health
It concerns me that Marcell Dareus still isn't ready to play yet. I understand that he couldn't practice with the team while he was suspended, but exactly how long has his hamstring been bothering him. That said, it straight up TERRIFIES ME TO MY CORE that Shady is trying to play today. The man is the purest competitor we've had since the glory days. Mr. McCoy, sir... please please please don't do serious damage to yourself against this dumpster of a football team. We've got the Pats & Seahawks on the horizon which are easy L's to pencil in if you're not healthy. Cheers.
3) Mario Williams
This one's simple. He's having a crappy year after we scraped him off the team. (Side note: Whaley is smarter than you think he is.) Now he's on a really shitty team, so why not crank up the dial one last time just to stick it to us? Even if it's the only good game he has this year, that'll be worth it to him, right? Plus he told a reporter he's not looking for revenge, which means he's totally looking for revenge. This is how my mind works when I look at the league.
WHY YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED THEM
AND YOU ALWAYS WILL:
1) Jay Ajayi
If this guy runs for anything near 200 yards, forget everything good I said about Rex Ryan. Or go ahead and make fun of me for it. Either way.
Nothing would be more Buffalo than for our four game winning streak to come to an end thanks to a Boise State running back playing basically the second game of his career. This is my nightmare scenario.
2) Health
It concerns me that Marcell Dareus still isn't ready to play yet. I understand that he couldn't practice with the team while he was suspended, but exactly how long has his hamstring been bothering him. That said, it straight up TERRIFIES ME TO MY CORE that Shady is trying to play today. The man is the purest competitor we've had since the glory days. Mr. McCoy, sir... please please please don't do serious damage to yourself against this dumpster of a football team. We've got the Pats & Seahawks on the horizon which are easy L's to pencil in if you're not healthy. Cheers.
3) Mario Williams
This one's simple. He's having a crappy year after we scraped him off the team. (Side note: Whaley is smarter than you think he is.) Now he's on a really shitty team, so why not crank up the dial one last time just to stick it to us? Even if it's the only good game he has this year, that'll be worth it to him, right? Plus he told a reporter he's not looking for revenge, which means he's totally looking for revenge. This is how my mind works when I look at the league.
WHY YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED THEM
AND YOU ALWAYS WILL:
I don't know what you mean. I haven't hated this team since I was a child. In fact, my lovely girlfriend is from South Florida and I've met her family. They're perfectly lovely people...
...who could care less about this shit squad.
Truly nothing that could happen outside the Bills would make me happier than the Dolphins continuing to be terrible. Every story that comes out about them being completely incompetent makes me so incredibly happy. There is no greater schadenfreude in the world.
But if I were trying to come up with a new thing to poop on them for to keep things fresh? How about the fact that ESPN ranked all North American sports teams and the Dolphins ranked 106th out of 122? 100+ teams, across all sports, that are better than Miami?
Yeah. Sounds about right.
Also, your quarterback got super mad at the practice squad once. #neverforget
FINAL PREDICTION:
Did you notice the "terrified" section was a little light today? That's because this team is hot garbage, with or without a win over the Steelers. If we lose this one, I need to rethink my views on this season...
Bills 21, Dolphins 10
Let's go, Buffalo.
...who could care less about this shit squad.
Truly nothing that could happen outside the Bills would make me happier than the Dolphins continuing to be terrible. Every story that comes out about them being completely incompetent makes me so incredibly happy. There is no greater schadenfreude in the world.
But if I were trying to come up with a new thing to poop on them for to keep things fresh? How about the fact that ESPN ranked all North American sports teams and the Dolphins ranked 106th out of 122? 100+ teams, across all sports, that are better than Miami?
Yeah. Sounds about right.
Also, your quarterback got super mad at the practice squad once. #neverforget
FINAL PREDICTION:
Did you notice the "terrified" section was a little light today? That's because this team is hot garbage, with or without a win over the Steelers. If we lose this one, I need to rethink my views on this season...
Bills 21, Dolphins 10
Let's go, Buffalo.
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