I'm back! Rising like a lost New York City pigeon from the ashes (or maybe sewage) of Hoboken, New Jersey to jump back on this awesome Bills bandwagon! What's that? The Bills are still a joke? Sooooo they didn't prove the intelligent fans wrong and make the kool-aid drinking mouthbreathers out to be the strong-willed geniuses they thought they were? Huh. Well ya look at that. Reality prevails! Although I guess I'll never be able to enjoy the day the Bills are actually good because of all my negativity. What a drag.
Has it really been since the week 8 bye that I've written a god damn Bills preview? Oops. Sorry about that, folks. Luckily my pals here picked up the slack while I was flooded/without power/without water/commuting 4 hours daily/having numerous panic attacks/getting drunk with family/not working out/stressing out over everything and just being a general head case. Yeah, it's been a rough month. JUST LIKE THE BUFFALO BILLS!!! See how it all comes back together? I feel like a regular Billy Simmons over here! /shoots self in face with crossbow
Since I've been gone the Bills had a mostly embarrassing loss to a far superior Houston Texans, snatched defeat from the jaws of victory (again) against the Patriots, had a fairly exciting win over the Dolphins on primetime television (following which a fan was found dead close the the stadium... yikes) and then the Colts did the best they could to let the Bills win but still gave us yet another loss to stain the Bills' record, mostly due to the inane playing call of Chan Gailey, whose arrogance at this point reminds me of that 29 year old ex-frat boy who now bartends for a living while still drawing unemployment yet always acts superior to those around him and continues doing dumb shit while all of his friends have chosen to grow up (and this is coming from a guy who has a podcast called "The CrapTastiCast"). Chan KNOWS his play-calling and schemes don't work, yet week after week he continues to do the same thing with little to no adjustments. At least I'd say Wanny has the defense playing slightly better, but the offense? A complete joke that actually has some talent which teams with better records would kill for (I'm looking at you Pittsburgh).
Over it. 4 - 7 sucks, and of course the Bils will string three more wins together to keep the Bills mid-draft, allow Chan to keep his job, and keep "Billievers" crying out that this team was only "a few mistakes and plays away from the playoffs!" I know it's going to happen, you know it's going to happen, so what should we do??
Step One: Get drunk on whatever you can find.
After that, I have no fucking clue.
I'd say that I want the team to lose out in order to get the best draft pick possible, but I've never truly been able to do that. Deep down I want this team to win week in and week out, so I'll keep cheering, and when they win one of these god-forsaken games, I'll be thrilled for all of 10 seconds before I realize it just knocked us down another three spots on the draft board.
The saga continues, Wu-Tang, Wu-tang.
Now join me for some shitty analysis of this trash-bag football game against the Jacksonvillains. Yup. Said it. Totally regret it.